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Clean Chips For Fri

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  • b brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Wow! You Have Got to see this! IT S ABOUT TIME WE
    Message 1 of 342 , Apr 1, 2005
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.


      Wow! You Have Got to see this!
      IT\'S ABOUT TIME WE GOT AN OFFER LIKE THIS ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!!

      Free Beer on internet!!

      Please do NOT forward this to very many people for a little while,
      because I\'m going to try to get several cases for myself (using
      different
      names)
      before they run out of Free beer!

      Yes, really! FREE BEER!!!!!

      There\'s an ad for Anheuser-Busch in the newspapers in Mexico, and they
      are having a beer promotion.

      If you fill-in the online form below they\'ll send you a complimentary
      (FREE) case of assorted domestic and imported beers - which is meant to
      introduce you to their products!

      Apparently they have this promotion going
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      If you haven\'t heard about this, jump on it!!!!!

      Check it out.....
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      Via Lynn

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Golf Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and
      arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael
      approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather
      than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped
      to ask a question.

      "Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf
      course you have here" he said to St. Peter.

      "That shouldn't matter to you." said St. Peter.

      "But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed "Well if I can't
      see it, then I'm not coming in!"

      "Very well Michael. As you wish...look through the gates." He looked and
      saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him
      sick to his stomach.

      "Forget it. There is no way in Hell I'm going to spend eternity playing
      on that course!"

      Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over the gate. "Come over
      here and see what I have to offer." Michael peers through the gate and
      he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has
      ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says "I want to play THAT course!"

      "Ok. Step on through and it's yours forever."

      St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the
      gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said "I
      can't wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with
      laughter. "Oh, there aren't any."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Church Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our
      church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven o'clock service.

      One Sunday, just as I was about to open the door to the small chapel,
      the minister came rushing up in full vestments. He said he had an
      emergency and asked if I'd speak to the children at their story time. He
      said the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm.

      But just as I was about to get up from the back row and talk about the
      good shepherd, the minister burst into the room and signaled to me that
      he would be able to do the story time after all.

      He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed
      lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the
      sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off
      and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed.

      He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they were
      the sheep and needed lots of guidance.

      Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic
      gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, "If you are the
      sheep then who is the shepherd?" He was pretty obviously indicating
      himself.

      A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said, "Jesus,
      Jesus is the shepherd."

      The young minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy,
      "Well, then, who am I?"

      The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug "I guess
      you must be a sheep dog."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Training Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to
      meet the inspector at the signal box.

      The inspector asked, "What would you do if you realized that two trains
      were heading for each other on the same track?"

      Billy Bob replied, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."

      "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.

      "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Billy Bob, "and I'd use
      the manual lever over there."

      "What if that had been struck by lightning?"

      "Then," Billy Bob continued, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone
      the next signal box."

      "What if the phone was busy?"

      "Well in that case," persevered Billy Bob, "I'd rush down out of the box
      and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."

      "What if that was vandalized?"

      "Oh, well then I'd run into town and go get my Uncle Lester."

      This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"

      Billy Bob answered, "Well, Uncle Lester ain't never seen a train wreck!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Golf Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Q. Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank
      than at the Blood Bank?
      A. Sperm is handmade.
      Q. What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
      A. A sex-change operation.
      Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
      A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors,
      and half the time they don't work.
      Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
      A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between
      his neck and the noose.
      Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
      A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle. Q. How
      do men exercise on the beach? A. By sucking in their stomachs every time
      they see a bikini. Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? A.
      Make him wear shoes.

      Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
      A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
      Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
      A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
      Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
      A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
      Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
      A. Any place without a drive-up window.
      Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
      A. Trustworthy.
      Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end
      of a man's penis?
      A. His body.

      Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
      A. A power failure.
      Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
      A. A woman to show him how to work it.
      Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
      A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
      Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
      A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
      Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
      A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
      Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
      A. Sex.

      Q. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
      A. Telling you his real name.
      Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
      A. Put the remote control between his toes.
      Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? A. Big
      Foot's been spotted a several times. Q. What's the smartest thing a man
      can say? A. "My wife says..." Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease? A.
      Because they're all pigs. Q. Why do men like smart women? A. Opposites
      attract.

      Q. Why do men name their penises?
      A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger
      make 90% of their decisions.
      Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
      A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
      Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
      A. Because it helps them remember which end
      they need to wipe.
      Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
      A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

      mp3


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      April Fool's Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      The Internet shut down is from noon to 1 PM EST.
      Check your mail before that, and don't send any mail
      within 10 minutes of the scheduled shut down time.
      Get off the net at least 3 minutes before the shut down,
      just in case it is a nasty one in your area.

      There is no need to shut off your computer, just get off
      the net a few minutes before the Internet shut-down,
      and try not to be the first to get back on at 1 PM.

      That downtime might be a good time to call your local
      cop station if you are interested in any of the stuff they
      have in their Lost-and-Found shed. Today is the day they
      clean out the Lost-and-Found to make room for another
      year's worth of abandoned bicycles, umbrellas, cameras,
      hats, flat tires, car jacks, milk crates, snowboards, skis
      and assorted stuff that fell off vehicles and was found on
      the highway. If you don't need the stuff, you can always
      sell it on e-bay.

      Dianne



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Random Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      After his attorney's motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court
      John spoke up,

      "Your Honor," he said, "What would you do if I called you a stupid,
      degenerate, old fool!"

      The Judge really angered, revered,

      "I would hold you in contempt of Court and see to have you put in jail
      for the longest time allowed by law!"

      Quickly thinking, John's shocked attorney, asked,

      "What if he only 'thought' it, Your Honor?"

      "In that case, there is nothing I could do, he has the right to think
      whatever he wishes." replied the Judge.

      "Oh I see," said john, "then, if it pleases the court, let the record
      reflect that I 'think' you're a stupid, degenerate, old fool!"

      -----------------

      Daffynitions Not Found in Webster's. . . .

      Secret: what we tell everyone not to tell anyone.

      Hospital: where you might wind up if you get run down.

      Nudist: a person who is never clothes-minded.

      Twins: womb-mates.

      Tension: what the sergeant shouts to the troops.

      Bargain Basement: a place where what you seize is what you get.

      Zinc: what you do if you can't zwim.

      Paralyze: a couple of fibs.

      Bacteria: rear entrance to a cafeteria.

      Seamstress: a real material girl.

      Diploma: the person you call when your toilet backs up.

      Operetta: an employee of the phone company.

      Calculator: a product you can count on.

      Microwave: a head full of tiny curls.

      Jail cell: a bar room.

      Golf cart: a vehicle with a fore cylinder engine.

      Minister: a man who is the soul support of his family.

      Cashew: the noise a nut makes when it sneezes.

      Stupendous: advanced stupidity.

      Hurricane: what Abel said to his brother when he was late for school..

      -----------------

      My wife's as cold as marble......she says I take her for granite.

      My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.....
      for most of their mrried life they fought tooth and nail.

      I used to run a doughnut shop but I got tired of the hole business.


      Rita


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Dog Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Mrs Gumbo was backing out of her driveway when she heard a sickening
      'thump'. She stopped the car in a panic and rushed out to see what had
      happened. There, at the end of the driveway, was a small dog lying on
      its side. It was dead. (okay, everybody....'Awwwwwww!)

      Mrs Gumbo felt just awful. She knew it was her neighbor's dog. Looking
      very worried, she climbed the front staris of her neighbor's house and
      knocked on the door. She waited for a couple of minutes. Finally, a man
      answered.

      "I'm soooo sorry," Mrs Gumbo said "I was backing out of my driveway just
      a few minutes ago when I heard a 'thump'. I got out of my car to see
      what had happened. Your dog was lying dead at the end of the driveway.
      I'm afraid that I ran over her and I feel just terrible about it. I
      *insist* on replacing her!"

      The man paused and then said. . .

      "Okay, well, I guess *you* can bring me my slippers and newspaper
      tomorrow morning then."


      Rita

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Java Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The Java Psalm. . .


      Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
      It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
      It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
      It restoreth my buzz:
      It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.

      Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will
      fear no Equal(tm): For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar, they
      comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The
      Starbucks; Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.

      Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life, and I
      will dwell in the House of Mocha forever.


      Rita


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      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      The small girl had recently received a new watch and
      some perfume, which she was very excited about. Their
      family asked the pastor over for dinner. The girl wanted
      so badly to tell the pastor about her new gifts, but her
      mother insisted she wait until after dinner and not
      interrupt at meal time.

      Not able to contain her excitement, and not wanting to
      disobey, the little girl leaned over to the pastor during dinner and
      whispered, "If you hear a little noise and smell something, it's me!"

      Patricia

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      My friend`s 5 year old daughter, Rose, was playing with her 14 year old
      cousin, Sarah, upstairs. Rose came down to make some cookies.
      "Where's Sarah," my friend asked, "isn't she going to help you
      bake cookies?"
      "Oh, Sarah can't come down right now," Rose replied, "she
      doesn't feel very well."
      "Really, what's the matter with her?"
      Rose looked very serious and said, "she'll be okay, she's just
      got her pyramid


      Patricia


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 252

      Thunder and Lightening

      Sandi: Looks like rain Dad.

      BJ: Yep, we had better head for the house. We might get some
      lightening to.

      Rudy: Look over there, Katie is still flying her kite.

      BJ: Katie, you had better get in the house before the storm gets much
      closer.

      The rain starts and true to form the lightening and thunder are close
      by.

      Rudy: Come on Katie, let's go.

      Katie: I want my kite to go a little higher then I will go in. I want
      it to go a mile high.

      Rudy: Well I will stay here with you. Darn I am getting drenched. I
      think the kite is getting too heavy to stay in the air. Watch out for
      that lightening bolt!

      C R A S H !!! B O O M!!!!

      Rudy: Wow Katie, I never seen you with an afro before. At least the
      rain is stopping the smoke coming from your hair.

      Katie: I think I should get you home before you get into trouble Rudy.

      Rudy: Good grief!

      The herd in Guthrie

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
    • William Brabant
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Hello, Everyone. After a week of worrying and
      Message 342 of 342 , Dec 11, 2009
        Clean Clean

        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

        Hello, Everyone.

        After a week of worrying and trying to get Yahoo's servers to
        work properly, their engineers have reestablished service to
        all of the readers of the chips It is easy to point at a problem
        and ask to have it fixed, it is another thing to find it in a jungle
        of servers with a 100 million users. As a personal point it
        made me feel good to see all of you actually notice that I wasn't
        arriving every morning.

        I have a doctor's appointment this morning and he probably isn't
        happy with me. It has been about 75 days since I was in their last
        and he wanted to see me after 6 weeks which was a stretch even
        then.

        Yep he was unhappy and is dreaming up all sorts of tests to put me
        through including that miserable chemical stress test again and this

        is all over the minute amount of blood in my urine. I lose less that
        way
        than from all the blood test they take over a year but they never
        worry
        about that and judging by the number of checks on the lab order
        for next Monday they will probably will be taking a pint or so heh
        heh.
        Then I am scheduled for an ultrasound of my kidneys right before
        Christmas which isn't bad and then an IVP after that. If I remember
        correctly you had to drink a couple bottles of Yuck before that one
        and then a trip through the cat scan. I feel better than I have
        since
        the plant closure and that's what worries me. When I was in the Navy
        they converted from black oil to something similar to fuel oil. It
        had
        less lubricating ability than the old stuff and the fuel pumps
        failed
        several times a year except for one. It had run for five years
        without
        failure and when we went into overhaul we had to tear it down for an

        inspection. When they opened the pump the bearings fell apart and
        the pump had to be replaced. Sometimes I feel like if they do too
        much poking and prodding I might fall apart too.

        Enjoy the chips... buffalo

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Medicine Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The Top Signs It's Time to Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet

        [From Ruminations Top Five]

        "For refill, ring KLondike 6-4-3."

        The leeches look like they might have turned.

        Funny, you don't *remember* being prescribed mouse turds.

        The dim glow from the bathroom is keeping you awake --
        but you don't have a night-light.

        A tiny cockroach rehab clinic has been set up between
        the aftershave and the aspirin.

        Why keep that Preparation H? It was the worst-tasting toothpaste
        EVER.

        The drill bit you use to let the "bad ayre" out of your
        skull can't be sharpened.

        Your nosy neighbors leave the bathroom saying, "Don't
        touch me."

        The Brylcream can go -- the last time you ran your
        fingers through your hair was when you cleaned out the drain.

        There's a skeleton on the other side with a note saying,
        "Hi, Guy!"

        and the Number 1 Sign It's Time to Clean Out Your Medicine
        Cabinet...

        Was there ever really a "Preparation A?"

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

        Which Christmas Song Are You?
        http://tinyurl.com/yfhczel

        Boxhead Zombie Wars
        http://tinyurl.com/d5xh43

        Dreams: A Difference Adventure
        http://tinyurl.com/y9k8jho

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        School Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        School Best Sellers


        Walking To School The First Day Back - by Misty Bus

        The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me - by I. Rhoda Bike

        Can't See The Chalkboard - by Sidney Backrow

        Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School - by Major
        Crackupp

        What I Dislike About Returning To School - by Mona Lott

        Making It Through The First Week Of School - by Gladys Saturday

        Is Life Over When Summer Ends? - by Midas Welbee

        What I Love About Returning To School - by I.M. Kidding

        Will Jimmy Finally Graduate? - by I. Betty Wont

        What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School - by U. Will
        Gettitt

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Get Strong, Sculpted Arms and Shoulders

        The Shake Weight is the revolutionary new way to shape and tone your
        arms, and it is designed specifically for women. Scientific studies
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
        "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he
        snapped. "Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?"

        Little Johnny shouted, "Okay---you start."

        ~~~~

        Then there was the blonde who had trouble filling out a job
        application
        form.
        Where it said, "Married," she wrote "twice"; where it said,
        "Children," she wrote, "No, both were men." ......

        ~~~

        The weather today was fantastic! At work today we went outside and
        played basketball. Just as we were about out of time, I got the ball
        to
        take the winning shot, but I missed. One of my teammates demanded to
        know why I had missed such an easy shot. "I sprained my ankle," I
        told
        him. "That's a lame excuse," he replied.

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Dazzle Friends and Amaze Family with Himalayan Chinese Flower Tea!
        The Tea Bud Blooms into a Beautiful Flower when hot water is poured
        over it.
        Everyone Loves to Watch the Tea Bud Bloom!
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        Bonus 2 FREE cool to the touch Tea Cups

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        I was checking out at the busy Super Market, and the cashier was
        having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner
        malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins.
        When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe

        her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure." Still frazzled,
        she
        glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."

        A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he waits to get the
        bartender's
        attention, a regular sitting next to him calls out, "I'll have
        another
        waterloo." The bartender gives the regular a tall ice cold drink and

        asks the newcomer what he would like. The thirsty man points to the

        man next to him and says, "That looks great! I'll have what he's
        having, a waterloo." So the bartender brings the newcomer a tall ice

        cold drink. The man takes a long deep drink and calls out, "HEY!
        This
        isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The regular bar patron
        sitting next to him says, "It is water, buddy. That's all I drink,"
        He
        turns to the bartender and says, "Right Lou?"

        A tramp put the finger on a banker as he was coming out of his
        office.
        "How about buying me a coffee?" he asked. "Here," the banker said.
        "Here's $5.00. Go buy yourself several cups of coffee." The next
        day,
        as the banker was coming out of his office again, the same tramp
        came
        up and punched him in the nose. Darn near knocked his lights out!!
        "Hey," yelled the banker, "is that any way to treat me after I gave

        you five dollars?" "You and your lousy cups of coffee you bought
        me,"
        the tramp snarled, punching him in the nose again. "They kept me
        awake
        all night!"

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Fun Slides Carpet Skates

        Wherever there's carpet, blast off with Fun Slides. They let you
        have fun while getting exercise indoors. Because they're one size
        fits all and loved by kids of all ages, they make a great gift. Fun
        Slides come in six fun colors.

        Buy one pair and we'll throw in a second pair at no charge.


        View Web Version

        http://buffaloschips.com/slides


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Chainsaw Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A hillbilly is looking around a big hardware store
        when he sees a display of chain saws with a sign
        guaranteeing that this model of chain saw can cut
        twenty cords of firewood in a day. He motions to
        a salesman.

        'Can I help you, sir?'

        'This here chainsaw, kin it rully cut twenny cords o'wood in a day?'

        'Yes, sir, that's the guarantee. Twenty cords of wood or you get
        your money back.'

        'Yer joshin' me. Twenny cords o'farrwood? Ah don't blieve it!'

        'No, sir, it's true! Guaranteed.'

        'Wull, Ah'll trah one but ah still don't blieve it!'

        He buys the saw. He returns not the next day but the
        day after that. He seeks out the same salesman and
        confronts him with the slightly-used saw.
        '
        You lahr!' he says, 'You lah laka dawg! You sayed
        this here chainsawr'd cut twenny cords o'wood in a
        day! I got up yestiddy at the crack o'dawn 'n'I cut
        'n' cut 'n' cut all day! I didn't stop till it wuz
        dork! 'N'I couldn't cut moren' six cords o'farrwood
        t'save mah lahf! Now whattya say about that?'

        The salesman looked perplexed. 'Gee,' he said, 'maybe
        you got a bad one. Let's try it.' He takes the saw,
        pumps the primer a few times, and pulls the cord to
        start it up.

        The hillbilly's eyes get wide with surprise. 'Gawd
        a-mighty!' he shouts, 'What's that racket?'



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
        any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
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        a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
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        Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
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        lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.


        http://buffaloschips.com/tush

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Dog Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis
        balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss.
        He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon,
        it was to be different. Trouser's owners were walking him along a
        trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man
        all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was
        gesturing annoyingly at Trouser's masters. This strange person spoke
        not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box
        and that he was pulling on a long rope. Seeing the sheer horror on
        his masters' faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the
        situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this
        annoying pseudo clown's leg. Trouser immediately got a sickened look
        in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue
        all over the ground in an effort to remove the man's foul essence
        from his mouth. For Trouser had learned that a mime is a terrible
        thing to taste.


        Stan Kegel

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
        Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
        this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
        ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.

        Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.

        As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.


        View Web Version

        http://buffaloschips.com/ceram

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        LynnLynn's Links
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
        e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
        Subscribers and Friends

        Melva/The Joy Of Christmas
        http://silverandgoldandthee.net/C/Joy.html

        Carolyn w/I Tan't Wait Till Quithmuth Day~ Mel Blanc
        http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/quithmuthday.html

        John w/ Silent Night
        http://heavens-gates.com/silentnight/

        Amazing Grace
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazinggrace.html

        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


        Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.

        Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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        seen in over 50 years.

        And here's everything they don't want you to know...

        http://buffaloschips.com/scoop


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Surfin Surfari

        Redneck Playstation via Wesley
        http://tinyurl.com/cplms

        NOAA's National Weather Service - Graphical Forecast Via Dianne
        http://www.weather.gov/forecasts/graphical/sectors/

        Ugly Christmas Lights
        http://www.uglychristmaslights.com/

        Snowman Name
        http://www.quizopolis.com/snowman-name.php


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


        Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
        have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
        especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
        because I think it's just the right thing to do.


        Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
        going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
        minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
        that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
        and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
        you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
        advantage of this:

        As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
        Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
        morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.


        Press here to get your copy:

        http://buffaloschips.com/kit



        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

        7-Zip
        http://download.cnet.com/7-Zip/3000-2250_4-10045185.html

        Guard Your Online Privacy With TrackerWatcher Firefox Addon Via
        Wesley
        http://tinyurl.com/ychtjf5

        French army sides with Mozilla in Microsoft email war Via Wesley
        http://tinyurl.com/yh9nstn


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


        Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
        on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
        man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!

        Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
        ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
        now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.


        PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
        date:

        http://buffaloschips.com/date


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Animal World

        Doggie Zone Via Dianne
        http://www.pupforum.com/pics/browse.cfm

        Wild Macaws
        http://freespace.virgin.net/susanarmitage/macaws.htm

        Winter Hummingbirds of Southwest Louisiana
        http://members.cox.net/wdpatton/

        World of Birding
        http://www.worldbirdingcenter.org/


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
        documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
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        Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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        R/D.

        You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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        you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
        other people have deleted from your computer.

        Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
        files you want to recover.

        Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:

        http://buffaloschips.com/restore


        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Here is some more information about this new way to watch
        television:

        1) All of the programming is uncensored!

        2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
        And new channels are added every day!

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        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

        Movie Links

        The Mom Song
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/jadljhda.htm

        Tolerant Cat
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsksd.htm

        Uncle Jay
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/dskjskj.htm

        Walk-in Closet
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/jsksdjk.htm

        Who Needs Pockets
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdjkjsdk.htm


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Bee Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how
        things
        were going. "Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been

        really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I
        can't
        make any honey." "No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down
        five
        blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's
        a
        Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and
        fruit." "Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away.
        A
        few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first
        bee
        asked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was
        everything
        you said it would be." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked
        the
        first bee. "That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want

        them to think I was a wasp."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching


        Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
        eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
        reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
        Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.

        Get two for the price of one when you order today.

        Order now
        View Web Version

        http://buffaloschips.com/wind

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Toon Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Cloud Cyclone Graham 02
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/klkj4l3lk.htm

        Cloud Fire_Starter
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/;l;65l4.htm

        Cloud Melhorfotov2003
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/;l2;l1.htm

        Cloud Shark
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/kl34.htm

        Clown
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/k546k.htm

        Clown2
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/l43k;5lk34.htm


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
        you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
        vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
        lightweight binoculars include features such as:

        Wide-angle viewing
        Shatterproof lenses
        Soft rubber eye cups
        Comfort neck strap
        Center focusing wheel

        http://buffaloschips.com/optics

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Christmas Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
        They both drop their needles

        Why couldn't the butterfly go to the fancy Chistmas dance?
        It was a moth ball!

        Where does Santa go swimming?
        The North Pool!

        What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the sand?
        Sandy Claws

        I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas
        tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked,
        "What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and
        said, "What do you mean? It's a cartridge in a bare tree."

        Stan Kegel

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
        Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
        surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.

        Your package includes:
        Durable Base with built in catnip
        Cute, playful kitty toy
        Packet of catnip
        Bonus De-shedder

        Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
        Gift absolutely FREE!

        http://buffaloschips.com/emery


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Customer: "My computer crashed!"

        Tech Support: "It crashed?"

        Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

        Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

        Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."

        Tech Support: "Huh?"

        Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed
        my
        Spaceship and now it doesn't work."

        Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

        Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Stop your Back Pain!
        Backjoy will change the way you sit and change your life

        FREE * 30-day trial
        Bonus Free travel satchel PLUS stretch & strengthen DVD with order

        Backjoy is lightweight and portable
        -Perfect for people who sit on the job
        -Good for sporting events
        -Patent-pending ergonomic design
        -Works on any chair
        -Lifetime Warranty!


        Relieves Symptoms associated with
        Neck, Shoulder & Back Pain,
        Spinal Injury, Chronic Sciatica, and Pinched Nerves
        Bulging & Slipped Discs and Muscle Soreness
        Pregnancy too!

        http://buffaloschips.com/backpa




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Bonus Chip
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks
        while gambling, the big, high- class casinos are now equipped with
        sophisticated defibrillators.

        They are computer controlled to deliver the exact electric shock
        needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you're at a big,
        high-class casino.

        At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the
        carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.


        Sue


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        The SlipOver - Dual Sided Slipcover - As Seen on TV

        Make your old, ugly beat-up sofa look BRAND NEW
        With Slipover, the Only Reversible Slipcover!
        Get 2 Matching Reversible Pillow Covers FREE*
        Plus a FREE* Add-On Organizer- so you will never lose your remote
        again!

        One-piece universal fit
        Comfy, cozy fabric
        Machine washable, won't shrink or fade
        Patent-pending design
        Easy care fabric that's stain resistant!

        http://buffaloschips.com/slip

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Katie's Komfort Kolumn
        Vol 1736

        Dancing With Wolfstien

        After a day of being cooped up in the house for the dogs, they are
        ready to play. After a day of working at the office dad is ready
        to take
        it easy... something must give... Dad has to give. It is like
        coming home
        to three four year olds high on caffeine.

        BJ gets out of his car, Diana opens the house door and three dogs
        are
        unleashed...

        BJ: Hi guys...!

        Katie: FATHER!!!

        As she leaps forward and crashes into BJ sending BJ backwards...

        BJ: Hey slow down there girl.

        Katie: Sorry father, but I am just so excited...

        Then Rudy who is three times the size of Katie comes barreling in.

        Thud!!!

        BJ: Gasp!! Down Rudy... Down!

        Rudy: Aw shucks Dad...

        BJ: You called me Dad...

        Rudy: Did not..

        Sandi: Hi Daddy! (As she jumps up almost to eye level), Let's play.

        BJ: How can I not. Let's go running around the yard!

        Yay!!!

        Diana watches from the door as the four kids go playing... BJ throws
        a stick, the dogs chase it, then chase BJ,,, BJ chases the dog..and
        on
        and on it goes.

        The herd in Guthrie

        (as bad as it is to leave the dogs in the morning, it is pure Heaven
        to
        come home at night)

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



        Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783







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