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Clean Chips For Thurs

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  • b brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Check out the Lablaughs Bulletin Board that Mr.X
    Message 1 of 356 , May 1, 2003
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Check out the Lablaughs Bulletin Board that Mr.X Just started and he has
      asked if we would like to have a similar one..Give me suggestions for
      some subjects. http://www.greatworldmedia.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl

      President Bush commented the other day on Natalie Maines and the Dixie
      Chicks remarks at the concert in London . He said that the Dixie Chicks
      have the right to say whatever they like. As I was wondering if I could
      be that benevolent in the same position he said that people also have
      the right to not by their music if they disagreed. The two-edged sword
      of freedom of speech. I then watched as Meet The press posed the
      question ," Is Martin Sheen Ready for the real White House", and went
      back to bed for another two hours which was why the Jokes were two
      hours late that morning.

      Yahoo has been giving me nightmares lately with some posts taking hours
      to show up . We had to jump through hoops to get yesterday's posts out
      late in the afternoon. I have been having my own war on spyware lately
      and AOL Instant Messenger seems to have fallen victim to my latest scan.
      It crashed like a rock last night and took the rest of my computer with
      it. I guess it doesn't like the AOL ads that pop-up when the computer
      starts.
      I am a bit jealous that President Bush gets a crack at Carrier Quals
      tonight with co-piloting a landing on the USS Lincoln. I do wish that
      Saddam was in custody before the end of the war was declared but I guess
      you can't have everything.

      Have a good day and maybe now we can get away from war and on to humor..
      buffalo

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      New York Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid
      he'd be hurt, he made a statement, "S-s-sir, I don't have any cash on
      me!" The mugger said, "NO CASH? Everybody in New York has cash!" The
      victim replied, "I'm sorry, I got paid yesterday, but my rent was due.
      It took the whole check." He offered to write the guy a check. The
      mugger was dumbfounded, "A Check? Why would I take a check from you?"
      "Well, you mugged me, didn't you?" "I don't even know you!"



      .oooO
      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Church Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this
      candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to
      address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask
      which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired
      in this way: "My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great
      Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was
      an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other
      Grandfather was a Christian Scientist (deep silence); while my other
      Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence). But I must tell you that
      I had an aunt who was a Baptist through and through (loud
      cheers!) and I have always considered my aunt's path to be the right
      one!"
      -----------------------------------------------------------
      A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day
      and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could. "Oh, my
      friends," he intoned, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find
      themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of
      the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there
      will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!" At this point,
      one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, "But Reverend,
      what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?" The preacher
      crashed his fist on the pulpit, "My friends, the Lord is not put out by
      details. Rest assured... teeth will be provided!"
      -----------------------------------------------------------------
      A little girl from Minneapolis came home from Sunday school with a frown
      on her face. "I'm not going back there anymore," she announced with
      finality. "I don't like the Bible they keep teaching us." "Why not?"
      asked her astonished mother. "Because," said the little girl, "that
      Bible is always talking about St. Paul, and it never once mentions
      Minneapolis."
      -------------------------------------------------

      .oooO
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon



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      Cooking Chips
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      Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to
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      Union Chips
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      A union shop steward is addressing a union meeting... "Comrades. We have
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      not 5 PM." "Hooray!", goes the crowd, again. "We will start work at 10
      AM, not 9 AM." "Hooray!" "We have a 150% pay rise." "Hooray!" "We will
      only work on Wednesdays." Silence...then a voice from the back asks,
      "Every Wednesday?"



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      Camping Chips
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      "CAMPING TIPS"

      *When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will
      keep the campsites on either side vacant.

      *Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite
      stump apart and eating all the ants.

      *Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over
      an open fire.

      *When smoking a fish, never inhale.

      *A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your
      feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the
      cheese sticks between your toes.

      *The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.

      *Steer clear of parks named for landfills.

      *While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years,
      the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade
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      *Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay
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      *Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
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      *You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always
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      *You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into
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      *When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives
      you something to wipe your nose on.

      *You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping
      bag by running over it with your car.


      .oooO
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon



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      Late Night Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Late-Night Jokes About War on Iraq
      Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

      "We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is
      ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours." -David Letterman

      "There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad.
      Parts of him were also spotted in northern Baghdad, eastern Baghdad and
      western Baghdad." -Jay Leno

      "The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA
      testing. Apparently we have a sample of his DNA. So Monica Lewinsky is
      working for the CIA?" -Jay Leno

      "We have an important decision to make now about who controls Iraq. You
      know, that's a critical question, because it's who we're going to be
      fighting in five to ten years." -Jay Leno

      "And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a
      strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States."
      - David Letterman

      "Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press
      conference today. ... However, he claims he was there and he said it
      went very well." -David Letterman

      "Yesterday the Iraqis and U.S. troops pulled down a giant statue of
      Saddam Hussein. ... They pull it down and it lands right on top of
      Geraldo. " -David Letterman

      "It does not look good for Saddam Hussein and his sons. Yesterday we
      bombed the restaurant where they were eating and today I went on the
      Internet and they were selling pieces of Uday and Qusay on eBay." -Jay
      Leno

      "In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam
      Hussein may have finally paid off. ... The bombs destroyed the area and
      left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it:
      a freedom hole." -Jon Stewart

      "Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam
      Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those
      things even need to explode?" -David Letterman

      "The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo
      Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other
      people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein
      and his two sons." -Jon Stewart

      "Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their
      name to the Democratic Guard." -David Letterman

      "The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then
      he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they
      showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral." -David
      Letterman

      "War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They
      were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized
      that spells 'OIL.'" -Jay Leno

      "White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer said that while President
      Bush is monitoring the situation in Iraq, he is leaving the day-to-day
      decision making to the military experts. First they kick Geraldo out,
      then we rescued that female soldier, now we find out Bush isn't making
      the decisions. No wonder the stock market went up today." -Jay Leno

      "Over the last several weeks, several of TV's so-called armchair
      generals, of which there are many, along with many of the Army's
      so-called real generals, have been openly critical of the U.S. military
      planning. Donald Rumsfeld's frustration with these critics boiled over
      at a press conference earlier this week. Rumsfeld said the only way
      you're going to be able to get people to believe something is true is if
      you print it up two million times and drop it from airplanes." -Jon
      Stewart

      "There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured
      when they tried to jump on our bandwagon." -Jay Leno

      "Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't
      changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference,
      they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob."
      -Conan O'Brien

      "Playboy magazine announced that they are going to support the troops by
      sending them emails from Playboy playmates. After hearing this the U.S.
      troops said 'Just our luck, we get emails from playmates, but we're
      embedded with Geraldo.'" -Conan O'Brien

      "President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's
      about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida." -Jay Leno

      "Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had a press conference at the
      Pentagon. If you listen to him speak, it really makes you wonder what
      he's thinking. [Shows clip of Rumsfeld threatening to hold Syria and
      Iran accountable for hostile acts against the U.S.] Do you see what he
      just did there? We're in the middle of a war, and he's starting another
      war. We're already fighting Iraq and he's like, 'Syria, you want a
      piece?' ...There is nothing like a cantankerous old man who takes a
      hey-you-kids-get-off-my-lawn approach to foreign policy. The guy's
      literally just like drunk swinging a broken bottle at people. 'Hey
      Netherlands, you looking at me?'" -Jon Stewart

      "NBC fired pinhead Peter Arnett. He gave an interview on Iraqi
      television criticizing the U.S. military and saying our battle plan was
      all wrong. The good news is, after he said that, today he was given an
      honorary Oscar." -Jay Leno

      "The Pentagon said today they're sending another 100,000 troops into the
      Gulf. We have 250,000 there and another 100,000 on the way - it's
      Operation George Gone Wild." -Jay Leno

      "The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract
      in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without
      any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as
      Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'"
      -Conan O'Brien

      "As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his
      supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of
      fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel
      our subscription." -Craig Kilborn

      "Yesterday American and British troops handed out food to hundreds of
      Iraqis. Not surprisingly, the Iraqis handed the British food back."
      -Conan O'Brien


      .oooO
      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
      \_ ) ) /
      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Toon Chips
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Drug Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      WHEN DRUGS ARE A GOOD THING"....

      I had a "drug" problem when I was a young person. I was "drug" to church
      on Sunday morning. I was "drug" to church on Sunday night, and I was
      "drug" to church on Wednesday night. I was "drug" to Sunday School; I
      was "drug" to vacation Bible school and "drug" to the family altar to
      pray. I was also "drug" to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents,
      told a lie, brought home a bad report card or did not speak with
      respect. Those "drugs" are still in my veins, and they affect my
      behavior in nearly everything I do and say and think. They are stronger
      than cocaine, crack or heroin. If more children had this "drug" problem,
      America would certainly be a better place. -Author Unknown

      .oooO
      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
      \_ ) ) /
      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon



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      Parting Chips
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      You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

      At least 2 people in this world love you so
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      At least 15 people in this world love you in
      some way.

      The only reason anyone would ever hate
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      A smile from you can bring happiness to
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      Every night, SOMEONE thinks about
      you before they go to sleep.

      You mean the world to someone.

      If not for you, someone may not be living.

      You are special and unique.

      Someone that you don't even know exists,
      loves you.

      When you make the biggest mistake ever,
      something good comes from it.

      When you think the world has turned its back
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      back on the world

      When you think you have no chance of getting
      what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you
      believe in yourself, sooner or later, you will get it.

      Always remember the compliments you received.
      Forget about the rude remarks.

      Always tell someone how you feel about them;
      you will feel much better when they know.

      If you have a great friend, take the time to
      let them know that they are great.


      Dianne

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. On this
      particular day they caught over 50 fish. The first blonde turned to her
      friend and said, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here
      tomorrow." The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, the
      first blonde said, "You did you mark the spot, right?" Her friend
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      one said, "You fool! What if we don't get that same boat today?"



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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and i have the watch. With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a month.
      Message 356 of 356 , Jul 25, 2013
        My name is buffalo and i have the watch.

        With Buffy and i both trying to lose weight I have cut
        down the amount of fast food meals to three or four a
        month. That usually includes pizza once, McDonalds
        and Burger King once, and Taco Bell or Subway the
        other time. We no longer have a KFC as some
        employees were selling drugs out of there and when
        KFC found out they permanently pulled their franchise.
        Although I admire this action, that left us with only
        the supermarket deli chicken to fill that got to have
        some chicken right now urge and it isn't the same. It
        also doen't stop KFC from torturing you with the ads
        for new items like their boneless chicken and hot bites.
        Come on people spend your ad dollars where you have
        a store. Oh and we had two McDonald's up here but
        the one near the university wasn't doing well and
        when it closed they bulldozed it to the ground a short
        time after. What a waste of a building as it was only
        about 10-15 years old, and was Buffy's first job in high
        school.

        I misheard an announcement today about Taco Bell
        stopping their children's meal and toys and thought
        they had said McDonalds. When I mentioned it to
        Buffy, Eva went nuts as she usually controls where the
        fast food is coming from by what toys are being offered.
        I haven't told her yet that McDonald's plans on giving
        out more books with their Happy Meals which doesn't
        hurt my feelings one bit. books hurt your feet a lot less
        than plastic toys when you step on them in the dark
        and don't laugh at you or make rude comments.

        The actual announcement about McDonald's today was
        about the increase in sales at Wendy's beating out the
        growth at McDonald's. I sent Buffy to Wendy's last month
        as we hadn't been there in years and told her to bring me
        back burgers and fries from the dollar menu. My first
        question wa," Where's The Beef." The patty wasn't
        much larger than that in a White Castle burger. Also
        while we are on the subject of burger accessories,
        remember how McDonalds used to have the best fries?
        About a year ago BK brought out there new fries that
        are larger and don't go limp on you when you nuke them.
        The only problem is that they oversalt them in my opinion.
        I have pretty much put away the salt shakers around
        my dining area and the salt on a half dozen BK fries
        will put your BP up 20 points for the rest of the day, so
        have it your way and tell them easy on the salt or I'll
        call corporate on you.
        Enjoy the chips... buff



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Transylvania Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near
        Transylvania . They drive in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
        It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of
        the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it,
        but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree.. Moments later,
        Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger
        seat and sees Betty unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain
        and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
        He carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short
        while, he sees a light and heads towards it, which is coming from a large,
        old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A small, hunched man opens the
        door. Bob blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty.
        We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been Seriously hurt. Can
        I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't
        have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in, and I will get him." Bob
        brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my
        assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
        However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had some basic
        medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
        laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with
        Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob
        collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an
        adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.
        "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work
        feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills'
        deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
        conservatory, which houses his grand piano. It is here that he has always
        found solace and he begins to play. A stirring, almost haunting melody fills
        the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch
        movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to
        the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise,
        marking the beat. He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up
        straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the
        conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! The
        Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

        Stan Kegel via Ted


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Beggar Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
        One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.
        Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
        the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

        The Pope comes by.
        He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds
        the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.
        Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My
        poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is
        the Seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit
        there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting
        beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give
        more money to him just out of spite."

        The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned
        to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach
        the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"




        Dianne


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Funeral Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        An old Jewish man, Mr. Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the
        funeral. The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel. After
        many telephone calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town;
        he agrees to officiate at the funeral the next day. After chanting the
        "Kaddish" and "El Molay Rachamim" the rabbi begins his eulogy.

        "We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
        respected citizen and honored member of the community," Suddenly, an old
        man jumps up and says, "What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was
        a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own grandmother for fifty cents!

        "The rabbi decides to take another approach, "We are here to mourn the
        passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg, a patron of the synagogue and
        dedicated Talmudic scholar."

        Again the old man jumps up and says, "Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man
        hasn't been in a shul since his bar mitzvah!"

        Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, "We are here to mourn the passing of
        our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a loving husband and dedicated father." Once
        again the old man jumps up and says, "Rabbi, you obviously didn't know
        Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time
        to spend with his children!"

        At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words. Finally, he says, "My
        friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of
        our neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own
        people? Surely, there is someone in this congregation who knew Mr.
        Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life."

        After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says,
        "His brother was worse!"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Border Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
        checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "Well now, it's
        illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".

        "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
        incredulously. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
        persons."

        "Ah no, you can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy. "Quattro means
        four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking
        the law."

        The Englishmen replies angrily, "You are an idiot! Call your supervisor
        over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

        "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy's not available. He is busy with 2
        fellas in a Fiat Uno."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.


        Melva
        http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Rogs_Poems/ToAg.html

        Send A Smile Today
        http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles-6/Force_It.html

        The Rainbow Bridge Poem - A Pet Loss Poem
        http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

        One Brave Little Dog
        http://www.dogwork.com/kan6/

        Bobcat On A Cactus!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        School Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
        The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted
        fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The
        candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then
        the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted
        it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the
        liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the
        boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?" "No," said
        the little boy............."It's a puppy!"

        Ted


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        "I've got 3 TVs, cable, & a satellite dish; I have 3 phone lines in the
        house, a cell phone & one in the car, plus a pager.

        I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers &
        one weekly one. I watch both the local & network news every evening.

        And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"

        ------

        Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture
        on the week's topic - the problems of dining out.

        She talked about alternatives, such as requesting diet sodas and salad
        dressings, and having meat broiled instead of fried.

        Finally she turned the question over to the group for discussion. "What
        is the greatest problem you encounter when going out to eat?"

        Replied one woman rather quickly......

        "Running into you!"

        ------

        My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday.

        A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

        "Oh....that," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

        "Gee, how come?" I asked.

        "Well..." he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."

        ------

        The banker had called the man in to talk about his account.

        "Your financial affairs are in a big mess! Your wife constantly
        overdraws your account. She is behind in her charge accounts at the
        department store, and her check stubs are all added wrong. So...why
        don't you talk to her about it?"

        "Because...." said the man, "I would rather argue with you than with
        her."



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Fishing Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Two blondes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the
        reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
        cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

        The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same
        thing happens on the second day, and also on the third day. It goes on
        like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the
        blondes catches a fish.

        As they're driving home they're really depressed. One blonde turns to
        the other and says,

        "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen
        hundred bucks?"

        The other blonde says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any
        more!"




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked,
        much to the dismay of her
        colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.

        It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
        depressed and lying here on a
        railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally
        meet Allah."

        Apparently, "Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to
        be an appropriate response





        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



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        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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