Clean Chips For Thurs
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is April Fool's Day. It is a time of pranks and jokes and when
you work in a place like a fireroom or a flywheel factory it is just
the other 365 days of the year. Everyone likes to laugh and play a
practical joke every once and a while but my brother Ron took it to
new heights. We were making a ring out of heat treatable steel that
eventually would become a gear in an Allison transmission. Allison
was very picky about the material they were shipped and would refuse
a whole truckload over one bad part. The weld on the ring had to be
ground flush right from the welder and it was a hot and time consuming
job that was considered to be one of the worse assignments in the plant.
We did all the grinding with Black and Decker grinders and usually
went through four or five a day. I would gather them all up and
the good parts back into useable grinders and put them back on the floor
with a notch in the handle showing that it had been rebuilt. I was proud
that I was saving the company hundreds of dollars per grinder as many
had four or five notches in the handle.
One morning the foreman came up to me and told me the last batch of
grinders I had rebuilt were " crap " and that brother Ron had burnt up
that morning and Ron was upset that it was slowing up the number of
he was able to turn out as he had to find the foreman and get another
grinder. I decided I had better check this out and ducking behind
I managed to get within ten feet of Ron without him noticing. I watched
took a rebuilt grinder he had gotten only minutes before from the
and clamped the grinding wheel into the vice that normally held the ring
for grinding. He then held the trigger on the grinder, and unable to
it overheated and smoke started to pour out of it. About that time I
up behind him and kicked him in the butt with a size 12 steel toed boot
thereby informing him that the game was over and he didn't even give me
the usual innocent, " What was that for?"
Keep an eye out for pranksters out there and enjoy the chips.......
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John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic
neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a
on his grill.
Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.
This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the
men got together and decided that something had to be done about John,
tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it
They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over
talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his
and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled
water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a
and now you are a Catholic."
The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was
The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent
and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to
tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.
The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON?
They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to
he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?
The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill
small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on
grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you
Tips For Snowbirds Moving South
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use
If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You
have a 75% chance of being right.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay
the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of
four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is
they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at the movie store.
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is
There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent,
unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
People walk slower here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol'
boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect
this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last
of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of
way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do.
fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license
you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's
windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most
minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store,
just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it
to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical
in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and
therefore, be displayed.
Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common.
either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees
Southerners living there.
In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and
You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud",
"Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly
the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model
vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane
for the vehicle.
You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the
positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to
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One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her
secrets for preparing perfect sauces.
When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said,
"Don't forget to use wooden spoons."
As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of
wooden spoon, and decided it must have something to do with heat
I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory.
"Why wooden spoons?" I asked.
"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to twenty-three
metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'll go nuts."
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A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new
is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on
a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he
business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do
make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make
$300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and
"Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the
and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
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1. Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out
which side to spit on.
2. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
3. What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement?
4. What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?
5. What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
6. What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
7. What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito? One is
bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Subscribers and Friends
Happy Birthday Carol aka InLace
April Fool's Day- History, Traditions, andFoolishness
APRIL FOOLS DAY N.Y. Parade
Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time
Great news! Easter is Sunday April 11th. In honor of the Easter season,
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Carla's Aprils Fools Day Page
Allrecipes | Advice | Easter Menu
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
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When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning"
all of us.
When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen."
He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good
morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and
their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the
instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put
their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors.
"And when you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's
Considering starting a home day care center in the United States
making an income while staying home and caring for your own children
Considering running a day care at a church or other outside facility
to take your knowledge and skills of working with children and applying
to your own business Ready to make a leap from your current baby-sitting
service to a full-time day care business
Oh What A Feeling
Front - Back The Beach?
It's A Hold Up! http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny743.html
A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to take
three-month trip to the Holy Land at my expense. When you come back,
have a surprise for you". The vicar accepted the offer, and he and his
went off to the Middle East.
Three months later they returned home and were met by the wealthy
parishioner, who told them that while they were gone, he had had a new
church built. "It's the finest building money can buy, vicar," said the
"No expense was spared." And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice
outside and in.
But there was one striking difference. There was only one pew, and it
the very back. "A church with only one pew?" asked the vicar.
"You just wait until Sunday," the rich man said.
When the time came for the Sunday service, the early arrivals entered
church, filed onto the one pew and sat down. When the pew was full, a
clicked silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt moved and,
automatically, the rear pew began to move forward. When it reached the
of the church, it came to a stop. At the same time, another empty pew
up from below at the back and more people sat down. And so it continued,
pews filling and moving forwards until finally the church was full, from
front to back.
"Wonderful!" said the vicar, "Marvelous!"
The service began, and the vicar started to preach his sermon. He
into his text and, when 12 o'clock came, he was still going strong, with
end in sight. Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor behind
pulpit dropped open.
"Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"
If you own a dog or puppy, you need this information. The information
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It doesn't matter if you own an old dog or a young one, the information
in some cases, shocking! You'll be saving time and money, avoiding
and disastrous situations, and learning secrets other people only wish
knew. Here are a few things I discuss that will start getting your dog
listen to you, immediately.
As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard
ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities
sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six
months. One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another
crucial aspect of my job. I was trailing a frazzled mother with two
children, and I watched as she stalked over to where her young son had
perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off
right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"
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Ole wasn't looking where he was going & his shopping cart collided with
Bill's, as he turned a corner at the local Wal Mart. Ole says to Bill,
"Vhoops! I'm sorry, but I was yust lewkin' fer my vife." "Vhat a
coincidence," says the Bill, "so am I, and I'm gittin' more den a little
Ole: "Vell, maybe I can help yew. Vhat duss yer vife lewk like?"
Bill: "Vell, she's tall, slender, with long, blond hair, blue eyes, long
legs, curly eye lashes, & a great smile. Vhat duss yer vife lewk like?"
Ole: "Neffer yew mind about dat, let's yust say we yust lewk for yers!"
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Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
- My name is buffalo and i have the watch.
With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut
down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a
month. That usually includes pizza once, McDonalds
and Burger King once, and Taco Bell or Subway the
other time. We no longer have a KFC as some
employees were selling drugs out of there and when
KFC found out they permanently pulled their franchise.
Although I admire this action, that left us with only
the supermarket deli chicken to fill that got to have
some chicken right now urge and it isn't the same. It
also doen't stop KFC from torturing you with the ads
for new items like their boneless chicken and hot bites.
Come on people spend your ad dollars where you have
a store. Oh and we had two McDonald's up here but
the one near the university wasn't doing well and
when it closed they bulldozed it to the ground a short
time after. What a waste of a building as it was only
about 10-15 years old, and was Buffy's first job in high
I misheard an announcement today about Taco Bell
stopping their children's meal and toys and thought
they had said McDonalds. When I mentioned it to
Buffy, Eva went nuts as she usually controls where the
fast food is coming from by what toys are being offered.
I haven't told her yet that McDonald's plans on giving
out more books with their Happy Meals which doesn't
hurt my feelings one bit. books hurt your feet a lot less
than plastic toys when you step on them in the dark
and don't laugh at you or make rude comments.
The actual announcement about McDonald's today was
about the increase in sales at Wendy's beating out the
growth at McDonald's. I sent Buffy to Wendy's last month
as we hadn't been there in years and told her to bring me
back burgers and fries from the dollar menu. My first
question wa," Where's The Beef." The patty wasn't
much larger than that in a White Castle burger. Also
while we are on the subject of burger accessories,
remember how McDonalds used to have the best fries?
About a year ago BK brought out there new fries that
are larger and don't go limp on you when you nuke them.
The only problem is that they oversalt them in my opinion.
I have pretty much put away the salt shakers around
my dining area and the salt on a half dozen BK fries
will put your BP up 20 points for the rest of the day, so
have it your way and tell them easy on the salt or I'll
call corporate on you.
Enjoy the chips... buff
Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near
Transylvania . They drive in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of
the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it,
but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.. Moments later,
Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger
seat and sees Betty unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain
and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
He carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short
while, he sees a light and heads towards it, which is coming from a large,
old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A small, hunched man opens the
door. Bob blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty.
We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been Seriously hurt. Can
I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't
have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in, and I will get him." Bob
brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my
assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had some basic
medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with
Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an
adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
"Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills'
deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
conservatory, which houses his grand piano. It is here that he has always
found solace and he begins to play. A stirring, almost haunting melody fills
the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to
the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
marking the beat. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up
straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The
Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
Stan Kegel via Ted
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by.
He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds
the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My
poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is
the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting
beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give
more money to him just out of spite."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach
the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
An old Jewish man, Mr. Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the
funeral. The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel. After
many telephone calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town;
he agrees to officiate at the funeral the next day. After chanting the
"Kaddish" and "El Molay Rachamim" the rabbi begins his eulogy.
"We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
respected citizen and honored member of the community," Suddenly, an old
man jumps up and says, "What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was
a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own grandmother for fifty cents!
"The rabbi decides to take another approach, "We are here to mourn the
passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg, a patron of the synagogue and
dedicated Talmudic scholar."
Again the old man jumps up and says, "Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man
hasn't been in a shul since his bar mitzvah!"
Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, "We are here to mourn the passing of
our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a loving husband and dedicated father." Once
again the old man jumps up and says, "Rabbi, you obviously didn't know
Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time
to spend with his children!"
At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "My
friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of
our neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own
people? Surely, there is someone in this congregation who knew Mr.
Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life."
After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says,
"His brother was worse!"
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "Well now, it's
illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
incredulously. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
"Ah no, you can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means
four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You are an idiot! Call your supervisor
over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's not available. He is busy with 2
fellas in a Fiat Uno."
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Send A Smile Today
The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem
One Brave Little Dog
Bobcat On A Cactus!
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted
it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the
boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?" "No," said
the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
"I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the
house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.
I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers &
one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.
And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"
Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture
on the week's topic - the problems of dining out.
She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and salad
dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried.
Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What
is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"
Replied one woman rather quickly......
"Running into you!"
My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh....that," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"Gee, how come?" I asked.
"Well..." he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."
The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.
"Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly
overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the
department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So...why
don't you talk to her about it?"
"Because...." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with
Two blondes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the
reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same
thing happens on the second day, and also on the third day. It goes on
like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the
blondes catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One blonde turns to
the other and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
The other blonde says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any
An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked,
much to the dismay of her
colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
depressed and lying here on a
railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally
Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to
be an appropriate response
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783