Clean Chips For Fri
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Member of the herd and good friend Robert Calkins AKA Oldcat died the
morning of July 31st from injuries sustained when he suffered heat
stroke and the 1983 Sportster he was riding left the road and struck a
road sign. He was 58, a soldier, and a storyteller and never to busy to
help a friend or share a story. He shared the following with Jay and
Susie over a death in Jay's family last year .
A Parable of Immortality
by Henry Van Dyke
"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spread her white
sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an
object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she
hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down
to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There she
Gone where? Gone from my sight -- that is all. She is just as large in
mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able
to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her
diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when
someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' There are other eyes watching
her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here she
I can close my eyes a Sportster speeding towards the gates of heaven and
the Lord and Oldcat's friends saying,"Here He Comes".
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Four Week Chips
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden
death. "We will all die some day," the leader of the discussion said,
"and none of us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a
better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event." Everybody
nodded his or her heads in agreement with this comment.
"What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining
before your death, before your Great Judgment Day?" the leader asked the
"For those 4 weeks, I would go out into my community and minister the
Gospel to those that have not yet accepted Jesus into their lives." one
"A very admirable thing to do," said the group leader. And all the group
members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.
"For those 4 weeks, I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving
my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction," one
lady said enthusiastically.
"That's wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group
members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.
One gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly. " For those 4 weeks,
I would travel throughout the United States with my mother-in-law in a
Ford Escort, and stay in a Motel 6 every night."
Everyone was puzzled by his answer. "Why would you do that?" the group
"Because," the man smiled sarcastically, "it would be the longest 4
weeks of my life."
Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very
bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those
that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.
Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite
things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of.
She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and
the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation,
Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.
For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and
screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was
frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened
the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm
"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and
I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am
sure it will never happen again."
Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about
to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued,
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
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A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in
a Rolls Royce with Nevada plates at a stop sign. Their windows are open
and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."
"I got one too... see?" the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."
"You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan.
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen
says, "So, do you have a double bed in back there?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here, see?" the Texan replies. The
light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off.
Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he
immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double
bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done.
He picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen
beetle with the Texas plates.
Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up
next to it. The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels
somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls
and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen. The man in the
Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in
the Rolls says, "Hey, remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan. "What's up?"
"Check this out... I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." The Texan
exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
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Golf Ball Chips
A kid had cut open a golf ball and had eaten the liquid center. The
stuff in this case was a thick, dark fluid, and the child's mother
naturally assumed that it was some petroleum product. She frantically
called the family doctor, and as she was rushing to the doctor's office
with the apparently poisoned kid, the doctor was rapidly flipping
through the "Common Household Poisons" book. There was no mention of
golf balls in it. The doctor called up a golf ball manufacturer and
explained the situation; but they said that their golf balls had a solid
core. "I wish I'd asked the name of the manufacturer!" the doctor
lamented. The ball manufacturer helpfully named their sole competitor
that made balls with liquid centers. Another quick phone call, and the
answer: the center was made of cod liver oil.
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Technical Support calls "YOU" for help.
Someone at work tells you a joke & you say LOL
You keep begging your friends to get an account so
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You've to get a 2nd phone-line so you can call Pizza Hut.
You don't know where the time has gone.
Your husband now complains of you moving your fingers
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You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in
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You get up at 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom but
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You stop typing whole words and use things like
brb, dunno and :-)
You type faster than you think.
You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.
You dream in "text" with some graphics
You double click your TV remote.
You check your E-mail and forget you have real mail.
You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner
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A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that
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"Impossible", says the doctor.
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow
and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a Blonde."
"I thought so, the doctor says.
"Your finger is broken."
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A certain Judge was constantly annoyed by the sneering remarks and
abusive language of an attorney. Instead of cracking down on the lawyer
and silencing him, the Judge would only smile and chew on his pencil.
People wondered how he could be so patient.
At a dinner party someone asked him, why don't you do something
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his chin upon his hands said, up in our town there lives a widow who has
a dog. Whenever there is a full moon that dog barks and barks all night.
Then the Judge quietly resumed his eating. One person asked, but
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It's a damn poor mind that cannot come up with more than one way to
word. Mark Twain. Oldcat
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Today at work I was moving a computer system and listening to the
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sample caller ID screen on it. It was very difficult for her to maintain
a straight face as the customer realized the reason the numbers on the
front never changed . . .
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Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
After a week of worrying and trying to get Yahoo's servers to
work properly, their engineers have reestablished service to
all of the readers of the chips It is easy to point at a problem
and ask to have it fixed, it is another thing to find it in a jungle
of servers with a 100 million users. As a personal point it
made me feel good to see all of you actually notice that I wasn't
arriving every morning.
I have a doctor's appointment this morning and he probably isn't
happy with me. It has been about 75 days since I was in their last
and he wanted to see me after 6 weeks which was a stretch even
Yep he was unhappy and is dreaming up all sorts of tests to put me
through including that miserable chemical stress test again and this
is all over the minute amount of blood in my urine. I lose less that
than from all the blood test they take over a year but they never
about that and judging by the number of checks on the lab order
for next Monday they will probably will be taking a pint or so heh
Then I am scheduled for an ultrasound of my kidneys right before
Christmas which isn't bad and then an IVP after that. If I remember
correctly you had to drink a couple bottles of Yuck before that one
and then a trip through the cat scan. I feel better than I have
the plant closure and that's what worries me. When I was in the Navy
they converted from black oil to something similar to fuel oil. It
less lubricating ability than the old stuff and the fuel pumps
several times a year except for one. It had run for five years
failure and when we went into overhaul we had to tear it down for an
inspection. When they opened the pump the bearings fell apart and
the pump had to be replaced. Sometimes I feel like if they do too
much poking and prodding I might fall apart too.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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The Top Signs It's Time to Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet
[From Ruminations Top Five]
"For refill, ring KLondike 6-4-3."
The leeches look like they might have turned.
Funny, you don't *remember* being prescribed mouse turds.
The dim glow from the bathroom is keeping you awake --
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A tiny cockroach rehab clinic has been set up between
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Why keep that Preparation H? It was the worst-tasting toothpaste
The drill bit you use to let the "bad ayre" out of your
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Your nosy neighbors leave the bathroom saying, "Don't
The Brylcream can go -- the last time you ran your
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There's a skeleton on the other side with a note saying,
and the Number 1 Sign It's Time to Clean Out Your Medicine
Was there ever really a "Preparation A?"
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Which Christmas Song Are You?
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The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
"There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he
snapped. "Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?"
Little Johnny shouted, "Okay---you start."
Then there was the blonde who had trouble filling out a job
Where it said, "Married," she wrote "twice"; where it said,
"Children," she wrote, "No, both were men." ......
The weather today was fantastic! At work today we went outside and
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I was checking out at the busy Super Market, and the cashier was
having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner
malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins.
When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe
her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure." Still frazzled,
glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he waits to get the
attention, a regular sitting next to him calls out, "I'll have
waterloo." The bartender gives the regular a tall ice cold drink and
asks the newcomer what he would like. The thirsty man points to the
man next to him and says, "That looks great! I'll have what he's
having, a waterloo." So the bartender brings the newcomer a tall ice
cold drink. The man takes a long deep drink and calls out, "HEY!
isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The regular bar patron
sitting next to him says, "It is water, buddy. That's all I drink,"
turns to the bartender and says, "Right Lou?"
A tramp put the finger on a banker as he was coming out of his
"How about buying me a coffee?" he asked. "Here," the banker said.
"Here's $5.00. Go buy yourself several cups of coffee." The next
as the banker was coming out of his office again, the same tramp
up and punched him in the nose. Darn near knocked his lights out!!
"Hey," yelled the banker, "is that any way to treat me after I gave
you five dollars?" "You and your lousy cups of coffee you bought
the tramp snarled, punching him in the nose again. "They kept me
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A hillbilly is looking around a big hardware store
when he sees a display of chain saws with a sign
guaranteeing that this model of chain saw can cut
twenty cords of firewood in a day. He motions to
'Can I help you, sir?'
'This here chainsaw, kin it rully cut twenny cords o'wood in a day?'
'Yes, sir, that's the guarantee. Twenty cords of wood or you get
your money back.'
'Yer joshin' me. Twenny cords o'farrwood? Ah don't blieve it!'
'No, sir, it's true! Guaranteed.'
'Wull, Ah'll trah one but ah still don't blieve it!'
He buys the saw. He returns not the next day but the
day after that. He seeks out the same salesman and
confronts him with the slightly-used saw.
You lahr!' he says, 'You lah laka dawg! You sayed
this here chainsawr'd cut twenny cords o'wood in a
day! I got up yestiddy at the crack o'dawn 'n'I cut
'n' cut 'n' cut all day! I didn't stop till it wuz
dork! 'N'I couldn't cut moren' six cords o'farrwood
t'save mah lahf! Now whattya say about that?'
The salesman looked perplexed. 'Gee,' he said, 'maybe
you got a bad one. Let's try it.' He takes the saw,
pumps the primer a few times, and pulls the cord to
start it up.
The hillbilly's eyes get wide with surprise. 'Gawd
a-mighty!' he shouts, 'What's that racket?'
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Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis
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Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.
Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.
As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Joy Of Christmas
Carolyn w/I Tan't Wait Till Quithmuth Day~ Mel Blanc
John w/ Silent Night
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
Redneck Playstation via Wesley
NOAA's National Weather Service - Graphical Forecast Via Dianne
Ugly Christmas Lights
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Guard Your Online Privacy With TrackerWatcher Firefox Addon Via
French army sides with Mozilla in Microsoft email war Via Wesley
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
Doggie Zone Via Dianne
Winter Hummingbirds of Southwest Louisiana
World of Birding
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
The Mom Song
Who Needs Pockets
Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how
were going. "Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been
really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I
make any honey." "No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down
blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's
Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and
fruit." "Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away.
few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first
asked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was
you said it would be." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked
first bee. "That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want
them to think I was a wasp."
Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
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Cloud Cyclone Graham 02
The Optic 1050 binoculars with up to 1000X magnification will allow
you to see objects up to 35 miles away! They're great for
vacationing, sporting events, bird watching, and more. These super
lightweight binoculars include features such as:
Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
Center focusing wheel
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the fancy Chistmas dance?
It was a moth ball!
Where does Santa go swimming?
The North Pool!
What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the sand?
I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas
tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked,
"What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and
said, "What do you mean? It's a cartridge in a bare tree."
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.
Your package includes:
Durable Base with built in catnip
Cute, playful kitty toy
Packet of catnip
Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
Gift absolutely FREE!
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed
Spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
Stop your Back Pain!
Backjoy will change the way you sit and change your life
FREE * 30-day trial
Bonus Free travel satchel PLUS stretch & strengthen DVD with order
Backjoy is lightweight and portable
-Perfect for people who sit on the job
-Good for sporting events
-Patent-pending ergonomic design
-Works on any chair
Relieves Symptoms associated with
Neck, Shoulder & Back Pain,
Spinal Injury, Chronic Sciatica, and Pinched Nerves
Bulging & Slipped Discs and Muscle Soreness
Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks
while gambling, the big, high- class casinos are now equipped with
They are computer controlled to deliver the exact electric shock
needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you're at a big,
At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the
carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.
The SlipOver - Dual Sided Slipcover - As Seen on TV
Make your old, ugly beat-up sofa look BRAND NEW
With Slipover, the Only Reversible Slipcover!
Get 2 Matching Reversible Pillow Covers FREE*
Plus a FREE* Add-On Organizer- so you will never lose your remote
One-piece universal fit
Comfy, cozy fabric
Machine washable, won't shrink or fade
Easy care fabric that's stain resistant!
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Dancing With Wolfstien
After a day of being cooped up in the house for the dogs, they are
ready to play. After a day of working at the office dad is ready
it easy... something must give... Dad has to give. It is like
to three four year olds high on caffeine.
BJ gets out of his car, Diana opens the house door and three dogs
BJ: Hi guys...!
As she leaps forward and crashes into BJ sending BJ backwards...
BJ: Hey slow down there girl.
Katie: Sorry father, but I am just so excited...
Then Rudy who is three times the size of Katie comes barreling in.
BJ: Gasp!! Down Rudy... Down!
Rudy: Aw shucks Dad...
BJ: You called me Dad...
Rudy: Did not..
Sandi: Hi Daddy! (As she jumps up almost to eye level), Let's play.
BJ: How can I not. Let's go running around the yard!
Diana watches from the door as the four kids go playing... BJ throws
a stick, the dogs chase it, then chase BJ,,, BJ chases the dog..and
and on it goes.
The herd in Guthrie
(as bad as it is to leave the dogs in the morning, it is pure Heaven
come home at night)
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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