Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I think that the Liberals had Michael Jackson executed to cover up shoving the Cap and Trade bill through the house on Friday afternoon. It barely passed and I thank those that had the balls to vote against their party. Our country is facing enough problems right now without burdening those living on fixed incomes and low wages from another jump in services. We live on the Great Lakes and most of our power comes from hydro-electric stations on the river. Power was cheap at .05 a kilowatt hour but we were
purchased by another company in Wisconsin so that we would
have a source of additional cheap power. Power from the
south has been expensive since the eighties when Consumers Power halted construction on another reactor and were authorized to charge
their users for the unfinished reactor.
The Wisconsin company also owns several generating stations near Marquette that were originally built for K.I. Sawyer Air Force base. These coal fired plants are seventh on the lists of polluters for the state so they are going to be heavily taxed over the period of the bill. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan has a third of the total land mass of the state and 3 percent of the population of the state. We don't have smog and our main air quality problem is pollen from all of the trees and plants. The air up here is so clean that if you fart the whole neighborhood knows it so why are we being faced with the same penalties as Los Angeles and New York City?
We are told that it won't be us that foots the bill, it will be the utilities and the polluters. What utility isn't going to be asking for an increase in rates the minute they get a bill for cap and trade?
They are also talking about job creation for alternative energy which will be heavily subsidized. There was a great plan to build a huge algae farm that would produce power both with solar and biomass in the
middle of the desert and the minute the concept was talked about the environmentalists were out screaming it was bad for the jackrabbits. My town has already put out a moratorium on windmills because no one wants to hear that swishing sound. If you give me power for .03 a kw/h they can put it in my bedroom window.
Thank you for a few seconds to rant, probably won't be the last you hear
about it. Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Useful Work Phrases
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged
by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't
mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll
bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine
is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over
10. I will always cherish the initial misconcep-
tions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of
Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties
are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you
people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable ... Time to up my
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job with-
out my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at
the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of
25. I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
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Flux Family Secrets
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Shoot Em Up
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Rise of Atlantis
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In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. uild another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending
rain for 40 days and 40 nights.' Sx months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?' 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Ten the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
would be coming to us, but they culd hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! Ten I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. Tey insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. ' Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord. 'The government beat me to it.
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Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers, and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time of high gas prices. buffalo
TWO GUYS IN HOME DEPOT
Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot Building Supply when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going'.
The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?'
The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs , and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'
The old timer says.... 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.'
Most of us old timers are helpful like that.
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Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching
the radiant bride as her father escorted her down
the aisle to give away to groom. They reached the
altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was
given to the father by bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and
all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say
something. Therefore, he announced, "Ladies and
Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."
Then he raises his hands with what his daughter
gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally
returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing.
For some strange reason, the poor groom didn't.
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A listener called the disc jockey on the air at our radio station to ask about the upcoming lunar eclipse. "The eclipse can be seen at 1:30 in the morning," the DJ told her. "That late?" she snapped. "Why can't they schedule these things earlier so kids can enjoy them too?"
Our national parks have millions of visitors a year, so
you can imagine that rangers get some rather bizarre
inquiries and comments. Here's a sampling:
"Where do you keep the animals at night?"
"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building
trails that go uphill."
"A deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles.
Is there a way I can get reimbursed?"
"The place where trails do not exist are not well marked." "There are too many rocks in the mountains."
I was sitting behind an enthsiastic mom at my son's
Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing
team, and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild
pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only
the first inning, and the score was 14 - 0. Then one batter finally smacked the ball. "Oh, no!" the mom wailed. "There goes his no-hitter!"
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They say not to put all of your eggs in one basket, but I'll be darned if I am going to roll 12 shopping carts out of the grocery store!
The Middle-Aged Teapot Song:
I'm a middle-aged man, short and stout.
Here is my beer gut, here is my pouch.
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout:
"Where's my remote? It was on the couch!"
A little boy goes up to his dad and asks,
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replies. . .
"Well, son, you must of got it from your mother, 'cause I still have all of mine."
Scanning the phone book for a garbage service, I came across one that clearly wasn't afraid to tackle any job. Their ad read:
"Residential hauling. All types of junk removed. No load too large or too small. Garages, basements, addicts."
I told my wife she'd have to make my paycheck go further, so.....she she took it to Hawaii.
I don't worry about the energy crisis as long as I have electricity in my hair and gas in my stomach.
Show me a good loser.... and I'll show you a fellow playing golf with his boss.
My brother is so vain, he joined the Navy so the world could see him!
My husband is so thin, when he wears a red necktie he looks like a thermometer.
Last night I saw a movie with a happy ending.... everybody was glad it was over.
Paradox: a couple of physicians.
Stalemate: your ex-husband.
Kleptomanica: the gift of grab
Hotel: a place where you trade dollars for quarters.
Europe: what the umpire calls when it's your turn at bat.
Privatize: Sam Spade, Philip Marlowe, and Mike Hammer.
Snowplow: a mechanical device used to fill in the end of your driveway as soon as you finish shoveling it.
Minimum: a very tiny mother from England.
Alimony: 'bye now, pay later.
Canadian bacon: a heat wave in Montreal.
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Michael Jackson ~Billie Jean~
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A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!" Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!" Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!" Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you, Lord?" The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"
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My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks.
However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is such a mess?" "My house," Michelle replied, "does not take 30-degree rolls."
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display.
After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided.
She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground."
After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue."
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday.
His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10 seconds".
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday .
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In a very exclusive private school near California's Silicon Valley, a third-grade teacher was lecturing her upper-high-class students about the less fortunate. She asked them each to write an essay about a poor family in the area.
One little girl's paper began: "Once upon a time there was a poor family. The father was poor. The mother was poor. The children were poor. The nannies were poor. The pool man was poor. The personal trainer was poor. The gardners were poor. . . . . This was a very poor family !
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A man had been feeling sick for quite some time and finally decided to see a doctor. The doctor came out and told the patient that he has some bad news to share. "You are going to die," he said.
"When will I die?" the patient asked.
"Ten," the doctor replied.
The patient, wondering, asked, "Ten what? Years, months, days ...? Tell me doc, I gotta know."
"Nine," the doctor said.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1632
When Tami enters the store she looks around....
The main floor is as large as a football field and it is full of shoes. She breaks down and cries.
Tami: Shoes, shoes everywhere. Where do I start?
Salesperson: Size please? Oh I see, you need this floor. All this floor is your size and today every shoe is half off.
A few minutes later...
Tami: Where am I? Is this Heaven?
Rudy: We are here with you Tami. We have come to help you and to make certain you do not spend too much money.
Tami: Balderdash! Move out of my way. Tami grabs a shopping cart that is attached to a second shopping cart and starts off for aisle
seven hundred and twenty two.
Salesperson: She seems quite determined.
Katie: Alas, we are here to try and slow here down.
Salesperson: And I am here to sell her as much as I can.
Four hours later... Tami is sitting in the middle of a huge stack of shoes.
Katie: So which pair of shoes are you getting Miss Tami?
Tami with red eyes: All of them!
Rudy: There must be a hundred pair there.
Tami: No silly, there are eight hundred and sixty-seven pair of shoes.
Rudy: To borrow your word Miss Tami....Ack!
Tami: Nonsense, I need every pair.
Salesperson: Cash or Charge?
Rob enters the store: What are you doing Tami?
Tami: I thought you were on a boat?
Rob: Your plane is slow, my boat is fast.
Tami: I am just buying a few trinkets.
Rob: Eight hundred and sixty-seven pair of shoes trinkets?
Tami: Well, they are half off.
To be continued
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