Clean Chips For Tues
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Long ago I was a Sailor.
I sailed the Ocean blue.
I knew the bars in Singapore...
The coastline of Peru.
I knew well the sting of salt spray,
The taste of Spanish wine,
The beauty of the Orient...
Yes, all these things were mine.
But I wear a different hat now,
A tie and jacket too.
My sailing days were long ago...
With that life I am through.
But somewhere deep inside of me...
The sailor lives there still.
He longs to go to sea again,
But knows he never will.
My love, my life, is here at home,
And I will leave here never.
Though mind and body stay ashore...
My heart's at sea forever.
~Author, An Old Salt
buffalo says As you all know I love that poem..
Lovely weather outside, Everytime the humidity starts to drop, it rains
and drives the humidity back up again. Even in the heat we are getting
work done, Sandy painted out the bathroom and I cleaned another
truckload of junk out of the basement with the assistance of my nephew.
The main problem I am having with the humidity is getting the tobacco
dry enough to roll with my cigarette machine for the family smokers. I
had to nuke the stuff yesterday and that is tricky. A few seconds too
long and you can expose yourself to all the second hand smoke at once
instead of over the span of a day..
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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A young Rabbi, fresh out of a Brooklyn Yeshiva , thought it would help him
better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations
faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.
He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to
test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.
Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to disperse
an angry crowd?"
He thought for a moment and then said seriously , "I would take up a
.... writ by rubin
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Where To Live After Retirement
As we all know, sometimes we come face to face with the fact that it may be
time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are some tips.
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
MARY BETH, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds
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Florida Hurricane Season Notes
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
you're going to turn on the TV and see a
weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and
making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're
new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to
prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.'' Based
on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at
least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is
cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska. Unfortunately, if your home is located in
Florida, or any other area that might actually be
hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell
you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU
money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance
business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an
insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal
to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane George,
I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This
week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a
policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan
are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows,
all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap. The disadvantage is that,
because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you
get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you
get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use,
and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you
will have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows,
but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because
the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
"Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check
your yard for movable objects like barbecue
grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.. You should,
as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming
pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built
immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects
into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an
evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a
low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says ``Florida",
you live in a low-lying area.)
The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in
your home when a major storm hits. Instead,you will be trapped in a
gigantic traffic jam several miles from your
home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus,
you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of
supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait
until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into
vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
who went through Camille; after the hurricane,
there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by
turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers
stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally
important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise (a.k.a. "The
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Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office
and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard
an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward
Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the
avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was
able to light a fire.
Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team
was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling
from the cave and went to investigate. Poking his head into the
entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there?
It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the
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How to Drive your Wife Crazy
1. Start asking her questions (don't mistakenly do anything) about
cooking, cleaning and laundry. Say, I think its time I learn to take
care of myself. You know, just in case.
2. Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it's real greasy. Use every pot
and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop some of
3. While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush first at the sink and
then at the mirror.
4. Never ask her to get you something from the kitchen when she's in the
kitchen. Let her spend a good 30 minutes in there and when she reaches
the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you PLEASE do me a big favor
and get me a beer, my back is just killing me today."
5. Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues before you drop
them in the washing basket.
6. Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels, dishes, and everything
else you put your hands on. This will ensure you never lose your way.
7. Wait until she's overwhelmed with work and lean in close and say,
"Did you see how dusty the leaves on your house plants are?"
8. Put on a TV programm and them pretend to keep falling asleep. Wake up
each time she tries to change the channel and say, "Damn it, you know
how much I looked forward to watching this. Don't be so selfish."
9. Wait until she is totally engrossed in a movie then tell her
something is bugging you and you really need to talk about it. Be sure
it's as stupid, boring, and long winded as you can make it.
10. Wait until she's finally lost a few pounds on that diet. Start
having uncontrollable urges for her favorite sin foods. When she
repeatedly declines, stick it in her face anyway and say, "Oh stop it! A
little X isn't going to hurt you."
11. Continue until all weight is regained. Then ask, "Hey, you've been
on that diet a long time now, how much have you lost?"
12. Keep calling her at work to find out what time she plans to get home
and what she plans to make for dinner. Make sure you're just not in the
mood for whatever she's making.
13. When the opportunity arises be sure to cut the grass in your brand
new white trainers.
14. When you retrieve your clothes from the closet leave the hanger in
place and pull on the clothing until the hanger is mangled enough to
allow the article to slip off.
15. Tell her something for the first time and act shocked that she
didn't know about it. Pout and exclaim, "And you have the nerve to say
I never listen to YOU."
16. When you know she's grocery shopping, disappear! Come home just in
time to watch her carry the last bag in. Grab the receipt and say, "I'll
get the rest of it for you dear." Feign surprise when she says that's
it. End with, "This is all you got for how much?"
17. When ogling a woman say, "Sure she's gorgeous, but remember she's
young. I remember when you looked good too."
18. On the odd occasion you actually clean up a disgusting mess you
made, use the best towels in the house.
19. As your stomach grows just wear your pants lower and flop it over
the waistband. Then brag that unlike your wife, you still wear the same
size you did when you got married.
20. Wait until the night before you go on vacation and say, "Hon, you
know the underwear and socks you packed for me? Well the elastic is shot
and I need new ones."
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Old Man Dean, a miser and reprobate of some renown in the community,
at last suffered a health crisis and was rushed to hospital late one
evening. He lay unconscious through the night, but rallied at dawn and,
by and by, was well enough to receive visitors.
A local parson, hearing of Dean's misfortune and recalling that
at one time he had been a member of his congregation, determined to make
a call. After brief pleasantries were exchanged, the preacher began an
earnest appeal for the old boy to mend his ways and return to the flock.
He explained how the patient should be thankful that he was spared, and
at some length inquired if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes
during the incident.
"Don't be ridiculous," replied Dean, "the attack lasted only 6
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over 2 other female friends in addition to my fiancee, and you have to
try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay,
Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing! You're right, how did you know it was Amy the
The mother folds her arms across her chest and says, "I don't
Robinson Crusoe style, the shipwrecked golfer made the best of
his tiny island. When a cruise liner spotted his distress signals and
sent a boat to investigate, the landing party was amazed to find a crude
but recognizable nine-hole course which the castaway had played with
driftwood woods, whalebone and coral putter and balls carved out of
"Quite a layout," said the officer to in charge of the rescuers.
"Too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin-clad golfer
responded. Then he smiled slyly: "I am however, quite proud of the water
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Subscribers and Friends
Remembering Tina Marie
It's so Hot
VACATION IN HEAVEN
DARE TO DREAM
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Bootdisks Via Barry at Computer Tips and Tricks
Pat's Fall Graphics
F J Lawler Computer Services
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Politically correct terms for cat owners
- My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.
- My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.
- My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.
- My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.
- My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
- My cat does not yowl, he is singing off-key.
- My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.
- My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of
- My cat is not a bed hog, he is a mattress appreciator.
- My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.
- My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.
- My cat is not a lap fungus, he is bed selective.
- My cat is not a pest, she is attention deprived.
- My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.
- My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.
- My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced.
- My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate
- My cat is not lazy, he is motivationally challenged.
- My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination
(which should always be the food dish).
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At his request, each morning three-year-old Ray's
mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders
of his size two T-shirt.
Immediately in his young imaginative mind the towel
became a brilliant magic blue and red cape.
And he became Superman.
Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were
packed with adventure and daring escapades.
He was Superman.
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his
mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the
course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.
"Superman," he answered politely and without pause.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his
mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Ray answered, "Superman."
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or
maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her
eyes for a moment, then in a voice quite stern, said,
"I will have to have your real name for the records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher,
Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her,
and patting a corner of frayed towel at his shoulder,
answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy,
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For my grandmother Bessie's 80th birthday, we had a huge family
celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement
about her in the local paper.
"That was such a nice shot," I commented.
"It's only my passport picture," she revealed.
"Really?" I stared at my homebody grandma in complete
amazement. "So...Where did you go?"
She replied, "Walgreen's."
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Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously, when the
auctioneer receives a note from an assistant, and reads it aloud, "A
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returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room comes
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Sail Along With Me
Katie: Rudy want to go sailing with me?
Rudy: Sure thing Katie. It is hot. Let me change.
A little bit later....
Sandi: Can I come to?
Katie: You can watch.
Rudy: Where are we going? The lake is down there.
Katie grinning...: Just follow me.
They climb a hill and at the top of the hill is a strange craft.
Rudy: What the heck is that?
Katie: It is my glider. I made it in the laboratory and hauled it up
here last night.
Climb in the front seat Rudy and I will get in the back seat.
Rudy: There is no motor.
Katie: Right! We fly with the wind. I rigged up a ramp that should
propel us down a bit
and then shoot us up in the air. Then I will deftly guide us in the wind
currents and we
will glide for a while then land gently in yonder glen.
Sandi is looking at the sky with her front paws crossed....: Yeah, and I
Rudy: You are!
Sandi: It is a manner of speech.
Katie: Hrumpt! Sandi, would you be so kind as to give us a slight push?
Sandi: I am here to serve.
The glider goes down the ramp and does lift into the sky....
Rudy: Hey this is pretty cool Katie. How long can we stay up here?
Katie: In theory, as long as the wind is blowing.
Rudy: Wow, you are smart. Look here comes Sandi in her one man
It looks like she is trying to! say som ething.
Sandi: Get down immediately. There is a wall cloud coming with strong
Katie: Hah, the better to ride with.
Sandi lands her copter and runs off.
Rudy: Uh Katie, shouldn't we take Sandi's advice?
Katie: Never, I look death in the face a thousand times and say dash it
Rudy: Err, can you let me out first.
The winds hit......
Katie: Maybe I was a bit premature in my speech.
Rudy: I see the lake waters, they seem to be rushing at us rather fast
Katie: Good thing I made the plane from wood that floats, uh Mr Rudy.
are you looking at me like that....
The herd in Guthrie
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- My name is buffalo and I have the watch.
Sunday around brunch time Eva came into my room
and said Grandpa, It's a tomato morning. I figured
Sandy was fixing breakfast and then my TV started
beeping and thats's when I figured out Eva had actually
meant tornado warning. It wasn't that serious, though,
only severe thunderstorms and we didn't even get the
quarter sized hail but we did get plenty of wind and
buckets of rain and it kept on coming till about 0500.
I finally got to bed after the16 hour light show and then
it was time to go get bloodwork done. I called doctor's
office and told them I had done the tests and asked
them to call when they had the results and give me any
dosages that had been modified so I could take my pills.
While I was on the phone I noticed a lot of static which
isn't unusual as there are fiber optics in the neighborhood
connecting to 60 years of copper wire. I laid down to take
a nap and wait for the call and woke up at 1530 with
still no call so I called doctor's office and they had been
calling me all afternoon. The static was also causing the
modem to disconnect randomly.
On the good side though my meds are ok at least for
another week or so. Hope you are having a great week.
The man, trying to start up a conversation with another
man said, "WOW! Who is that incredibly ugly lady over there?"
The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"
Trying to get out of an embarassing situation, the first man
said, "No, not her, the other one!"
The second man said, "That's my daughter!"
The teacher, during an English lesson, asked her students: "Now tell
me, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
Little Johnny, in the back row, raised his hand.
"Yes, Johnny," said the teacher
A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2
servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500
calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per
Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric
intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds.
So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing
about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!
The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a
"little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk
the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was
sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate
was drunk today."
"Captain please don't let that stay in the log", the mate said. "This
could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."
"Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer.
"Yes, its true" the mate said.
"Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That's the rule. If its
true it goes into the log, end of discussion," said the captain sternly.
Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The
first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober
A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to
make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings
it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found
a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided
that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and
showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said,
"This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it
any more; they had to know who they had found. They called the police
and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and
we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
Dear Mr. Johnson:
Ann Landers wouldn't print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to
get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try
It's about my son, Billy. He's always been a good, normal 10 year old
boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp
We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with
swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire -- you know. There
were sports camps and specialty camps for weight reduction, music,
military camps and camps that specialized in Tibetan knot tying.
I tried to talk him into Camp Winnepoopoo. It's where he went last year.
Billy would have none of it. Billy pulled a brochure out of his pocket.
It was for a COMPUTER CAMP! We should have put our foot down right
there, if only we had known. He left three weeks ago.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED. He's changed. I can't explain it. See
These are some of my little Billy's letters:
Letter # 1
The kids are dorky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only
good part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time
to program, so they let us stay up. Love, Billy.
Letter # 2
Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle of the night. We all
get to choose what we want to drink. By the way, can you make Szechwan
food? I'm getting used to it now. Gotta go, it's time for the flowchart
class. Love, Billy.
P.S. This is written on a word processor. Pretty swell, huh? It's spell
Letter # 3
Don't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the glow
of the green computer screens. It was real neat. I don't have much of a
tan cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer
screen in the sunlight anyway. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us
weird food too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.
Letter # 4
I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough. I'm eating enough. This is the best camp
ever. We scared the counselor with some phony worm code. It was real
funny. He got mad and yelled. Can you send more money? I've got to chip
in on the phone bill. Did you know that you can talk to people on a
computer? Give my regards to Dad.
Letter # 5
Forget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay. Sorry I
haven't written. I've been learning a lot. I'm real good at getting onto
any computer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the
university's in less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five,
he's going to show me how. Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really
smart. He says that I shouldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.
Letter # 6
How nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset? I
haven't gained that much weight. The glasses aren't real. Everybody
wears them. I was trying to fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is
cool. I thought that you'd be proud of my program. After all, I've made
some money on it. A publisher is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway,
I've paid for the next six weeks of camp. I won't be home until late
Letter # 7
Stop treating me like a child. True -- physically I am only ten years
old. It was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try again.
Remember, I can make your life miserable (i.e. - the bank, credit
bureau, and government computers). I am not kidding. O.K.? I won't write
again and this is your only warning. The emotions of this interpersonal
communication drain me.
What can I do, Mr. Johnson?
See what I mean? It's been two weeks since I've heard from my little
boy. I know that it's probably too late to save my little Billy. But, if
by printing these letters you can save JUST ONE CHILD from a life of
programming, please, I beg of you to do so. Thank you very much.
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Animals on Trampolines Via Richard
I KNOW I'VE BEEN SEALED/PAGE BY MARLENE/GOSPEL
Scientists Unveil New Species!
This dummy knows his stuff
Before you watch it, do you know the answer to the question
"What is the Third Amendment? If not, you'll find out.
What Happens When A Washcloth is Wrung in Space?
Have you seen the latest dance craze? It's called "twerking." It's
drawn controversy since Miley Cyrus made it famous and now twins Terry
and Josie, 74, and their 82-year-old sister Mary are showing off their
"twerking" skills! The grannies say some inappropriate words, but what
the heck? They're fantastic!
*Grandpa and The Computer*
The computer swallowed Grandpa
Yes honestly, its true.
He pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It's devoured him completely
The thought just makes me squirm.
Maybe he's caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind.
I've even used the internet
But nothing could I find.
I asked Jeeves in desperation
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found online.
So, if someday in your 'In Box'
My Grandpa you should see.
Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' him
In an e-mail back to me.
Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men's
tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box.
The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely,
while passing some gas rather loudly in the process. No one commented.
She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just little gas as
she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short
She said, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?"
One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas!"
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller
delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare
to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this
Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined
at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced. A question
forced it's way out... she simply had to know.. She met the Fortune
Teller's gaze, tried to steady her voice and asked,
"Will I be acquitted?"
For some reason, wives tend to like this joke .
A difficult moral dilemma: you are on a plane headed for a tropical
vacation, and you crash. you and most of the other passengers end up on a
deserted island. The world thinks you perished in the sea. No one is coming
to rescue you. There is not enough coconut, fresh water, and fish to sustain
everyone. Among the survivors are an IRS agent, a DOJ lawyer, and an
assistant communications director from the administration. Which one do you
stir fry, which one do you barbecue, and which one goes into a
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783