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Clean Chips For Sun

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Someone asked what the Navy s swim test was so I
    Message 1 of 262 , Jun 1, 2008
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.




      Someone asked what the Navy's swim test was so I will see if I can
      remember it. First you entered the water from a ten foot tower to
      simulate abandoning ship. I don't know why you had to simulate you
      didn't have a life jacket available, because Coast Guard rules say
      everybody gets one but I had found out earlier that asking questions
      was an invitation to do push ups. Then you have to swim the length
      of the pool twice and tread water for two minutes. That didn't work
      very well and about half way I had to be assisted by an instructor
      with a pole to the side of the pool. We were then sent to training
      as I mentioned after the weekend and taught how to swim and float on
      our backs, which got me through the test , but I still knew that if
      I had to do that in anything worse than a calm sea I was in trouble.
      About 90% passed their test on that second try and were assigned to
      their companies but some had figure that if they didn't learn how to
      swim the Navy would send them home. They would let you fake drowning
      for several weeks twice a day before that happened though. There was
      at least at one person who was so deathly afraid of the water that
      as soon as they attempted to assist him with the pole he tried to
      climb up it and out of the water, and the instructor would just let
      go of the pole. I suspect that person never made it through the test
      because he was already on his fifth day there when we went through.

      Then the Navy spent the afternoon teaching us how to swim
      underwater and improvising life preservers. This consisted of taking
      a pair of white pants, tying the legs and soaking them with water to
      make them airtight. You then swung the pants over your head to fill
      the legs with air and stuck the legs under your arms like water
      wings to keep you afloat. Strangely enough it will keep you alive
      and afloat so you will be fresh when the sharks get to you.
      To those that watch Bear Grylls on Discovery Channel you probably
      saw him do the trick with the pants although I thought the Navy's
      way
      of doing it was better. We also found out that a " Dixie Cup " hat
      would also keep you afloat but made using your arms impossible.


      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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      Flying Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Airline Announcements?

      United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking
      out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
      *************************************

      On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your
      belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
      something we'd like to have. '
      *************************************

      'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
      out of this airplane'
      *************************************

      An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
      hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
      policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while
      the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our
      airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard
      time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would
      have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a
      little old lady walking with a cane.
      She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
      'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
      The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
      ***************************************

      As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a
      lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
      *******************************************

      After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,
      a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take
      care when opening the overhead compartments because sure as hell
      everything has shifted after a landing like that.'
      *************************************

      Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
      'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us
      to the terminal.'
      *************************************

      Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas on a
      particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the
      Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard
      landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome
      to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts
      fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
      gate!'
      ***********************************

      'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of
      an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them
      with our compliments.'
      ***********************************

      'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
      Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
      attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses......except for
      that gentleman over there.'
      ******************************************

      Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
      Lake City . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
      'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm
      here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
      pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the
      asphalt.'
      ****************************************

      After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on
      with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.
      Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
      against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
      warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick
      your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
      ****************************************

      Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to
      thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
      get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a
      pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'
      ****************************************

      Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you
      wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing
      and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
      ****************************************

      A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a
      comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over
      the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
      Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles .
      The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth
      and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'
      Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on
      the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
      scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant
      accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see
      the front of my pants!'
      A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the
      back of mine!'


      Peggy



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      Short Chips
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      -------------------------

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      --------------------------

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      Random Chips
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      ------------------------------------------
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      Little Johnny Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" asked Jacob.

      "No, they used a special gun," said Little Johnny.

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      they stand?"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Telemarketing Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Ridding Yourself of Telemarketers

      <RRRrrrrinnggg!>

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      "Hello! Mr. Michaels?"

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      <hang up>

      (CP here: I *gotta* try this one out!)


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Protest Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      But ten minutes into the demonstration, as Susie threw the purple
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      "Didn't we make it clear? This is strictly a non-violet
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Bible Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Out in west Texas there was a crossroads general store that served
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      habit of quoting a verse of scripture as he rang the sale up on the
      register.

      One Day a easterner or Californian looking fella' stopped at the
      store. He asked the operator if he carried saddle pads. The
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      The Proprietor was quite perplexed as he only carried the one pad in
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Toon Chips
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      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The lecturer at the school of optometry was asked by a student how
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      He replied,

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      and watch the patient as you say it. If he doesn't flinch too badly
      you
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      Here
      you make another slight pause, and if there is still no sign of
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      and here ever so slight a pause for reaction before you finish....
      'each.' "

      -------------

      Knock knock.

      Who's there?

      Butter pecan.

      Butter pecan who?

      Butter pecan someone your own size!

      -----------

      A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important
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      went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a
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      who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.

      The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other
      man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

      The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed:

      "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention..."



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Random Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      "I'd never run for president. I've thought about it, and the only
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      I'm not, is that I'm scared no woman would come forward and say she
      had
      an affair with me." ~Gary Shandling

      "It's autumn in New York. You can tell too. Today I saw a sidewalk
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      -----------

      In the beginning, the world was without form, and was void. And God
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      "Let there be light."

      And God separated the light from the dark.....

      And did two loads of laundry.


      ~

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      Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.
      He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my
      porridge," he squeaks?

      Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks
      into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my
      porridge!," he roars?

      Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the
      kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have
      to go through this?"

      "It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first."
      "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up."
      "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee."
      "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night,
      and put everything away."
      "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air
      to fetch the newspaper."
      "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the table."
      "It was 'Momma Bear' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box
      and filled the cat's water & food dish."

      "And, now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace 'Momma
      Bear'
      with your presence, ...listen good,'cause I'm only going to say this
      one
      time... "I haven't made the darn Porridge, yet!!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      50 years ago, John Perez poured on his garden by mistake, a product
      that we all have in our kitchens today. Days later, he saw that it
      was effective to kill insects...

      Happy with his discovery, he tried over the years, hundreds of
      product combinations in order to evaluate their effects.

      From these experiences, he created dozens of recipes that enabled
      him to eliminate insect infestation in indoor and outdoor situations
      for good... without using commercial products!

      After years of new improvements, he reveals --FOR YOUR OWN USE-- the
      best recipes to get rid of harmful insects and to transform your
      lawn into the greenest grass of your dreams.

      http://buffalosjokes.com/shine

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Father's Day was nearing when I brought my three-year-old son,
      Tyler,
      to the
      card store. Inside, I showed him all the cards to choose for Dad and
      asked
      him to pick one.

      When I looked back, I saw Tyler picking up card after card, opening
      it up
      and immediately putting it back in the rack.

      "Tyler, what are you doing?" I asked. "Can't you find a card for
      Daddy?"

      "No," he replied, "I'm looking for one with money in it."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Quick Lawn Stays Green even in the Snow!

      Quick Lawn Grass starts growing in 5 days!
      Resistant to insect and disease
      Withstands heavy traffic
      Exceptional turf-forming qualities
      Extremely tolerant of shady spots
      Adaptable to sandy/clay soil conditions
      Just 2 lbs. Covers 1000 sq. ft.

      Grow and maintain a beautiful lawn year round at the cost of just
      pennies a square foot!

      Click below, or copy and paste the following URL into your web
      browser to order.

      http://buffaloschips.com/grass





      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A grocer put up a sign that read: "Eggplants, 25ยข ea. or
      three for a dollar."

      All day long, customers came in exclaiming, "Don't be
      ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

      Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four
      eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching
      these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you
      going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

      "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up
      that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Never Struggle with your Jewelry Again:

      Clever Clasps are magnetic jewelry clasps that you can attach
      to any necklace or bracelet. When you bring the two halves of
      the clasp near each other, they click into place and lock.

      Clever Clasps contain super-strength magnets that are guaranteed
      to grip and never slip, so even your heaviest necklaces are
      perfectly
      secure. They are available in silver or gold to complement all of
      your jewelry.

      They even come with a three-inch extender, so you can add a little
      extra length to your necklaces or make your jewelry more comfortable

      around your neck.

      Additional Ordering Details:

      http://buffaloschips.com/clasp


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 329

      Deadwood, Sturgis

      Before hitting Deadwood the family went through
      Sturgis..

      Rudy: Pops, did you ever ride any of your bikes to Sturgis?

      BJ: No, I considered myself a motorcyclist and not a biker. I
      didn't feel
      the need to go to Sturgis.

      Rudy: Didn't want to ride your ricer there huh?

      BJ: No, I didn't want to ride with a lot of nuts or posers who
      would look
      down at me because I rode a jap bike. I rode a bike that I could
      afford.
      To be riding was about riding period..

      Rudy: Oh sure whatever pops.

      BJ: Grrr.

      Sandi: Ignore him Daddy he is just pulling your chain.

      Katie: I was going to order a pink Harley three wheeler but decided
      not
      to.

      Rudy: Why did you change your mind?

      Katie: It would clash with my fawn colored hair.

      Rudy: Oh good grief.

      BJ: Look Deadwood is just over the rise.

      Katie: Maybe we can find some gold!

      Rudy: I can dig.

      Sandi: I can really dig.

      to be continued

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783







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    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats that ever became attached to. I still swear that she never left as late
      Message 262 of 262 , Aug 4, 2013
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
        that ever became attached to. I still swear that
        she never left as late at night, out of the corner
        of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
        see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
        on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
        of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
        while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
        but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.

        Miss Picky
        One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
        Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
        diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
        several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
        animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
        had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
        or have people touch her tail.

        Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
        greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
        into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
        knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
        walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
        of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
        snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
        fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
        her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
        to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
        had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
        favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
        supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
        At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
        fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
        there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
        stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.

        I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
        year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
        finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
        eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
        failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
        some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
        felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
        chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
        of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
        the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.


        Enjoy the chips... buff


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Flying Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
        and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
        woman reading her Bible.

        Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
        demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
        The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

        After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
        more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
        is something in first class."

        About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
        captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
        one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
        economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
        force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
        make the switch to first class."

        Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
        the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
        retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
        first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant
        person."

        Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing
        ovation.



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Baking Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.

        Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
        going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
        church events . . .

        Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
        group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
        last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
        when she took it from the oven, the center had
        dropped flat.

        She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
        cake." So, she looked around the house for
        something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
        it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
        plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
        covered it with icing.

        The finished product looked beautiful, so she
        rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
        some money and instructions to be at the
        sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
        bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
        the attractive cake had already been sold.

        Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
        Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
        of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
        game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
        the cake in question was presented for dessert.

        Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
        to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
        but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
        ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

        Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
        (a prominent church member) say:

        "Why thank you; I baked it myself."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Indian Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
        Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
        many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.

        Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
        bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
        contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
        brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
        out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
        had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
        Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

        On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
        big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
        the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
        far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
        could award his daughter to Running Bear.

        On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
        and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
        bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
        7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
        Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.

        Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
        went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
        and still....Falling Rock did not return.

        It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
        Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
        There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever
        after.

        The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
        their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.

        And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...

        "Watch for Falling Rock".


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Baptist Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
        church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
        wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
        used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
        explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
        why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
        was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
        The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
        not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.

        "Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
        years and it isn't going to start now."

        The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't
        you?"

        "Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
        him when I learned that he drank wine."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.



        Melva
        http://www.silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Sac.html


        Preparing To Meet The Dog
        http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles-6/Preparing_To_Meet.html

        Koala's In A Heatwave!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html

        Ricochet The Surf Dog!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html

        Extreme Camping!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.htm


        Cute PDF Writer
        http://www.cutepdf.com/


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Marriage Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
        month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter
        marry?"

        "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
        her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
        to dinner every night."

        "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

        "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
        spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out
        meals!"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Golf Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
        said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

        The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
        a wedge, THEN a putt.

        The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
        telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
        underestimate his game!

        Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

        He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
        yards off the front of the tee.

        Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
        heck of a putt..."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        "John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
        be married!"

        "That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
        on our honeymoon."

        ~~~~~~~~

        Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
        a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

        The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
        or so I think."

        "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
        coming up with an inexpensive evening."

        "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
        but that was all the money she had."




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
        family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
        his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
        fortune.

        One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
        had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

        "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
        years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

        Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

        Three days later, she became his stepmother.

        Women are so much better at estate planning than men.




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



        Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list

        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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