Clean Chips For Sun
- View SourceClean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The Governor of Michigan and dozens of political figures on serene
Mackinac island this weekend to discuss problems in Detroit may now
think they would have been safer at home. One of the state senators from
the Detroit area was mugged by a drunken wedding party guest as he
boarded a horse drawn carriage. This man was not even one of his
constituents and we don't generally attack visiting politicians up
Today's Detroit Free Press http://www.freep.com/ stated in an article by
Mike Wendland and Kathleen Gray.
State Sen. Mike Bishop, R-Rochester, said he was completely unprepared
for the attack that left him with with a concussion, a jagged cut over
his right eye requiring seven stitches to close, a chipped tooth,
bruises on his face and a possible broken nose.
''I've never been the victim of a violent crime before,'' Bishop said.
"I grew up with four sisters and it's just not in me.'' He said he
hadn't been in a fight since second grade.
buffalo says I grew up with four sisters and they taught me to expect
the unexpected. I think in order to uphold Detroit's image he should
train with my sisters and request a rematch.
Have a good weekend...buffalo
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This is a true Wolverine Fan!
Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon, an Ohio State fan, a
Michigan fan, a Notre Dame fan, and a Penn State fan.
They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them
was the most "die-hard" fan.
Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Notre Dame fan proclaimed to
the other four..."This is for the Fighting Irish!" and promptly threw
himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.
Not to be outdone by a Notre Dame fan, the Penn State fan jumped up and
shouted..."This is for the Nittany Lions!" and then threw himself off
Refusing to be outdone by the Notre Dame and Penn State fans, the
Michigan fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs "This
is for the Wolverines!" and without any hesitation, pushed the Ohio
State fan off the mountain.
GO BIG BLUE!!!!
Moms, need a break? Relax with your
favorite beverage and Inspirational Stories
from inspirational moms.
Abe was well known for his cheapness and his 'eye for
a bargain'. One day he was looking for a cheap wedding
present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop.
As he was walking around, he noticed what was
previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in
the corner. It was in 3 pieces. After some haggling
with the owner, Abe bought the broken vase for $5. He
then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his
niece's name and address and gave the owner another $5
so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and
mailed. Abe then left the shop feeling quite pleased
with himself. He expected his niece to think the vase
had broken in the mail.
A few days later, he called his niece to see if the
present had arrived.
"Yes, Uncle Abe, but unfortunately, it was in 3 pieces
when it was delivered."
"What terrible luck." said Abe, "The Post Office is
getting worse all the time."
"It's a shame," she replied. "It was so beautifully
wrapped. Each piece separately."
( ) Oooo.
----------\ (--------( )---------
\_ ) ) /
From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon
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A Kentucky Phone Company was going to hire a team of telephone pole
installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two rednecks
and a team of two Irish guys?
So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each
team will install poles out on the new road for a day. The team that
installs the most phone poles gets the job".
Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the
Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had
installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Bubba and Duke, the redneck guys came back and
they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did
you guys install?" Bubba, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed,
"Duke and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish
guys put in twelve!"
"Yeah," said Bubba, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out
of the ground!
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Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor
was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church.
Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way
to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl
over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters. Concerned for my husband's
safety, I waited in a pew. Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were
congregating in the vestibule. They paid little attention to me,
probably assuming I was praying. Worried about my husband, I looked up
toward the ceiling and yelled, "Sam, Sam -- are you up there? Did you
make it okay?" There was quite an outburst from the vestibule when
Sam's hearty voice echoed down, "Yes, I made it up here just fine!"
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The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived
early at the stadium for the first game of the series between local
rival teams only to realize that she had left her ticket at home. Not
wanting to miss any of the first inning, she went to the ticket booth
and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait she was
just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"
She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the
voice, but met with no success.
Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go
back to the end of the line and wait all over again.
After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy
a beer. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since
the game hadn't started she decided to wait. Just as she got to the
window, a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"
Again the blonde tried to find the voice and got out of line as she
wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. The blonde
was very upset as she got back in line for her beer.
Finally she had her beer and took her seat eager for the
game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice
calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more.
Furious, She stood up and yelled a the top of her lungs,
"My name isn't Linda!"
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Shey.net features an e-mail exchange between Nike customer Jonah Peretti
and Nike customer service representatives at Nike iD, an online service
that lets people personalize their Nike purchases. When Peretti ordered
a pair of sneakers to be customized with the word "sweatshop," Nike
promptly cancelled the order. Via a form e-mail Peretti was informed
that his order had been cancelled "for one or more of the following
1) Your Personal iD contains another party's trademark or other
2) Your Personal iD contains the name of an athlete or team we do not
have the legal right to use.
3) Your Personal iD was left blank. Did you not want any
4) Your Personal iD contains profanity or inappropriate slang, and
besides, your mother would slap us." Peretti replied, pointing out that
his order did not violate any of the criteria given. "I chose the iD
because I wanted to remember the toil and labor of the children that
made my shoes. Could you please ship them to me immediately?" Nike iD -
despite its flagrant use of inappropriate capitalization - responded by
saying that the order had been cancelled because it contained
"inappropriate slang." Peretti then pointed out that "after consulting
Webster's Dictionary," he "discovered that 'sweatshop' is in fact part
of standard English, and not slang." "The word
means: 'a shop or factory in which workers are employed for long hours
at low wages and under unhealthy conditions,'" he explained, "and its
origin dates from 1892." Peretti also reminded Nike iD that its Web site
states that Nike-brand shoe personalization is all about "freedom to
choose and freedom to express who you are." "I was thrilled to be able
to build my own shoes," wrote Peretti, "and my personal iD was offered
as a small token of appreciation for the sweatshop workers poised to
help me realize my vision." Unwilling to be toyed with, Nike iD
retorted, "The rules for personalization also state that 'Nike reserves
the right to cancel any Personal iD up to 24 hours after it has been
submitted,'" and further hinted that Peretti's request might have been
denied because it contained "material that we consider inappropriate or
simply do not want to place on our products." Peretti again responded
stating that he had decided to order the shoes with a different message,
with one small request. "Could you please send me a color snapshot of
the ten-year-old Vietnamese girl who makes my shoes?" His request went
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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through
the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over
and tired, he finally nods off.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent
hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher
decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a
place in heaven, please stand."
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping
Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And those who
would like to find a place in hell, PLEASE STAND UP!"
The weary man, catching only the last part, groggily stands
up, only to find that he's the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what
we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you
and me are the only ones standing for it!"
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A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked
up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps.
"Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's
home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang
the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one
came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you
said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is." The man said,
"Then why doesn't she answer the door when I knock? Is she hard of
hearing?" "She can't hear it," replied the boy, "because I don't live
( ) Oooo.
----------\ (--------( )---------
\_ ) ) /
From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon
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Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
- View SourceMy name is buffalo and I have the watch.
Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
that ever became attached to. I still swear that
she never left as late at night, out of the corner
of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.
One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
or have people touch her tail.
Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.
I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.
Enjoy the chips... buff
A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
woman reading her Bible.
Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."
After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
is something in first class."
About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
make the switch to first class."
Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant
Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing
Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.
Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
church events . . .
Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
when she took it from the oven, the center had
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
cake." So, she looked around the house for
something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
covered it with icing.
The finished product looked beautiful, so she
rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
some money and instructions to be at the
sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
the attractive cake had already been sold.
Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
the cake in question was presented for dessert.
Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
(a prominent church member) say:
"Why thank you; I baked it myself."
Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.
Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
daughter in marriage.
Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.
On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
could award his daughter to Running Bear.
On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
daughter in marriage.
Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.
Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
and still....Falling Rock did not return.
It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever
The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.
And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...
"Watch for Falling Rock".
A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.
"Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
years and it isn't going to start now."
The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't
"Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
him when I learned that he drank wine."
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Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter
"Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
to dinner every night."
"That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"
"I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out
Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."
The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
a wedge, THEN a putt.
The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
underestimate his game!
Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.
He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
yards off the front of the tee.
Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
heck of a putt..."
"John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
"That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
on our honeymoon."
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.
The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
or so I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
but that was all the money she had."
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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