Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

Clean Chips For Sun

Expand Messages
  • B.Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Hockey- I am not really a great fan actually of
    Message 1 of 262 , Jun 2, 2002
    • 0 Attachment
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo
      and I have the watch.

      Hockey- I am not really a great fan actually of hockey, its just a part of
      my past. When I was young, there was only one tv channel, Channel 2 , which
      was CBC, the Canadian Broadcasting Company.
      Saturday was "Hockey Night in Canada" and it was the only thing on so if you
      wanted to stare at the tube it was hockey. Most of the true greats have
      come from Canada and in an area not too far from where I am so some of the
      heroes were considered local. This is not and ethnic thing , its just that
      we have ice 6 months out of the year and it is easier for children to play
      hockey than to chase golf balls.
      Play they do , also starting with Peewee Hockey pre-school all the way up to
      the farm clubs for the NHL to keep the high school kids occupied.
      Any how since the only channel was Canadian I believed that the two greatest
      teams on the earth were Montreal and Toronto. Its kinda like growing up as
      a Catholic back then , they told you that Catholics were Christians , they
      just didn't bother telling you that Protestants were too.
      Now hockey has changed . Cities that have never had any ice in the past
      40,000 years are winning the Cup and the Play-offs last almost till football
      starts. We also have to mention the Russian players, with names that we all
      have trouble pronouncing. Seems like they are one of the largest post Cold
      War imports and add enough extra players so that maybe we can add more teams
      and have year round hockey.
      All in All , I am now a Detroit Red Wings and Lake Superior State Lakers fan
      but the greatest game on earth is still Montreal Vs Toronto on a Sat night..
      Enjoy the chips..buffalo

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Please visit our Sponsor
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      ** FORECLOSED HOMES: NO MONEY DOWN! **
      Try a FREE search in your area. America's largest & oldest bank foreclosure
      service.
      650,000 foreclosed homes, starting at $25,000 with NO MONEY DOWN.
      Homes for sale directly from banks and owners. Beautiful 3-4-5 bedroom
      foreclosed homes in great locations in all 50 states.
      First Time Homebuyers, Investment Homes, Condo's and commercial
      foreclosures.
      Search online: Names, Addresses, and Phone Numbers with 24 hour access.

      FOR A List In Your Area Click Here
      http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=28&w=text
      AOL Users: Click
      <a href="http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=28&w=text
      ">Here</a>
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Alien Chips From Big Al
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      A spaceship lands in the middle of Texas.
      As the Martians start filing out, a big Texan walks up to the one who looks
      like the
      leader.
      He asks the Martian, "Y'all got them green eyes?"
      The Martian answers back in a machine-like drone, "Yes, we all have green
      eyes."
      The Texan again inquires, "and y'all go those antennay on yo' head?"
      "Yes we all have antennae on our heads."
      The Texan is still curious, as he looks as more of the Martians, he again
      asks the
      leader, "Y'all got them long black coats?"
      To which the Martian says, "No, only the Hasidim."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      WEIGHT LOSS: Didrex Tenuate Xencal Ionamine Meridian
      PAIN RELIEF: Ultram, Celebrex ,HERPES: Acyclovir , Valtex
      SKIN CARE: Vaniqa BIRTH CONTROL: Ortho Tri-Cyclen
      And More

      You will NOT find the prescription medication that you're looking
      for at a lower price anywhere on the Internet.
      Consultation with a board certified physician is always free.

      http://www.buffalosjokes.com/eprescribe.htm



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Netscape Nexus
      http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-120&R=1-7-1

      Fisherman bounty
      http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-121&R=1-7-1

      Your first computer experience
      http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-122&R=1-7-1


      The Push Of A Button
      http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny115.html
      <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny115.html">Here!</a>

      Problems Looming!
      http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny116.html
      <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny116.html">Here!</a>

      Pay Attention...
      http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny117.html
      <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny117.html">Here!</a>



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Heavy Chips From Squirrel Bait
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Buffalo had been experiencing chronic problems with back pain, so he visited
      his doctor.

      The good doctor, after giving him a thorough examination, said grimly,
      "Mr.Brabant, I am sorry to have to say this, but if you want to get well
      again you would have to lose a foot."

      "What!" I exclaimed. "You mean my foot has to be amputated?"

      "Oh, no, no!" replied the good doctor, vociferously. "I mean you have to
      lose a foot from around your waistline!"



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      http://www.focalex.com/btns/btn_general.emp?aid=249224

      Get FREE STUFF, hot deals, special offers and information on the
      entertainment topics YOU want to hear about delivered to your inbox! You
      pick YOUR interests and start receiving information on things you like
      today. The best free info and deals on games, sports, television, shopping,
      computers and much more by email. Subscribe for FREE at:

      http://www.focalex.com/btns/btn_general.emp?aid=249224



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Wheel Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A Martian lands his spaceship in the middle of Brooklyn. when he gets out
      of his spaceship, he realizes that one of the wheels of his spaceship is
      missing. Looking around, he sees a bagel shop, with a big picture of a
      bagel on the sign in front of the shop.
      Thinking that it's a store that sells wheels, he walks into the store,
      points to a bagel, and asks the owner, "Can I buy one of those wheels?"
      The owner looks at the Martian with puzzlement, and says, "Wheels? Those
      are not wheels. They are bagels."
      The Martian asks, "What's a bagel?"
      The store owner says, "A bagel is a food. And it's delicious!" The owner
      gives a bagel to the Martian and says, "Here...taste one."
      The Martian eats the bagel, enjoying the taste very much. He looks up at
      the store owner, and says, " You know, this would go great with lox and
      cream cheese!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The Home Marketplace offers clever solutions to simplify your life...In
      Style! Take $5 off Kitchen & Home orders of $40+ until 6/30/02
      http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8234094



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Computer Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      CD-ROM Drive: Useful for holding coffee cups. Also used to read a "Hard
      Disk" (see below).

      Computer: A machine that looks like a TV screen except you can't watch shows
      on it. Also comes with a Keyboard and a "Hard Drive" (see below).

      CPU: See "Hard Drive".

      Desktop: The surface of the piece of office furniture on which your Computer
      sits. Files frequently appear there while you're using the Computer.

      E-Mail: A kind of computery electronic mail that gets delivered to the
      mailbox outside your house, so you'd better check it often. If you can't
      send e-mail, the best thing to do is e-mail someone and tell them.

      File: A thing stored on computers. It's a good idea to free up Memory by
      deleting Files you never use, especially if they are in the "Windows"
      directory and you have no idea what they are for.

      Floppy Disk: A large, flat, flexible disk measuring approximately 5.25
      inches across. Floppy Disks are very old, nowadays people use "Hard Disks".

      Hard Disk: A removable storage device with a cover made of hard (hence the
      name) plastic, measuring approximately 3.5 inches across. Hard disks can
      store up to 1.44 megabits of RAM.

      Hard Drive: A big boxy thing that comes with the Computer. Also called a
      "Modem", or sometimes a "CPU". The "Hard Drive" serves absolutely no
      purpose, and does not even need to be connected to the rest of the Computer.

      Internet: A thing you click on to surf the Information Superhighway (also
      known as the World Wide Webiverse). There are two versions of the Internet:
      Microsoft Internet, and Netscape Explorer. Microsoft Internet is also called
      "Windows Explorer". The Internet can be downloaded and will fit comfortably
      on a single "Hard Disk".

      Keyboard: Useful for typing, but only when it's not plugged in. Also used to
      catch spilled coffee, soft drinks, and other beverages. Easily cleaned in
      the dishwasher. Supposedly contains the "any" key, but only tech support can
      tell you where it is.

      Memory: A measure of how much disk space the Computer has. Measured in
      megahertz.

      Modem: See "Hard Drive". You never need a modem to access the Internet.

      Mouse: This is a term technical types use for the Computer's foot-pedal. The
      Mouse should be positioned with the "tail" pointing toward the user because
      that makes the most sense. Some varieties can be held and clicked like a
      remote control, tapped against the screen, or placed against the screen and
      moved, although this makes it hard to see what's going on so it's not clear
      why they designed it that way.

      Surge Suppresor: (also "Surge Protector", "Power Strip") A device that
      protects the Computer against harmful electrical spikes, when plugged into
      itself.

      Windows: Transparent glass things in the walls of your house that sometimes
      need to be closed because they affect how your Computer functions. Also
      refers to a really technical thing that comes on all Computers, but most
      people never use it so it's safe to delete. The most popular version of
      Windows is Windows 97.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      FREE Vitamin Report


      You are only seconds away from getting your Free Report... "The 7 Sneakiest
      Secrets Vitamin Companies Hope You Never, Ever Find Out About"

      http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=109&w=i_722



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      LynnLynn's Links
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Yesterday we were informed of the death Polly's mother. Polly is
      a fellow listowner and also a frequent contributor to the links. A
      bereavement site and guestbook has been constructed if you would
      like to stop and pay your respects.
      http://worldzone.net/internet/lynnslinks/avemaria.html


      If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
      to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com

      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
      Subscribers and Friends

      Subscriber CWO Dave's World
      http://cwodave.topcities.com/

      Samantha's Place
      http://members.tripod.com/~SamanthaS_2/Samanthas-Index.html

      Laine- Running Wild
      http://d21c.com/moonbud/wild.html

      Mamarocks The Perfect Gift
      http://www.mamarocks.com/perfect_gift.htm

      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      Fans of The Golf Channel, the only 24-hour cable golf channel, have always
      relied on one of the best networks for all of the best golf action from all
      of the major tours. With the launch of The Golf Channel Pro
      Shop now you can have access to many of the great products you
      see there.

      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8259913">Click here to Shop the
      The Golf Channel ProShop</a>
      http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8259913


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
      Surfin Surfari

      Garden- Drying FLOwers
      http://www.gardenguides.com/TipsandTechniques/drying.htm

      Sunset Slideshow
      http://www.geocities.com/ponca0101/sunset5/sunwelcome.html

      8 BALL Magic Infinity-ball
      http://www.jaked.org/8ball.html

      GAMES Web Video Games
      http://www.sancho.com/

      Boise River festival
      http://www.boiseriverfestival.org/

      Old Songs Festival
      http://www.oldsongs.org/festival.html


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      Rawlings- Sports Gear Of Professionals

      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8227153">Shop at Rawlings.com for
      Baseball Gear</a>

      http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8227153


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
      Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

      Help Link Car Sigs
      http://community-2.webtv.net/MIDNIGHTAUTO1/MIDNIGHTAUTO/

      GRAPHIC Gifs-Name Train at Graphic Originals, Home of the NameTrain.
      http://www.graphicoriginals.com/gifs-nt.html

      Harpsichord Midis
      http://home5.swipnet.se/~w-54870/midi.html

      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      National Geograpic

      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8256860">Get 112 Years of
      National Geographic on CD-Rom for only $89.95 at the National Geographic
      Store</a>

      http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8256860


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
      Animal World

      Doggie Zone
      http://wtv-zone.com/1449/M004.html

      Kitty Korner
      http://granniejanie.homestead.com/IfNobodySmiled.html

      Janet-Beasley my cat
      http://home.talkcity.com/CupidsCt/janet115/beasley.html

      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      DO YOU SMOKE

      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8272805">ATTENTION SMOKERS: BUY
      TAX FREE DISCOUNT CIGARETTES! SAVE UP TO 50% ON MARLBORO, NEWPORT, CAMELS
      AND OTHER MAJOR BRANDS, CLICK HERE!</a>
      http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8272805


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      Feedback

      Visit LynnLynn's Guest Book and tell her how you feel abut the links
      http://pub22.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=1822710783




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Cabby Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence
      to St.Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the
      entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe
      and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

      A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching
      these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St.
      Peter.

      Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter
      furrows his brow and says, Okay, we'll let you in, but take that
      cloth robe and wooden staff.

      The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the
      cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe.
      Surely I rate higher than a cabby.

      St. Peter responds matter-of-factly: "Here we are interested in
      results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove
      his taxi, people prayed.


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Pheromones

      Become more attractive to the opposite sex. Become the focus
      of romance and sexual interest. Wear sexual attractants
      disguised as fragrances or enhance your cologne or perfume with
      pheromones (natural sexual attractants). Single men and women
      report meeting more singles of the opposite sex. Married men and
      women report marital bliss enhanced with these rare products.
      Click here now:

      http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ar.htm



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Vet Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked
      her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been
      occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:

      "Hey look, I'm a vet -- I don't need to ask my patients these kind of
      questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"

      The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and
      handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work,
      we'll have to have you put down."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      YOU'RE BEING WATCHED!!!
      Your Internet activities are being recorded. Every
      picture you've seen is copied to your hard drive,
      every website is recorded in a secret file in Windows.
      Every website you've visited is added to your drop
      down list. Your homepage could be changed and you can
      be tracked from anywhere.
      PROTECT YOURSELF WITH INTERNET ERASER!!
      It permanently erases your Internet tracks and
      protects your privacy...

      http://www.interneteraser.com/enter.html?ID=2974323

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Golf Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      On Husband-and-Wife day at La Quinta in Palm Springs, a player drove
      straight down the 1st fairway. Taking over, his wife sliced the ball 100
      yards into the rough. The husband gritted his teeth and made a magnificent
      recovery right onto the green. The wife blasted her putt past the pin into a
      deep trap. Delicately, the man lifted the ball back to the green-where it
      rolled into the cup. He turned to his wife. "We'll have to do a bit better
      than that from now on, dear. The hole was bogey five." "Don't give me a hard
      time, " she snapped, "only two of those strokes were mine."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      We have the Services that you WANT and NEED

      Long Distance Dialing fron 3.9 cents per minute.
      Calling Cards and Dial Around Service.
      Conference Calling and Voice Messaging
      Internet Access and Direct-Tv DSL
      Computers, Home Security, and Web Services.
      From PCS/ Cellular to a T-1 connection for your
      business all at Great Prices.

      Click Here http://ld.net/?jbond007
      <a href=" http://ld.net/?jbond007"> AOL Link </a>


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Dan and Dave were sitting in the pro shop sipping an after game drink.

      "So, how was your golf game today?" asks Dave. "Remember I bet you $20 that
      I'd score better than you, and I shot an 88."

      "It was great," replies Dan. "I shot par!"

      "Wow, that's really good, "Dave answers with a hint of envy in his voice and
      reluctantly hands him $20 bill. "It seems like you were only out on the
      course for about an hour or so."

      "Yeah," exclaims Dan, " I felt so excited I went ahead and played the 2nd
      and 3rd hole too!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Uncover The TRUTH About ANYONE!

      Find out the TRUTH about your friends, family, enemies, employees,
      even your Boss! Do background checks, get criminal records, locate
      missing family members, all in the privacy of your own home!

      Click Here Now:
      http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=75&w=text



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual
      findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can
      communicate at a distance of 300 miles."

      "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?"
      asked a sarcastic member of the group.

      "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something
      like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      The Herbal Buffalo
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      HERBALSENSATIONS - A GREAT COMPANY WITH GREAT PRODUCTS

      Herbal Viagra for Men and Women, Fat Burner,Grow Hair and more.
      All products come with 100% customer satisfaction or your money back.
      Check them out!!
      <a href=" http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/ ">Click Here
      For Herbal Sensations</a>

      SPECIAL OFFER! Be one of the first 1000 people to
      request this sample and receive a FREE pH test kit
      with your free sample of Essential Minerals.
      Is your body's pH level Alkaline or Acidic?

      http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=91&w=text


      Not knowing could put you in harms way. 95% of us
      are acidic, which is the perfect
      breeding ground for diseases such as Cancer,
      Heart Disease, Stroke!
      Find out how likely you are to get sick with
      our simple to use home pH test kit.

      http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=91&w=text
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      From The Buffalos Mail Box

      Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
      ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
      around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

      Dear Baffulo,

      Why it is that you seem to hit the right buttons?

      In !956 I got a job at the local (indoor) theater (The Scott Theater,
      Scottsburg, IN). My duties included, cleaning up the theater after school (I
      was a Sophamore and would come into the theater after school and clean it up
      from the night before), collecting tickets (I stayed in the theater after
      cleaning (do my homework) until it opened for the night), selling popcorn
      and candy (I ran the consession booth), acting as the usher (if needed), and
      clearing the theater after the movie was over.

      The family that owned the indoor theater also owned the outdoor (Moonglo)
      theater. For the next few seasons, I worked the indoor and the outdoor
      theaters. The Scott Theater (indoor) did not have air conditioning,
      therefore, when the weather became "warm" the "family" would close the
      indoor and open the outdoor (Moonglo) drive-in. I then would move to the
      drive-in and continue my duties (cleaning up from the night before and
      working in the Consession Booth). Until Fall when the Moonglo would close
      and the indoor theater would open for the winter. This went on for a couple
      of years and when I turned 16, the "family" then gave me the responsibility
      of "Driving the Jeep". This meant that I sold the tickets at the entrance
      booth, and later, instead of working in the Consessionn Booth, I drove the
      jeep. My duties included ensuring the moral standards (no sex on the
      back row, I especially looked for the steamed-up windows), no one stole a
      speaker (waiting at the exit for them to turn them in when they "accidently'
      ripped one lose), and, directing the traffic at the exit after the movie
      (ably assisted by the local "County Mounty"). And, the next day cleaning up.

      --
      Don of Niagara Falls
      ~~~~~


      Sometimes things just don't go right:
      Fishing License

      In 1979, I was stationed at Ft Carson, CO. My friend Bill Beaver (SFC, MP
      Corps) invited me to go fishing. The only problem was that I did not have CO
      Fishing License. And, this is where the rub began:

      Because I was in the Army, I could get my CO fishing license at the Ft
      Carson Rod & Gun Club. So here I go. (In CO the fishing license is a
      combined hunting and fishing license.) So, I approached the desk at the Rod
      & Gun Club and was greeted by a very pleasant (and eye appealing) young
      lady. I informed her that I wanted CO Hunting and Fishing License and
      provided my identification. She pointed to a sign and stated that I must
      take the gun safety course before I could receive my license.

      I read the sign, ³If you were born after 16 August 1963, you must take the
      Gun Safety Course prior to receiving CO Hunting and Fishing License.² I was
      born on 13 May 1942. So the following conversation took place:

      ³I was born before 1963.²

      ³No, you were not.²

      ³Yes, I was.²

      ³NO, you were not.²

      ³YES, I WAS!²

      ³NO, you were not. Let me show you. 1942 is after 1963; when I count 1963,
      1962, 1961, etc., until you get to 1942. As you can see 1942 is after 1963.²

      ³Can I speak to your supervisor?²

      She called her supervisor (a retired E-7) and she explained to him the
      problem. He looked knowingly at me, gave me the ³Marine Corps Salute²,
      ordered the young lady to give me my license, and told her to come to his
      office afterward for "additional training".
      --
      Don of Niagara Falls

      ~~~~~
      Amazing 20 Dollar Bill

      Hope you are able to get this. It is really something.
      ~Robbin~
      http://www.allbrevard.net/

      ~~~~~~

      In a message dated 06/01/2002 2:56:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
      buffalo@... writes:

      << Dave G. Safety Harbor,

      If you read today's issue, then you know American Airport Security went
      after an 85 year old Grandma, in the U.S.

      Canadians get much the same treatment going through US border crossings.

      Sept.11 changed all us and many things, not all for the better.

      Dianne >>

      Hi Buff..... if you type "granny" in the search line and scroll down to #4.
      you'll see that the story about the airport isn't true
      <A HREF="http://www.snopes2.com/ "> Click here: Urban Legends Reference
      Pages
      </A>

      Buffalo says I think we all figured that out when it mentioned her doing
      victory laps for a half hour on the security guard with her scooter.
      True or not I love them , and they are interactive. Everyone gets a
      chance to search to see if they are true or not.

      ~~~~~

      About the lack of Canadian hockey teams...

      After the dismal showing of the American Team at the Olympics a few months
      ago, the Canadian Hockey Teams agreed to let the
      American teams have a go....

      After all, most Canadian teams can win just about any time they want!!!!

      So there...

      Dianne

      Buffalo says Plus the Stanley cup is about who can afford the best
      Canadian Players and we pay ours in U.S. Funds heh heh.

      ~~~~

      Sorry to hear about your brother's problems entering Canada...it is unusual
      and he seems to have gotten a raw deal...this is not the way Canadians want
      be assured. I am assuming your brother attempted his border crossing after
      9/11. Take my word for it...the increased caution works both ways going
      over our undefended border.

      But such is not a new phenomenon. In March of 2000 I was sent a plane
      ticket to fly to Harrisburg PA by an old friend who lives down there. Not
      anticipating any problems with what should be essentially a domestic flight
      in view of the long association of our countries I packed lightly taking
      along my medications and a couple of changes of clothes. I was nicely but
      not over dressed and as per routine stopped at the customs kiosk to identify
      myself, my reason fo travel, etc., all the usual drill...among the questions
      I was asked was what did I do for a living. I explained I was on a
      government disability pension. when they enquired the nature of the
      disability I explained I was diagnosed as bipolar, which I had to clarify to
      the gentleman as manic depressive. (Good news by the way Buff...I disovered
      that for the last 5 years they have treated me for the wrong problem; I am
      not bipolar...I suffer BPD...similar in cause and to a degree in effect but
      not totally similar in treatment though many of the drugs used are the same
      since both are serotonin uptake problems)

      I was asked to go off into the little side room reserved for more intensive
      determination of my fitness to visit a friend where a brusque but not
      impolite gentleman from the Justice Department proceeded to question me very
      closely on my reasons for travelling, who was my friend, what were the pills
      in my luggage, why did I carry a jackknife (2" blade in my pocket) and a
      number of other good sensible officious cop type questions. This took a
      little over two hours. Just prior to my flight being announced
      (simultaneously almost) I was told that if I wanted to cross the border I
      had to get verification from my family doctor, my psychiatrist, and someone
      in an official capacity who knew me, such as a police chief, etc. that I was
      not a danger to myself or others if they let me on a plane to go see an old
      flame I went to high school with.

      Being Canadian, I didn't cuss him out...though I did want to...I did express
      an opinion of where the red tape would fit...and I waited an additional 6
      hours for the bus to take me back home (about 200 miles). I was not in a
      cheerful frame of mind by any means. Now you must bear in mind that this
      was long before 9/11/01. I was effectively weaponless, carrying medications
      prescribed to control my medical condition in a quantity insufficient to
      render anyone unconscious let alone kill...I was in a positive frame of mind
      and not showing any signs of disturbance. They wouldn't (and likely moreso
      now still won't) let me cross the border...though to all intents and
      purposes I am as normal as the next person.
      Mojo

      ~~~~~~

      Way back in high school we learned that both scales share a common point
      at -40. (-40F &-40C are the same)

      Start the conversion, in either direction, by adding 40. You can
      intuitively determine whether your conversion result will be a larger or
      smaller number, so multiply by the conversion 9/5 or 5/9. Then subtract 40
      from the result.
      . No need to worry about adding 32 first, or subtracting later.
      You should be able to do it in your head

      David

      ~~~~

      When it's springtime in the UP
      And the gentle breezes blow,
      About seventy miles an hour
      And it's fifty-two below.

      You can tell you're in the U P
      'cause the snow's up to your butt,
      And you take a breath of springtime air
      And your nose holes both freeze shut.

      The weather here is wonderful,
      So I guess I'll hang around,
      I could never leave the UP
      My feet are frozen to the ground.

      ~~~

      Hi Buffalo;
      How goes it? Been writing you at buffalo@..., have you changed
      services? The following came from an old friend, though you might. THANKS
      so much for the Memorial Days chips. It has been that long ago an I can
      just now talk about it some. An amazing number of us apparently still feel
      the pain. Your chips helped a lot on closure, easing the pain even though I
      guess it will follow me and some others to our grave. Take care
      shipmate~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      ----- Original Message -----
      From: Robert L. Williams
      Sent: Friday, May 10, 2002 11:03 AM
      To:
      Subject: Fw: LEST WE FORGET







      LEST WE FORGET THE LITTLE HOUSE THAT SAT BEHIND THE BIG HOUSE.

      THE OUTHOUSE POEM
      The service station trade was slow
      The owner sat around,
      With sharpened knife and cedar stick
      Piled shavings on the ground.
      No modern facilities had they,
      The log across the rill
      Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
      That sat against the hill.
      "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
      The owner leaning back,
      Said not a word but whittled on,
      And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there
      But only stayed a minute,
      Until she screamed, just like a snake
      Or spider might be in it.
      With startled look and beet red face
      She bounded through the door,
      And headed quickly for the car
      Just like three gals before.
      She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
      The owner gave a shout,
      As her silk stockings, down at her knees
      Caught on a sassafras sprout.
      She tripped and fell - got up, and then
      In obvious disgust,
      Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
      And faded in the dust.
      Of course we all desired to know
      What made the gals all do
      The things they did, and then we found
      The whittling owner knew.
      A speaking system he'd devised
      To make the thing complete,
      He tied a speaker on the wall
      Beneath the toilet seat.
      He'd wait until the gals got set
      And then the devilish tike,
      Would stop his whittling long enough,
      To speak into the mike.
      And as she sat, a voice below
      Struck terror, fright and fear,
      "Will you please use the other hole,
      We're painting under here!"





      I was a pig boat sailor on a WW2 Pig Boat (USS JALAO SS 368) but well after
      WW2 was over.

      SPECIAL FEATURE (By Bob "Dex" Armstrong):
      ____________________________________________________________________________
      ___________________
      The Men With The Pin


      They returned ... Thousands of them... No, they numbered in the hundreds of
      thousands... Faces weather beaten, tanned... Smiling as they stepped down
      from trains all over America. Smiling that smile, universally recognized as
      that 'Damn!! It's great to be home!' smile.

      They were home again... Those that were left. The survivors of a generation
      who left their homes and families to undertake the obligation of
      freedom-loving men to go into combat and ultimately defeat some of the most
      vile proponents of evil. They wore the story of their deeds and where they
      had been in rows of multi-colored, mute reminders above their pockets. What
      they had seen... What they had done and the personal losses they had
      suffered, would forever be in their minds when they looked up at their
      national colors floating gently in the breeze.

      They are rapidly passing into the cold pages of history. The awesome respect
      in which they were held a half-century ago has given way to the gentle view
      point of the Monday Morning Quarterbacking of those who have grown up in a
      world of safety and extravagance... Of promiscuity and excess made possible
      because of their self-sacrifice.

      Soon it will be impossible to find a combat pilot who stared at oncoming
      aircraft through a rotating propeller blade... A sailor who passed 40 mm
      shells to a loader in a battleship gun tub... A soldier who carried rifle
      ammo in eight round clips and ate crap that resembled dog food out of an
      olive drab can... In a Dutch ditch... In the rain.

      Men who fought wars that lasted years, rather than days and ended with a
      clear-cut result. For those of us who rode boats that went below the
      surface, there were men who rode our boats when the close aboard sound of
      fifty pounds of TNT detonating would be clearly heard through several inches
      of steel. That 'steel' was U.S. built pressure hull and audible public
      prayer could be heard in every compartment. And when it was over, hardened
      men could hug each other, secure in the knowledge that no one would feel
      that they might be gender-confused.

      These same men knew the sound of torpedo hits and the telltale sound of the
      result of such hits as the bulkheads of an enemy target collapsed while the
      enemy vessel made it's way to the bottom. Pressure-folding steel is a sound
      most of us will never hear, thanks to what these men did.

      They had executed their war way beyond the established battle lines... Deep
      within the home waters of the Jap Empire. At a time when the Jap emperor and
      his militaristic toadies were assuring their easily duped people that they
      were secure, the people of Japan witnessed their merchant ships burning all
      along their coastal horizons. Ships, whose burning hulks were disappearing
      nightly, compliments of our Undersea Warriors.

      So they returned ... What was left of them. They crossed the brow of boats
      that wore freshly painted enemy flags... Flags that chronicled their
      kills... A silent statement of their contribution to our victorious effort
      in the Pacific. It may have been a Silent Service, but little Jap flags
      painted on the sides of conning towers made it clear that the presence of
      our submarine force had been felt.

      And above the jumper pockets of the men crossing to the pier, could be found
      the sterling silver representation of a submarine. The pin itself and each
      star worn below it, represented a war patrol which resulted in excess of ten
      thousand tons of enemy shipping sent to the bottom. The man or men who wrote
      the requirements for the awarding of that insignia wrote those requirements
      in such rigid and specific terms that the pin has never been watered down
      and reduced to the 'Crackerjack' prize that so many other military badges
      have become.

      Today, the U.S. Submarine Combat Patrol Pin remains a symbol of men who have
      gone to sea and have drawn blood in defense of their country and way of life
      at the risk of their personal safety... If not the sacrifice of their
      futures.

      Someday, the powers that decide such things, will come to their senses and
      will stop naming our submarines after geographical locations and hack
      politicians and start naming our undersea warships after the heroes who wore
      'The Pin'. Why they feel compelled to look elsewhere when we have such
      towering heroes of our own makes no sense to this old E-3. They named a
      whole class of tin cans after Admiral Arliegh Burke, proving that they can
      do it right... At times.

      But, the men who parked torpedoes in the sides of so many enemy ships, held
      no inflated sense of their own importance. When you try to thank the old
      meat-eaters, they always reply with,

      "Hell, I was young, scared and just doing my job."

      Volunteering for submarine duty in wartime has never been routinely expected
      of U.S. Sailors. Volunteering has never been an exercise in goat-roping the
      timid and reluctant. The Draft Board never forced any citizen to fill the
      ranks of the Submarine Service. Any man, who found wartime employment inside
      a pressure hull, was there because he put himself there.

      "Just doing my job."

      Right.

      Who in their right mind would choose a line of work that included sitting,
      sweat-soaked in darkness, 400 feet below fresh air and sunshine listening to
      canisters of high explosive detonate and shatter gauge faces and
      incandescent bulbs?

      "Just doing my job."

      To buy that, would mean that our Submarine Force was comprised of the worlds
      largest collection of complete raving lunatics. The last idiot who called a
      World War II submariner a complete lunatic is still trying to get used to
      his new glass eye, figuring out how to talk with his new teeth and walk
      upright.

      They are ours... They handed us an unblemished record of service 'faithfully
      performed'... A gallant record of deeds performed by incredibly brave and
      dedicated men.

      Their ranks thin daily. We do not have a lot of time left to buy them a
      beer... Listen to their amazing stories and thank them for what they gave us
      and left in the pages of the history of The United States Navy.



      These men did for years without honor, or news coverage or even a pat on the
      back, almost without notice, what the NY firemen and policemen did for a few
      hours and are still, months later being lavished with reward. What's wrong
      with this picture? Yes, I'm getting bitter, enough is enough and wrong is
      wrong no matter what name you put on it. This is not to say the firemen and
      policemen were not heroes, not men and women of high quality and dedication
      to their fellow humans. However, they have no right to be added to the
      Memorial Day celebration, anymore than the victims from Okalahoma. There
      were not as many people involved, but was not the sacrifice as great, the
      pain as vast. Yes they all paid the supreme price but they didn't face the
      horror and fear of combat daily, years on end. They didn't go into harms way
      willingly despite the possible outcome. They didn't knowingly lay their life
      on the line 24/7 for their fellow man. Give them their own days, that they
      deserve. Call it The National Day of Reconciliation, that's really what it
      was, or Day of Remembrance or some like. But don't lump it with the
      military Memorial Day the feeling of course are as intense but the way they
      came about so very different. When was the last time you heard and ordinary
      seaman or other regular military person called a hero? They with out a doubt
      are hero's but few see it that way. Thank God we still have men and women,
      military men and women, who go in harms way and ask no notice. Fair is not
      a word many of them use. Many of today's populations, both here an
      elsewhere fail to realize if they enjoy life, success and freedom they must
      daily or even more often thank the teacher who gave them the skills to be
      successful and the veteran who make it possible to use these skills in
      freedom. You have the best web site going. Many of us old military duffers
      need the support of other military people and the look into their past to
      try and make sense out of our past and find closure with the horror of war
      and the stress of many years in harms way. From time to time I see someone
      wants you to change your material. Please, please don't change your program
      to suit those who have never been there, if they don't like what they see
      you give them plenty notice of what is coming up, they can simply click
      next. The rest of us need the whole message to laugh, to learn, to reflect,
      to understand, to forget the bad experiences, the horror of war, the pain of
      injury, lost friends, missed futures, and scarred souls. There are
      thousands and thousands of sites and opinions on the inter-net, if there is
      one putting out a more needed messages than yours I have yet to find it,
      please don't change, your understanding is far too important, your need too
      vast.

      Full sails and following seas to you and yours.

      Don Grantham

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      111InkJets
      Save 50% to 70% on Supplies
      Find out How To Get A FREE Sports Watch
      Click Here Now:
      http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=99&w=text

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats that ever became attached to. I still swear that she never left as late
      Message 262 of 262 , Aug 4, 2013
      • 0 Attachment
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
        that ever became attached to. I still swear that
        she never left as late at night, out of the corner
        of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
        see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
        on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
        of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
        while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
        but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.

        Miss Picky
        One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
        Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
        diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
        several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
        animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
        had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
        or have people touch her tail.

        Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
        greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
        into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
        knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
        walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
        of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
        snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
        fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
        her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
        to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
        had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
        favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
        supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
        At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
        fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
        there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
        stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.

        I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
        year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
        finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
        eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
        failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
        some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
        felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
        chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
        of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
        the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.


        Enjoy the chips... buff


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Flying Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
        and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
        woman reading her Bible.

        Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and
        demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel."
        The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat."

        After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "There are no
        more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there
        is something in first class."

        About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The
        captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is
        one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from
        economy to first class, but, being that it would be some sort of scandal to
        force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to
        make the switch to first class."

        Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
        the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
        retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
        first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant
        person."

        Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing
        ovation.



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Baking Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.

        Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
        going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
        church events . . .

        Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
        group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
        last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
        when she took it from the oven, the center had
        dropped flat.

        She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
        cake." So, she looked around the house for
        something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
        it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
        plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
        covered it with icing.

        The finished product looked beautiful, so she
        rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
        some money and instructions to be at the
        sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
        bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
        the attractive cake had already been sold.

        Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
        Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
        of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
        game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
        the cake in question was presented for dessert.

        Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
        to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
        but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
        ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

        Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
        (a prominent church member) say:

        "Why thank you; I baked it myself."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Indian Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
        Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
        many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.

        Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
        bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
        contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
        brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
        out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
        had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
        Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

        On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
        big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
        the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
        far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
        could award his daughter to Running Bear.

        On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
        and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
        bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
        7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
        Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.

        Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
        went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
        and still....Falling Rock did not return.

        It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
        Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
        There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever
        after.

        The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
        their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.

        And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...

        "Watch for Falling Rock".


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Baptist Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
        church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
        wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
        used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
        explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
        why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
        was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
        The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
        not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.

        "Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
        years and it isn't going to start now."

        The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't
        you?"

        "Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
        him when I learned that he drank wine."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.



        Melva
        http://www.silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Sac.html


        Preparing To Meet The Dog
        http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles-6/Preparing_To_Meet.html

        Koala's In A Heatwave!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html

        Ricochet The Surf Dog!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html

        Extreme Camping!
        http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.htm


        Cute PDF Writer
        http://www.cutepdf.com/


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Marriage Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
        month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter
        marry?"

        "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
        her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
        to dinner every night."

        "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

        "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
        spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out
        meals!"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Golf Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
        said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

        The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
        a wedge, THEN a putt.

        The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
        telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
        underestimate his game!

        Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

        He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
        yards off the front of the tee.

        Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
        heck of a putt..."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        "John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
        be married!"

        "That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
        on our honeymoon."

        ~~~~~~~~

        Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
        a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

        The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
        or so I think."

        "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
        coming up with an inexpensive evening."

        "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
        but that was all the money she had."




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
        family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
        his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
        fortune.

        One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
        had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

        "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
        years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

        Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

        Three days later, she became his stepmother.

        Women are so much better at estate planning than men.




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



        Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this opt-in mailing list

        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
      Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.