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Clean Chips For Fri

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  • william brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Seems the last thing we did last summer was replace
    Message 1 of 342 , Jun 1, 2007
      Clean Clean


      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Seems the last thing we did last summer was replace a cracked sliding
      storm window in my bedroom and in the process we had to remove the
      screen. Well with temperatures in the 80's I just opened the window up
      and let the air in. Mosquitoes are light at the moment and my bedroom
      window is at least an 8 foot drop to the ground so I wasn't worried
      about anyone entering that way. Then yesterday said she was having
      trouble keeping Dini the black cat in the house. It would claw at her
      window to come in and after she let it in it would be back an hour later.
      I told her it wasn't going through my window because the drop was too
      great. Well last night I was in bed giving Woogie some treats and I felt
      something jump up on the bed and onto the window sill. In the moonlight I
      saw Dini and in a second she dived to the ground. Well this morning I
      decided to put the screen in and also the box fan I use for cooling during
      the summer ( Yooper Air Conditioning ). I wrestled the mattress around
      so I could get the cord for the fan under the bed and then came out and
      finished today's mail . This evening I went in to watch the Tigers get
      slaughtered and I couldn't find the remote. I pulled the bed out several
      times,
      looked through shelves and drawers, checked clothes on floor ( It was only
      a few days worth) checked the comforter and pillows twice and then got
      Buffy to search the same area and still nothing. Sandy saw me carrying
      laundry out and offered to change the bedding and when she did I picked up
      the mattress to flip it and there in between the mattress and the box spring
      was the missing remote. They must be affected by the same force that hides
      socks in places we never look. Anyhow while I was on the phone with
      my mom discussing the missing remote she suggested hanging the remote
      from the headboard in a pair of worn out panty hose. I suppose you
      would only use one leg unless you also have a vcr, etc. heh heh.

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      50+ Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are
      interested in them?
      A: Try a bookstore under fiction



      Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
      A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When
      you are done you will have a place to live.



      Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
      A: Tell him you're pregnant.



      Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
      A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.



      Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
      A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.



      Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory
      storage?
      A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.



      Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
      A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.



      Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
      A: Their foreheads.



      Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter
      antique stores?
      A: "I remember these".


      Mary Jane

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

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      And You Operated On Me?
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      One weekend my friend, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old
      nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head.

      Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night.
      Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon,
      he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room.

      When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his
      forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to
      his forehead, "My name is Daniel."


      Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided
      to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective
      love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special
      in her life.

      Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.

      "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to
      dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man
      say to me!"

      "He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.

      Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      Sauce Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was

      giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti
      sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about
      spoilage,
      but it was too late to cook up another batch.

      She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They
      advised Becky to boil the sauce again.

      That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the

      guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest
      called
      out,

      "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti
      sauce
      turned out."

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      Blonde Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
      A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

      Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
      A: They're both empty from the neck up.

      Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
      A: Wave

      Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
      A: They both have black roots.

      Q: What does a blonde owl say?
      A: What, what?

      Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
      A: Two brunettes.

      Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
      A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde,
      I'm
      blonde, yea yea yea..."

      Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
      A: To see what was on the other side.

      Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
      A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

      Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
      A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

      Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
      A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

      Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
      A: So she could lip read.

      Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
      A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

      Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
      A: To turn the blinker off.

      Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
      A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

      Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
      A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around
      too
      much.

      Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
      puzzle in
      only 6 months?
      A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

      Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
      A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

      Q: Why does it work?
      A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

      Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
      A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

      Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
      A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

      Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
      A: She missed the Earth!

      Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
      A: The vegetable garden.

      Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
      A: One.

      Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
      A: Far-from-thinkin

      Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
      A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

      Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
      A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

      Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
      A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

      Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
      A: Spot.

      Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
      A: Air Supply.

      Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
      A: A blond electrician.

      Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
      A: So brunettes can remember them.

      Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
      A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

      Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
      A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

      Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
      A: Perri-air

      Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
      A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

      Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
      A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

      Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
      A: The Air Pump!


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Drive Thru Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Haven't you ever had the urge to loose control when ordering
      that burrito or burger and drink combo?

      1. Ask for last months specials.

      2. Place your order in three different languages if you
      don't know any, make them up.

      3. When they repeat your order totally change it. Repeat as desired.

      4. Order a whopper from McDonalds, when they say they
      don't have whoppers insist that they do. If they still argue demand
      to see a manager then when you talk to them order a normal meal
      and say i don't know what's up with kids these days.

      5. Go to any burger joint and order Chinese.

      6. When ordering in the drive through, ask if its happy hour on draft
      beer.

      7. In summer turn stereo up full volume to Christmas music while
      ordering in drive through.

      8. Drive in the drive through, park, then go inside and order.

      9. Go through the drive through in reverse, again.

      10. Wait for the busiest time of day, after paying get out of car, get
      jack out of trunk and proceed to rotate tires.

      11. Check oil in drive through, possibly touch up the windscreen
      with some glass cleaner.

      12. Walk up to drive through window with hands in the air like
      your holding onto a steering wheel.

      13. Go through drive through and ask for directions to the place you're
      at.

      14. Go through drive through naked, excluding the rabbit slippers of
      course!

      15. Go inside and ask in a load voice if they got rid of the Ebola
      problems they've been having

      16. Argue with your passenger (that's not there) and continue until you
      pay.

      17. When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your
      dog won't make up his mind.

      18. After eating half your meal return it and say you got the
      wrong thing and ask for a refund.

      19. As you're pulling away and they say "Have a nice day!" (with
      that retarded smile) put the car in reverse and ask them what the
      hell that's supposed to mean.

      20. Order something from one fast food place then go to another
      drive through when they give you your food take one bite and say
      "No thank you, this tastes better (pointing to bag from other place),
      may I have my money back."

      21. Play name that tune with person taking the order.

      22. Pretend your deaf and order in sign language.

      23. Go through Taco Bell order the 7 layer burrito. When they
      repeat your order ask if each layer of the burrito is sold separately.

      24. When they ask how you are today proceed by telling them about
      your diarrhea problems, most likely due to the burger you bought from
      them yesterday and the day before that.

      25. Go through a drive through after they tell you to pull to the window
      drive past it and go inside to get your order.




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      Texas Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A blind man vists the state of Texas

      There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
      When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,
      "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered,
      "Everything is big in Texas."

      When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
      Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug
      placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs
      are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

      After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender
      where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied,
      "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the
      bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the
      second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead
      to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

      Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
      "Don't flush, don't flush!"



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A preacher noticed one day that, as he was preaching, a man in the
      back of the auditorium was slumped over a little. Thinking he was
      asleep, the preacher asked the deacon to go wake him up.

      The deacon gave the man a little nudge, but he kept on sleeping. He
      bumped him a little harder and the man kept on sleeping. Frustrated,
      the deacon took a hymn book and smacked him in the head, knocking the
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      The deacon was shocked that the man didn't open his eyes. Concerned,
      he got down on the floor to see if the man was breathing, and the man
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man
      fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in
      the morning.

      "It's twenty to seven," she called.

      "In whose favor?"


      Little Susie, a six-year-old, came home from school whining, "Mommy,
      I've got a stomachache."

      "That's because your stomach is empty," her mother replied. "You'd
      feel better if you had something in it." She gave Susie a snack and
      sure enough, Susie felt better right away.

      That afternoon, the family's minister dropped b and. while he was
      chatting with Susie's mom, he mentioned he'd had a bad headache all
      day long.

      Susie perked up. "That's because it's empty," she said. "You'd feel
      better if you had something in it."



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Hey Buff,
      I just heard today that Dale Jr. wants to drive for Michael Waltrip's
      team next year so he can have every Sunday off.

      John



      As the woman was instructing the new maid on the great care required
      in handling certain valuable household objects. She pointed to the
      dining room and said with obvious satisfaction,
      "That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth."

      "Oh, that's nothing," the maid interjected. "My whole living-room
      set goes back to Sears the fifteenth."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel
      movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative
      and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

      A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

      The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a
      powerful laxative.

      Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

      The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you
      to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

      "I'm a musician."

      The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get
      something to eat!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 992

      How Much is That Doggie in the Window?

      Ginger: Here doggie doggie doggie. Here doggie doggie doggie.

      Rudy: Ah, Ginger, that ain't no doggie.

      Ginger: Is isn't a dog?

      Rudy: No, it is not a dog.

      Sandi: Step back towards us very slowly Ginger.

      Ginger: Yes mother. What is it then?

      Sandi: It is a grizzley bear.

      Ginger: Are they a problem?

      Katie: Ack! A bear!! Run for your life!!
      Flee! Zoom!

      Ginger: I understand now. Zoom!

      Sandi... Lope lope lope

      Rudy....Zoom!

      Bear: ROAR!!!

      back at the camp:

      Tami: Sigh this is such a beautiful day!

      Rob: I am glad to see you snap out of it Tami.

      Tami: Yes, I was getting a bit excessive with my
      behavior. I am okay now. What could go wrong?

      Zoom!

      Rob: There goes Katie.

      Zoom!

      Tami: There goes Rudy.

      Zoom!

      Rob: There goes Sandi.

      Lope, Lope Lope!

      Tami: There goes Ginger.

      ROAR!!!!

      Tami: Ack! Here comes a grizzly bear!

      Rob: Did you bring a rifle?

      Tami: I have one that Katie gave me.

      Tami aims and pulls the trigger and a little flag
      comes out the end of the barrel that says... BANG!

      Rob: That will do no good, run for the RV.

      Tami: The doors locked...Bang bang bang!

      Katie: Who is it?

      Tami: It is me Tami!!

      Katie: I need photo ID, drivers license, birth certificate....

      Rob: Let me in Katie!

      Katie: Oh sure Rob, come on in.

      Rob gets right in and the door gets slammed.

      Bang bang bang!

      Tami: Let me in!

      Katie: ID please!

      To be continued

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
    • William Brabant
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Hello, Everyone. After a week of worrying and
      Message 342 of 342 , Dec 11, 2009
        Clean Clean

        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

        Hello, Everyone.

        After a week of worrying and trying to get Yahoo's servers to
        work properly, their engineers have reestablished service to
        all of the readers of the chips It is easy to point at a problem
        and ask to have it fixed, it is another thing to find it in a jungle
        of servers with a 100 million users. As a personal point it
        made me feel good to see all of you actually notice that I wasn't
        arriving every morning.

        I have a doctor's appointment this morning and he probably isn't
        happy with me. It has been about 75 days since I was in their last
        and he wanted to see me after 6 weeks which was a stretch even
        then.

        Yep he was unhappy and is dreaming up all sorts of tests to put me
        through including that miserable chemical stress test again and this

        is all over the minute amount of blood in my urine. I lose less that
        way
        than from all the blood test they take over a year but they never
        worry
        about that and judging by the number of checks on the lab order
        for next Monday they will probably will be taking a pint or so heh
        heh.
        Then I am scheduled for an ultrasound of my kidneys right before
        Christmas which isn't bad and then an IVP after that. If I remember
        correctly you had to drink a couple bottles of Yuck before that one
        and then a trip through the cat scan. I feel better than I have
        since
        the plant closure and that's what worries me. When I was in the Navy
        they converted from black oil to something similar to fuel oil. It
        had
        less lubricating ability than the old stuff and the fuel pumps
        failed
        several times a year except for one. It had run for five years
        without
        failure and when we went into overhaul we had to tear it down for an

        inspection. When they opened the pump the bearings fell apart and
        the pump had to be replaced. Sometimes I feel like if they do too
        much poking and prodding I might fall apart too.

        Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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        Medicine Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The Top Signs It's Time to Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet

        [From Ruminations Top Five]

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        Was there ever really a "Preparation A?"

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

        Which Christmas Song Are You?
        http://tinyurl.com/yfhczel

        Boxhead Zombie Wars
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        Dreams: A Difference Adventure
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        School Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        Is Life Over When Summer Ends? - by Midas Welbee

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        What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School - by U. Will
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
        "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he
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        Little Johnny shouted, "Okay---you start."

        ~~~~

        Then there was the blonde who had trouble filling out a job
        application
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        Where it said, "Married," she wrote "twice"; where it said,
        "Children," she wrote, "No, both were men." ......

        ~~~

        The weather today was fantastic! At work today we went outside and
        played basketball. Just as we were about out of time, I got the ball
        to
        take the winning shot, but I missed. One of my teammates demanded to
        know why I had missed such an easy shot. "I sprained my ankle," I
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        him. "That's a lame excuse," he replied.

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        I was checking out at the busy Super Market, and the cashier was
        having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner
        malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins.
        When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe

        her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure." Still frazzled,
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        glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."

        A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he waits to get the
        bartender's
        attention, a regular sitting next to him calls out, "I'll have
        another
        waterloo." The bartender gives the regular a tall ice cold drink and

        asks the newcomer what he would like. The thirsty man points to the

        man next to him and says, "That looks great! I'll have what he's
        having, a waterloo." So the bartender brings the newcomer a tall ice

        cold drink. The man takes a long deep drink and calls out, "HEY!
        This
        isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The regular bar patron
        sitting next to him says, "It is water, buddy. That's all I drink,"
        He
        turns to the bartender and says, "Right Lou?"

        A tramp put the finger on a banker as he was coming out of his
        office.
        "How about buying me a coffee?" he asked. "Here," the banker said.
        "Here's $5.00. Go buy yourself several cups of coffee." The next
        day,
        as the banker was coming out of his office again, the same tramp
        came
        up and punched him in the nose. Darn near knocked his lights out!!
        "Hey," yelled the banker, "is that any way to treat me after I gave

        you five dollars?" "You and your lousy cups of coffee you bought
        me,"
        the tramp snarled, punching him in the nose again. "They kept me
        awake
        all night!"

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Fun Slides Carpet Skates

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Chainsaw Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A hillbilly is looking around a big hardware store
        when he sees a display of chain saws with a sign
        guaranteeing that this model of chain saw can cut
        twenty cords of firewood in a day. He motions to
        a salesman.

        'Can I help you, sir?'

        'This here chainsaw, kin it rully cut twenny cords o'wood in a day?'

        'Yes, sir, that's the guarantee. Twenty cords of wood or you get
        your money back.'

        'Yer joshin' me. Twenny cords o'farrwood? Ah don't blieve it!'

        'No, sir, it's true! Guaranteed.'

        'Wull, Ah'll trah one but ah still don't blieve it!'

        He buys the saw. He returns not the next day but the
        day after that. He seeks out the same salesman and
        confronts him with the slightly-used saw.
        '
        You lahr!' he says, 'You lah laka dawg! You sayed
        this here chainsawr'd cut twenny cords o'wood in a
        day! I got up yestiddy at the crack o'dawn 'n'I cut
        'n' cut 'n' cut all day! I didn't stop till it wuz
        dork! 'N'I couldn't cut moren' six cords o'farrwood
        t'save mah lahf! Now whattya say about that?'

        The salesman looked perplexed. 'Gee,' he said, 'maybe
        you got a bad one. Let's try it.' He takes the saw,
        pumps the primer a few times, and pulls the cord to
        start it up.

        The hillbilly's eyes get wide with surprise. 'Gawd
        a-mighty!' he shouts, 'What's that racket?'



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Dog Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis
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        it was to be different. Trouser's owners were walking him along a
        trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man
        all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was
        gesturing annoyingly at Trouser's masters. This strange person spoke
        not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box
        and that he was pulling on a long rope. Seeing the sheer horror on
        his masters' faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the
        situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this
        annoying pseudo clown's leg. Trouser immediately got a sickened look
        in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue
        all over the ground in an effort to remove the man's foul essence
        from his mouth. For Trouser had learned that a mime is a terrible
        thing to taste.


        Stan Kegel

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        LynnLynn's Links
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
        e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
        Subscribers and Friends

        Melva/The Joy Of Christmas
        http://silverandgoldandthee.net/C/Joy.html

        Carolyn w/I Tan't Wait Till Quithmuth Day~ Mel Blanc
        http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/quithmuthday.html

        John w/ Silent Night
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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Surfin Surfari

        Redneck Playstation via Wesley
        http://tinyurl.com/cplms

        NOAA's National Weather Service - Graphical Forecast Via Dianne
        http://www.weather.gov/forecasts/graphical/sectors/

        Ugly Christmas Lights
        http://www.uglychristmaslights.com/

        Snowman Name
        http://www.quizopolis.com/snowman-name.php


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


        Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
        have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
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        Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

        7-Zip
        http://download.cnet.com/7-Zip/3000-2250_4-10045185.html

        Guard Your Online Privacy With TrackerWatcher Firefox Addon Via
        Wesley
        http://tinyurl.com/ychtjf5

        French army sides with Mozilla in Microsoft email war Via Wesley
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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Animal World

        Doggie Zone Via Dianne
        http://www.pupforum.com/pics/browse.cfm

        Wild Macaws
        http://freespace.virgin.net/susanarmitage/macaws.htm

        Winter Hummingbirds of Southwest Louisiana
        http://members.cox.net/wdpatton/

        World of Birding
        http://www.worldbirdingcenter.org/


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

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        Movie Links

        The Mom Song
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/jadljhda.htm

        Tolerant Cat
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsksd.htm

        Uncle Jay
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/dskjskj.htm

        Walk-in Closet
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/jsksdjk.htm

        Who Needs Pockets
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdjkjsdk.htm


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Bee Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how
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        were going. "Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been

        really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I
        can't
        make any honey." "No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down
        five
        blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's
        a
        Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and
        fruit." "Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away.
        A
        few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first
        bee
        asked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was
        everything
        you said it would be." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked
        the
        first bee. "That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want

        them to think I was a wasp."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Toon Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Cloud Cyclone Graham 02
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/klkj4l3lk.htm

        Cloud Fire_Starter
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/;l;65l4.htm

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        Cloud Shark
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        Clown
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/k546k.htm

        Clown2
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/l43k;5lk34.htm


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Christmas Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
        They both drop their needles

        Why couldn't the butterfly go to the fancy Chistmas dance?
        It was a moth ball!

        Where does Santa go swimming?
        The North Pool!

        What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the sand?
        Sandy Claws

        I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas
        tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked,
        "What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and
        said, "What do you mean? It's a cartridge in a bare tree."

        Stan Kegel

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Customer: "My computer crashed!"

        Tech Support: "It crashed?"

        Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

        Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

        Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."

        Tech Support: "Huh?"

        Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed
        my
        Spaceship and now it doesn't work."

        Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

        Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Stop your Back Pain!
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        Relieves Symptoms associated with
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        http://buffaloschips.com/backpa




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Bonus Chip
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks
        while gambling, the big, high- class casinos are now equipped with
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        They are computer controlled to deliver the exact electric shock
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        At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the
        carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.


        Sue


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        The SlipOver - Dual Sided Slipcover - As Seen on TV

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Katie's Komfort Kolumn
        Vol 1736

        Dancing With Wolfstien

        After a day of being cooped up in the house for the dogs, they are
        ready to play. After a day of working at the office dad is ready
        to take
        it easy... something must give... Dad has to give. It is like
        coming home
        to three four year olds high on caffeine.

        BJ gets out of his car, Diana opens the house door and three dogs
        are
        unleashed...

        BJ: Hi guys...!

        Katie: FATHER!!!

        As she leaps forward and crashes into BJ sending BJ backwards...

        BJ: Hey slow down there girl.

        Katie: Sorry father, but I am just so excited...

        Then Rudy who is three times the size of Katie comes barreling in.

        Thud!!!

        BJ: Gasp!! Down Rudy... Down!

        Rudy: Aw shucks Dad...

        BJ: You called me Dad...

        Rudy: Did not..

        Sandi: Hi Daddy! (As she jumps up almost to eye level), Let's play.

        BJ: How can I not. Let's go running around the yard!

        Yay!!!

        Diana watches from the door as the four kids go playing... BJ throws
        a stick, the dogs chase it, then chase BJ,,, BJ chases the dog..and
        on
        and on it goes.

        The herd in Guthrie

        (as bad as it is to leave the dogs in the morning, it is pure Heaven
        to
        come home at night)

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



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