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Clean Chips For Sun

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  • b brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. The Governor of Michigan and dozens of political
    Message 1 of 262 , Jun 1, 2003
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      The Governor of Michigan and dozens of political figures on serene
      Mackinac island this weekend to discuss problems in Detroit may now
      think they would have been safer at home. One of the state senators from
      the Detroit area was mugged by a drunken wedding party guest as he
      boarded a horse drawn carriage. This man was not even one of his
      constituents and we don't generally attack visiting politicians up

      Today's Detroit Free Press http://www.freep.com/ stated in an article by
      Mike Wendland and Kathleen Gray.

      State Sen. Mike Bishop, R-Rochester, said he was completely unprepared
      for the attack that left him with with a concussion, a jagged cut over
      his right eye requiring seven stitches to close, a chipped tooth,
      bruises on his face and a possible broken nose.

      ''I've never been the victim of a violent crime before,'' Bishop said.
      "I grew up with four sisters and it's just not in me.'' He said he
      hadn't been in a fight since second grade.

      buffalo says I grew up with four sisters and they taught me to expect
      the unexpected. I think in order to uphold Detroit's image he should
      train with my sisters and request a rematch.

      Have a good weekend...buffalo


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      College Chips

      This is a true Wolverine Fan!

      Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon, an Ohio State fan, a
      Michigan fan, a Notre Dame fan, and a Penn State fan.

      They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them
      was the most "die-hard" fan.

      Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Notre Dame fan proclaimed to
      the other four..."This is for the Fighting Irish!" and promptly threw
      himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.

      Not to be outdone by a Notre Dame fan, the Penn State fan jumped up and
      shouted..."This is for the Nittany Lions!" and then threw himself off
      the mountain.

      Refusing to be outdone by the Notre Dame and Penn State fans, the
      Michigan fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs "This
      is for the Wolverines!" and without any hesitation, pushed the Ohio
      State fan off the mountain.

      GO BIG BLUE!!!!


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      Jewish Chips

      Abe was well known for his cheapness and his 'eye for
      a bargain'. One day he was looking for a cheap wedding
      present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop.
      As he was walking around, he noticed what was
      previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in
      the corner. It was in 3 pieces. After some haggling
      with the owner, Abe bought the broken vase for $5. He
      then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his
      niece's name and address and gave the owner another $5
      so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and
      mailed. Abe then left the shop feeling quite pleased
      with himself. He expected his niece to think the vase
      had broken in the mail.
      A few days later, he called his niece to see if the
      present had arrived.
      "Yes, Uncle Abe, but unfortunately, it was in 3 pieces
      when it was delivered."
      "What terrible luck." said Abe, "The Post Office is
      getting worse all the time."
      "It's a shame," she replied. "It was so beautifully
      wrapped. Each piece separately."

      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
      \_ ) ) /
      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Telephone Chips

      A Kentucky Phone Company was going to hire a team of telephone pole
      installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two rednecks
      and a team of two Irish guys?

      So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each
      team will install poles out on the new road for a day. The team that
      installs the most phone poles gets the job".

      Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the
      Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had
      installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.

      Forty-five minutes later, Bubba and Duke, the redneck guys came back and
      they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did
      you guys install?" Bubba, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed,
      "Duke and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish
      guys put in twelve!"

      "Yeah," said Bubba, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out
      of the ground!



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      Church Chips

      Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor
      was dependent on parishioners for upkeep and maintenance of the church.
      Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire the confessionals. The only way
      to reach the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl
      over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters. Concerned for my husband's
      safety, I waited in a pew. Unbeknownst to me, some parishioners were
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      probably assuming I was praying. Worried about my husband, I looked up
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      Linda Chips

      The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived
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      rival teams only to realize that she had left her ticket at home. Not
      wanting to miss any of the first inning, she went to the ticket booth
      and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait she was
      just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"

      She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the
      voice, but met with no success.

      Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go
      back to the end of the line and wait all over again.

      After she had purchased her ticket, she was thirsty, so she went to buy
      a beer. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since
      the game hadn't started she decided to wait. Just as she got to the
      window, a voice called out, "Hey, Linda!"

      Again the blonde tried to find the voice and got out of line as she
      wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. The blonde
      was very upset as she got back in line for her beer.

      Finally she had her beer and took her seat eager for the
      game to begin. As she waited for the first pitch, she heard the voice
      calling, "Hey, Linda!" once more.

      Furious, She stood up and yelled a the top of her lungs,
      "My name isn't Linda!"



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      Sneaker Chips

      Sneaker Trouble...
      Shey.net features an e-mail exchange between Nike customer Jonah Peretti
      and Nike customer service representatives at Nike iD, an online service
      that lets people personalize their Nike purchases. When Peretti ordered
      a pair of sneakers to be customized with the word "sweatshop," Nike
      promptly cancelled the order. Via a form e-mail Peretti was informed
      that his order had been cancelled "for one or more of the following
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      4) Your Personal iD contains profanity or inappropriate slang, and
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      made my shoes. Could you please ship them to me immediately?" Nike iD -
      despite its flagrant use of inappropriate capitalization - responded by
      saying that the order had been cancelled because it contained
      "inappropriate slang." Peretti then pointed out that "after consulting
      Webster's Dictionary," he "discovered that 'sweatshop' is in fact part
      of standard English, and not slang." "The word
      means: 'a shop or factory in which workers are employed for long hours
      at low wages and under unhealthy conditions,'" he explained, "and its
      origin dates from 1892." Peretti also reminded Nike iD that its Web site
      states that Nike-brand shoe personalization is all about "freedom to
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      to build my own shoes," wrote Peretti, "and my personal iD was offered
      as a small token of appreciation for the sweatshop workers poised to
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      the right to cancel any Personal iD up to 24 hours after it has been
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      with one small request. "Could you please send me a color snapshot of
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      Camping Chips

      * A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes
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      *It's entirely possible to spend your whole
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      *In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka
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      Parting Chips

      A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through
      the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over
      and tired, he finally nods off.

      The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent
      hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher
      decides to make an example of him.

      He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a
      place in heaven, please stand."

      The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping

      Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And those who
      would like to find a place in hell, PLEASE STAND UP!"

      The weary man, catching only the last part, groggily stands
      up, only to find that he's the only one standing.

      Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what
      we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you
      and me are the only ones standing for it!"



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      Bonus Chip

      A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked
      up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps.
      "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's
      home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang
      the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one
      came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you
      said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is." The man said,
      "Then why doesn't she answer the door when I knock? Is she hard of
      hearing?" "She can't hear it," replied the boy, "because I don't live

      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
      \_ ) ) /
      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Remember 9/11/01
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats that ever became attached to. I still swear that she never left as late
      Message 262 of 262 , Aug 4, 2013
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
        that ever became attached to. I still swear that
        she never left as late at night, out of the corner
        of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
        see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
        on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
        of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
        while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
        but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.

        Miss Picky
        One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
        Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
        diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
        several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
        animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
        had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
        or have people touch her tail.

        Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
        greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
        into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
        knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
        walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
        of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
        snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
        fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
        her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
        to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
        had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
        favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
        supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
        At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
        fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
        there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
        stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.

        I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
        year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
        finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
        eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
        failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
        some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
        felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
        chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
        of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
        the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.

        Enjoy the chips... buff


        Flying Chips

        A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
        and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
        woman reading her Bible.

        Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
        demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
        The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

        After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
        more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
        is something in first class."

        About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
        captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
        one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
        economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
        force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
        make the switch to first class."

        Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
        the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
        retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
        first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant

        Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing


        Baking Chips

        Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.

        Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
        going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
        church events . . .

        Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
        group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
        last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
        when she took it from the oven, the center had
        dropped flat.

        She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
        cake." So, she looked around the house for
        something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
        it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
        plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
        covered it with icing.

        The finished product looked beautiful, so she
        rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
        some money and instructions to be at the
        sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
        bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
        the attractive cake had already been sold.

        Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
        Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
        of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
        game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
        the cake in question was presented for dessert.

        Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
        to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
        but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
        ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

        Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
        (a prominent church member) say:

        "Why thank you; I baked it myself."


        Indian Chips

        Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
        Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
        many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.

        Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
        bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
        contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
        brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
        out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
        had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
        Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

        On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
        big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
        the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
        far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
        could award his daughter to Running Bear.

        On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
        and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
        bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
        7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
        Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.

        Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
        went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
        and still....Falling Rock did not return.

        It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
        Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
        There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever

        The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
        their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.

        And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...

        "Watch for Falling Rock".


        Baptist Chips

        A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
        church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
        wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
        used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
        explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
        why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
        was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
        The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
        not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.

        "Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
        years and it isn't going to start now."

        The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't

        "Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
        him when I learned that he drank wine."


        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.


        Preparing To Meet The Dog

        Koala's In A Heatwave!

        Ricochet The Surf Dog!

        Extreme Camping!

        Cute PDF Writer


        Marriage Chips

        Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
        month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter

        "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
        her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
        to dinner every night."

        "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

        "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
        spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out


        Golf Chips

        Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
        said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

        The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
        a wedge, THEN a putt.

        The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
        telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
        underestimate his game!

        Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

        He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
        yards off the front of the tee.

        Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
        heck of a putt..."


        Short Chips

        "John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
        be married!"

        "That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
        on our honeymoon."


        Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
        a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

        The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
        or so I think."

        "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
        coming up with an inexpensive evening."

        "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
        but that was all the money she had."



        Parting Chips

        Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
        family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
        his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his

        One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
        had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

        "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
        years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

        Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

        Three days later, she became his stepmother.

        Women are so much better at estate planning than men.


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

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