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Chips For Tues

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  • B.Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. How much do people value your advice ? I was
    Message 1 of 76 , Apr 1, 2002
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      How much do people value your advice ? I was watching the
      news last night and caught the story of the man who had put
      his mom's advice up for sale on eBay. As of yesterday it had
      a bid history of over 40 bids and was at around 210.00. The
      person who wins this auction is probably getting a bargain, too.
      A lot of times a parent to talk to can be worth more than years
      of psychiatric counseling. My dad never charged for his advice
      and it was some of the best in the world. It was always given
      freely and many times without requesting it. My dad was never
      too proud to say I told you so although he would usually say
      "You should have done it my way" or " Bet, you won't do that
      again". He was right though I couldn't see that experience counts
      more than anything in decision making. It took me forty years to
      come to grips with the fact he was usually right and to seek out
      his advice usually once a week when my mom was off at a meeting
      we would chat for hours and I had his input on dozens of things
      when we finished. My dad passed away a few years later and I
      still miss those talks and all that free good advice.
      Those of you that are still rebelling against your parents, maybe
      now is the time to go ask their opinion on something before you
      have to be the winning bidder on eBay to get it.
      Hope you enjoy the chips and have a great Tuesday. The Big
      Game tomorrow is up to 90 million and I have the winning ticket
      but I'll split it with you if you guess my numbers heh heh.

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      Blonde Chips
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      A blonde photographer goes out to shoot some pictures with a friend. As
      they're walking along, the friend looks up and says, "hey, look - a bald
      eagle!". Looking back, the friend notices the blonde is taking pictures
      in the other direction. The friend thinks that's a shame but shrugs it
      off.

      A while later, the friend looks around and says, 'hey, look - a
      waterfall!". Looking back, the friend notices the blonde taking pictures
      in the other direction again. The friend shrugs it off again.

      This happens a few more times during the day until arriving at the beach
      to see the most beautiful sunset in the world. The sun is going down,
      beautiful color in the sky, the sand lit just so. The perfect sunset.
      After firing off a few shots, the friend turns around to see the blonde
      shooting the other direction. This time, though, it's clear that there's
      absolutely nothing interesting in that direction.

      The friend, finally frustrated, screams, "What are you doing?!?! You're
      shooting the wrong direction!"

      To which, the blonde replies, "No I'm not! I'm making the negative!"

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      Toon Chips
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      Trial Chips
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      The plaintiff, Mrs. Marilyn Schwartz of Bayside, NY entered South Shore
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      Foreman of the jury, Mr. Steven Johnson of Levittown, NY stated they had no
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      Scroll down to see the jury's reasons...............
      >
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      She didn't have a leg to stand on!!!


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      Rabbi Chips
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      Rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact
      that he's never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he
      flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel.

      He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the
      most expensive pork dish on the menu. As he's eagerly waiting for it to be
      served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant.

      He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching.
      His luck, they'd chosen the same time to visit the same remote location!

      Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a
      whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth.
      The Rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, "Wow - you order
      an apple in this place and look how it's served!"


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      Groaner Chips
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      A little old lady is on the bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor,
      fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change.
      After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the
      head with the ticket dispenser, and the poor old lady dies instantly.

      Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row.
      Just before he is to be electrocuted,
      his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours.
      They strap him in the chair and they flip the switch,
      and he just sits there, smiling.

      According to tradition this is considered a reprieve from God and he is
      freed. Somehow he gets his old job back and he is happily dispensing tickets

      when he sees a girl sticking her gum to the back of a seat.
      Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser,
      breaking the offender's neck and killing her instantly.

      Again he is convicted and sent to death row.
      He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas and, lo and behold,
      the electricity does not harm him.

      This time the executioner cleans the contacts,
      makes him sit in a bucket of water;
      he tries everything but the conductor won't die.
      So again he is set free.

      Amazingly he regains his job.
      It takes him 1 day to lose his temper and beat to death
      a young boy who had started to chew his bus ticket.

      He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution.
      At this point, the executioner can take no more.
      His professional pride has been hurt.
      Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret
      "What is it with the bananas?"

      "Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend.
      "I'm just a bad conductor."

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      Pentagon Chips
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      Golf Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Three men were on the first tee box waiting for the group in front of them
      to clear so that they could tee off. A fellow walked up and handed one of
      them a business card that said, "I cannot speak. Would you mind if I joined
      your threesome?"

      The reader thought briefly, handed the card back, shook his head and said in
      his rudest, most unfriendly manner, "No way!"

      By this time the fairway was clear and the three men in line hit their tee
      shots. The first two then hit into the green. Just as the third, the man who
      had been so rude back on the tee, was about to start his swing, a golf ball
      came screaming off of tee behind him and nailed him right in the middle of
      his back.

      Enraged and in pain, he angrily turned to look back at the tee box, and
      there stood our mute friend...smiling...holding up 4 fingers...



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      Parting Chips
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      Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.

      Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I
      asked too many questions!

      Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What
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      Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the
      ball into that lake?"


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      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his
      wife
      if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember.

      "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for
      the engine running so rough."

      "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.

      "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly.

      "It cost the same as always." said the wife.
      "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ?

      HI, Buffalo, heres a cute remark to the gas prices, maybe she's a blonde?
      Love your web site. Hows the Diet? GOOD LUCK!! its hard. Dolores

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      From The Buffalos Mail Box

      Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
      ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
      around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

      I see Dutch is at it again! All commercial eggs are "candled" to see if they
      have embryo inside. They are not sold to the food chain (no, I don't know
      where they go (probably the Philippines)). Eggs are now scanned by computer.
      In the 50's, they were scanned in a candling room (dark room with a light
      box that the eggs were all held up to). My grandmother did this for many
      years.

      Dick

      Buffalo says Ah yes I remember that filipino delicacy.. too bad I can't
      spell it.. sounds like bah-loot. Candled eggs with a coffee can with a
      100 watt bulb inside and an egg hole on the end.. Automation misses
      a few though because you will find a few with blood spots on the yolk.

      ~~~

      If I may....
      The U.S. was invited to assist the Phillipine military in ridding the
      islands of an Islamic Terrorist organization that has been causing trouble
      for years. America left our bases in the Phillipines at the request of their
      government, not our Senate. Maybe not a good idea but, there it is. In case
      it has slipped your mind , we are at war, with terrorist organizations. They
      operate out of numerous countries, frequently without the support of the
      government in question. They also operate with the support of some
      governments. We must fight wherever we can, preferably with the ruling
      government but, if necessary, against it. This is a global conflict, which
      may very well qualify for the name World War III. But, make no mistake,
      America WILL win!

      P.S. Blitzkreig...save the chat room abrieviations for the chat
      room....write English!

      Shadow


      ~~~

      Buffalo, The Israelis have started on the right path
      with Yasser Arafat, but he should be brought to the
      Hague and tried as a war criminal. He is as guilty of
      attempted genocide as Milosavich.
      I shall be operated on tomorrow to receive a new knee.
      I look forward to catching upo on Friday.
      Art


      ~~~~~~~~

      Buff,
      Commercial eggs are NOT fertile embryos, you must have a rooster on hand
      for that. They are infertile excess hen eggs, that's all!

      Anthony

      ~~~~~~

      To the person lamenting the boiling of eggs and equating them with an unborn
      fetus:

      The hens ain't been roostered.

      Bob Schwarer

      ~~~~~~

      It is not surprising that GRITS are not well liked by many folks nowdays.
      All you can find in most stores are instant or five minutes grits that you
      just heat the water to boil, add the grits and cook for a few minutes.
      True Grits are stone ground, cooked with a little water, milk and or light
      cream. The process only takes about 30 minutes to get real Grits. The best
      are served over a cheese of your liking, or with Red Eye Gravy, or even
      better with shrimp.
      However, it was fun during the early seventies when I was drafted to go die
      in Nam, to watch the Yankee boys pour milk on their grits (Fort Jackson,
      S.C.) and see their reactions!

      Anthony

      ~~~~~~~

      To the best of my knowledge, most chicken eggs sold for human consumption
      are not fertilized, therfore, could not contain even the beginings of an
      embryo.

      Jay

      ~~~~~~~

      Subject: FW: Pass this on! It is interesting.
      Importance: High


      Also, don't forget with this Middle East conflict in full bloom that
      "Hitlery" practically "French Kissed" Sue Arafat on National Television and
      championed their cause then spun on a dime to muster the Jewish vote to get
      elected Senator. I could go on....

      -----Original Message-----
      From: R. W. Titchen (aka Titch) [SMTP:titch@...]
      Sent: Monday, April 01, 2002 2:36 PM
      To: Buffalo (E-mail); 'Bob and tom (E-mail); Don Goggans (E-mail); Gary
      & Darlene (E-mail); GARY In Portland (E-mail); George & Juanita McGinn
      (E-mail); George Hill (E-mail); Henry and Vicki Vela (E-mail); LadySunshine
      (E-mail); Military Humor Darryl (E-mail); Radar Allison (E-mail); Randy
      Fisher / GUAM (E-mail); Russ Johnson (E-mail)

      Subject: FW: Pass this on! It is interesting.
      Importance: High



      AIN'T THIS JUST THE SHITS???
      Subject: THEY HAVE DONE IT AGAIN

      Please read the whole thing.
      You really should be sitting down when you read this one.
      Gold Star Mothers is an organization made up of women whose sons were killed
      in military combat during service in the United States Armed forces.

      Recently a delegation of New York State Gold Star Mothers made a trip to
      Washington, DC to discuss various concerns with their elected
      representatives.

      According to published reports, there was only one politician who refused to
      meet with these ladies. Can you guess which politician that might be?

      Was it New York Senator Charles Schumer?
      Nope, he met with them.
      Try again.
      Do you know anyone serving in the Senate who has never showed anything but
      contempt for our military?
      Do you happen to know the name of any politician in Washington who's husband
      once wrote of his loathing for the military?

      Now you're getting warm!
      You got it!
      None other than the Queen herself, Hillary Clinton.
      She refused repeated requests to meet with the Gold Star Mothers.
      Now-please don't tell me you're surprised.
      This woman wants to be president of the United States --- and there is a
      huge percentage of voters who are eager to help her achieve that goal.

      Sincerely,
      Cdr. Hamilton McWhorter USN (ret)

      PS: Please forward this to as many people as you can. We don't want this
      woman to even think of running for President.
      May you sleep in peace always...and please..hug or thank a Veteran for that
      privilege.Think about this one !!!
      Don't forget, our girl, Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York Senator, now
      comes under this fancy Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan. It's
      common knowledge that, in order for her to establish NYS residency, they
      purchased a million+ dollar house in upscale Chappaqua, NY. Makes sense.
      Now, they are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes
      sense.

      Here is where it becomes interesting. The mortgage payments hover at about
      $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residency had to be built within the
      acreage in order to house the Secret Service agents. The Clinton's now
      charge the Secret Service $10,000 monthly rent for the use of said Secret
      service residence and that rent is just about equal to their mortgage
      payment, meaning that we, the tax payers, are paying the Clinton's mortgage,
      their transportation, their safety and security, their 12 man staff, and
      it's all perfectly legal.

      Titch

      Buffalo says . These two stories are basically true but the Clintons
      did a lot of casualty control after it happened and I don't believe
      everything I read on Urban legends.

      ~~~~~~


      Hi Buffalo,

      I was reading about double cola and saw that you mentioned Nehi. I
      remembered you mentioning this way back when, and was wondering if you
      still had that address. I had that saved about 6 or 7 computer crashes
      ago.

      Great newsletter.....keep up the good work.

      Jim Heinzman

      Virginia Beach

      Buffalo says
      We will get back to you on that one but check out your RC dealer

      ~~~~~~~~~~


      Hey Buff. Boy, did you ever hit it on the head with "The Navy, then and
      now" I did my twenty on the old USS DIXIE (AD-14), and on "Tin Cans", and I
      guess we hit every deep water port in the Pacific. As you said, the Navy
      has changed so drasticly, that I am thankful that I retired when I did,
      cause I don't think I could cut it in todays Navy. Back then, a Third Class
      Bosnmate was someone to fear. And a Chief Petty Officer, well, you stayed
      out of his way as much as possible. I have hit bars in Hawaii, Singapore,
      Manila, Sasabo, Japan, Tsingtao, China, and Hong Kong, and everything in
      between. Back then, we call it, "Having fun". Now they call it
      "recreation". Instead of ordering a small bottle of Russian Vodka in China,
      you now order a "Vodka Gimblet". Back then a small bottle of Vodka was a
      buck, "Amelican Dolla", now it is five bucks a throw. Yep, I shore do yearn
      fer the ole days. Keep up the good work on the "Chips", cause I don't miss
      an issue. See ya. Glenn

      ~~~~~~~~

      From LynnLynn

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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

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      Remember 9/11/01
    • B.Brabant
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. With all of the back problems I have had over the
      Message 76 of 76 , Aug 6, 2002
        Clean Clean



        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

        With all of the back problems I have had over the past ten years,
        I was really glad when someone sent in a suggestion last year for
        Super Blue Stuff. I bought a tube of the roll on and it got me through last
        winter and the arthritis that has set in my back. Lynn Lynn
        has been marketing it and a generic form in the links over the past
        week but that's not what I wanted to talk about. It is the ingredients of
        the product specifically the Emu Oil. I was thinking about it a
        week ago and wondering where it came from. I had never seen an
        Emu before and had visions of some poor little bird like a baby
        penguin being fed through a wringer or even worse like a giant
        wine press. Pretty disturbing thoughts just to get rid of my back
        pain. So I did some research on the subject and found out that
        Emu's are the third largest bird in the world, weigh 150 pounds
        and can run at 30 mph. Now the last thing I would want to run
        into in the outback is a 150 pound bird moving 30 mph but to make
        matters worse they have an attitude like ostriches and don't like
        people. ( I saw that on the Jean commercial for Lee's on TV)
        They have red meat and taste like beef so no sandwiches but
        probably great on the barbecue. So now I don't feel so bad
        about using Emu Oil just as long as it is penguin and flamingo
        free.
        Enjoy the chips and have a great Tuesday... buffalo


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        The shaman shrugged and answered, "Computer down."


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        Free Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        After trying a new shampoo for the first time, Morris mailed
        off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.

        Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton
        in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the
        many products the same company produced: soaps, detergents,
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        "Vell, vatta ya t'ink?" asked his smiling wife, Ruth.

        "I t'ink Next time," Morris replied. "I'm writing to General Motors."
        --
        rubin

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        Jewish Chips
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        A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his
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        Consider that the Chinese, for example,
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        as a people.

        "Now, what does it mean to you?"

        After a moment of silence, a student
        raised his hand.

        "Yes, David," the teacher said, "what
        does it mean?"

        David replied,"It means that the Jews
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        rubin

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        Innocent Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A man drove his secretary home from a late
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        Since nothing happened along the way between the
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        Later that evening while the man was taking the
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        While she was busy looking, he picked up the shoe
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        When they arrived at the theater and were about
        ready to get out of the car, his wife asked,

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        Job Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        "We only advertised it Sunday," O'Neill told the Telegraph. "But already we
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Another Senseless Street-Racing Death--

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        A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher
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        The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but
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        "Quick, man," he whispered to the head waiter, "what did they say?"

        "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds
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        rubin

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        From The Buffalos Mail Box

        Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
        ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
        around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

        Believe it or not, this has been the source of many discussions in our
        family circle. My son suggested I should make my choices now befoire I
        become (more ) incompetent). So, I asked my daughter-in-law:

        Dear Daughter in Law:

        So, what do you think my son will decide (and I do want your input on this)
        the ice flow vs - abandonment to wild animals?

        Lane


        RE: 8/5 chips
        It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother,
        but John felt that he must.

        "Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to
        think ahead of what will happen in the future. Why don't
        we make arrangements about when...

        ~~~~~

        I hear ya Buff.My truck engine decided that today would be a great day to
        crap out on me.I suspect it will need high $$$ repairs.Only 83,000 miles and
        never a previous problem.At least I have the Sportster,so I aint
        walking.Hang in there buddy.It'll get better.It has to.Scott/OKC

        ~~~~~


        THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD

        Right now, as you read this, 17 Million Americans are
        having SEX!

        And you're on the computer!

        Donald

        ~~~~~~~~~

        Hi Buffalo,
        Still enjoying your jokes and commentary.
        A friend sent this to me and it really made me stop and think, do we really
        want prayer in our schools?
        TODAY'S TOPIC: LETTER FROM A CONCERNED PASTOR

        Dear John:
        As you know, we've been working real hard in our town to get prayer back in
        the schools. Finally, the school board approved a plan of teacher-led
        prayer
        with the children participating at their own option. Children not wishing to
        participate were to be allowed to stand out in the hallway during the prayer
        time. We hoped someone would sue us so we could go all the way to the
        Supreme
        Court and get that old devil-inspired ruling reversed. Naturally, we were
        all
        excited by the school board's action. As you know, our own little Billy
        (not
        so little, any more, though) is
        now in the second grade. Of course, Margaret and I explained to him no
        matter what the other kids did, he was going to stay in the classroom and
        participate.
        After the first day of school, I asked him, "How did the prayer time go?"
        "Fine."
        "Did many kids go out into the hallway?"
        "Two."
        "Excellent. How did you like your teacher's prayer?"
        "It was different, Dad. Real different from the way you pray."
        "Oh? Like how?"
        "She said, 'Hail, Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners...'"
        The next day I talked with the principal. I politely explained I wasn't
        prejudiced against Catholics but I would appreciate Billy being transferred
        to a non-Catholic teacher. The principal said it would be done right away.
        At supper that evening I asked Billy to say the blessings.
        He slipped out of his chair, sat cross-legged on the floor, closed his eyes,
        raised his hands palms up and began to hum.
        You'd better believe I was at the principal's office at eight o'clock the
        next morning. "Look," I said. "I don't really know much about these
        Transcendental Meditationists, but I would feel a lot more comfortable if
        you
        could move Billy to a room where the teacher practices and older, more
        established religion." That afternoon I met Billy as soon as he walked in
        the door after school. "I don't think you're going to like Mrs. Nakasone's
        prayer, either, Dad."
        "Out with it."
        "She kept calling God 'O Great Buddha...'"
        The following morning I was waiting for the principal in the school parking
        lot. "Look, I don't want my son praying to the Eternal Spirit of whatever or
        to Buddha. I want him to have a teacher that prays in Jesus' name!"
        "What about Bertha Smith?"
        "Excellent."
        I could hardly wait to hear about Mrs. Smith's prayer. I was standing on the
        front steps of the school when the final bell rang. "Well?" I asked Billy
        as
        we walked towards the car.
        "Okay."
        "Okay what?"
        "Mrs. Smith asked God to bless us and ended her prayer in Jesus' name, Amen
        -- just like you."
        I breathed a sigh of relief. "Now we're getting some place."
        "She even taught us a verse of scripture about prayer," said Billy.
        I beamed. "Wonderful. What was the verse?"
        "Let's see..." he mused for a moment. " 'And behold, they began to pray; and
        they did pray unto Jesus, calling him their Lord and their God.'"
        We had reached the car. "Fantastic," I said, reaching for the door handle.
        Then I paused. I couldn't place the scripture. "Billy, did Mrs. Smith say
        what book that verse was from?"
        "Third Nephi, chapter 19, verse 18."
        "Third what?"
        "Nephi," he said, "it's in the Book of Mormon."
        The school board doesn't meet for a month. I've given Billy very definite
        instructions that at prayer time each day he's to go out into the hallway. I
        plan to be at that board meeting. If they don't do something about this
        situation, I'll sue. I'll take it all the way to the Supreme Court if I have
        to. I don't need the schools or anybody else teaching my son about religion.
        We can take care of that ourselves at home and at church, thank you very
        much.
        Your buddy, Juan

        ~~~~~

        Reading the chips and having my first cuppa and running across this link
        in mailbag certainly doesn't make a good start to ones day, you know
        this riles me up Buffalo.... hmmmm maybe i'll send you a batch of dead
        links hee hee but seriously so many Americans can't get a dime from the
        system and are starving, especially our senior citizens, who can't even
        afford to medicate themselves properly, this is a outrage and slap in
        the face, and we have no say so on this subject... The governerment
        should have a lottery for us so we could vote this stuff OUT....
        LynnLynn


        http://www.greencardinfo.org/

        ~~~

        Buff, I don't understand why people insist that this be
        a Cristian country. It is not and NEVER was intended to
        be. This country was founded on freedom of religion. We
        have the right to worship who we wish, and not to have
        someone elses deitys shoved down our gullets. The pledge
        did not origanaly have the "under God" in it anyway.
        BTW here is what our founding fathers have to say on the
        subject:
        "The government of the United States is in no sense
        founded on the Christian
        religion."
        --President George Washington

        "I do not find in Christianity one redeeming feature."
        --President Thomas Jefferson

        "In matters of religion I have considered that its free
        exercise is placed
        by the Constitution independent of the powers of the
        General Government."
        --Thomas Jefferson in his Second Inaugural Address, 1805

        "A just government has no need for the clergy or the
        church. The fruits of
        Christianity are pride, and indolence in the clergy,
        ignorance and servility
        in the laity; and in both clergy and laity,
        superstition, bigotry and
        persecution."
        --James Madison

        "Indeed, when religious people quarrel about religion,
        or hungry people
        quarrel about victuals, it looks as if they had not much
        of either among
        them."
        --Benjamin Franklin

        "The bible is not my book, nor Christianity my religion."
        --President Abraham Lincoln

        "The hocus-pocus phantasy of a God, like another
        Cerberus, with one body and
        three heads, had its birth and growth in the blood of
        thousands and
        thousands of martyrs."
        --Thomas Jefferson

        "My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian
        scheme of salvation
        and the human origin of the scriptures, have become
        clearer and stronger
        with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I
        shall ever change
        them."
        --Abraham Lincoln after Willie Lincoln's death

        "Ecclesiastical establishments tend to great ignorance
        and corruption, allof
        which facilitate the execution of mischievous projects."
        --James Madison

        "The Christian system of religion is an outrage on
        common sense."
        -- Thomas Paine

        "The United States is not a Christian nation any more
        than it is a Jewish or
        a Mohammedan nation."
        --Treaty of Tripoli (1797) drafted by Joel Barlow, U.S.
        Consul, and signed
        by John Adams


        "As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is,
        a revelation. But
        how has it happened that millions of fables, tales,
        legends, have been
        blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that
        have made them the
        most bloody religion that ever existed?"
        --John Adams


        "The question before the human race is, whether the God
        of nature shall
        govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and
        kings shall rule it
        by fictitious miracles?"
        --John Adams

        "We should begin by setting conscience free. When all
        men of all religions
        shall enjoy equal liberty, property, and an equal chance
        for honors and
        power ...we may expect that improvements will be made in
        the human character
        and the state of society."
        --John Adams


        "Civil liberty can be established on no foundation of
        human reason which
        will not at the same time demonstrate the right to
        religious freedom ...The
        tendency of the spirit of the age is strong toward
        religious liberty."
        --John Quincy Adams


        "In regard to religion, mutual toleration in the
        different professions
        thereof is what all good and candid minds in all ages
        have ever practiced,
        and both by precept and example inculcated on
        mankind ..."
        --Samuel Adams in The Rights of the Colonists

        "I have seldom met an intelligent person whose views
        were not narrowed and
        distorted by religion."
        --James Buchanan

        "All religions united with government are more or less
        inimical to liberty.
        All, separated from government, are compatible with
        liberty."
        --Henry Clay

        "I am tolerant of all creeds. Yet if any sect suffered
        itself to be used for
        political objects I would meet it by political
        opposition. In my view church
        and state should be separate, not only in form, but
        fact. Religion and
        politics should not be mingled."
        --Millard Fillmore

        "[The Rev. Mr. Whitefield] used, indeed, sometimes to
        pray for my
        conversion, but never had the satisfaction of believing
        that his prayers
        were heard."
        --from Benjamin Franklin's autobiography


        "In 1850, I believe, the church property in the United
        States, which paid no
        tax, amounted to $87 million. In 1900, without a check,
        it is safe to say,
        this property will reach a sum exceeding $3 billion. I
        would suggest the
        taxation of all property equally."
        --Ulysses S. Grant

        "Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the
        church and the
        private school supported entirely by private
        contributions. Keep the church
        and state forever separate."
        --Ulysses S. Grant



        "Are we to have a censor whose imprimatur shall say what
        books may be sold,
        and what we may buy? And who is thus to dogmatize
        religious opinions for our
        citizens? Whose foot is to be the measure to which ours
        are all to be cut or
        stretched? Is a priest to be our inquisitor, or shall a
        layman, simple as
        ourselves, set up his reason as the rule of what we are
        to read, and what we
        must believe?"
        --Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dufief, April 19, 1814

        "No man [should] be compelled to frequent or support any
        religious worship,
        place, or ministry whatsoever, nor [should he] be
        enforced, restrained,
        molested, or burthened in his body or goods, nor ...
        otherwise suffer on
        account of his religious opinions or belief... All men
        [should] be free to
        profess and by argument to maintain their opinions in
        matters of religion,
        and ... the same [should] in no wise diminish, enlarge,
        or affect their
        civil capacities."
        --Thomas Jefferson

        "Is uniformity attainable? Millions of innocent men,
        women, and children,
        since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt,
        tortured, fined,
        imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards
        uniformity. What has
        been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world
        fools and the other
        half hypocrites."
        --Thomas Jefferson

        "History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-
        ridden people
        maintaining a free civil government. This marks the
        lowest grade of
        ignorance of which their civil as well as religious
        leaders will always
        avail themselves for their own purposes."
        --Thomas Jefferson

        "The day will come when the mystical generation of
        Jesus, by the Supreme
        Being as his father, in the womb of a virgin, will be
        classed with the fable
        of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."
        --Thomas Jefferson

        "Mr. Lincoln was not a Christian."
        --Mary Todd Lincoln

        "What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical
        establishments had on society?
        In some instances they have been seen to erect a
        spiritual tyranny on the
        ruins of the civil authority; in many instances they
        have been seen
        upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no
        instance have they been
        the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who
        wish to subvert the
        public liberty may have found an established clergy
        convenient allies."
        --James Madison

        In no instance have ... the churches been guardians of
        the liberties of
        people."
        --James Madison

        "A just government, instituted to perpetuate liberty,
        does not need the
        clergy."
        --James Madison

        "That diabolical, hell-conceived principle of
        persecution rages among some,
        and to their eternal infamy the clergy can furnish their
        quota of imps for
        such a business."
        --James Madison

        "During almost fifteen centuries has the legal
        establishment of Christianity
        been on trial What has been its fruits? More or less, in
        all places, pride
        and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in
        the laity; in both,
        superstition, bigotry and persecution."
        --James Madison

        "All national institutions of churches appear to me no
        other than human
        inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and
        monopolize power and
        profit."
        --Thomas Paine

        "There is scarcely any part of science, or anything in
        nature, which those
        imposters and blasphemers of science, called priests, as
        well Christians as
        Jews, have not, at some time or other, perverted, or
        sought to pervert to
        the purpose of superstition and falsehood."
        --Thomas Paine

        "Everything wonderful in appearance has been ascribed to
        angels, to devils,
        or to saints. Everything ancient has some legendary tale
        annexed to it. The
        common operations of nature have not escaped their
        practice of corrupting
        everything."
        --Thomas Paine

        "No falsehood is so fatal as that which is made an
        article of faith."
        --Thomas Paine

        "The most detestable wickedness, the most horrid
        cruelties, and the greatest
        miseries that have afflicted the human race have had
        their origin in this
        thing called revelation, or revealed religion."
        --Thomas Paine

        "Yet this is trash that the Church imposes upon the
        world as the Word of
        God; this is the collection of lies and contradictions
        called the Holy
        Bible! this is the rubbish called Revealed Religion!"
        --Thomas Paine

        "It was under a solemn consciousness of the dangers from
        ecclesiastical
        ambition, the bigotry of spiritual pride, and the
        intolerance of sects....
        that it was deemed advisable to exclude from the
        national government all
        power to act upon the subject."
        -- Justice Joseph Story

        Kinda puts a different perspective on things don't it

        --
        James O. Rasch, Jr
        "I do not find in Christianity one
        redeeming feature."
        --President Thomas Jefferson

        Zombiecue

        ~~~

        Vida,

        Thank you for bringing back an old memory. For a couple of summers/falls in
        a small farm town in Minnesota in the late 50's, I worked on a local farm. I
        stayed at the farm with several of the family's sons. Up before dawn gassing
        up the tractors (some borrowed), milking the cows and feeding them.
        Breakfast at daylight. When we did silage, that was a 16 hour day.

        I still remember the huge lunch. Chicken & dumplings and fresh baked bread
        was always my favorite. Kitchen table seated 12. There were seldom any
        leftovers. Work all day. Us younger ones would have to stop and milk the
        cows in the evening. Work until 9:00, have a lighter meal, clean up, go to
        bed and start over. I know I couldn't do it again, but I do have the
        memories of doing it.

        Thank you,

        Dick

        ~~~~~

        Dear Mr. Buffalo,

        My heart-felt sympathies for the loss of your beloved Miss Picky.

        We have a black lab/bad neighbor's dog mixed breed named Meli. When we got
        her home that 1st day (after begging the Daddy for 2 hours until HE cried)
        my daughter and I were calling her Honey. "Here Honey! Come Honey!" etc.

        The Daddy said we had to come up with another name as he did NOT want to be
        out in the yard calling,
        "Honey, come here!" and having me answer him with the usual affectionate
        reply, "What do you WANT? I'm busy Too!"

        So hence the name Meli, which is Honey in Hawaiian. She is a good dog and
        loves to swim underwater when we go to the beach. She is a funny dog who
        chases butterfly and other shadows (even if its only you motioning with your
        hand to demonstrate something in speech) while smiling the whole time. She
        loves to play even though puppy hood is 6 years past. She protects me and
        our home admirably.

        The sad part is that we will have no choice but to give her away to a friend
        by the end of this year as we are moving. It will be truly heartrending,
        which makes your story about your beloved kitty even more poignant for me.
        Thank you for all the enjoyment you provide on a daily basis.

        Lorrie K

        ~~~~~~~~

        First and foremost a heartfelt thank you to all who have emailed me and
        mailed
        cards to my mother. She was stunned by the response. I would guess about
        30 cards came when Mel was ill and when he died via the buffalo herd.
        I am touched and proud of the herd. Thanks again Bisons.

        I will write some neat stories that happened this past weekend soon. I have
        to
        catch up on ...alas, work.

        I do feel a need to comment about the paying of $ for what our forefathers
        did.

        There were also quite a few bonded indentured servants, just like slaves in
        the US.
        The middle class and poor whites didnt have slaves so that leaves probably
        about
        5 percent of the 1700-1860 americans who should qualify. I can not condone
        another
        wrong by having the current generation of people paying for the legal but
        immoral
        acts of the past.

        Thank God we are past those terrible days of slavery and ignorance. Let's
        keep it that way!

        B.J. Cassady


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