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Clean Chips For Sun

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  • B.Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Saturday morning finds the buffalo winding his way
    Message 1 of 262 , Sep 1, 2002
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      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Saturday morning finds the buffalo winding his way to work at
      the break of dawn and yesterday with the cooler weather present
      a thick fog had developed close to work . It was one of those eerie types
      where if you could float ten feet above the ground it would
      be clear but as you hit the low swampy areas around the industrial
      park it was like driving into an opaque lake. Watching first the fenders,
      then the hood, and finally the windows being consumed by the soup
      I was transported for a moment back to the farm as a child.
      We raised veal calves from a small herd of milk cows, buying veal
      calves for 25.00 when several days old and selling them at nine weeks
      for 125.00. The cows would come to the barn where the calves were
      if their calves were involved, but had to be hunted down to feed the rest.
      Lost in the fog early in the morning , trying to get that out of
      the way before the real work started, we would walk through the
      marshy land calling the cows and when we found them drive them
      up to the barn, where they were rewarded with a little grain. We had
      80 acres fenced in with hundreds of little clumps of brush and deep grass to
      hide a herd in . Some mornings I would be hoarse from
      yelling Co Boss which is the cow equivalent the pig Suey.
      Wandering around in the fog barefooted you frequently stepped
      in a little cow surprise and had to stop at the well to wash your feet
      off under the overflow pipe. It wasn't that you didn't have shoes,
      because we normally had the pair from gym class and another pair
      usually Keds that you got for the summer but everyone was used to
      walking, even on gravel, barefoot and our feet were like leather.
      Oh well just a few memories before the chips.. Enjoy and have a great


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      Seniors Chips

      Of course, I realize that some of your readers of the scuttle butt
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      a picker-upper that is so true , it's scary.

      Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable
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      BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the
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      The nativity scene out of cities,
      The civility out of behavior,
      The refinement out of language,
      The prudence out of spending,
      The ambition out of achievement,
      And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance
      from personal relationships and interactions with others !!!
      Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled
      Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their
      hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
      Remember....inside every older person is a younger person wondering what
      the heck happened !
      the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
      I'm very good at openiing childproof caps with a hammer.
      I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
      I'm awake many hours before my body allows me get up.
      I'm smling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
      I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over....
      I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.
      I'm so cared for....long term care, eye care,
      private care, dental care.

      I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers,
      loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials,Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather,
      Barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can't remember.
      I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
      I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
      I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......
      I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.
      I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did
      they let kids become policemen?
      I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive
      at 150?
      I'm a walking storeroom of facts...I've just lost the key to the
      storeroom door.

      Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life !

      Hi, Lynn...hope you and the family have a great Labor Day week-end !!!!!


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      Heaven Chips

      This is really good, hope you like it. Have a good day.joyce

      On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal
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      they begin to wonder, "Could they possibly get married in Heaven?" When St.
      Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the
      first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The
      couple sits and waits for an answer. It takes a couple of months. After
      yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
      "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said
      the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?
      Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his
      clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple.
      "OH, C'MON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up
      here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?


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      Doctor Chips

      What The Doctor Really Means

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      Blonde Chips

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      Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.

      Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he
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      HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training.
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      School Chips

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      Parting Chips

      An elderly widow and widower were dating for about
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      wait, no, she looked at me funny..."

      After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail,
      he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed,
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      A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been
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      5 will be running in the fifth race at the local
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      From The Buffalos Mail Box

      Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
      ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as
      sailors stood around the water cask rumors, sea stories and
      useful info was spread )

      Ahoy thar, Buffalo,

      The story about "Morse Code" reminded me of a story I read in "ALL HANDS"
      magazine many, many years ago. I may not have the details exactly correct,
      but to the best of my recollection, it went something like this.

      It was a dark and stormy night off the coast of Inchon, Korea, in 1951. An
      American escort destroyer (DER) was on "picket duty." A DER is the smallest
      of the destroyers, mounting a single five inch gun fore and aft. The
      lookout spotted lights on the horizon and the OOD ordered a signal
      requesting identification. Receiving no answering signal, he repeated the
      order. Still receiving no recognition signal, the DER flashed the signal
      "Identify yourself or be blown out of the water."

      The answering signal was swift and to the point; "This is USS New Jersey.
      Fire at will."



      Buff...why don't you mention those who died in the plane crash in PA???
      They were heroic on 9-11-2001. It seems everyone remembers the Pentagon and
      WTC crashes...but fail to pay tribute to those who laid their lives on the
      line in the skies over PA.

      Sean in Rock Hill, SC

      Thank's for the reminder Sean and I notice that quite a few have
      included it in their comments.


      I just wanted to tell you how much that I enjoy your newsletter. I think
      that the thing that I enjoy most is your Lynn-Lynn links. God Bless

      Granny B


      Florida Hurricane Season Notes

      We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
      going to turn on the TV and see a weatherperson pointing to some radar blob
      out in the Atlantic and making two basic meteorological points:

      (1) There is no need to panic.
      (2) We could all be killed.

      Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
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      follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

      STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
      three days.

      STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

      STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
      Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
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      If you're one of those people, you'll want to clip out the following useful
      hurricane information and tuck it away in a safe place so that later on,
      when a storm is brewing, you will not be able to locate it.
      We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

      HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
      Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
      meets two basic requirements:

      (1) It is reasonably well-built, and (2) It is located in Nebraska.

      Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Florida, or any other area
      that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
      prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be
      required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the
      insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around
      for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly
      equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company
      can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an
      estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by
      the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
      addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my

      SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
      the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are
      several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

      Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
      they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself,
      they will fall off.

      Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
      them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
      will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

      Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
      will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
      to sell your house to pay for them.

      ``Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
      protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
      hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
      lives in Nebraska.

      ``Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
      yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
      visiting relatives, etc.; you should, as a precaution, throw these items
      into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have
      one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these
      objects into deadly missiles. (If you happen to have deadly missiles in
      your yard, don't worry, because the hurricane winds will turn THEM into
      harmless objects).

      EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an
      evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying
      area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida,'' you live in a
      low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being
      trapped in your home when a major storm hits.
      Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from
      your home, along with two million other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will
      not be lonely.

      HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies.
      Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the
      last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights
      with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In supplies: 23
      flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power
      goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
      Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
      bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!) A 55-gallon drum of
      underarm deodorant. A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will
      be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.) A large quantity of bananas,
      to placate the monkeys. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the
      hurricane, there WILL be irate monkeys.) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so
      that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no
      discernible teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions. As the
      hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the
      situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain
      slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how
      vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. At that
      point, if you've prepared all you can, there's frankly nothing left for you
      to do but pray.

      One more note: BUY A GUN...because all the cops and the national guard will
      be operating out of Nebraska.

      Good luck and remember: it's great living in a tropical paradise!



      Oh Good Grief Ganny look at the can of worms/'s/s'/s's/ you opened here. LOL
      &/&'/'&/&'&/ AND I'm still confused,more than ever now that we added
      possessive pronouns. I guess I should have paid attention 46 years ago
      during my high school years but, I was too busy being a social butterfly.
      Buffalo,in my opinion the scuttlebutt is what makes your e-zine the best I
      like reading everyone's opinion. Most of the time it's funny the way
      everyone jumps on a subject, even Vida. I was never in the military but my
      father served in WWII & we enjoyed listening to his war stories so I find
      the military stories here interesting also.I usually find that most people
      are interesting. barbjare nj


      Buffalo -

      I didn't know that we would stir up so much dust with our grammar
      discussions ! I think it's great. Like I said, if you care about things
      like apostrophes, then learn how to use them. If you don't care, that's
      fine, too. Only, you may put yourself in the position to be corrected by
      us compulsive types ! Peri and Leo, I love ya...

      And to all the others who wrote in about the flower - Uncle George, I'm
      glad it was you and Dianne who pointed that one up, and not me. I'm in
      danger of getting a rep as a compulsive type ... heh heh, as Buff would

      Thanks for the fun, everybody.



      "In a great trade one time I saw myself traded for two firemen ( E-3 ) and a
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      cried. Have a great Saturday and enjoy your chips, I had to trade 3 pounds
      of coffee and a 5 pound bag of sugar for them..."


      Back in the early 70's, I was in an Army Infantry unit. A recently
      assigned soldier had some typing skills (a rare commodity). The local
      Adjutant General (AG) unit wanted him. At the time Xerox copiers were rare.
      My commander wanted some copies made of a training manual he had prepared.
      The deal was struck--the soldier for 50 copies of the manual. The two
      commanders were happy. Not sure anyone ever asked the soldier. Though I
      would think his trading the life of a grunt for a cushy office job wouldn't
      be too hard to take.

      I really do appreciate both your jokes and your introductions describing
      either a day in the life of the Buffalo or some story from your Navy days.
      Thanks. Keep the chips coming.



      Hi Buff. Today I celebrated the big 72 so hang in there . Also what do you
      want good grammer or good jokes. Personally I want good jokes and hope you
      keep them coming. Cliff

      Buffalo Says. A belated happy Birthday to you Cliff from all of the herd.


      Hey Folks;
      I have made these in the form of a poster and they are red, green,
      blue, red and black. I intend to put one on avery foreign car I see flying
      the American Flag.
      Tell me what you think.







      Buffalo says Gee Horace , what you say is true but which ones are made
      overseas andwhich ones are made in Ohio, Ky , Tenn, Texas,
      Alabama , and by our neighbors in Canada. Even the ones from overseas , whom
      owns what name?


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      Remember 9/11/01
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats that ever became attached to. I still swear that she never left as late
      Message 262 of 262 , Aug 4, 2013
      • 0 Attachment
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
        that ever became attached to. I still swear that
        she never left as late at night, out of the corner
        of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
        see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
        on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
        of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
        while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
        but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.

        Miss Picky
        One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
        Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
        diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
        several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
        animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
        had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
        or have people touch her tail.

        Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
        greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
        into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
        knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
        walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
        of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
        snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
        fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
        her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
        to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
        had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
        favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
        supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
        At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
        fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
        there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
        stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.

        I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
        year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
        finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
        eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
        failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
        some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
        felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
        chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
        of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
        the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.

        Enjoy the chips... buff


        Flying Chips

        A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
        and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
        woman reading her Bible.

        Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
        demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
        The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

        After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
        more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
        is something in first class."

        About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
        captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
        one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
        economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
        force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
        make the switch to first class."

        Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
        the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
        retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
        first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant

        Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing


        Baking Chips

        Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.

        Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
        going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
        church events . . .

        Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
        group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
        last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
        when she took it from the oven, the center had
        dropped flat.

        She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
        cake." So, she looked around the house for
        something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
        it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
        plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
        covered it with icing.

        The finished product looked beautiful, so she
        rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
        some money and instructions to be at the
        sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
        bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
        the attractive cake had already been sold.

        Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
        Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
        of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
        game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
        the cake in question was presented for dessert.

        Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
        to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
        but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
        ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

        Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
        (a prominent church member) say:

        "Why thank you; I baked it myself."


        Indian Chips

        Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
        Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
        many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.

        Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
        bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
        contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
        brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
        out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
        had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
        Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

        On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
        big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
        the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
        far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
        could award his daughter to Running Bear.

        On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
        and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
        bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
        7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
        Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.

        Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
        went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
        and still....Falling Rock did not return.

        It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
        Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
        There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever

        The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
        their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.

        And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...

        "Watch for Falling Rock".


        Baptist Chips

        A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
        church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
        wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
        used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
        explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
        why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
        was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
        The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
        not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.

        "Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
        years and it isn't going to start now."

        The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't

        "Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
        him when I learned that he drank wine."


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        Preparing To Meet The Dog

        Koala's In A Heatwave!

        Ricochet The Surf Dog!

        Extreme Camping!

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        Marriage Chips

        Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
        month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter

        "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
        her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
        to dinner every night."

        "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

        "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
        spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out


        Golf Chips

        Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
        said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

        The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
        a wedge, THEN a putt.

        The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
        telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
        underestimate his game!

        Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

        He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
        yards off the front of the tee.

        Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
        heck of a putt..."


        Short Chips

        "John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
        be married!"

        "That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
        on our honeymoon."


        Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
        a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

        The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
        or so I think."

        "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
        coming up with an inexpensive evening."

        "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
        but that was all the money she had."



        Parting Chips

        Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
        family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
        his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his

        One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
        had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

        "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
        years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

        Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

        Three days later, she became his stepmother.

        Women are so much better at estate planning than men.


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

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        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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