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Clean Chips For Sun

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  • william brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Rather that relate one of my old pranks, here is
    Message 1 of 262 , Apr 1, 2007
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      Clean Clean


      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.


      Rather that relate one of my old pranks, here is one from my friend,
      Day.

      This April Fool's prank was pulled off by my grandfather when my dad
      was a kid. It has been handed down through the generations ever
      since...in lore only though. No one has had the guts yet to try it
      again (or the expertise, for that matter). Let me start by noting
      that my grandfather was a retired orthopedic surgeon.

      Well, here it is in all of its classic simplicity...
      One fine April Fool's day (or probably the night before while he was
      on call...) my grandfather took a large box of chocolates (the really
      good kind, not those cheapies that taste like wax ). With a
      scalpel he carefully cut the bottoms out of all of the chocolates in
      the box. He then set the bottoms aside and proceeded to scoop the
      insides out of each and every chocolate in the box. He then refilled
      each chocolate with a large cotton ball and carefully grafted the
      bottoms back on each chocolate and then innocently set the chocolates
      out on a table where he knew that every kid in the house (there were
      5) would try to sneak a chocolate without letting Mom or Dad catch
      them.

      IT'S NOT NICE TO MESS WITH CHOCOLATE ! lol

      Day

      buffalo says I got woke up this morning by some little girl
      buzzing the door bell and then running off. Never seen her
      before just like the little kid that slashed two of my tires a
      few years ago and he was only seven years old. Hope
      you have a safe but humorous April Fool's Day.

      buffalo


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      Google Chips
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      Searching the Internet for stuff can really be aggravating. You might get
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      1 million extraneous items.
      Believe it or not, search used to be worse. It was tough to find much of
      anything until the mid-90s.

      Then, around the year 2000, Google came along. This search engine was really
      a great achievement. People have long wondered how they do it.

      Well, Google has lifted the curtains. It's not a bank of powerful computers.
      Nor is it a handful of clever algorithms.

      Amazingly, Google does it with a large flock of pigeons. The company calls
      its search technology PigeonRank. Pigeons can find the smallest differences
      between things, including Web pages. When you enter a search term, they
      instantly find the page you want.

      Google explains this on its site. And, by the way, happy April Fool's Day.


      www.google.com



      Dianne

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

      Mrs. Moore
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      Mission Impossible
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Drum Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every
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      He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did.
      Various attempts were made to do something about the child.
      One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much
      noise, perforate his eardrums.
      This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a
      scientist nor a scholar.
      A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and
      should be carried out only on special occasions.
      The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears.
      A fourth gave the boy a book.
      A fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling
      anger through biofeedback.
      A sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and
      docile.
      None of these attempts worked.
      Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation.
      He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and
      asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"
      No more problem.

      (This is SO true of little boys...my son took apart EVERYTHING !)

      Patricia

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      Short Chips
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      Did you hear about the crossword puzzle addict who died and was buried
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      "Presidnet Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow, and now -- 6 more
      weeks of vacation." ~Jay Leno

      -------------

      Soon after my 16-year-old sister started working after school as a
      grocery-store cashier, I went to see how she was doing.

      I tried to make myself inconspicuous as I waited to check out my
      purchases. Ahead of me was a young man who was flirting with my sister.
      Both embarrassed and amused by his advances, she continued to ring up
      his groceries. Finally the persistent fellow ventured,

      "Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"

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      "How will you be paying?"

      ------------------

      Q. What's the easist way to count a herd of cattle?

      A. Use a cowculator.

      ---------------

      A pun. .

      King Ozymndias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
      with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
      Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he
      went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to get a loan.

      Crosus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

      "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. Don't you know
      who I am? I am the king!"

      Crosus replied,

      "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

      ------------

      "Summer's lease hath all too short a date."
      ~Willaim Shakespeare

      A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing
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      ----------

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      ---------

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      Nautical Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Scuttlebutt -
      A butt was a barrel. Scuttle meant to chop a hole in something. The
      scuttlebutt was a water barrel with a hole cut into it so that sailors
      could
      reach in and dip out drinking water. The scuttlebutt was the place where
      the
      ship's gossip was exchanged.

      Garbled -
      Garbling was the prohibited practice of mixing rubbish with the cargo. A
      distorted, mixed up message was said to be garbled.

      No Great Shakes -
      When casks became empty they were "shaken" (taken apart) so the pieces,
      called shakes, could be stored in a small space. Shakes had very little
      value.

      Fly-by-Night -
      A large sail used only for sailing downwind and requiring rather little
      attention.

      Start Over with a Clean Slate -
      A slate tablet was kept near the helm on which the watch keeper would
      record
      the speeds, distances, headings and tacks during the watch. If there
      were no
      problems during the watch, the slate would be wiped clean so that the
      new
      watch could start over with a clean slate

      Let the Cat Out of the Bag -
      In the Royal Navy the punishment prescribed for most serious crimes was
      flogging. This was administered by the Bosun's Mate using a whip called
      a
      cat o' nine tails. The "cat" was kept in a leather or baize bag. It was
      considered bad news indeed when the cat was let out of the bag. Other
      sources attribute the expression to the old english market scam of
      selling
      someone a pig in a poke (bag) when the pig turned out to be a cat
      instead.

      Taking the wind out of his sails -
      Sailing in a manner so as to steal or divert wind from another ship's
      sails.

      Son of a Gun -
      When in port, and with the crew restricted to the ship for any extended
      period of time, wives and ladies of easy virtue often were allowed to
      live
      aboard along with the crew. Infrequently, but not uncommonly, children
      were
      born aboard, and a convenient place for this was between guns on the gun
      deck. If the child's father was unknown, they were entered in the ship's
      log
      as "son of a gun".

      A Square Meal -
      In good weather, crews' mess was a warm meal served on square wooden
      platters.

      The Devil to Pay -
      To pay the deck seams meant to seal them with tar. The devil seam was
      the
      most difficult to pay because it was curved and intersected with the
      straight deck planking. Some sources define the "devil" as the
      below-the-waterline-seam between the keel and the adjoining planking.
      Paying
      the Devil was considered to be a most difficult and unpleasant task.

      Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea -
      The devil seam was the curved seam in the deck planking closest to the
      side
      of the ship and next to the scupper gutters. If a sailor slipped on the
      deck, he could find himself between the devil and the deep blue sea.

      Above Board -
      Anything on or above the open deck. If something is open and in plain
      view,
      it is above board.

      Under the Weather -
      If a crewman is standing watch on the weather side of the bow, he will
      be
      subject to the constant beating of the sea and the ocean spray. He will
      be
      under the weather.

      Slush Fund -
      A slushy slurry of fat was obtained by boiling or scraping the empty
      salted
      meat storage barrels. This stuff called "slush" was often sold ashore by
      the
      ship's cook for the benefit of himself or the crew. The money so derived
      became known as a slush fund.

      Toe the Line -
      When called to line up at attention, the ship's crew would form up with
      their toes touching a seam in the deck planking.

      The Bitter End -
      The end of an anchor cable is fastened to the bitts at the ship's bow.
      If
      all of the anchor cable has been payed out you have come to the bitter
      end.

      Pipe Down -
      Means stop talking and be quiet. The Pipe Down was the last signal from
      the
      Bosun's pipe each day which meant "lights out" and "silence".

      Pipe Down -
      Means stop talking and be quiet. The Pipe Down was the last signal from
      the
      Bosun's pipe each day which meant "lights out" and "silence".

      Footloose -
      The bottom portion of a sail is called the foot. If it is not secured,
      it is
      footloose and it dances randomly in the wind.

      To Know the Ropes -
      There were miles and miles of cordage in the rigging of a square rigged
      ship. The only way of keeping track of and knowing the function of all
      of
      these lines was to know where they were located. It took an experienced
      seaman to know the ropes.

      Over the Barrel -
      The most common method of punishment aboard ship was flogging. The
      unfortunate sailor was tied to a grating, mast or over the barrel of a
      deck
      cannon.



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      Lawyer Chips
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      An American attorney had just finished a guest
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      When they stopped, the American attorney
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      law.

      "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America
      and fall down on sidewalks."


      Randy


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      Sneaker Chips
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      Thirteen-year-old Katharine Tuck's sneakers are equal opportunity
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      is $2,500 richer because of it: On Tuesday, she out-ranked six other
      children to win the 32nd annual National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker
      Contest, stinking up the joint with a pair of well-worn 1 1/2-year-old
      Nikes so noxious they had the judges wincing.
      "I'm so proud of the little stinker," said her mother, Paula Tuck.
      Ah, the foul smell of success.
      The contest, which was founded in 1975 as a sporting good store
      promotion and is now sponsored by the manufacturer of anti-foot odor
      products, pits children from around the nation who have won state-level
      competitions for the generally cruddy condition of their footwear.
      Kyle Underwood, 9, was in from Las Cruces, N.M., with his low-cut black
      Starters, the ones with the blown-out toe on the right foot. "These are
      bad," sighed judge Andy Brewer. "Ooh, these are really bad."
      Michael Nduka, 9, of White Plains, N.Y., was there, too, with his ratty
      black-and-white low-cuts, which - like the others - were passed from
      judge to judge for inspection. Judge William Fraser, who is Montpelier's
      city manager, held one up using the tip of a pen, like a crime scene
      investigator trying not to taint the evidence.
      Eleven-year-old Alex Clark's sneakers had tape over the holes in the
      toes, and the instep of one was blown out. When judge George Aldrich
      took a whiff, he coughed and then handed the sneaker back to Clark. "I
      saw you flinch," Aldrich said to him.
      "As a parent, you want to hide," said Kathy Midgley, 48, of Berkeley
      Heights, N.J., who was there to watch her 8-year-old son compete.
      Clad in Odor-Eaters baseball caps and Odor-Eaters T-shirts, each
      contestant had to jump in place once and then make one full turn in
      place before taking off his or her shoes and handing them to the judges.
      It was 24 degrees outside, but only one of them wore socks - since
      foot sweat is a boon not a bane in this game.
      Odor-Eaters paid to fly eight contestants - each with a parent - to
      Vermont, but not all arrived on time. Devin Koivisto, 12, of Phoenix,
      didn't make it due to travel complications.
      Tuck almost didn't, either: Her flight to Newark, N.J., was delayed,
      forcing she and her father to miss a connecting flight to Vermont. They
      drove the rest of the way, but their luggage still hadn't arrived
      Tuesday.
      But her mother had the foresight to warn Tuck not to ship her prized
      shoes in her checked baggage, lest it get lost en route.
      Mercifully for airport security screeners, she didn't wear them, either,
      opting to carry them in her purse.
      For these sneakers, the smell was only the half of it. Ripped on the
      right toe, with red and yellow duct tape holding one together and frayed
      laces on both, they looked like something from a landfill.
      She has used them to play soccer, basketball and other sports, hiked in
      them and waded into the Great Salt Lake, where they became infiltrated
      with brine shrimp.
      "People ask me why I don't get new ones and why I would enter a contest
      like this," she said before the judging started.
      Once it did, she called her mother on a cell phone and kept the line
      open so Mom could listen in. Once Fraser got a look - and a whiff -
      of Tuck's Nikes, he took the phone from her. "Do you actually let her
      wear these in public?" he asked her mother.
      After the judges' decision was announced, Tuck shyly granted interviews.
      Was she proud? "Yeah, I guess."
      "She's going to put this on her first job application," said her father,
      Michael Tuck.
      "I am?" she said.
      <snagged by>
      Ross


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      Cleaning Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Cleaning Poem

      I asked the Lord to tell me
      Why my house is such a mess.
      He asked if I'd been 'computering',
      And I had to answer "yes."

      He told me to get off my fanny!
      And tidy up the house.
      And so I started cleaning up...
      The smudges off my mouse.

      I wiped and shined the topside.
      That really did the trick...
      I was just admiring my work...
      I didn't mean to 'click.'

      But click, I did, and oops I found
      A real absorbing site
      That I got SO way into...
      I was into it all night. (Sigh)

      Nothing's changed except my mouse
      It's very, very shiny.
      I guess my house will stay a mess...
      While I sit here on my hiney.
      <Snagged from Nancy by>
      Ross


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      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      April First Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      <> In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for
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      atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
      <> The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of
      the godless and assigned their sharpest attorneys to the case. <> The
      case was brought before a wise judge who after listening to the long,
      passionate presentation of the ACLU lawyers, promptly banged his gavel
      and declared, "Case dismissed!"
      <> The lead ACLU lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and
      said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? Surely the
      Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances.
      <>
      And the Jews--why, in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and
      Hanukkah .and yet my client and all other atheists have no such
      holiday!"
      <> The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously
      your client is too confused to know about, or for that matter, even
      celebrate the atheists' holiday!"
      <> The ACLU lawyer pompously said "We
      are aware of no such holiday for atheists, just when might that be, your
      honor?"
      <> The judge said "Well it comes every year on exactly the same
      date--- April 1st!"

      Juanita
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found
      his two-year old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little
      girl's grip and said comfortingly to Jack, "There, there. She didn't
      mean it. She doesn't know that hurts."

      She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing
      back in, she asked, "What happened?"

      "She knows now," Jack replied.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Well, my wife hates fishing.
      Doesn't understand it a bit. If she even thinks about me fishing,
      she gets red in the face and starts shouting, "How can a full
      grown man take pleasure in shoving a piece of metal through the
      mouth of a living creature?".
      She won't even eat fish.
      However, she doesn't mind if I go play poker.
      I was able to use this to my advantage one time (and one time
      only!).
      I wanted to go fishing on the half-day boat, which goes out to
      apart of the kelp beds off the coast of San Diego. The beds are
      marked with floats which are anchored to the bottom of the ocean,
      so that boaters won't go into the beds and snarl their screws.
      I hit upon the perfect idea and told her I was going out. She
      assumed I was going to play poker, so she was pretty upset when
      I came back smelling like fish.
      "Where have you been?" she started, "I told you I don't like you
      going fishing!"
      "Honey," I responded, "I told you where I was going and you said
      that was no problem and I should have a good time!"
      She started screaming, "What? You said you were going out with
      your friends!"
      "No!" I answered, managing not to smile, "I said I was 'going out
      with the buoys"

      Patricia

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 936

      The Concert

      BJ and Diana are a part of group
      The Grandmas and the Grandpas that are
      singing at the American Legion this weekend.
      Taking much liberty with the actual event.

      Diana: It is about time you arrived BJ.

      BJ: I have to work for a living you know.

      DIana: We go on after this next group.

      BJ: Okay were are the others?

      Diana: Err-ah they couldn't make it.

      BJ: How can we perform with just two of us?

      Diana: Don't worry. You just sing 'My Girl'
      I have the rest of the backup group here.

      BJ: Okay.

      Diana: We are on. Let's go onstage.

      BJ looks at the band...Ginger on drums,
      Sandi on Guitar, Rudy dressed in his Elvis
      Costume and Katie dressed like Diana join
      in...singing 'My Girl'...

      The crowd eats it up...

      Sly does a great job playing the sax.

      Roses are tossed onto the stage ..... along with
      some depends..

      BJ: Let's get out of here while we can.

      Katie: No encores?

      Rudy: No, this group is at bit long in the tooth.

      Diana: Good thing their earing aids are turned down.

      BJ: Hey!

      The herd in Guthrie



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats that ever became attached to. I still swear that she never left as late
      Message 262 of 262 , Aug 4, 2013
      • 0 Attachment
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
        that ever became attached to. I still swear that
        she never left as late at night, out of the corner
        of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
        see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
        on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
        of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
        while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
        but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.

        Miss Picky
        One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
        Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
        diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
        several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
        animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
        had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
        or have people touch her tail.

        Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
        greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
        into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
        knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
        walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
        of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
        snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
        fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
        her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
        to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
        had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
        favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
        supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
        At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
        fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
        there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
        stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.

        I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
        year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
        finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
        eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
        failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
        some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
        felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
        chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
        of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
        the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.


        Enjoy the chips... buff


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Flying Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
        and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
        woman reading her Bible.

        Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
        demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
        The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

        After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
        more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
        is something in first class."

        About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
        captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
        one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
        economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
        force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
        make the switch to first class."

        Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
        the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
        retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
        first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant
        person."

        Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing
        ovation.



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Baking Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.

        Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
        going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
        church events . . .

        Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
        group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
        last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
        when she took it from the oven, the center had
        dropped flat.

        She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
        cake." So, she looked around the house for
        something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
        it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
        plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
        covered it with icing.

        The finished product looked beautiful, so she
        rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
        some money and instructions to be at the
        sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
        bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
        the attractive cake had already been sold.

        Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
        Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
        of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
        game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
        the cake in question was presented for dessert.

        Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
        to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
        but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
        ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

        Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
        (a prominent church member) say:

        "Why thank you; I baked it myself."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Indian Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
        Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
        many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.

        Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
        bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
        contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
        brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
        out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
        had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
        Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

        On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
        big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
        the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
        far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
        could award his daughter to Running Bear.

        On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
        and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
        bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
        7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
        Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.

        Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
        went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
        and still....Falling Rock did not return.

        It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
        Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
        There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever
        after.

        The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
        their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.

        And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...

        "Watch for Falling Rock".


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Baptist Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
        church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
        wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
        used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
        explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
        why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
        was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
        The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
        not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.

        "Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
        years and it isn't going to start now."

        The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't
        you?"

        "Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
        him when I learned that he drank wine."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Marriage Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
        month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter
        marry?"

        "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
        her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
        to dinner every night."

        "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

        "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
        spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out
        meals!"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Golf Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
        said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

        The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
        a wedge, THEN a putt.

        The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
        telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
        underestimate his game!

        Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

        He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
        yards off the front of the tee.

        Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
        heck of a putt..."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        "John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
        be married!"

        "That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
        on our honeymoon."

        ~~~~~~~~

        Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
        a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

        The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
        or so I think."

        "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
        coming up with an inexpensive evening."

        "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
        but that was all the money she had."




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
        family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
        his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
        fortune.

        One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
        had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

        "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
        years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

        Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

        Three days later, she became his stepmother.

        Women are so much better at estate planning than men.




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



        Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list

        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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