Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

Clean Chips For Wed

Expand Messages
  • B.Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. At break time in the Maint. Shop today the subject
    Message 1 of 348 , May 1, 2002
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      At break time in the Maint. Shop today the subject came up of
      the tragic student shootings in Germany and safety in school in
      general. I remembered back in 1965 an event in seventh grade
      concerning a small presentation that each student had to give on
      his or her favorite hobby. This was a small elementary school,
      grades k-8 about 500 students located about 5 miles from the city
      limits. A few of the male students had hobbies such as guitar,
      coin or stamp collecting, or mechanics but the overwhelming
      interest in this group was hunting.
      The students were allowed with the blessing of the school to
      bring their rifles to school and discuss things like firearm and
      hunting safety and proper cleaning of a rifle or shotgun. The
      only rule was no shells in the guns or on your person. Do you
      know what happened ? NOTHING. It was actually quite boring
      to see the same presentation time after time and then when it was
      all over everyone put their guns back in their cases and took them
      home on the School Bus. Have things really changed that much
      since then ? Yes. Even though the overall majority could still be
      trusted there is still that chance that problems could erupt. I was
      in Army JROTC in high school . We spent six weeks out of
      the school year in the school range qualifying with small arms
      firing about a hundred rounds each day. No mishaps again but
      ROTC is no longer a part of the curriculum.
      So what is the difference between the students of yesterday
      and today that respect firearms and human life and those who
      would kill their classmates? I don't know the schools don't
      know and I doubt the psychologists know but there has to be
      some other answer than destroying all guns.
      Enjoy the chips... buffalo


      Please visit our Sponsor

      Get your Free 100 minute Phone Card
      Delivered Instantly by E-Mail !


      Golf Chips From Dianne

      One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing.
      Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine.
      He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment
      into the ravine -- in search of his lost ball.

      The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently
      and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer,
      he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron
      in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

      Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner:
      "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

      Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine
      and calls out: "What's the matter Jim?"

      Jim shouts back in a nervous voice:
      "Throw me my 7 iron! You can't get out of here with an 8


      WEIGHT LOSS: Didrex Tenuate Xencal Ionamine Meridian
      PAIN RELIEF: Ultram, Celebrex ,HERPES: Acyclovir , Valtex
      SKIN CARE: Vaniqa BIRTH CONTROL: Ortho Tri-Cyclen
      And More

      You will NOT find the prescription medication that you're looking
      for at a lower price anywhere on the Internet.
      Consultation with a board certified physician is always free.



      Toon Chips

      Chicks in heels
      <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-100&R=1-7-1">Here!</a>

      A quit smoking program that works
      <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-101&R=1-7-1">Here!</a>

      The debate continues
      <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-102&R=1-7-1">Here!</a>

      Leaps & Bounds!
      <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny789.html">Here!</a>

      Cats DINE!
      <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny790.html">Here!</a>

      Do I Look Fat?
      <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny791.html">Here!</a>

      http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030886 The Lost Dr.Seuss
      http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030889 Someone's Following Us!


      Microsoft Chips

      The New Microsoft Restaurant

      Client: Excuse Me, Can I be served please?

      Menu Support Representative (MSR): Hi, my name is William, and I'll be
      your Menu Support Representative. What seems to be the problem?

      Client: There's a fly in my soup!

      MSR: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

      Client: No, it's still there.

      MSR: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork

      Client: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

      MSR: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
      you using?

      Client: A SOUP bowl!

      MSR: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
      the bowl set up?

      Client: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the
      fly in my soup?!

      MSR: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
      your soup?

      Client: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

      MSR: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

      Client: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

      MSR: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

      Client: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

      MSR: The current Soup of the Day is Tomato.

      Client: Fine. Bring me the Tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late

      [MSR leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

      MSR: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

      Client: This is Potato soup.

      MSR: Yes, the Tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

      Client: Well, I'm so hungry now I'll eat anything.

      [The Menu Support Representative leaves.]

      Client: Sir! There's a gnat in my soup!

      The check:
      Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
      Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $ 2.50
      Undocumented Feature (bug X 2). . . $ 6.00
      Access to support . . . . . . . . . $ 1.00
      . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ______
      Total . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $14.50


      Enter the Get Out Of Debt SweepStakes and
      Take Control of Your Debt Today!
      Is your debt out of control? Thousands of people like yourself have been
      helped by our debt management services regardless of credit history.
      Fill Out the form enter the contest and find out how much you can save whi
      paying off your debt.

      FREE Consultation.


      Trojan Chips

      FROM: laocoon@d...
      TO: all
      SB: Greeks bearing gifts

      DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY!

      The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two
      stories tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates and
      appears to be abandoned.

      DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that is
      incompatible with Trojan programming, including a crowd of
      heavily armed Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack
      your town, and kill your women and children.
      If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take
      it back out of
      the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.


      FROM: hector@s...
      TO: laocoon@d...
      RE: Greeks bearing gifts
      I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes
      there is.
      I've seen variants on this warning come through on other
      listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed
      to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with
      something called the "Midas Touch."

      Here are a few tipoffs that this is a hoax:

      1) This "Forward this message to everyone you know" crap. If it
      were really meant as a warning about the Greek army, why tell
      anyone to post it to the Phonecians, Sumerians, and Cretans?

      2) Use of exclamation points. Always a giveaway.

      3) It's signed "from Poseidon." Granted he's had his problems
      with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't he? Besides, the
      lack of a real header with a detailed address makes me

      4) Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to
      overwrite your entire city. A horse is just an animal, after

      Next time you get a message like this, just delete it. I
      appreciate your concern, but once you've been around the block
      a couple times you'll realize how annoying this kind of stuff
      Bye now,


      Travel Now - Pay Later! -- Need a vacation or weekend get-a-way? Worried
      about the cost? NO PROBLEM...let PVC Travel provide you with interest free
      financing for your next vacation, resort stay, or cruise...guaranteed
      approval with no credit checks.


      Depressed Chips

      A man in a bar sees a friend at a table,
      drinking by himself. Approaching the friend,
      he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

      "My mother died in June," he said,
      "and left me $10,000."

      "Gee, that's tough," he replied.

      "Then in July," the friend continued,
      "My father died, leaving me $50,000."

      "Wow. Two parents gone in two months.
      No wonder you're depressed."

      "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

      "Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!"

      "Then this month,..." continued, the friend,
      "Nothing! Not a single dime!"


      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-7097209">
      How about a free cell phone in 60 seconds?</a>

      Apply for your FREE cell phone using the world's first 60 second instant
      approval system!

      There is no credit card required for this offer and
      you will also receive a free roundtrip airfare for two with an activated

      - Unlimited Nights And Weekends For Life*

      - Free Nokia or Motorola Cellular Phone

      - Free Handsfree Kit

      - Free Shipping & Handling

      - Free Caller ID

      - Free Voice Mail

      - Free Call Waiting

      - Free 3 Way Calling

      - Free Battery Charger

      - Free Text Messages

      - Free Roundtrip Airfare For Two



      LynnLynn's Links

      If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
      to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com


      Subscriber Spotlight From Janet's Heart


      Celebrity Link Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers

      A Look Down From Linda B


      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-7178070">



      Love and Marriage. From George the Greek
      It was sung by Frank Sinatra

      Collectics Antiques and Collectibles

      Art- Monet

      California Academy Of Sciences Skulls


      Complete home gym - only $50!!!



      Help Link Tutorial Index

      Coplove's graphics

      Garden Guides

      Kitty Korner



      Some of the worlds lowest prices for CDs, Videos, DVDs and Video Games. (Up
      to 40% less than Amazon!)

      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-7245931">SAVE $2 off Movies,
      Music and DVDs at Playcentric.com</a>

      Why spend $23.90/month on AOL? Get fast, reliable internet access for only

      <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-4006099">NetZero Platinum



      Visit LynnLynn's Guest Book and tell her how you feel abut the links


      Blonde Chips

      In July 1999, a blonde from Stoney Point, Ontario vacationed at a resort on
      Table Rock Lake near Branson, Missouri. It was one of those hot summer days
      in the 90's, the air-conditioners were running in all of the resort cabins.
      A blonde came to the door of the owner's living quarters and said, "A fuse
      just blew in our cabin!"

      The owner went to the cabin. The air-conditioner was on and in the bathroom
      was an electric space heater turned on to it maximum output! The owner
      asked the blonde why she had the electric heater running while the air-
      conditioner was running She told him she wanted to shave her legs and it was
      too cold in the room so she got the electric heater out of her car. (Wonder
      what happened to changing the thermostat on the air-conditioner?)

      She said when she got cold she got goose bumps and she was afraid she would
      cut the heads off of the goose bumps when she shaved her legs.


      Fed up with dropped calls?

      - Instantly increase your cell phone reception
      - Reduce static and dropped calls
      - Retail value $24.95

      Get your FREE Antenna Booster now:
      Get your FREE Antenna Booster now!!


      Job Chips

      A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was
      transferring him to Belfast. He explained that he was going to
      quit before he had to move there.

      When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all
      the violence even though he would be passing up a big salary
      increase and greater benefits.

      His co worker said to reconsider. Belfast was a magnificent
      city, with wonderful pubs, loaded with great history, good
      public transportation, etc.

      Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Belfast for almost 10
      years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem while I
      was working."

      The first asked "What did you do there?"

      "I was tail-gunner on a milk truck."


      Your Internet activities are being recorded. Every
      picture you've seen is copied to your hard drive,
      every website is recorded in a secret file in Windows.
      Every website you've visited is added to your drop
      down list. Your homepage could be changed and you can
      be tracked from anywhere.
      It permanently erases your Internet tracks and
      protects your privacy...



      Hunting Chips

      Dave and Jim were out deer hunting. Dave was pretty new to this
      whole deer hunting thing, so Jim had told him all about a clean
      kill, and field dressing, etc.

      Well, after an afternoon up in the stand, Dave heard some noise
      in the woods, he got buck fever and fired. He went over to where
      he thought his deer should be, and realized he had shot his good
      friend Jim.

      Dave rushed him to the hospital. After what seemed like a very
      long time, the doctor came out shaking his head. He told Dave,

      "The gunshot wound wasn't too bad, and we could have saved him
      had you just not gutted and skinned him."


      How I Turned My Last $100 Into $250,000 - CASH - In 7 Days Flat!"

      Suppose I could show you a way to make over $100,000 each and every year for
      the rest of your
      life, starting right now, regardless of your
      background, education, location or financial
      situation, is there any reason you can think
      of why you wouldn't want to listen to what I
      have to say?


      Parting Chips

      While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant
      lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but
      didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they
      to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn

      The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant.

      When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to
      retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you
      may as well get my hat, too."


      Funny Undies

      Now give the gift that is right for any occasion.
      Personalize a pair of Funny Undies in the style
      of your choice with your unique message that
      will be enjoyed for years. A favorite on holidays,
      graduations, weddings, or anytime you want to
      tell someone something important with humor.
      For Gift Ideas visit our site at:


      <a href="http://www.buffalosjokes.com/funnyundies.htm">
      Funny Undies Click Here </a>


      Bonus Chip

      Newlywed Bride: "Will you love me when I'm old?"

      Newlywed Groom: "Love you? I shall idolize you. I
      shall worship the ground that you walk on. I
      shall.... errrr....uhhhhh.....You're NOT going to look
      like your mother, are you?"


      The Herbal Buffalo


      Herbal Viagra for Men and Women, Fat Burner,Grow Hair and more.
      All products come with 100% customer satisfaction or your money back.
      Check them out!!
      <a href=" http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/ ">Click Here
      For Herbal Sensations</a>

      Or Ladies Products, Wrinkle removers,Hair Removal, Skin Whiteners,
      Varicose Veins, Body Slimmers and More.


      From The Buffalos Mail Box

      Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
      ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
      around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

      If you know someone who is going to be 80 or over, having a 50th wedding
      anniversary, getting married, or having a baby.
      The White House sends out greeting for this stuff and some others.
      Go to

      To find out what the requirements are and how to go about it.

      Big Roger


      Hi Buffalo,
      I have enjoyed reading all the opinions on the toilet seat issue, both pro
      and con, sparked by my letter on the subject. Apparently some didn't see my
      disclaimer at the end where I said I was just kiddin'. I was raised in a
      which contained my Mother and three sisters so I learned at an early age how
      the seat should be left, but it's always fun to stir things up and hear
      others' opinions.
      By the way, James Michner said in his book, "The Covenant", that the toilet
      was invented by the English but was improved on by the Welsh by cutting a
      round hole in the seat.
      Your devoted reader,


      Unicorns are magical creatures, highly spiritual souls. It's horn as a
      wand to perform magic by intention. They can transform from one shape
      to another, colors too.
      The spiral of the unicorns horn is a vortex. giving access into the
      divine realm of healing.
      A unicorn awakens the human's pshyce development through intention.
      There presence generates in people a feeling of awe, fascination,
      inspiration and after you become comfortable in their presence you begin
      to feel their light and love.

      The 3rd eye becomes open, opening and closing by intent. The more the
      essence is used the stronger and clearer the pshysic ability will be.
      Sometimes it's clear audioable, or inner knowing, or premonitions.

      Have a nice day.



      Hey Everybody;
      You see all the signs that say all the things about uplifting America
      but did you ever stop and think that Americe goes from the northern most
      part of Alaska and Canada all the way to the southern most part of Chili
      This is all a part of the America and it would be nice if we used the
      tearm "USA" instead of American!



      know I'm opening a hell of a can of worms here, but here I go. Everybody I
      hear, bitches about us (read U.S.) buying our oil from foregin sources. Why
      not buy their oil? Burn their oil, leave ours alone! Then, when they cut us
      off, when they say there is no more, we can say, "Oh, okay! we'll just start
      using ours now......see ya!!!!!" No oil, no money......jeeze, I'm sorry
      you're broke.......sucks to be you!



      This year's "Tax Freedom Day", the day on which average Amer- ican taxpayers
      stop working to pay the government and start working for themselves, earning
      enough in gross income to satisfy their tax obligations, falls on April
      27th, two cal- endar days earlier than in 2001 and four days earlier than in

      State Tax Freedom Days vary from Alaska's April 8th to Connec- ticut's May

      The number of days that the average American must work to pay taxes can be
      compared to the price of other important catego- ries of consumer spending.
      Americans will work longer to pay for government (117 days) than they will
      for food, clothing, and shelter combined (106 days).

      The overall tax burden has been trending down the last two years, pushing
      Tax Freedom Day back into April. Two factors are combining to make the
      average American tax burden lighter in 2002--federal tax reductions and a
      slower economy.

      The full report on the nation's tax burden can be found at:


      I don't mean to Nit Pick, really I do not, but I have a question of some
      importance for "Dianne". A quandary actually.

      Dianne states she's tired of 8 months of cabin fever. I'm curious to know
      which Province she lives in, since our Winter is only 4 months long, as are
      the other seasons. Winter begins November 21, runs until March 21. This
      winter has been a record breaking season for record high temperatures all
      over Canada and parts of the US. While I know that seasons do not change on
      a dime, just because the date says so, there still no way that 8 months
      could come into question.

      Even if Dianne lives up North in Nunavut with the Inuit People and the Polar
      Bears, you still would not get eight months. Note worthy point here.
      Nunavut this winter also had record high temperatures, to the point where
      they were worried it may make the Bears uncomfortable.

      I am not favorable to people talking about our Winters, as if they're a
      hardship and last forever. That's how come people from the US when I've
      been away there, always ask me about Hockey. Yeah, like all of us are
      supposed to know about that. That's when I usually get told, "well don't
      you Canucks play all year round"? Let me answer that with a resounding NO.

      I digress, as I stated we have beautiful seasons when they arrive. Each has
      their own unique characteristics. Spring is for Daffodils and Tulips.
      Summer is for the smell of the flower gardens at Dows Lake and for Flea
      Markets and Chip Wagons. Oh, how those flowers smell like heaven. Fall of
      course is changing colors of the leaves season, and lest we forget, it's
      CORN SEASON. Yes, Corn on the Cob, with sweet melted butter on top. Yummy
      Yummy....can't you just smell them now?

      Mister Buffalo, I thank you again for allowing me to curb my curiosity
      regarding other people's articles. I just required some clarification.

      Your faithful reader,

      Ontario, Canada


      Hey Buffalo, love your list and the opportunity you provide for feedback.

      To Margie: you are lucky to live in Ottawa, our nation's capital. A lot of
      other cities in Canada do not benefit as greatly as Ottawa does in the
      cultural arena or the history (i.e. parliament buildings).
      I agree Canada is a great place to live. Do not forget and I am sure you
      have not, Ontario has many natural wonders also.

      Canadian Bigfoot from Cornwall
      P.S.: Hope the snow melts in time for the Tulip Festival this weekend.


      A belated Happy Birthday to you Buffalo.
      Today I turned 61 and the question "How did I get here?" keeps running
      through my head! LOL Time sure fly's!
      The outhouse stories of late remind me of the farm we lived on from when
      I was 6 'til about 13. Way out in the woods. No electric, telephone or
      running water at first. The outhouse had two sides of granite blocks and
      was cut into the side of a hill and big enough to stack cord wood out of
      the weather. The comic books that got "recycled" there would probably be
      worth a fortune today! Every so often we would spot something shiny
      between the granite blocks, it would be a drop of mercury. Over the
      years my father collected a fair bit in a little wooden bottle which he
      then sold. To get electric and phone he cleared a path through the woods
      20 feet wide and 1500 feet long, all by hand, no chain saws back then.
      Finally got a 5 inch TV when I was about ten. Fun to look back on and
      tell the kids about but sure wouldn't want to go back to it!
      Best wishes and keep up the fine work.
      P.S. We have a monument uptown, as do many, with a lot of names on it
      and a big inscription that says "Freedom isn't Free". Sad but true. To
      all those who have paid the big price and to the Canadians, our men, the
      British and all others involved in this war, Thank You. When one country
      bleeds we all do. God bless them all!.


      Peeing in the SINK?

      To Jim who claims to pee in the sink & wife does not mind ....

      Bad enough that some men consider peeing in the shower while they are
      bathing expeditious...if I was married to you I be buying Prozac by the

      Speaking of gross...I wonder if that's how someone, (maybe someone like your
      wife), got the term
      "whack your peepee"?

      kailua, oahu


      The BEST reason for putting the toilet seat down.... is one that will
      change all readers' minds. Flushing creates a fine spray mist that you
      can't see.... of up to six feet. The toilet water spray will then fall onto
      your towels, razors, soap, and most disgustingly, onto your toothbrushes!
      So, if you don't want to brush your teeth with toilet water spray (and
      germs) ... PUT THE SEAT DOWN!
      My husband was always pretty good about putting the seat down, but
      once we read this, that was IT for both of us. Toilet seat goes down before
      Anne in CT
      "Roseanne" Impersonator


      Right now you can get all the printer ink you need for a FRACTION of the
      cost of retail stores!

      Canon, Hewlett Packard, Epson, Compaq, Lexmark!

      All makes and models! Save up to 75% off ink!

      Click here now! http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0054262/0

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01
    • William Brabant
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. VETERANS DAY, 2009 - - - - - - - BY THE PRESIDENT
      Message 348 of 348 , Nov 11, 2009
        Clean Clean

        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

        VETERANS DAY, 2009
        - - - - - - -


        We have a sacred trust with those who wear the uniform of the United
        States of America. From the Minutemen who stood watch over Lexington
        and Concord to the service members who served in Iraq and
        Afghanistan, American veterans deserve our deepest appreciation and
        respect. Our Nation's servicemen and women are our best and
        brightest, enlisting in times of peace and war, serving with honor
        under the most difficult circumstances, and making sacrifices that
        many of us cannot begin to imagine. Today, we reflect upon the
        invaluable contributions of our country's veterans and reaffirm our
        commitment to provide them and their families with the essential
        support they were promised and have earned.

        Caring for our veterans is more than a way of thanking them for
        their service. It is an obligation to our fellow citizens who have
        risked their lives to defend our freedom. This selflessness binds
        our fates with theirs, and recognizing those who were willing to
        give their last full measure of devotion for us is a debt of honor
        for every American.

        We also pay tribute to all who have worn the uniform and continue to
        serve their country as civilians. Many veterans act as coaches,
        teachers, and mentors in their communities, selflessly volunteering
        their time and expertise. They visit schools to tell our Nation's
        students of their experiences and help counsel our troops returning
        from the theater of war. These men and women possess an unwavering
        belief in the idea of America: no matter where you come from, what
        you look like, or who your parents are, this is a place where
        anything is possible. Our veterans continue to stand up for those
        timeless American ideals of liberty, self-determination, and equal

        On Veterans Day, we honor the heroes we have lost, and we rededicate
        ourselves to the next generation of veterans by supporting our
        Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen as they
        return home from duty. Our grateful Nation must keep our solemn
        promises to these brave men and women and their families. They have
        given their unwavering devotion to the American people, and we must
        keep our covenant with them.

        With respect for and in recognition of the contributions our
        servicemen and women have made to the cause of peace and freedom
        around the world, the Congress has provided (5 U.S.C. 6103(a)) that
        November 11 of each year shall be set aside as a legal public
        holiday to honor our Nation's veterans.

        NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of
        America, do hereby proclaim November 11, 2009, as Veterans Day. I
        encourage all Americans to recognize the valor and sacrifice of our
        veterans through appropriate public ceremonies and private prayers.
        I call upon Federal, State, and local officials to display the flag
        of the United States and to participate in patriotic activities in
        their communities. I call on all Americans, including civic and
        fraternal organizations, places of worship, schools, and communities
        to support this day with commemorative expressions and programs.

        IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day
        of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the
        Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and


        buffalo says All in all not a bad speech. Veteran's Day is hitting a
        little closer to home this year as local units are stationed in
        Afghanistan and we have had two local soldiers killed in action.

        Please keep Nancy in your prayers as surgery to remove a brain
        tumor is tomorrow.



        Please visit our Sponsor

        Make S'mores in your Microwave

        Now you can have the delicious treat without a fire and in the
        comfort of your own home. The Micro S'more cooker lets you enjoy
        this fun treat in ten short seconds. Just stack the graham,
        chocolate and marshmallow then pop it in the microwave and you'll
        have yourself a gooeylicious s'more.

        Order one today and get the second one on us.

        View Web Version



        Jewish Chips

        The year is 2012 and the United States of America has
        recently elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish
        President, Ms. Shirley Vineberg.

        So the President-elect calls up her mother in Brooklyn a
        few weeks after Election Day.

        "So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"

        "I don't think so. It's a six hour drive, and your father isn't as
        young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again."

        "Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up
        and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

        "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy; I don't know what
        on Earth I would wear."

        "Oh mom," replies Susan, "Don't worry about it. I'll make
        sure you have some wonderful dresses by Christian Dior."

        "Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich
        foods you and your friends like to eat."

        The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is
        going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the
        way. Mom, please, I want you to come."

        So Mom agrees and so on January 21, 2013, Shirley Vineberg
        is being sworn in as President of the United States of America.

        In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to
        a Senator sitting next to her; "You see that woman over there with
        her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?"

        The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."

        "Her brother's a famous doctor."


        Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

        The End Of The Internet
        <a href="http://tinyurl.com/yhqfalu"> Here </a>

        The Funniest Cat Video Ever
        <a href="http://tinyurl.com/yfrlwtn"> Here </a>

        Are You Nearsighted?
        <a href="http://tinyurl.com/nyf7zp"> Here </a>


        Riddle Chips

        What do you get if you cross a car and a pig?
        A road hog

        What do you get when you cross a fish with two elephants?
        Swimming trunks.

        Why was the cat a tennis fan?
        He had two brothers in the racket.

        What do you call a Chinese man with green hair?
        Brock Lee.

        Where in the world should one go to meet with a girl from another
        country for the purpose of going out?
        At the International Date Line (Clynch Varnadore)

        Why did the moron put a chicken in a tub of hot water?
        So she'd lay hard-boiled eggs.

        Stan Kegel


        Direct Delivery Service

        Get the Amazing TASSIMO Home Brewer
        Only 4 Payments of $24.99 each

        Plus FREE packages of coffee and 2 FREE Stainless Steel Travel Mugs
        $180 Retail Value! LEARN MORE TODAY!

        TASSIMO is the amazing home brewing system from Bosch that makes
        single servings of Coffee, Lattes, Cappuccino, Espresso, Tea and Hot
        Chocolate at the touch of a button

        Choose from exclusive brands like Starbucks, Gevalia, Seattle's
        Best, Twinnings, Suchard Hot Chocolate and more.

        No obligation



        Cat Chips

        Have You Heard About These Cats?

        Have you heard about the tailor who let his cat out, the firefighter
        who put her cat out, and the private eye who put a tail on a Manx?

        Have you heard about the cat who entertained herself with some wool?
        After a while, she had a ball.

        Have you heard what happened when she swallowed that ball? She had
        mittens. All her offspring were born wearing sweaters.

        I hope you found this yarn to be a fine example of knit-wit. Here
        are some other cats that you might have heard about:

        Have you heard about . . .

        . the angry cat? She threw a hissy fit.

        . the grumpy cat? He was a sour puss.

        . the curious cat? He was a peeping tom.

        . the silent cat? She was the victim of a purr snatcher.

        . the psychic cat? He was adopted from the E.S.P.C.A.

        . the sensitive cat? She cried over spilt milk.

        . the dyslexic cat? He cried, "Woem, weom!"

        . the cat who had eight kittens? She was an octopus.

        . the cowardly felines? Their names were Scaredy and Fraidy.

        . the cat who swallowed a duck? He was a down-in-the-mouth,
        duck-filled fatty puss.

        . the cat who had a hair ball? She couldn't hack it.

        . the cat who was a comedian? His name was Groucho Manx.

        . the old cat who became forgetful and stopped making any
        sounds? She developed a purr-senility disorder.

        . the golf-playing cat? Even without a catty he consistently
        scored fur under purr.

        . the adolescent cat? She pleaded with her parents, "Why don't
        you let me lead one of my own lives?"

        . the cat who liked to lounge around the stereo? He hoped to
        catch the tweeter for lunch, unless the woofer got him first.

        . the cat who got hurt? She whimpered, "Me ow!"

        . the cat who was walking the beach on Christmas Eve? He had
        Sandy Claws.

        . the cat who ate some cheese and then sat by a mousehole? She
        waited with baited breath.

        . the radioactive cat? He had eighteen half-lives.

        . the cat who chased a mouse through the screen door? They
        both strained themselves.

        . the cat who robbed McDonald's and Wendy's? She was a cat

        . the cat named Ben Hur? It used to be called Ben, until it
        had kittens.

        . the cat who caught a bird? He enjoyed a breakfast of
        shredded tweet.

        . the fast cat? She put quicksand in her litter box.

        . the cat who tried to find out why his humans forgot to place
        cat litter in his box? He didn't have anything to go on.

        . the teeny-tiny cat? She drank only condensed milk.

        . the cat who loved to bowl? He was an alley cat.

        . the alley cat who married a chicken? They had a peeping tom.

        . the cat who married a tree? They had a catalog.

        . the cat who climbed the drapes? She had good claws to do it
        - and she started from scratch.

        . the cat with chutzpah? He was a pushy cat.

        . the cat who swallowed a bag of coins? There was money in
        that kitty.

        . the obese, ill-tempered, talkative cat? He was a flabby,
        crabby, gabby tabby.

        . the mother cat looking for her straying kittens? Like a
        poet, she listened for their mews.

        . the feline who impeded the iceman's work? The cat got his

        . the baby cat who joined the Red Cross? She wanted to be a
        first-aid kit.

        . the two cats who raced each other to the milk bowl? One beat
        the other by a lap.

        . the kindle of cats named Johann Christian, Wilhelm
        Friedemann, Johann Sebastian, and Carl Philipp Emanuel? They were
        all born in a litter Bachs.

        . the man who was afraid of cats? He had catatonia,
        clawstrophobia, and purranoia.

        . the woman who refused to spay and neuter her cats? She was
        arrested for kitty littering.

        . the man who saw a sign at a pet store that said "Free Cats"?
        So he went in and did.

        . the unemployed cat burglar from Nepal? What else can a
        Katmandu? (By Richard Lederer)

        From "A Treasury for CAT LOVERS" by Richard Lederer C2009 Howard
        Books Now available at amazon.com and all major book stores.


        This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Amazing
        Flying Monkey!

        Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with
        it, you'll see. The fun is contagious!

        You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!

        Not available in stores!

        Get it now Click Here

        See the video for yourself, click here



        Short Chips

        A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the
        family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he
        thought "The Almighty" had given him two feet. Without hesitation,
        the son replied, "That's easy, one for the brake and one for the


        Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of
        the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years
        of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece
        we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't
        possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you
        sell it."
        "Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"


        The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been
        served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning,
        but two of the spots were suspicious. "Hey," he called out to the
        waitress, "these particles in my soup - aren't they foreign
        objects?" She is scrutinizing his bowl. "No, sir!" she reassured
        him. "Those things live around here."


        "Please, sir," pleaded the stranger, "Would you be so kind as to
        help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work?
        All I have in the world is this gun."


        This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Amazing
        Flying Monkey!

        Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with
        it, you'll see. The fun is contagious!

        You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!

        Not available in stores!

        Get it now Click Here

        See the video for yourself, click here



        Short Chips

        My three-year old daughter was talking to me while I shaved. The
        topic was cartoons, television and reality. She was going into great
        detail about the characters in the Dragon Tales cartoon. When she
        finished I said, "Honey, are cartoons real?" "No." was her brief
        reply. "Is TV real?" I said looking at her. "No." "I'm glad you know
        those things aren't real," I said patting her head. "You know what's
        real?" she asked wide-eyed. "You tell me." "Monsters are real!" she
        said walking out. "No they're not!" I called after her. "Yes they
        are!" "No they're not!" "Yes they are!" "No, honey," I said. "Those
        scary things that occasionally come into our house is only Mommy's
        My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for
        protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told
        her, "He doesn't like men." "Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and
        took the dog. Then one day she was approached by two men in a
        parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would
        react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn't kidding. As the
        men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
        The old lady had been married for many years when suddenly her
        husband died. This is what she put on his tombstone: "The Light of
        My Life Has Gone Out." Not long afterward she met, fell in love with
        and married another man. After thinking at some length about it, she
        went to the gravestone cutter and had him add a little postscript.
        The tombstone now
        reads: "The Light of My Life Has Gone out P.S. I Found A Match"


        We Fix Your PC Online!

        We are a full service remote support supplier. PCWebDoc makes "house
        calls" over your high-speed internet connection! Your PC (and you!)
        never has to leave to get fixed.

        Check out How it Works:

        Paid Services as low as $9.95
        Safe, Easy and Secure!
        100% Satisfaction Guaranteed

        PCWebDoc now offers PC Insurance Plans. One price covers your
        business or your family completely. You will have ease of mind



        Random Chips

        The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending
        fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him
        carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his
        eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his
        eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

        "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."
        I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording:
        "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring
        enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.
        Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return
        your call, you are one of the changes."
        Recently we called a business phone number and heard the
        following: If you are calling from a touch-tone phone,
        press one now. If you are calling from a rotary phone,
        hang up and call back from a touch-tone phone.
        Heard on my cable-company's answering machine: We realize
        you are still holding. Please do not hang up as this will further
        delay your call.
        When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the
        psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your
        problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very
        beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I
        created the Heavens and the Earth..."


        Plus - get a TRIPLE Bonus FREE!

        You can hem and repair just about anything in a single second.
        Repair that tear in the sofa, hem clothes, and save money!
        Now we'll triple your order for FREE! Get 3 Mighty MenditT bottles
        for the price of 1!

        Order yours today!



        LynnLynn's Links

        If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
        e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

        Subscribers and Friends

        Melva/GI Joe and Lillie

        John w/ Veterans Day Tribute

        God Bless America Again.

        Veteran's Day Via Carol



        Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.

        Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
        impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
        seen in over 50 years.

        And here's everything they don't want you to know...



        Surfin Surfari

        Freedom Isn't Free

        Daily With Our Troops 1

        Daily With Our Troops 2

        Daily With Our Troops 3


        Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
        away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!

        As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
        Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
        time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.

        Press here to get your copy:



        Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

        Military Motivational Posters

        Why My Son?


        Hero's Truck


        Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
        on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or

        Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
        ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
        now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.

        PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate



        Animal World

        Doggie Zone Via Juanita

        Proud Of Our Troops

        Humor With Our Troops 1

        Humor With Our Troops 2

        Humor With Our Troops 3


        Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?

        Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
        relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
        to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the

        Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
        programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
        This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
        or laptop.

        Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
        are any "spying" programs on them.

        Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):



        Here is some more information about this new way to watch

        1) All of the programming is uncensored!

        2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
        And new channels are added every day!

        3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
        And new stations are added daily!

        4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
        your PC and laptop!

        5) No additional hardware is needed!

        6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!

        Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:



        Movie Links


        Parrot Plays Golf

        Pepsi Please




        Europe Chips

        The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
        English will be the official language of the European Union rather
        than German, which was the other possibility.

        As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
        English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-

        year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

        In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
        make the sivil servants jump with joy.

        The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
        konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

        There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
        troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
        fotograf 20% shorter.

        In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
        to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

        Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
        always ben a deterent to akurate speling..

        Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
        is disgrasful and it should go away.

        By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
        with "z" and "w"with "v".

        During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
        kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl
        riten styl.

        Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu

        understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

        Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted
        ze forst plas.

        If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

        Stan Kegel


        Repair Scratched Wood Instantly Stop covering up embarrassing
        scratches...recover it with Fix It Wood. Just spray it on, wipe
        clean and the scratch is gone. Fix It Wood works on all types of
        wood colors, stains and grains. So whether your wood is dark, light
        or in between it repairs it instantly. The wood scratch has met its
        match. View Website



        Toon Chips

        Think First

        It Only Takes One

        Say What??

        The First Lincoln Log

        Where 2% Milk Comes From


        Don't just Mask Odors, Eliminate them for Good

        Eliminate smells once and for all. What Odor rids the toughest odors
        from smoke to pet to garbage. It's so powerful it even has the
        strength to get rid of skunk odor. This will be the last odor
        eliminator product you'll ever have to buy and with every order
        we'll plant a tree.

        Order today and we'll double your offer at no charge.

        View Website



        Short Chips

        Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's
        room, a mother finally laid down the law: Each item of clothing she
        had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. By the end of the week,
        he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50
        cent tip and a note that read, "Thanks, Mom -- Keep up the good
        While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
        Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the
        nearby city of Adak. They'd lost contact with one
        of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send
        an aircraft to find it.
        I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been
        spotted so we would know where to search.
        "I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."
        Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house.
        Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes
        and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No,"
        replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could
        make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me


        Gloves that Help Carpal Tunnel, Chronic Pain & Arthritis

        EZ Motions is the targeted thermal therapy that fits like a glove.
        They provide pain relief from normal, day to day, activities while
        properly supporting your hands. EZ Motion gloves are comfortable,
        simple to use and best of all, are discreet.

        Double offer - 2 gloves and 2 thermal packs for $10.

        View Web Version



        Parting Chips

        There was a nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried,
        could never please the Mother Superior.

        One day she decided to chop some wood and build a fire in the
        fireplace to heat the place up, since it was starting to get cold.
        Perhaps that would impress the Mother.

        She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. Subsequently,
        she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.

        That night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were
        delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring
        in the fireplace.

        Mother Superior came in. Sister Mary was prepared for the usual
        criticism, but instead, the Mother commended her. "You did a good
        job. This place is nice and toasty warm. Thank you," she said as she
        placed a hand on Sister Mary's shoulder.

        Sister Mary was speechless. All she could do was hold up her arms
        with the torn sleeves and say, "But look what happened!"

        "You did this chopping wood?" the Mother asked.

        "Yes," the Sister replied. "What do I do?"

        Mother Superior replied, "Simple. When you ax, then you shall re-

        Stan Kegel


        In 2009, Derek Jeter made baseball history and we're honoring him on
        this brilliant, uncirculated, genuine US Half Dollar. Layered in
        pure 24K gold, this coin is a great gift for any baseball fan. This
        limited edition coin is officially licensed and comes with a
        certificate of authenticity.

        Own your piece of baseball history today.

        View Website



        Bonus Chip

        Priest and Pastor

        A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the
        side of
        the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn
        around now before it's too late!"

        They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first
        driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone...we don't believe in
        religious stuff!"

        From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

        One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up
        sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"



        Turbo Snake is the fastest and easiest way to unclog any drain in
        your bathroom guaranteed.
        Simply glide the Turbo Snake down the drain, give it a twirl, and
        the specially designed hooks grab onto the hair and gunk to remove
        the clog with ease. Works on slow or clogged drains. The Large Turbo
        Snake for showers and tubs has a bigger hair grabbing pad and the
        Small Turbo Snake has a smaller head for sinks.

        Additional Ordering Details:



        Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady

        Katie's Komfort Kolumn
        Vol 1519

        Walking and Crisis

        Diana: Okay guys let's go for our walk!

        Rudy: A-Roo!!!

        The dogs and Diana head off for their walk as usual. As they
        the lake, the dogs head for the lake. Sandi just wades in, but Rudy
        and Katie go swimming. Katie goes in to her head and swims out
        quite a ways. On her way back to shore she walks through some
        weeds and gets some stickers on her and gets one deeply imbedded
        in her ear and immediately suffers some harsh pain.

        Rudy, Sandi and Diana are walking past her.

        Katie is down: Help....

        They are leaving, her voice is weak....

        Rudy, always the point man, circles around to take a head count.

        Rudy: Stop!!! We are missing Katie.

        Diana turns and looks back and sees Katie slowly, staggeringly
        towards them. She gets her cell phone and calls BJ.

        BJ: Yes.

        Diana: Come get Katie, she is either hurt or ill.

        BJ: On my way!

        A few minutes later...

        BJ opens the car door: Come on girl hop in.

        Katie: Sure glad to see you father.

        At the house..

        BJ: Diana, call the vet when they open and take our little girl in
        and call me at work to let me know what happened.

        much later...

        Diana calls BJ:

        Diana: She had to be put out. She had a sticker in her eardrum.
        was a sick girl, but will be okay. She will be on meds for 10 days.

        Katie: More ice cream please!

        The herd in Guthrie

        (except for the ice cream, pretty much how it happened)


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

        Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

        In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

        William Brabant
        711 Pine Street Apt.1
        Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

        No virus found in this incoming message.
        Checked by AVG.
        Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
        5/20/2008 6:45 AM
      Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.