Clean Chips For Thurs
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For those of you that pay attention to URL's, those little addresses
that we all click on that tell our browser where to look for the
we love on the internet, you may have noticed that we have four
domains. Well actually Nancy has four domains because she is
able to take the pictures and movie clips I find and turn them into
pages for your viewing. A lot of our new videos are going up on
http://buffaloschips.com and I know many have noticed them because
our server has used 200 gig of bandwidth over the past month
which is like 100,000 video clip downloads. http://buffalosjokes.com
our other jokes website has served up about an additional
400,000 video clips and cartoons. We enjoy having you stop by and
the ad revenue enables Nancy to keep our servers happy each month
and the pleasure we get out of sharing with you each day is
About 5 years ago we partnered with several other people to get
our first server. We have been fortunate by working together behind
the scenes to keep things running smoothly but unfortunately for
our friend Lorraine over at LabLaughs, she is now unable to keep
up with the server bills and has entered into a different hosting
relationship with another company. We have also made arrangements
to move buffalosjokes to a new server but the move has come upon us
a little more quickly than we anticipated and we may not be able to
save buffalosjokes in its current form.
If that happens buffalosjokes will return, We rebuilt it completely
a virus attack right before Christmas 2004 and we will rebuild again
if necessary. At worse the newsletters you have saved with URL's for
pages on buffalosjokes will no longer work. In addition even if we
get things moved the site may be disrupted while moving. I am
you all this information so if your favorite pages disappear you
have to tell us as we will already know. Buffaloschips will still be
to serve up something to amuse and I will be busy coercing Nancy to
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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The first one reminds me of my youngest son.
He must have been about 4 also. We were all at
this huge long restaurant for dinner. It was one
of those family style all you can eat places and
There was my then husband, my 2 older sons
and my oldest stepson and, of course, Cory!!!
They all ate more than they could hold and after
eating and eating, Cory announced he had a
tummy ache. I asked him if he just needed to
go to the potty and he said maybe!
So I had Tim, my oldest, (he is 10 years older
than Cory), take Cory all the way to the other
end of the restaurant where the bathrooms were.
Tim took him in and then walked back to the table.
I sent him back and told him not to leave his little
brother alone like that.
So Tim went back and stood outside the door
and waited for his brother. A few minutes passed
and then the door opens and out walks Cory with
a big smile on his face. He looks at his brother,
then down toward us and in that louder than loud
4 year old voice announced, "BOY!!! DID I HAVE
Tim took off in the opposite direction, the other 2
sitting with us hit the floor and hid under the table
until I reminded them that the worse part was
that everyone in the restaurant that had laughed
at his announcement were now going to watch
to see which table he was going to go to sit.
With that, the two older boys scooted out from
under the table and took off the other way.
After everyone had their laugh and we were able
to round up the other kids, we paid the bill and left.
The older boys never wanted to go back to that
same restaurant again.
Hard to imagine that young boy is now a Major
in the Air Force and has a precious little daughter.
Seems like only yesterday... I will never forget
the hush that went over that restaurant and
then the laughter that followed.
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Lighten up a little
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Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the
Canadian wilderness to bag moose. As the
seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area,
the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you
up. But only one moose please."
When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters
proudly standing beside two moose. "I told you
guys only to bring back one moose!" the furious
flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can
take off with that much weight!"
"You're just a chicken pilot," one hunter said.
"We killed two moose last year, and that pilot
wasn't afraid to take off."
Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, the pilot
reconsidered. "All right, if you did it last year,
I guess we can try it."
So they loaded up, and the pilot taxied to the far
end of the lake to begin his takeoff. The plane
bounced across the water as it strained to get
airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran
out of space, and crashed into the trees.
Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness.
"Where are we?" one asked.
His friend looked around at the scattered debris,
then back at the edge of the lake, and replied,
"Oh I guess about 100 yards farther than last year."
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Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition
know the first thing about women or fractions. During a readiness
exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were
guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept.
When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his
identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it.
"I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped.
all, it is my plane."
"Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but
it's sitting in my garage!"
Little brother: What do I do now?
Big brother: Throw the toilet paper in the toilet.
Little brother: Like this?
Big brother: Yeah.
Little brother: Now what?
Big brother: Hit "ENTER."
Little brother: "ENTER"?
Big brother: I mean "flush."
Teacher: What are the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They are called Turks, now what are the people of
Student: They are called Germs.
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A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young
minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations
for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what
"To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys,
two girls, or one of each."
The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself
painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.
Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this
to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced.
"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to
have my men find out I can't walk on water."
Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: "I have an
"Nothing I can do for you", said the doc.
"In the Army privates don't have an inferiority complex... they're
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A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green
balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the
and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers
determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks
"Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the
The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing
exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir,
I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself."
"By shooting?" asked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But
as many cartridges as possible."
Little Bobbie had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting
cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're
looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An
Anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"
Little Bobbie shook his head and answered, "Nope. Got any blank
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In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and
magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's
experiment before coming to class...
At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had
actually done so:
"What are the two types of light?" he asked.
The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and
said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
A drunk is driving home, and his car is weaving violently all over
the road. He looks over at his drunken buddy and says, "I think
gettin' closer to town."
His buddy asks, "How can you tell?"
The driver says, "We're hittin' more people!"
Under certain conditions, U.S. taxpayers are required to file an
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that he sends his in without either name or address.
His reasoning? "If they're gonna make me guess how much I'm gonna
make, then they can guess who the hell sent it in!"
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Ray Stevens "Mutant Kung Fu Chickens" from Billyjoe Bob
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato
Why is mayonnaise never ready?
Because it's always dressing.
What can you make by putting two banana peels together?
A pair of slippers.
How can you divide 16 apples among 17 hungry people?
What do you call a duck with all A's on his report card?
A wise quacker
What did the ocean say to the beach?
I'm not shore.
Why did the farmer take a bucket of milk to church?
To get it pastorized
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A professor has just died and is standing in line waiting to be
judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in
of him about himself. The man says, "I am a taxi driver from New
The angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver
steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of
fruits, cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is
pleased, and proceeds through the gates.
Next, the professor steps up to the angel who hands him a wooden
staff and some bread and water.
The professor is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a
taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my
entire life teaching and get nothing! How can that be?"
The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results? All of your people
sleep through your lectures? in his taxi, they pray."
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"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good
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"The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block
and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is
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One day a poppa dog had the job of looking after his young puppy
mommy went off shopping. He had his heart set on going to the dog
that day so asked his young son if he would like to go along. Of
course that sounded exciting to the little puppy so he agreed. While
there the poppa dog entered himself in the show. Lo and behold, he
came away with the blue ribbon for 'Best of Show.' On the way home
suggested to his son that they stop by the local pub to celebrate
a beer or two. The puppy drank sodas while his father had several
beers. When they got home poppa realized that they had left the
on the bar. The puppy said, "You've had enough to drink already,
I'll run back for it." When he climbed up onto the bar stool the
bartender asked, "What'll you have young man?" The puppy replied,
"I'll have pap's blue ribbon, please!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
The Arrival Pt One
Ring Ring Ring
Jessica: Whez,,,It's the baby...it is coming
Katie: Rudy, it is for you.
Jessica: The baby is due, my water has broke. Mom and dad are out
of town. I need help.
Rudy: Sandi it is for you.
Jessica: Sandi, I desperately need help and have to go to the
The baby is on the way.
Sandi: We will be right over. Okay guys it is up to us. Mom and
on vacation. I will get our UPS Van out of the garage. Katie get
aid kit. Rudy,,, Rudy?
Katie: He has passed out.
Sandi: Get the smelling salts for Rudy and hurry, we have no time
waste. Lives are at stake.
Sandi: Oh dear...there goes Katie.
To be Continued.
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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- My name is buffalo and i have the watch.
With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut
down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a
month. That usually includes pizza once, McDonalds
and Burger King once, and Taco Bell or Subway the
other time. We no longer have a KFC as some
employees were selling drugs out of there and when
KFC found out they permanently pulled their franchise.
Although I admire this action, that left us with only
the supermarket deli chicken to fill that got to have
some chicken right now urge and it isn't the same. It
also doen't stop KFC from torturing you with the ads
for new items like their boneless chicken and hot bites.
Come on people spend your ad dollars where you have
a store. Oh and we had two McDonald's up here but
the one near the university wasn't doing well and
when it closed they bulldozed it to the ground a short
time after. What a waste of a building as it was only
about 10-15 years old, and was Buffy's first job in high
I misheard an announcement today about Taco Bell
stopping their children's meal and toys and thought
they had said McDonalds. When I mentioned it to
Buffy, Eva went nuts as she usually controls where the
fast food is coming from by what toys are being offered.
I haven't told her yet that McDonald's plans on giving
out more books with their Happy Meals which doesn't
hurt my feelings one bit. books hurt your feet a lot less
than plastic toys when you step on them in the dark
and don't laugh at you or make rude comments.
The actual announcement about McDonald's today was
about the increase in sales at Wendy's beating out the
growth at McDonald's. I sent Buffy to Wendy's last month
as we hadn't been there in years and told her to bring me
back burgers and fries from the dollar menu. My first
question wa," Where's The Beef." The patty wasn't
much larger than that in a White Castle burger. Also
while we are on the subject of burger accessories,
remember how McDonalds used to have the best fries?
About a year ago BK brought out there new fries that
are larger and don't go limp on you when you nuke them.
The only problem is that they oversalt them in my opinion.
I have pretty much put away the salt shakers around
my dining area and the salt on a half dozen BK fries
will put your BP up 20 points for the rest of the day, so
have it your way and tell them easy on the salt or I'll
call corporate on you.
Enjoy the chips... buff
Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near
Transylvania . They drive in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of
the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it,
but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.. Moments later,
Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger
seat and sees Betty unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain
and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
He carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short
while, he sees a light and heads towards it, which is coming from a large,
old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A small, hunched man opens the
door. Bob blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty.
We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been Seriously hurt. Can
I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't
have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in, and I will get him." Bob
brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my
assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had some basic
medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with
Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an
adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
"Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills'
deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
conservatory, which houses his grand piano. It is here that he has always
found solace and he begins to play. A stirring, almost haunting melody fills
the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to
the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
marking the beat. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up
straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The
Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
Stan Kegel via Ted
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by.
He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds
the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My
poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is
the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting
beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give
more money to him just out of spite."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach
the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
An old Jewish man, Mr. Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the
funeral. The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel. After
many telephone calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town;
he agrees to officiate at the funeral the next day. After chanting the
"Kaddish" and "El Molay Rachamim" the rabbi begins his eulogy.
"We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
respected citizen and honored member of the community," Suddenly, an old
man jumps up and says, "What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was
a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own grandmother for fifty cents!
"The rabbi decides to take another approach, "We are here to mourn the
passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg, a patron of the synagogue and
dedicated Talmudic scholar."
Again the old man jumps up and says, "Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man
hasn't been in a shul since his bar mitzvah!"
Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, "We are here to mourn the passing of
our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a loving husband and dedicated father." Once
again the old man jumps up and says, "Rabbi, you obviously didn't know
Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time
to spend with his children!"
At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "My
friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of
our neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own
people? Surely, there is someone in this congregation who knew Mr.
Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life."
After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says,
"His brother was worse!"
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "Well now, it's
illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
incredulously. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
"Ah no, you can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means
four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You are an idiot! Call your supervisor
over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's not available. He is busy with 2
fellas in a Fiat Uno."
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Send A Smile Today
The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem
One Brave Little Dog
Bobcat On A Cactus!
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted
it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the
boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?" "No," said
the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
"I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the
house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.
I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers &
one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.
And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"
Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture
on the week's topic - the problems of dining out.
She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and salad
dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried.
Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What
is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"
Replied one woman rather quickly......
"Running into you!"
My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh....that," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"Gee, how come?" I asked.
"Well..." he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."
The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.
"Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly
overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the
department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So...why
don't you talk to her about it?"
"Because...." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with
Two blondes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the
reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same
thing happens on the second day, and also on the third day. It goes on
like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the
blondes catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One blonde turns to
the other and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
The other blonde says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any
An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked,
much to the dismay of her
colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
depressed and lying here on a
railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally
Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to
be an appropriate response
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