Clean Chips For Sun
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Saturday morning finds the buffalo winding his way to work at
the break of dawn and yesterday with the cooler weather present
a thick fog had developed close to work . It was one of those eerie types
where if you could float ten feet above the ground it would
be clear but as you hit the low swampy areas around the industrial
park it was like driving into an opaque lake. Watching first the fenders,
then the hood, and finally the windows being consumed by the soup
I was transported for a moment back to the farm as a child.
We raised veal calves from a small herd of milk cows, buying veal
calves for 25.00 when several days old and selling them at nine weeks
for 125.00. The cows would come to the barn where the calves were
if their calves were involved, but had to be hunted down to feed the rest.
Lost in the fog early in the morning , trying to get that out of
the way before the real work started, we would walk through the
marshy land calling the cows and when we found them drive them
up to the barn, where they were rewarded with a little grain. We had
80 acres fenced in with hundreds of little clumps of brush and deep grass to
hide a herd in . Some mornings I would be hoarse from
yelling Co Boss which is the cow equivalent the pig Suey.
Wandering around in the fog barefooted you frequently stepped
in a little cow surprise and had to stop at the well to wash your feet
off under the overflow pipe. It wasn't that you didn't have shoes,
because we normally had the pair from gym class and another pair
usually Keds that you got for the summer but everyone was used to
walking, even on gravel, barefoot and our feet were like leather.
Oh well just a few memories before the chips.. Enjoy and have a great
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Of course, I realize that some of your readers of the scuttle butt
aren't old enough to appreciate this, but thought you might enjoy it
a picker-upper that is so true , it's scary.
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable
definiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take
responsiblity for all we have done and do not blame others.
BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the
senior citizens who took ;
The melody out of the music,
The pride out of appearance,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The religion out of schools,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement,
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance
from personal relationships and interactions with others !!!
Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled
Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their
hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
Remember....inside every older person is a younger person wondering what
the heck happened !
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN !
the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at openiing childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me get up.
I'm smling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over....
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for....long term care, eye care,
private care, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers,
loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials,Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather,
Barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can't remember.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......
I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did
they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive
I'm a walking storeroom of facts...I've just lost the key to the
Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life !
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This is really good, hope you like it. Have a good day.joyce
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal
car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates
waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While they are waiting,
they begin to wonder, "Could they possibly get married in Heaven?" When St.
Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the
first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The
couple sits and waits for an answer. It takes a couple of months. After
yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said
the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his
clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asks the frightened couple.
"OH, C'MON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up
here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
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What The Doctor Really Means
"Well, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time
"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is,you're
going to pay for it.
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable
that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this on
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A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 o'clock
news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50
that the man in the lead story, who is threatening
to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet," the blonde replied.
A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to
report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the
building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for
having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde
and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies, "I owe you
The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies "No,
you don't understand, I saw the 5:30 edition, so I
knew how it was going to turn out."
"That's okay," the blonde replies, "I saw it earlier
too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
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Quotes from offices
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Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was
going to blame it on you."
A motivational sign at work: "The beatings will continue until morale
A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to
get the ones we hired."
My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's
My Boss said to me, "What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a
My Boss needs a surge protector. That way her mouth would be buffered
from surprise spikes in her brain.
I thought my Boss was a bastard, and quit, to work for myself. My
new Boss is a bastard, too ... but at least I respect him.
He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He
walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit
of a SPINE.
Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he
created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the
impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the
outcome of this project!"
HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training.
Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're
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Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern
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position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes
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"Are you my caddie?" asked the golfer.
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"And are you any good at finding lost balls?"
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A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
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The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out.
This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
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An elderly widow and widower were dating for about
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She immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember
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wait, no, she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail,
he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed,
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From The Buffalos Mail Box
Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as
sailors stood around the water cask rumors, sea stories and
useful info was spread )
Ahoy thar, Buffalo,
The story about "Morse Code" reminded me of a story I read in "ALL HANDS"
magazine many, many years ago. I may not have the details exactly correct,
but to the best of my recollection, it went something like this.
It was a dark and stormy night off the coast of Inchon, Korea, in 1951. An
American escort destroyer (DER) was on "picket duty." A DER is the smallest
of the destroyers, mounting a single five inch gun fore and aft. The
lookout spotted lights on the horizon and the OOD ordered a signal
requesting identification. Receiving no answering signal, he repeated the
order. Still receiving no recognition signal, the DER flashed the signal
"Identify yourself or be blown out of the water."
The answering signal was swift and to the point; "This is USS New Jersey.
Fire at will."
Buff...why don't you mention those who died in the plane crash in PA???
They were heroic on 9-11-2001. It seems everyone remembers the Pentagon and
WTC crashes...but fail to pay tribute to those who laid their lives on the
line in the skies over PA.
Sean in Rock Hill, SC
Thank's for the reminder Sean and I notice that quite a few have
included it in their comments.
I just wanted to tell you how much that I enjoy your newsletter. I think
that the thing that I enjoy most is your Lynn-Lynn links. God Bless
Florida Hurricane Season Notes
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're
going to turn on the TV and see a weatherperson pointing to some radar blob
out in the Atlantic and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for
the possibility that we'll get hit by ``the big one.'' The best way to get
information on this topic is to ask people who were here during Hurricane
Andrew (we're easy to recognize, because we still smell faintly of b.o.
mixed with gasoline). Based on our experiences, we recommend that you
follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
If you're one of those people, you'll want to clip out the following useful
hurricane information and tuck it away in a safe place so that later on,
when a storm is brewing, you will not be able to locate it.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home
meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and (2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Florida, or any other area
that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be
required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the
insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around
for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly
equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company
can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an
estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by
the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in
addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are
several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself,
they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands
will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have
to sell your house to pay for them.
``Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He
lives in Nebraska.
``Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your
yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture,
visiting relatives, etc.; you should, as a precaution, throw these items
into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have
one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these
objects into deadly missiles. (If you happen to have deadly missiles in
your yard, don't worry, because the hurricane winds will turn THEM into
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an
evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying
area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida,'' you live in a
low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being
trapped in your home when a major storm hits.
Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from
your home, along with two million other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will
not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies.
Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the
last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights
with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In supplies: 23
flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power
goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!) A 55-gallon drum of
underarm deodorant. A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will
be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.) A large quantity of bananas,
to placate the monkeys. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the
hurricane, there WILL be irate monkeys.) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so
that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no
discernible teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions. As the
hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the
situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain
slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how
vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. At that
point, if you've prepared all you can, there's frankly nothing left for you
to do but pray.
One more note: BUY A GUN...because all the cops and the national guard will
be operating out of Nebraska.
Good luck and remember: it's great living in a tropical paradise!
Oh Good Grief Ganny look at the can of worms/'s/s'/s's/ you opened here. LOL
&/&'/'&/&'&/ AND I'm still confused,more than ever now that we added
possessive pronouns. I guess I should have paid attention 46 years ago
during my high school years but, I was too busy being a social butterfly.
Buffalo,in my opinion the scuttlebutt is what makes your e-zine the best I
like reading everyone's opinion. Most of the time it's funny the way
everyone jumps on a subject, even Vida. I was never in the military but my
father served in WWII & we enjoyed listening to his war stories so I find
the military stories here interesting also.I usually find that most people
are interesting. barbjare nj
I didn't know that we would stir up so much dust with our grammar
discussions ! I think it's great. Like I said, if you care about things
like apostrophes, then learn how to use them. If you don't care, that's
fine, too. Only, you may put yourself in the position to be corrected by
us compulsive types ! Peri and Leo, I love ya...
And to all the others who wrote in about the flower - Uncle George, I'm
glad it was you and Dianne who pointed that one up, and not me. I'm in
danger of getting a rep as a compulsive type ... heh heh, as Buff would
Thanks for the fun, everybody.
"In a great trade one time I saw myself traded for two firemen ( E-3 ) and a
bale of rags. It made me feel so proud to be that valuable that I almost
cried. Have a great Saturday and enjoy your chips, I had to trade 3 pounds
of coffee and a 5 pound bag of sugar for them..."
Back in the early 70's, I was in an Army Infantry unit. A recently
assigned soldier had some typing skills (a rare commodity). The local
Adjutant General (AG) unit wanted him. At the time Xerox copiers were rare.
My commander wanted some copies made of a training manual he had prepared.
The deal was struck--the soldier for 50 copies of the manual. The two
commanders were happy. Not sure anyone ever asked the soldier. Though I
would think his trading the life of a grunt for a cushy office job wouldn't
be too hard to take.
I really do appreciate both your jokes and your introductions describing
either a day in the life of the Buffalo or some story from your Navy days.
Thanks. Keep the chips coming.
Hi Buff. Today I celebrated the big 72 so hang in there . Also what do you
want good grammer or good jokes. Personally I want good jokes and hope you
keep them coming. Cliff
Buffalo Says. A belated happy Birthday to you Cliff from all of the herd.
I have made these in the form of a poster and they are red, green,
blue, red and black. I intend to put one on avery foreign car I see flying
the American Flag.
Tell me what you think.
IN 1950 I WENT TO KOREA TO FIGHT FOR YOU AND ALL OF US TO KEEP THE RIGHT TO
SPEND OUR MONEY ANYWAY WE CHOOSE
IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME TO SEE YOU BUYING FOREIGN CARS, PUTTING AMERICANS OUT
OF WORK, AND CONTRIBUTING TO THE NATIONAL TRADE DEFECIT.
BUT COULD YOU BE COURTEOUS ENOUGH NOT TO FLY THE FLAG OF THESE UNITED STATES
FROM YOUR FOREIGN MADE PRODUCT?
Buffalo says Gee Horace , what you say is true but which ones are made
overseas andwhich ones are made in Ohio, Ky , Tenn, Texas,
Alabama , and by our neighbors in Canada. Even the ones from overseas , whom
owns what name?
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Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
- My name is buffalo and I have the watch.
Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
that ever became attached to. I still swear that
she never left as late at night, out of the corner
of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.
One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
or have people touch her tail.
Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.
I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.
Enjoy the chips... buff
A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
woman reading her Bible.
Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."
After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
is something in first class."
About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
make the switch to first class."
Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant
Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing
Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.
Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
church events . . .
Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
when she took it from the oven, the center had
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
cake." So, she looked around the house for
something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
covered it with icing.
The finished product looked beautiful, so she
rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
some money and instructions to be at the
sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
the attractive cake had already been sold.
Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
the cake in question was presented for dessert.
Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
(a prominent church member) say:
"Why thank you; I baked it myself."
Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.
Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
daughter in marriage.
Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.
On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
could award his daughter to Running Bear.
On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
daughter in marriage.
Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.
Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
and still....Falling Rock did not return.
It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever
The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.
And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...
"Watch for Falling Rock".
A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.
"Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
years and it isn't going to start now."
The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't
"Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
him when I learned that he drank wine."
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Preparing To Meet The Dog
Koala's In A Heatwave!
Ricochet The Surf Dog!
Cute PDF Writer
Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter
"Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
to dinner every night."
"That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"
"I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out
Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."
The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
a wedge, THEN a putt.
The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
underestimate his game!
Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.
He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
yards off the front of the tee.
Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
heck of a putt..."
"John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
"That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
on our honeymoon."
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.
The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
or so I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
but that was all the money she had."
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
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