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Clean Chips For Tues

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  • b brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. He who troubleth against his house, shall inherit
    Message 1 of 346 , Apr 1, 2003
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      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      He who troubleth against his house, shall inherit the wind.

      Peter Arnett fired by two employers for his lengthy misjudgment.

      Susan Sarandon told her services were no longer needed by the United

      Dixie Chicks banned from hundreds of radio stations.

      Sean Penn removed from consideration for a new movie.

      Michael Moore hasn't got his yet but it looks likes life is not all rosy
      for him

      Alan Edelstein, a producer of Moore's television show The Awful Truth,
      was suddenly downsized out of a job, just like those General Motors
      workers in Flint. So, just like Moore, he decided to stalk the boss for
      a turning-the-tables documentary on why the television star had put him
      out on the street.

      Moore was not amused. He complained to the NYPD, got Edelstein thrown in
      jail for a day, and had a restraining order slapped on him. Here's how
      read: "The defendant knowingly entered and remained unlawfully in a
      building with intent to harass, annoy and harm . a course of conduct
      which alarmed and seriously annoyed another person."

      I am not against freedom of speech but if you are a radical be it far
      right , far left anti war or nuke them till they glow people are
      eventually going to grow tired of you and then despise you. Like the
      Beatles said in " Revolution" , If you go carrying pictures of Chairman
      Mao, You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow. They also said
      Buffalo rules but you have to play the song backwards and translate it
      from an ancient Navaho Indian Dialect...

      Have a good April Fool's Day btw I wasn't kidding about the song , go
      find yourself an album and an ancient Navaho and check it out for


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      Most Wanted Chips

      I was watching that "Most Wanted" show, and I saw a piece about a man
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      and started beating on him. Within moments, the cops arrived, but they
      arrested ME. It turns out that actors are used on that show.

      ( ) Oooo.
      ----------\ (--------( )---------
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Robot Chips

      A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for
      a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
      The man replied, "130."
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      ( ) Oooo.
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Noah Chips

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      "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the
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      . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God answers. "Fish?",
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      Short Chips

      My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best
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      A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes
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      On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout,
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      My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's
      house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in
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      ( ) Oooo.
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Hoax Chips

      Presenting some of the best all-time hoaxes (at least according to the
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      really happened, only they didn't:

      Edison Food Machine - In 1878 THE NEW YORK GRAPHIC
      announced that Thomas Edison had invented a machine that could transform
      soil into cereal and water into wine, thus ending hunger worldwide.
      Newspapers across the country reported on the discovery, heaping praises
      on Edison. THE GRAPHIC later printed one particularly effusive
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      English UFO - On March 31, 1989, a glowing flying saucer landed in a
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      A small figure in a silver suit emerged from the craft, scaring off at
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      intended as an April Fools' joke by Virgin Atlantic founder Richard
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      ( ) Oooo.
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon


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      Parting Chips

      "How Do You Know?"

      Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were
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      ( ) Oooo.
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      From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon



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      Bonus Chip

      Three Little Words

      --Author Unknown

      There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our
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      of just three words. When spoken or conveyed, these statements have the
      power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore
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      enrich every relationship.

      I'll Be There:
      If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to
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      I Miss You:
      Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply
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      Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that
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      applies to all inter-personal relationships.

      Maybe You're Right:
      This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
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      seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're
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      may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational

      Please Forgive Me:
      Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would
      admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable
      to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up
      that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he
      is wiser today than he was yesterday.

      I Thank You:
      Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the
      companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily
      courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their
      many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of
      friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of

      Count On Me:
      A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an
      essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that
      bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be
      steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there
      indicating you can "count on me."

      Let Me Help:
      The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt
      they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and

      I Understand You:
      People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other
      person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many
      little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools
      for healing your relationship. This applies to any relationship.

      I Love You:
      Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone
      that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs;
      the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family,
      your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. "I love

      And how about "God Bless You?"


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      Remember 9/11/01
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Sunday around brunch time Eva came into my room and said Grandpa, It s a tomato morning. I figured Sandy was fixing
      Message 346 of 346 , Aug 27, 2013
      • 0 Attachment
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Sunday around brunch time Eva came into my room
        and said Grandpa, It's a tomato morning. I figured
        Sandy was fixing breakfast and then my TV started
        beeping and thats's when I figured out Eva had actually
        meant tornado warning. It wasn't that serious, though,
        only severe thunderstorms and we didn't even get the
        quarter sized hail but we did get plenty of wind and
        buckets of rain and it kept on coming till about 0500.

        I finally got to bed after the16 hour light show and then
        it was time to go get bloodwork done. I called doctor's
        office and told them I had done the tests and asked
        them to call when they had the results and give me any
        dosages that had been modified so I could take my pills.
        While I was on the phone I noticed a lot of static which
        isn't unusual as there are fiber optics in the neighborhood
        connecting to 60 years of copper wire. I laid down to take
        a nap and wait for the call and woke up at 1530 with
        still no call so I called doctor's office and they had been
        calling me all afternoon. The static was also causing the
        modem to disconnect randomly.

        On the good side though my meds are ok at least for
        another week or so. Hope you are having a great week.



        Short Chips

        The man, trying to start up a conversation with another
        man said, "WOW! Who is that incredibly ugly lady over there?"
        The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"
        Trying to get out of an embarassing situation, the first man
        said, "No, not her, the other one!"
        The second man said, "That's my daughter!"
        The teacher, during an English lesson, asked her students: "Now tell
        me, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
        longer interested?"
        Little Johnny, in the back row, raised his hand.
        "Yes, Johnny," said the teacher
        "A teacher!"
        A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2
        servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500
        calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per
        Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric
        intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds.
        So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing
        about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!


        Sailing Chips

        The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a
        "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk
        the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was
        sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate
        was drunk today."

        "Captain please don't let that stay in the log", the mate said. "This
        could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."

        "Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer.

        "Yes, its true" the mate said.

        "Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That's the rule. If its
        true it goes into the log, end of discussion," said the captain sternly.

        Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The
        first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober


        Blonde Chips

        A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to
        make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings
        it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
        While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found
        a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided
        that they should call the police.
        When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and
        showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said,
        "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
        Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it
        any more; they had to know who they had found. They called the police
        and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and
        we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
        The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind
        of important."
        "Well, who was it?"
        "The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."


        Camp Chips

        Dear Mr. Johnson:

        Ann Landers wouldn't print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have to
        get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on. Let me try
        and explain.

        It's about my son, Billy. He's always been a good, normal 10 year old
        boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner to select a summer camp
        for Billy.

        We sorted through the camp brochures. There were the usual camps with
        swimming, canoeing, games, singing by the campfire -- you know. There
        were sports camps and specialty camps for weight reduction, music,
        military camps and camps that specialized in Tibetan knot tying.

        I tried to talk him into Camp Winnepoopoo. It's where he went last year.
        Billy would have none of it. Billy pulled a brochure out of his pocket.
        It was for a COMPUTER CAMP! We should have put our foot down right
        there, if only we had known. He left three weeks ago.

        I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED. He's changed. I can't explain it. See
        for yourself.

        These are some of my little Billy's letters:
        Letter # 1
        The kids are dorky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only
        good part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time
        to program, so they let us stay up. Love, Billy.

        Letter # 2
        Dear Mom,
        Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle of the night. We all
        get to choose what we want to drink. By the way, can you make Szechwan
        food? I'm getting used to it now. Gotta go, it's time for the flowchart
        class. Love, Billy.

        P.S. This is written on a word processor. Pretty swell, huh? It's spell
        checked too.

        Letter # 3
        Dear Mom,
        Don't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the glow
        of the green computer screens. It was real neat. I don't have much of a
        tan cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer
        screen in the sunlight anyway. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us
        weird food too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.

        Love, Billy.

        Letter # 4
        Dear Mom,
        I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough. I'm eating enough. This is the best camp
        ever. We scared the counselor with some phony worm code. It was real
        funny. He got mad and yelled. Can you send more money? I've got to chip
        in on the phone bill. Did you know that you can talk to people on a
        computer? Give my regards to Dad.

        Love, Billy.

        Letter # 5
        Dear Mother,
        Forget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay. Sorry I
        haven't written. I've been learning a lot. I'm real good at getting onto
        any computer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the
        university's in less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five,
        he's going to show me how. Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really
        smart. He says that I shouldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.

        Signed, William.

        Letter # 6
        Dear Mother,
        How nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset? I
        haven't gained that much weight. The glasses aren't real. Everybody
        wears them. I was trying to fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is
        cool. I thought that you'd be proud of my program. After all, I've made
        some money on it. A publisher is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway,
        I've paid for the next six weeks of camp. I won't be home until late

        Regards, William.

        Letter # 7
        Stop treating me like a child. True -- physically I am only ten years
        old. It was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try again.
        Remember, I can make your life miserable (i.e. - the bank, credit
        bureau, and government computers). I am not kidding. O.K.? I won't write
        again and this is your only warning. The emotions of this interpersonal
        communication drain me.

        Sincerely, William.

        What can I do, Mr. Johnson?

        See what I mean? It's been two weeks since I've heard from my little
        boy. I know that it's probably too late to save my little Billy. But, if
        by printing these letters you can save JUST ONE CHILD from a life of
        programming, please, I beg of you to do so. Thank you very much.

        Sally Gates,
        Concerned Parent


        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.


        Animals on Trampolines Via Richard


        Delightful Day

        Scientists Unveil New Species!

        This dummy knows his stuff
        Before you watch it, do you know the answer to the question
        "What is the Third Amendment? If not, you'll find out.

        Chinese GM?

        What Happens When A Washcloth is Wrung in Space?

        Have you seen the latest dance craze? It's called "twerking." It's
        drawn controversy since Miley Cyrus made it famous and now twins Terry
        and Josie, 74, and their 82-year-old sister Mary are showing off their
        "twerking" skills! The grannies say some inappropriate words, but what
        the heck? They're fantastic!


        Grandpa Chips

        *Grandpa and The Computer*

        The computer swallowed Grandpa
        Yes honestly, its true.
        He pressed 'control' and 'enter'
        And disappeared from view.

        It's devoured him completely
        The thought just makes me squirm.
        Maybe he's caught a virus
        Or been eaten by a worm.

        I've searched through the recycle bin
        And files of every kind.
        I've even used the internet
        But nothing could I find.

        I asked Jeeves in desperation
        My searches to refine.
        The reply from him was negative
        Not a thing was found online.

        So, if someday in your 'In Box'
        My Grandpa you should see.
        Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' him
        In an e-mail back to me.


        Gas Chips


        Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men's
        tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box.

        The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely,
        while passing some gas rather loudly in the process. No one commented.

        She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just little gas as
        she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short

        She said, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?"

        One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas!"


        Fortune Chips

        In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller
        delivered grave news:

        "There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare
        to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this

        Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined
        at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.

        She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced. A question
        forced it's way out... she simply had to know.. She met the Fortune
        Teller's gaze, tried to steady her voice and asked,

        "Will I be acquitted?"
        For some reason, wives tend to like this joke .



        Parting Chips

        A difficult moral dilemma: you are on a plane headed for a tropical
        vacation, and you crash. you and most of the other passengers end up on a
        deserted island. The world thinks you perished in the sea. No one is coming
        to rescue you. There is not enough coconut, fresh water, and fish to sustain
        everyone. Among the survivors are an IRS agent, a DOJ lawyer, and an
        assistant communications director from the administration. Which one do you
        stir fry, which one do you barbecue, and which one goes into a


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

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        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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