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Clean Chips For Thurs

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  • william brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Buf, I live out in Dafter, only a few miles from
    Message 1 of 356 , Feb 1, 2007
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.


      I live out in Dafter, only a few miles from you.....
      And I got tired of trying to keep can and lid together.
      I took a 2 foot piece of good rope, (like anchor rope), and drilled a hole
      in the lid handle, where you lift to take it off. (side to side hole), and
      threaded it thru there and also the handle on the can, and tied it together
      securely, and cut off, then melted the ends. and the can and lid stay
      together all the time.....no matter where the garbage man tosses the can
      upside down or the wind blows it, or the plow pushes it....they stay
      together...... HELP OUT????
      Gotta love livin in the UP of Mich.

      buffalo says.. Now rope there is an idea I can relate to and what navy
      man doesn't have a piece of nylon line laying around somewhere. Like
      Ray the wind has always proven to be a problem with trash cans too
      and we have taken to putting rocks on top of them to weight them down
      on the porch. For somewhere that has never seen a tornado or hurricane we
      get more than our fair share of 45 mph plus winds.
      Trash cans seem to have more aerodynamic lift than a hang glider
      and with a big hill and closely packed houses it is not unusual to find
      the can that was sitting on your front porch sitting in your neighbor's
      back yard after a wind storm.

      The cold weather has made the I-500 race track ice hard and fast
      with three machines turning in lap times of over 90 mph in the first
      day of time trials. Race day is Saturday with time trials, an old-timers
      race, and the children's race taking up the rest of the week. Come visit
      us if you can handle the cold and enjoy racing. Contrary to popular
      belief you don't need a passport to visit the Upper Peninsula.

      Enjoy the chips... buffalo


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      Irish Chips

      The Irish

      Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
      meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
      "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass
      every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey"

      Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

      Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
      Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he
      meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

      The man said, "I do, Father."

      The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

      Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
      Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the
      wall," said the priest.

      Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to

      O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

      The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you
      die you don't want to go to heaven?"

      O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
      together to go right now."
      Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic
      on a busy street crossing.

      The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians".
      Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times and Paddy
      still stood on the sidewalk.

      After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over
      to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
      Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the
      obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend,

      Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

      Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"



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      Super Bowl Chips

      The True Spirit of the Super Bowl

      A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he
      noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other
      side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

      "No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."

      "This is incredible," said the first man. "Who in their right mind would
      have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the
      world, and not use it?"

      The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
      supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the first
      Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

      " Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone
      else--a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

      The man shook his head. "No, they're all at her funeral."



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      HUNCHBACK: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.

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      HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at

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      the hunchback removes his t-shirt)

      DOCTOR: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?

      HUNCHBACK: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?

      DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your


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      Short Chips

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      Short Chips

      The roof of the chapel was leaking and the priest asked for volunteers
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      Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with
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      A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, "What's your
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      to the second drunk, and asks the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole,
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      'Hang on, Sisters,' spluttered Murphy. 'How can you condemn alcohol out
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      never tasted the stuff?'

      'Very well,' said Sister Marie. Till taste it just to prove my point.
      Obviously I can't go into the pub, so why don't you bring me some gin.
      Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup
      not a glass!'

      'OK,' said Murphy and into the bar he breezed.

      'I'll have a large gin,' he said to the barman. 'And can you put it in a

      'My God,' said the barman, 'that nun's not outside again is she?'


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      Dying Chips

      An old Irish man is lying in bed, very ill. His son is sitting at his
      bedside, expecting the end to come at any moment. The old man looks up
      at the boy and says, "Son, it's time for you to get me a Protestant

      The son is astounded. "But, Dad!" he protests, "You've been a good
      Catholic all you life! You're delirious. It's a priest ye be wanting
      now, not a minister."The old man looks up at him and says, "Son, please.
      It's me last request. Get a minister for me!" "But, Dad," cries the son,
      "Ye raised me a good Catholic. You've been a good Catholic all your
      life. Ye don't want a minister at a time like this!" The old man manages
      to croak out the words, "Son, if you respect me and love me as a father,
      you'll go out and get me a Protestant minister right now."

      The son relents and goes out and gets the minister. They come back to
      the house, and the minister goes upstairs and converts him. As the
      minister is leaving the house, he passes Father O'Malley coming quickly
      through the door. The minister stares solemnly into the eyes of the
      priest. "I'm afraid you're too late, Father," he says. "He's a
      Protestant now." Father O'Malley rushes up the steps and bursts into the
      old man's room. "Pat! Pat! Why did ye do it?" he cries. "You were such a
      good Catholic! We went to St. Mary's together! You were there when I
      performed my first mass! Why in the world would ye do such a thing like
      this?" "Well," the old man says as he looks up at his dear friend. "I
      figured if somebody had to go, it was better one of *them* than one of


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      Toon Chips

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      Suicide Chips

      The man was immaculately dressed. Kitted out more for the Ritz than the
      street. But in the street he lay dressed in black tail suit, patent
      leather shoes, top hat and bow tie, and very dead.

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      'Does anyone know the man?' said Muldoon.

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      'What religion is he?' asked the policeman. 'Catholic, Protestant,
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      'None at all,' said Quinn. 'He's an atheist!'

      'What a shame,' said Muldoon. 'All dressed up and nowhere to go!'


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      Parting Chips

      A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner Mom & Pop grocery
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      "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if
      you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill

      But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the
      counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out
      of washing his dog.

      About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The
      grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

      "Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.

      The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog
      died but added,

      "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog, remember?"

      "Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed

      "Oh? What was it then?"

      "The spin cycle!"


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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 879

      Home and Garden Show Continued

      Diana: I wonder where the kids are?

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      The herd in Guthrie


      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01

      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and i have the watch. With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a month.
      Message 356 of 356 , Jul 25, 2013
        My name is buffalo and i have the watch.

        With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut
        down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a
        month. That usually includes pizza once, McDonalds
        and Burger King once, and Taco Bell or Subway the
        other time. We no longer have a KFC as some
        employees were selling drugs out of there and when
        KFC found out they permanently pulled their franchise.
        Although I admire this action, that left us with only
        the supermarket deli chicken to fill that got to have
        some chicken right now urge and it isn't the same. It
        also doen't stop KFC from torturing you with the ads
        for new items like their boneless chicken and hot bites.
        Come on people spend your ad dollars where you have
        a store. Oh and we had two McDonald's up here but
        the one near the university wasn't doing well and
        when it closed they bulldozed it to the ground a short
        time after. What a waste of a building as it was only
        about 10-15 years old, and was Buffy's first job in high

        I misheard an announcement today about Taco Bell
        stopping their children's meal and toys and thought
        they had said McDonalds. When I mentioned it to
        Buffy, Eva went nuts as she usually controls where the
        fast food is coming from by what toys are being offered.
        I haven't told her yet that McDonald's plans on giving
        out more books with their Happy Meals which doesn't
        hurt my feelings one bit. books hurt your feet a lot less
        than plastic toys when you step on them in the dark
        and don't laugh at you or make rude comments.

        The actual announcement about McDonald's today was
        about the increase in sales at Wendy's beating out the
        growth at McDonald's. I sent Buffy to Wendy's last month
        as we hadn't been there in years and told her to bring me
        back burgers and fries from the dollar menu. My first
        question wa," Where's The Beef." The patty wasn't
        much larger than that in a White Castle burger. Also
        while we are on the subject of burger accessories,
        remember how McDonalds used to have the best fries?
        About a year ago BK brought out there new fries that
        are larger and don't go limp on you when you nuke them.
        The only problem is that they oversalt them in my opinion.
        I have pretty much put away the salt shakers around
        my dining area and the salt on a half dozen BK fries
        will put your BP up 20 points for the rest of the day, so
        have it your way and tell them easy on the salt or I'll
        call corporate on you.
        Enjoy the chips... buff


        Transylvania Chips

        Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near
        Transylvania . They drive in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
        It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of
        the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it,
        but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.. Moments later,
        Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger
        seat and sees Betty unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain
        and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
        He carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short
        while, he sees a light and heads towards it, which is coming from a large,
        old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A small, hunched man opens the
        door. Bob blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty.
        We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been Seriously hurt. Can
        I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't
        have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in, and I will get him." Bob
        brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my
        assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
        However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had some basic
        medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
        laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with
        Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
        collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an
        adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
        "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
        feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills'
        deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
        conservatory, which houses his grand piano. It is here that he has always
        found solace and he begins to play. A stirring, almost haunting melody fills
        the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
        movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to
        the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
        marking the beat. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up
        straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
        conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The
        Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

        Stan Kegel via Ted


        Beggar Chips

        Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
        One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
        Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
        the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

        The Pope comes by.
        He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds
        the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
        Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My
        poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is
        the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
        there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting
        beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give
        more money to him just out of spite."

        The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
        to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach
        the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"



        Funeral Chips

        An old Jewish man, Mr. Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the
        funeral. The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel. After
        many telephone calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town;
        he agrees to officiate at the funeral the next day. After chanting the
        "Kaddish" and "El Molay Rachamim" the rabbi begins his eulogy.

        "We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
        respected citizen and honored member of the community," Suddenly, an old
        man jumps up and says, "What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was
        a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own grandmother for fifty cents!

        "The rabbi decides to take another approach, "We are here to mourn the
        passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg, a patron of the synagogue and
        dedicated Talmudic scholar."

        Again the old man jumps up and says, "Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man
        hasn't been in a shul since his bar mitzvah!"

        Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, "We are here to mourn the passing of
        our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a loving husband and dedicated father." Once
        again the old man jumps up and says, "Rabbi, you obviously didn't know
        Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time
        to spend with his children!"

        At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "My
        friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of
        our neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own
        people? Surely, there is someone in this congregation who knew Mr.
        Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life."

        After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says,
        "His brother was worse!"


        Border Chips

        Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
        checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "Well now, it's
        illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".

        "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
        incredulously. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five

        "Ah no, you can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means
        four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
        the law."

        The Englishmen replies angrily, "You are an idiot! Call your supervisor
        over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

        "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's not available. He is busy with 2
        fellas in a Fiat Uno."


        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.


        Send A Smile Today

        The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem

        One Brave Little Dog

        Bobcat On A Cactus!


        School Chips

        On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
        The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
        fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
        candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
        the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted
        it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
        liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the
        boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?" "No," said
        the little boy............."It's a puppy!"



        Short Chips

        "I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the
        house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.

        I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers &
        one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.

        And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"


        Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture
        on the week's topic - the problems of dining out.

        She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and salad
        dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried.

        Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What
        is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"

        Replied one woman rather quickly......

        "Running into you!"


        My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday.

        A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

        "Oh....that," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

        "Gee, how come?" I asked.

        "Well..." he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."


        The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.

        "Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly
        overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the
        department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So...why
        don't you talk to her about it?"

        "Because...." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with


        Fishing Chips

        Two blondes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the
        reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
        cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

        The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same
        thing happens on the second day, and also on the third day. It goes on
        like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the
        blondes catches a fish.

        As they're driving home they're really depressed. One blonde turns to
        the other and says,

        "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
        hundred bucks?"

        The other blonde says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any



        Parting Chips

        An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked,
        much to the dismay of her
        colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.

        It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
        depressed and lying here on a
        railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally
        meet Allah."

        Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to
        be an appropriate response


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

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