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Clean Chips For Thurs

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. We do have a few good holidays to celebrate or
    Message 1 of 356 , Nov 1, 2007
      Clean Clean



      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      We do have a few good holidays to celebrate or
      recognize this month like Veteran's Day, Marine
      Corps Birthday, and of course Thanksgiving but
      if you are looking for something to fill the spaces
      in between here's a few:


      Bizarre Holidays in November


      November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day

      November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day

      November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day

      November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day

      November 5 is Gunpowder Day

      November 6 is saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day

      November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day

      November 8 is Dunce Day

      November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day

      November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day

      November 11 is Air Day

      November 12 is National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day

      November 13 is National Indian Pudding Day

      November 14 is Operation Room Nurse Day

      November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

      November 16 is Button Day

      November 17 is Take A Hike Day

      November 18 is Occult Day

      November 19 is Have A Bad Day Day

      November 20 is Absurdity Day

      November 21 is World Hello Day and False Confessions Day

      November 22 is Start Your Own Country Day

      November 23 is National Cashew Day

      November 24 is Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day

      November 25 is National Parfait Day

      November 26 is Shopping Reminder Day

      November 27 is Pins And Needles Day

      November 28 is Make Your Own Head Day

      November 29 is Square Dance Day

      November 30 is Stay At Home Because You're Well Day


      Next got a note yesterday,

      I hope this week will mean the end of the loooooonnnnnnng lists.
      Give us some good short jokes. Puleez.

      Renny

      OK Renny fortunately we have no shortage of short jokes.
      I realize that lists are hard to share at work or with
      friends but we like to give our friends all of the humor
      available around the holidays.

      Take care and break out the skis and snowmobiles, we got
      our first dusting last night although it quickly disappeared.

      buffalo

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      Short Chips
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      A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second
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      Armored: A big tank
      Artillery: A loud boom

      UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
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      Armored: Not loud enough
      Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?

      OTHER TRADES
      Infantry: Waste of rations
      Armored: Waste of rations
      Artillery: Waste of rations

      IDEA OF FUN
      Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the
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      Armored: Racing across a grid square on "full stab"
      Artillery: Leveling a grid square

      FAVOURITE SONG
      Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
      Armored: "Purple Haze"
      Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!

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      Artillery: Cable

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      Armored: From the hangars to the tank
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      OFFICERS
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      Armored: Are morons and should stay out of the vehicles
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      FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION
      Infantry: Anything but walking
      Armored: Tanks. Tanks. Tanks. TankstankstankstanksTANKS!
      Artillery: Don't you have to move around to require transport?

      BIGGEST GRIPE IN THE FIELD
      Infantry: The weather
      Armored: Coffee maker in tank not working
      Artillery: Only having basic cable

      BREAKFAST IN THE FIELD
      Infantry: I don't care what it is, just so long as I can sit down to
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      WHAT THEY CALL THEMSELVES
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      Armored: Cavalry
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      Armored: Zipperheads
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      Short Chips
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      Q. If you had 12 piñon nuts in one hand and 13 piñon nuts in the other
      hand, what would you have?
      A. A difference of a piñon.

      Patricia

      One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
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      ***********************************************

      Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
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      A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
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      "Can you read this?" the optician asked.

      "Read it?" the Polish guy replied,"I know the guy.

      ************************************************

      A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

      Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
      "CAREFUL!
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      USE THE SALT! THE SALT!

      The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
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      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Abraham Mendel Nuchem was in a cab once and made some mild comment
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      Short Chips
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      Parting Chips
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      Nearing the parish church during his daily walk, a young man saw that
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      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      We were reading THE TRAGEDY OF JULIUS CAESAR by the great
      Shakespeare in tenth-grade "regular" English, which meant the
      students were those who felt they couldn't handle "advanced" English.

      The students were taking turns reading aloud while I helped them
      interpret the meaning of the words.

      Roderick, one of my more mischievous but smarter students, had
      just read the lines, "Cassius, be content,...Speak your griefs
      softly...Before the eyes of both our armies here,...Let us not
      wrangle."

      "Nice reading, Roderick," I said. "Do you know what you just read?"

      "Yeah!" he replied. "He means, 'Be cool, Fool!'"

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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 1131

      An Earned Right

      Bedtime... Sandi heads to dad's bed as usual.
      Katie heads for the doggie bed which is not usual.
      Rudy heads for the couch, as usual.
      Ginger heads for BJ's bed.
      BJ is in his bed.

      Ginger starts to cuddle up to BJ. This is where Sandi usually
      snaps at Ginger and chases her away. However, tonight is
      different. Sandi growls at Ginger but quickly Sandi backs away
      towards the foot of the bed, leaving Ginger with BJ. Sandi is
      watching to see what happens next. Sandi will attack if Ginger
      becomes a pest or bothers BJ when he tries to sleep.

      Ginger snuggles up to BJ and puts her head on BJ's shoulder and
      rolls on her back.

      Ginger: Wow, I have never been allowed to do this before.

      BJ: Enjoy it girl. Girl, you have the biggest grin on your face.

      Ginger: I am happy.

      Sandi thinking: The timing is right. The place is right. I like the
      look on her face. But one night is enough. Try it tomorrow and
      Ka-pow!

      The herd in Guthrie

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and i have the watch. With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a month.
      Message 356 of 356 , Jul 25 9:10 AM
        My name is buffalo and i have the watch.

        With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut
        down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a
        month. That usually includes pizza once, McDonalds
        and Burger King once, and Taco Bell or Subway the
        other time. We no longer have a KFC as some
        employees were selling drugs out of there and when
        KFC found out they permanently pulled their franchise.
        Although I admire this action, that left us with only
        the supermarket deli chicken to fill that got to have
        some chicken right now urge and it isn't the same. It
        also doen't stop KFC from torturing you with the ads
        for new items like their boneless chicken and hot bites.
        Come on people spend your ad dollars where you have
        a store. Oh and we had two McDonald's up here but
        the one near the university wasn't doing well and
        when it closed they bulldozed it to the ground a short
        time after. What a waste of a building as it was only
        about 10-15 years old, and was Buffy's first job in high
        school.

        I misheard an announcement today about Taco Bell
        stopping their children's meal and toys and thought
        they had said McDonalds. When I mentioned it to
        Buffy, Eva went nuts as she usually controls where the
        fast food is coming from by what toys are being offered.
        I haven't told her yet that McDonald's plans on giving
        out more books with their Happy Meals which doesn't
        hurt my feelings one bit. books hurt your feet a lot less
        than plastic toys when you step on them in the dark
        and don't laugh at you or make rude comments.

        The actual announcement about McDonald's today was
        about the increase in sales at Wendy's beating out the
        growth at McDonald's. I sent Buffy to Wendy's last month
        as we hadn't been there in years and told her to bring me
        back burgers and fries from the dollar menu. My first
        question wa," Where's The Beef." The patty wasn't
        much larger than that in a White Castle burger. Also
        while we are on the subject of burger accessories,
        remember how McDonalds used to have the best fries?
        About a year ago BK brought out there new fries that
        are larger and don't go limp on you when you nuke them.
        The only problem is that they oversalt them in my opinion.
        I have pretty much put away the salt shakers around
        my dining area and the salt on a half dozen BK fries
        will put your BP up 20 points for the rest of the day, so
        have it your way and tell them easy on the salt or I'll
        call corporate on you.
        Enjoy the chips... buff



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Transylvania Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near
        Transylvania . They drive in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
        It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of
        the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it,
        but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.. Moments later,
        Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger
        seat and sees Betty unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain
        and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
        He carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short
        while, he sees a light and heads towards it, which is coming from a large,
        old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A small, hunched man opens the
        door. Bob blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty.
        We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been Seriously hurt. Can
        I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't
        have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in, and I will get him." Bob
        brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my
        assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
        However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had some basic
        medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
        laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with
        Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
        collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an
        adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
        "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
        feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills'
        deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
        conservatory, which houses his grand piano. It is here that he has always
        found solace and he begins to play. A stirring, almost haunting melody fills
        the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
        movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to
        the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
        marking the beat. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up
        straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
        conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The
        Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

        Stan Kegel via Ted


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Beggar Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
        One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
        Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
        the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

        The Pope comes by.
        He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds
        the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
        Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My
        poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is
        the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
        there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting
        beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give
        more money to him just out of spite."

        The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
        to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach
        the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"




        Dianne


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Funeral Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        An old Jewish man, Mr. Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the
        funeral. The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel. After
        many telephone calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town;
        he agrees to officiate at the funeral the next day. After chanting the
        "Kaddish" and "El Molay Rachamim" the rabbi begins his eulogy.

        "We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
        respected citizen and honored member of the community," Suddenly, an old
        man jumps up and says, "What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was
        a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own grandmother for fifty cents!

        "The rabbi decides to take another approach, "We are here to mourn the
        passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg, a patron of the synagogue and
        dedicated Talmudic scholar."

        Again the old man jumps up and says, "Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man
        hasn't been in a shul since his bar mitzvah!"

        Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, "We are here to mourn the passing of
        our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a loving husband and dedicated father." Once
        again the old man jumps up and says, "Rabbi, you obviously didn't know
        Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time
        to spend with his children!"

        At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "My
        friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of
        our neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own
        people? Surely, there is someone in this congregation who knew Mr.
        Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life."

        After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says,
        "His brother was worse!"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Border Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
        checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "Well now, it's
        illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".

        "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
        incredulously. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
        persons."

        "Ah no, you can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means
        four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
        the law."

        The Englishmen replies angrily, "You are an idiot! Call your supervisor
        over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

        "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's not available. He is busy with 2
        fellas in a Fiat Uno."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.


        Melva
        http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Rogs_Poems/ToAg.html

        Send A Smile Today
        http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles-6/Force_It.html

        The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem
        http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

        One Brave Little Dog
        http://www.dogwork.com/kan6/

        Bobcat On A Cactus!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        School Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
        The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
        fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
        candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
        the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted
        it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
        liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the
        boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?" "No," said
        the little boy............."It's a puppy!"

        Ted


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        "I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the
        house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.

        I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers &
        one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.

        And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"

        ------

        Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture
        on the week's topic - the problems of dining out.

        She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and salad
        dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried.

        Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What
        is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"

        Replied one woman rather quickly......

        "Running into you!"

        ------

        My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday.

        A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

        "Oh....that," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

        "Gee, how come?" I asked.

        "Well..." he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."

        ------

        The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.

        "Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly
        overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the
        department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So...why
        don't you talk to her about it?"

        "Because...." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with
        her."



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Fishing Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Two blondes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the
        reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
        cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

        The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same
        thing happens on the second day, and also on the third day. It goes on
        like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the
        blondes catches a fish.

        As they're driving home they're really depressed. One blonde turns to
        the other and says,

        "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
        hundred bucks?"

        The other blonde says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any
        more!"




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked,
        much to the dismay of her
        colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.

        It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
        depressed and lying here on a
        railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally
        meet Allah."

        Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to
        be an appropriate response





        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



        Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list

        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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