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For Sat Happy Ground Hogs Day

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  • B.Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. All Right!!! Who sent winter back up here?? I woke
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 1, 2002
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      All Right!!! Who sent winter back up here?? I woke up
      this morning all set to go pick up my check and pay
      some bills and instead found snow everywhere. There
      was close to a foot on the yard side of the car and sidewalk
      and on the street side, where the plow had been through,
      the snow was up to my door handles. After cursing the plow
      driver and all his ancestors , I fired up the snowblower which
      started on the fourth pull, just as I was ready to go get the
      extension cord. Forty- five minutes later I had carved out a
      space around the car and as I fired it up I saw the plow
      coming back up the street again. I was dressed in snow
      covered Carhartt Arctic gear and gave my best " Don't mess
      with the Great White Buffalo" look to the driver. It must have
      had an impact because he never returned to do my side of
      the street again.
      Picked up the daughter, stopped at work for my paycheck,
      and after I figured I'd better stop by the ISP and pay for this
      month after I had riled them up this week. As I pulled up to the
      unplowed curb and got out a Jeep Cherokee pulled up behind
      me and stopped. A young National Guardsman got out and asked
      me if I was stuck . I thanked him for stopping and explained I was
      only paying bills and he drove off . That is not uncommon courtesy
      in the Great White North during a snowstorm, it is common courtesy
      and I am glad to see it is something that has not been forgotten.

      Enjoy the chips and daughter turns 21 at midnight Saturday..


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      Warning Chips

      Dear Buffalo: Now I am also hooked on your 'adult list'. Hmmmmmmm

      Here is something for your 'clean' list.

      HAZARDS TO HUMANS AND DOMESTIC ANIMALS - CAUTION: May be harmful if swolled.
      Avoid breathing dust. Avoid contact with eyes, skin or clothing. Wash
      throughly after handling.

      USERS SAFETY REQUIREMENTS: Wear long sleeve shirt, long pants, shoes plus
      socks, and household latex or rubber gloves when applying this product.
      Change clothing as soon as possible after use, wash clothing before reuse.
      Wash the outside of gloves before removing. As with any pesticide product.
      Wash hands throughly with soap and water immediately after handling and
      before eating, smoking, or using the toilet.

      FIRST AID: IF ENHALED, remove individual to fresh air. If not breathing,
      give artifical respiration, preferably mouth to mouth. Get medical

      (What is this terrible product? Flea powder, safe?? for use on puppies and
      kittens 12 weeks of age or older.



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      Atheletic Chips From samuel

      Athletes As Role Models

      New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
      season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,whichever comes

      Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody
      in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman

      Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm
      going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

      Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up
      alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three,
      then line up in a circle."

      Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
      color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget
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      Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
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      that we went to."

      Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every
      level, except college and pro."

      Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
      heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in
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      Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27
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      general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

      Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to
      Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's
      expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an

      Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints General Manager, when asked after a
      loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on
      lousy no good officiating."

      Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed
      to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker."

      Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John
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      Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he
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      And the Gem: Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why
      he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded: "Because
      she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye..."


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      Coffee Chips From Dick Anderson

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      the Mormon bishop, "I have to admit on one occasion, I did succumb to
      temptation and tried a cup of coffee." The Catholic priest nods in
      understanding and goes on with his reading.

      A while later, the Mormon bishop speaks up and asks, "Father, is it still a
      requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The Catholic priest
      replies, "Yes, that is still one of our vows." The Mormon bishop then asks,
      "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The Catholic
      priest replied, "Yes, Bishop, on one occasion, I was weak and broke my vow."
      The Mormon bishop nodded understandingly for a moment.

      A few minutes later he smiled, looked at the Catholic priest and then
      said, "A lot better than coffee, isn't it?"


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      Presidential Chips From Jack Cook

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      Coffee Chips From Pam Butler

      You know you're drinking too much coffee when...

      you answer the door before people knock.

      Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

      you ski uphill.

      you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

      you haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

      you lick your coffeepot clean.

      your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

      you chew on other people's fingernails.

      your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's

      you can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet.

      you can jump-start your car without cables.

      all your kids are named "Joe."

      you don't need a hammer to pound nails.

      your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

      you don't sweat, you percolate.

      you buy Half & Half by the barrel.

      you've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

      you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

      you've built a miniature city out of little plastic

      people get dizzy just watching you.

      you've worn the finish off your coffee table.

      the Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

      Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

      your taste buds are so numb you could drink your
      lava lamp.

      instant coffee takes too long.

      your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

      you're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean

      you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

      you short out motion detectors.

      you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

      your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

      you think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

      you don't tan, you roast.

      you can't even remember your second cup.

      you help your dog chase its tail.



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      From The Buffalos Mail Box

      Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
      ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
      around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

      Hi Buffalo
      It's me again, and when I read what BJ wrote about his Mom, I just had to
      write. I am sure his Mom is everything he wrote about, but we both know
      our Mom only raised one pure angel. Look it up, Catherine means
      Our Mom is truly a WOMAN OF THE CENTURY.
      I know raising me was easy, but the other 9 of y'all was truly a real
      challenge, just look at everything she has managed.
      Our Mother has shaped the ideals of 10 children,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,10
      children, if anyone told me I was destined to bear,
      ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh BEAR, I would have died at the thought. But she
      raised us all equally, knowing she loved me the best, and treated y'all just
      as good.
      Ten kids give you more than gray hair and ulcers............ just try to
      imagine your 0ne or two kids multiplied.
      I know I have to call her OUR MOTHER, but down here in Texas all by myself,
      I think of her as MY MOTHER. I always believed she loved me the BEST until
      Christmas and she sent a loving card and present and said To my Best
      Child,,,,,,,,,,,, and tell your wife I love her too. Now, that was really
      cold, how did my sweet, wonderful Mother do that to me. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa I
      love Her the Best!!!!!!!!!!
      My only wish for years now, is that I can be at least as good as my Mom, I
      know I could never be better. She is truly the BEST.
      Even Mike Tyson can'f be better than the BEST.
      What this all comes down to is that My MOM went into a marriage and
      children, and tried to do her BEST and what she did was beyond job
      I wanted to write to Paul Harvey, to let the world know how great my Mother
      is, but I think my brother, Buffalo is the next Paul Harvey of the world.
      I love you Buffalo, and I love you Mom.
      I still love you the best, you know that, even if Jerry is your best child

      You listed a story on Friday 1/18 about the Seven Wonders. It's not
      often that I read something that makes me sit back in my chair and go,
      "Wow!" That story was one of them. Thank you for printing it.

      R. Atkinson

      Buffalo says Our Pleasure


      My dear internet friends - I received this e-mail today and immediately
      recognized it as e-mail fraud, and internet scam. I have reported same to
      the Internet Fraud Complaint Center, FBI, Tampa, Florida, and to my local
      enforcement agencies.

      If you receive such an e-mail, I urge you to report it to your local law
      enforcement agencies, newspapers (for publication), and your local office of
      the FBI. JUST BEWARE, and BE AWARE, and BE ALERT!!! Don't just ignore it by
      deleting it.

      Joan , aka Rosie

      A Business Proposition

      DATE; 29 JAN ,2002

      Dear Sir,
      Your contact address got to me through export
      promotions council here in Republic of Liberia, Your
      reliability and trustworthiness in business
      transaction was the main conviction the compelled me
      to solicit for your support in this deal. I am
      MICHEAL JOHNSON the Honourable Minister of Labour,
      Monrovia, Liberia and member of the Contract
      In collaboration with my colleagues, we have agreed
      to transfer out of the Country through our Apex Bank,
      National Bank of Liberia,some amount which we will
      later re-invest overseas after the success of this
      transaction. The amount involved is Fourteen Million
      Two hundred thousand US Dollars(US$14,200,000.00).
      This is as a result of over inflated amount of
      Contract Payment Awarded to some Canadian foreign
      contractors, for the reconstruction of damaged
      government properties during the Liberia civil War
      3yrs ago. And the original contractors has collected
      there full and final Payment in american dollars,
      we now need a Foreign firm that will represent us
      and present itself as the contractor /Beneficiary for
      this amount of fourteen Million, two hundred thousand
      US Dollars. (US$14,200,000.00)since the government
      code of conduct does not permit us (civil servants)
      still under the service of our government to operate
      foreign accounts outside the country. Hence, we
      solicit your assistance to provide us with safe and
      reliable account where this fund will be lodge.
      Since, the present political/economic situations of
      our country after the seven (7)years Civil War is not
      encouraging for any investment now, we do not want to
      misuse this lifetime opportunity after all we have
      lost during the bloody Civil War.
      Therefore, I ,micheal johnson have been mandated by
      my colleagues to
      contact you and handle thesuccess/completion of the
      You will however, be required to furnish us with
      these necessary information. to enable us process the
      approval of the wire transfer to your account.
      1.Your Personal Phone and Fax number for
      2.Name and address of your Bank, Phone andFax
      3.Your account and Routing numbers where this money
      will be lodged into and the Beneficiary's name. It
      could be personal or Corporate account.
      These information will enable us put Application of
      Claims for the release of this money from concerned
      Government Agencies and it will be concluded withinthe
      shortest period of time.
      For your assistance, we have agreed that the fund
      willbe shared as follows:
      You as the account owner 20% ,
      Miscellaneous expenses5% ,
      Officials Involved 75%
      Now, we assure you that all arrangements have been
      concluded and put under control for the success of
      this transaction, so if you are interested,reply us
      through Email .

      Yours faithfully,



      Dear Internet Friends I hope by now you will have had time and taken the

      time to read an e-mail I wrote and sent you between 4 and 4:30 AM on today's
      date. It's Subject is either: Beware - Alert, or Very Important.

      In order to confirm that this was not a hoax, I returned an e-mail to the
      individual in question with a non-committal response. I have already
      received another e-mail from this person, urging me to give my phone and fax
      number so that he might get in touch with me with further instructions.

      This kind of thing is just what we read about from time to time in our local
      newspapers..........a scam to rip off monies from unsuspecting persons,
      looking to obtain a large sum of money with no effort.

      Please remember - if you do reeive such an e-mail, please forward it to your
      AOL fraud e-mail address, TOSEMail1, and for SW Floridians, send it to
      ifcc.tp@.... (This is the e-mail address for the Tampa Regional Office
      of the F.B.I.) Be sure to give them your name and mailing address, and
      include your phone number, in case they need to reach you.

      Good Luck...............JAW


      Walker was picked up without his passport which he claimed was lost...
      Rather than having brought John Walker Lindh back to the United States for a
      trial which at the very least will gather the US bad press around the world,
      and may not result in convictions, the US should have released John in
      Afghanistan --after revoking his citizenship.

      Revocation of citizenship is an administrative action; true, it can be
      reviewed by the courts, but it is much harder to have it restored when you
      are out of the country than it is to keep it when you are in the US and
      serving in a non-US military force is a principle grounds for revocation.

      If John wants to join his perfect Islamist brothers, drop him off in an area
      the Taleban still controls... Wash our hands of the problem, they'll sort
      him out.

      BTW, prisoners in Mazir-i-Sharif are asking to be transferred to Gitmo; and,
      prisoners in Gitmo are being treated better than prisoners in our penal
      "colonies" --none of the al-Qaeda/Taleban are subject to rape, AIDS, etc..

      The 3 Brits being held in Gitmo probably do not wish to return to Britain as
      they might end up in Dartmoor with the dregs.



      I would like to address Ganny in this response. Sir, you misinterrupted
      what I am saying. Sir, I believe in the judicial system and stand up for the
      right to a fair trial, and the presumtion of innocence before trial. That's
      one of our basic rights as Americans. But, one may wonder if Mr. Walker IS
      an American. All new citizens to the U.S., must swear to defend our nation
      and never bear arms against it. I'm not sure Ganny, but I don't think Mr.
      Walker was being trained at an al-Qaida camp to become a scout master. What,
      sir would he gain from this knowledge? Only one thing I think.
      The mistake has already been made, when they took him captive, pardon me,
      detained him, instead of being blown to bits with his comrades. Now you see,
      you and I will have to pay our tax-dollars for his defense, security, which
      is already in the millions, plus pay for what is no doubt going to be a long
      trial, millions more, appeals, millions more, and if found guilty, keeping
      him away from all other prisoners, to keep them from killing him, feed and
      clothe him, providing him with TV, and probably cable with HBO, a luxury
      many people are unable to afford.
      Yes, Ganny, I say kill him, but it should have been done in Afghanistan.
      It would have saved all concerned a great deal of money and time of
      wondering his demise.

      Truly a Concened American,
      Jack Montgomery
      Scarbro,West Virginia

      Buffalo, thanks for having an open forum.


      Now normally I would only forward this url to those of my friends who live
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      You know, Buffalo, I was raised by the "old book" and I got smacked (not
      beaten, mind you) but smacked if I misbehaved. I did the same with my boy &
      girl. We were not ashamed to ever take them any place as they always
      behaved. When I was very young and still a kid, I was polite to neighbors,
      teachers, family, friends and fearful that if I did step out of line that I
      would be in big trouble at home. I think that people should mind their own
      business if they see a parent "spank" their child in public as this is not
      child abuse. What do I now think of Dr. Spock? I think that some parents
      need to use the book and smack the kid with it! Kids now days are not
      afraid of anyone, including parents, teachers, police and the worst part of
      it is is that most of the above mentioned are afraid of the kids! What kind
      of a world are we living in? I think that in our quest to give the kids !
      better than we had, we are giving the kids too much too soon. They have
      grown selfish, lazy and bored. I had an uncle who used to tell me that
      anyone who was "bored' must be "boring" Very true.
      The Vernor's Lady - olmndjy


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      Parting Chips from Brenda

      While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a
      motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing
      traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm
      sorry you have to work half buried in the snow."

      The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for
      my horse!"


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