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Clean Chips For Thurs

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  • b brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Hooray It s 2004 and if your reading this you made
    Message 1 of 356 , Jan 1, 2004
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Hooray It's 2004 and if your reading this you made it in one form or
      another. Always a favorite is Lake Superior State University's List of
      Banished Words.

      Lake Superior State University Banished Words List

      SAULT STE. MARIE, Mich. - Hardly looking 'metrosexual,' a 'shocked and
      awed' Lake Superior State University Word Banishment selection committee
      emerged from its spider hole with its annual List of Words Banished from
      the Queen's English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness.

      LSSU has been compiling the list since 1976, choosing from nominations
      sent from around the world. This year, words and phrases were pulled
      from more than 5,000 nominations - a record. Most were sent through the
      website: www.lssu.edu/banished.

      Word-watchers pull nominations throughout the year from everyday speech,
      as well as from the news, fields of education, technology, advertising,
      politics, and more. A committee gathers the entries and chooses the best
      in December. The list is released on New Year's Day.

      To View the list and to see what you agree with and what words you still
      want to use go to http://www.lssu.edu/banished/archive/2004.php



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      Short Chips

      My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her
      irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had
      purchased ten new dresses.
      "Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new
      My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."
      My friend, a trucker, is often caught in commuter rush-hour traffic. One
      morning when everything came to a standstill, he sat high up in his
      18-wheeler singing and whistling.
      A passenger in a nearby car, frustrated by the delay, yelled up at
      my brother, "What are you so happy about?"
      "I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.
      It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint
      as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving
      techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber.
      Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's
      talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief.
      He went on, "What do you think about me?"

      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
      \_ ) ) /
      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


      Senior Short Chips

      In case you didn't realize it, most senior citizens have a marvelous
      sense of humor. In many cases, it's simply a matter of survival. Here
      are a few

      An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery
      and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
      As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes
      Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just
      remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me . your
      mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
      Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
      start bragging about it.
      The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
      Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to
      know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
      roads weren't paved.
      How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
      When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
      You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
      I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top
      One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a
      nice change from being young.
      Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
      Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald,
      they don't recognize you.
      If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh
      at when you are old.
      First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull
      up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
      Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
      witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.

      Have a GREAT day........ and keep smiling!



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      Grave Chips

      RAY IN IRELAND.....Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Insurance Man Ray,
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      late one night and found themselves on the road which led past and old
      graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael
      O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of
      87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool. It
      says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Insurance Man Ray
      yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his
      name?" asks Paddy. Ray stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match
      to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles,
      from Dublin."



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      Iraqi Chips

      (Courtesy of Ladyhawke)

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      road when they hear an American voice call from behind a sand dune.
      "One United States Marine is better than ten Iraqis!" The Iraqi
      commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon
      a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The
      voice then calls out,"One United States Marine is better than one
      hundred Iraqis!" Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100
      troops over the dune and instantly a huge fire fight commences. After 10
      minutes of battle, again silence. The American voice calls out again,
      "One United States Marine is better than one thousand Iraqis!" The
      enraged Iraqi Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them
      across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge
      battle is fought. Then silence, eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter
      crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander,
      "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There's two of them!"



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      Groaner Chips

      The trustees of the Madrid Zoo heard that there were only twenty-seven
      whooping cranes left in the United States, and they determined that they
      must have one before the breed became extinct. A whooping crane was soon
      dispatched via air freight.

      However, when the American bird arrived at Madrid's airport, it refused
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      The moral of this story is that cranes in Spain stick mainly to the



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      Groaner Chips

      There were two Roman Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola
      whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year
      Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they
      attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in
      High School.

      They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon
      graduation became priests. Their priestly careers have come to amaze the
      world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio was just a cut
      above Timothy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop,
      Archbishop, and finally Cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the
      Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be either
      Timothy or Antonio who would become the next Pope.

      In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In
      less time than anyone expected smoke rose from the chimney and the world
      waited to see who they had chosen.

      The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that
      Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope. Antonio was beyond surprise, he
      was devastated because, even with all Timothy's giftedness, Antonio knew
      he was the better qualified.

      With a gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio asked for a private
      session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?'

      After long silence one old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered Antonio
      and rose to reply, "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just
      could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church
      being called Pope Secola."


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      Toon Chips

      Toon Links

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      Little Johnny Chips

      Little Johnny had just gotten his ear pierced, and the other students
      were bombarding him with questions about the process.

      "Does the hole go all the way through?" Billy asked.

      "Yes," answered Little Johnny.

      "Did it hurt?" asked Susie.

      "Just a little," replied Little Johnny.

      "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" asked Jacob.

      "No, they used a special gun," said Little Johnny.

      Silence followed, and then Joe called out, "Like, how far away did they


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      Parting Chips

      A group of foreign dignitaries are visiting Israel. At the end of the
      tour, they are taken to see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. They look
      at the tomb and read the following inscription:

      BORN 5694
      DIED 5733

      The visitors are incredulous. They ask the guide, "How can this be an
      unknown soldier if the grave has his name?"

      Their host responds, "Sure, as a soldier he was unknown, but as a
      furrier --
      he was the best!"



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      Bonus Chip

      Harmful effects of oil on fish.....

      Pupils at school were asked to write about the harmful
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      mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of
      oil and all the sardines were dead."



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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01

      Remember 9/11/01

      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and i have the watch. With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a month.
      Message 356 of 356 , Jul 25, 2013
        My name is buffalo and i have the watch.

        With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut
        down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a
        month. That usually includes pizza once, McDonalds
        and Burger King once, and Taco Bell or Subway the
        other time. We no longer have a KFC as some
        employees were selling drugs out of there and when
        KFC found out they permanently pulled their franchise.
        Although I admire this action, that left us with only
        the supermarket deli chicken to fill that got to have
        some chicken right now urge and it isn't the same. It
        also doen't stop KFC from torturing you with the ads
        for new items like their boneless chicken and hot bites.
        Come on people spend your ad dollars where you have
        a store. Oh and we had two McDonald's up here but
        the one near the university wasn't doing well and
        when it closed they bulldozed it to the ground a short
        time after. What a waste of a building as it was only
        about 10-15 years old, and was Buffy's first job in high

        I misheard an announcement today about Taco Bell
        stopping their children's meal and toys and thought
        they had said McDonalds. When I mentioned it to
        Buffy, Eva went nuts as she usually controls where the
        fast food is coming from by what toys are being offered.
        I haven't told her yet that McDonald's plans on giving
        out more books with their Happy Meals which doesn't
        hurt my feelings one bit. books hurt your feet a lot less
        than plastic toys when you step on them in the dark
        and don't laugh at you or make rude comments.

        The actual announcement about McDonald's today was
        about the increase in sales at Wendy's beating out the
        growth at McDonald's. I sent Buffy to Wendy's last month
        as we hadn't been there in years and told her to bring me
        back burgers and fries from the dollar menu. My first
        question wa," Where's The Beef." The patty wasn't
        much larger than that in a White Castle burger. Also
        while we are on the subject of burger accessories,
        remember how McDonalds used to have the best fries?
        About a year ago BK brought out there new fries that
        are larger and don't go limp on you when you nuke them.
        The only problem is that they oversalt them in my opinion.
        I have pretty much put away the salt shakers around
        my dining area and the salt on a half dozen BK fries
        will put your BP up 20 points for the rest of the day, so
        have it your way and tell them easy on the salt or I'll
        call corporate on you.
        Enjoy the chips... buff


        Transylvania Chips

        Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near
        Transylvania . They drive in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
        It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of
        the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it,
        but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.. Moments later,
        Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger
        seat and sees Betty unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain
        and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
        He carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short
        while, he sees a light and heads towards it, which is coming from a large,
        old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A small, hunched man opens the
        door. Bob blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty.
        We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been Seriously hurt. Can
        I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't
        have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in, and I will get him." Bob
        brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my
        assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
        However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had some basic
        medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
        laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with
        Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
        collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an
        adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
        "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
        feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills'
        deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
        conservatory, which houses his grand piano. It is here that he has always
        found solace and he begins to play. A stirring, almost haunting melody fills
        the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
        movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to
        the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
        marking the beat. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up
        straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
        conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The
        Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

        Stan Kegel via Ted


        Beggar Chips

        Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
        One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
        Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
        the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

        The Pope comes by.
        He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds
        the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
        Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My
        poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is
        the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
        there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting
        beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give
        more money to him just out of spite."

        The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
        to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach
        the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"



        Funeral Chips

        An old Jewish man, Mr. Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the
        funeral. The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel. After
        many telephone calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town;
        he agrees to officiate at the funeral the next day. After chanting the
        "Kaddish" and "El Molay Rachamim" the rabbi begins his eulogy.

        "We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
        respected citizen and honored member of the community," Suddenly, an old
        man jumps up and says, "What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was
        a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own grandmother for fifty cents!

        "The rabbi decides to take another approach, "We are here to mourn the
        passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg, a patron of the synagogue and
        dedicated Talmudic scholar."

        Again the old man jumps up and says, "Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man
        hasn't been in a shul since his bar mitzvah!"

        Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, "We are here to mourn the passing of
        our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a loving husband and dedicated father." Once
        again the old man jumps up and says, "Rabbi, you obviously didn't know
        Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time
        to spend with his children!"

        At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "My
        friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of
        our neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own
        people? Surely, there is someone in this congregation who knew Mr.
        Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life."

        After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says,
        "His brother was worse!"


        Border Chips

        Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
        checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "Well now, it's
        illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".

        "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
        incredulously. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five

        "Ah no, you can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means
        four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
        the law."

        The Englishmen replies angrily, "You are an idiot! Call your supervisor
        over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

        "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's not available. He is busy with 2
        fellas in a Fiat Uno."


        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
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        Send A Smile Today

        The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem

        One Brave Little Dog

        Bobcat On A Cactus!


        School Chips

        On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
        The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
        fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
        candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
        the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted
        it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
        liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the
        boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?" "No," said
        the little boy............."It's a puppy!"



        Short Chips

        "I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the
        house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.

        I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers &
        one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.

        And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"


        Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture
        on the week's topic - the problems of dining out.

        She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and salad
        dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried.

        Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What
        is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"

        Replied one woman rather quickly......

        "Running into you!"


        My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday.

        A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

        "Oh....that," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

        "Gee, how come?" I asked.

        "Well..." he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."


        The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.

        "Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly
        overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the
        department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So...why
        don't you talk to her about it?"

        "Because...." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with


        Fishing Chips

        Two blondes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the
        reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
        cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

        The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same
        thing happens on the second day, and also on the third day. It goes on
        like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the
        blondes catches a fish.

        As they're driving home they're really depressed. One blonde turns to
        the other and says,

        "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
        hundred bucks?"

        The other blonde says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any



        Parting Chips

        An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked,
        much to the dismay of her
        colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.

        It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
        depressed and lying here on a
        railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally
        meet Allah."

        Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to
        be an appropriate response


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

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