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Happy New Years

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  • buffalosjokes2001
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. I ventured outside for the first time in days and
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 1, 2002
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      Clean Clean


      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      I ventured outside for the first time in days and was immediately
      disgusted by the mess the plowdrivers had left. I expected my
      car to be buried but they had plowed the gravel alley into the
      street and left a hump in the middle of the road. It took me a
      hour to clean a spot to put the car in so I could teach the
      daughter the art of snowblower operation and then I cleaned off
      the car . We finished and I went back into the house for ten
      minutes and there was another inch of snow on the ground when
      we came out . I drove over to the store and the windows were
      fogging over so I opened the drivers window to help clear the
      windshield. In the fire lane there was a young lady with a small
      dog on a leash that was in the fire lane. I said out loud but to
      myself," Move the rat lady" , smiling as I said it . She smiled back
      said " Sorry" and pulled the dog away and then I realized that she
      had heard what I said and everyone started laughing. Ah the power
      of a smile. Enjoy the chips and we got everyone's New Year's
      resolution in the Scuttlebutt today , If by some chance we missed
      you send one in and we will add it to the regular mail and BTW like
      a lot of people Buffalo hopes to loose some weight and keep things
      flexible . It's a rapid changing world out there , you must bend or
      break.




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      Chauvinist Chips
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      Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time,
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      wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the
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      astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on.

      It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine
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      The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the
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      "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't
      work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."

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      Toon Chips
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      Behind The Scenes at an Arctic Photo Shoot...
      Is tthis animal cruelty or what????
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      Weather Chips
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      He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar
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      Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."



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      Three Bears Chips
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      I haven't made the porridge yet!!"



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      Subscriber SpotlightBest New Year 2002 From Karen
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      Hi Buffalo,

      Have been receiving your newsletters (adult & clean) for over a year
      now ...
      enjoy it very much!
      My New Years Resolution is to finally (I am 31 this year) learn to
      ride a
      bike!

      Cheers,
      tom

      ~~~~~

      My New Year's resolution is to stop stressing over all the "little
      things"
      that aren't important and just enjoy life more!

      Lee

      ~~~~~

      My resolution every year is to try to draw closer to God so that I
      might be
      more of a blessing to others. Marleen

      ~~~~~

      my new years resolution is to stop being so mean and sarcastic to
      everyone
      that i meet. And to stop doing so many drugs. LoL!

      IM EZ
      ~~~~~~

      I promise to read buffalo ever day in 2002

      TOMMY in central texas
      ~~~~~~

      Hi Buffalo!

      First, I thoroughly enjoy your ezine. I get both the clean and
      adult, which
      is good because it's easier to read your natter and reader's comments
      in the
      clean zine but those adult jokes are good IMHO. Don't know why there
      are
      two different type fonts, but that's life.

      My resolution for 2002 is to keep off any weight I lose. No, fur
      real. On
      the 17th I started a new program at the Medical University of South
      Carolina
      called the Focus Program. It's brand new, and I've already lost 11
      pounds
      in 10 days. Now, of course it won't be like that forever, but it
      still
      feels good. But the most important part---and naturally the hardest--
      is to
      keep it off. Hence my resolution.

      Keep up the chips.

      Wolffie

      ~~~~

      My New Year's resolution is to start eating a much healthier, more
      balanced
      diet,
      quit smoking, and do my best to wake up every morning with a smile
      knowing
      that it
      is going to be a wonderful day. Happy New Year to everyone and may it
      be
      filled with
      peace and prosperity for all.

      Wolfy

      ~~~~

      To quit smoking again....

      JoeyE

      ~~~~~

      I resolve to make no resolution so that I don't have to feel bad about
      breaking it.

      Byford from Jacksonville, FL

      ~~~~~~

      I resolve to cut down on the number of Bud Lites I have at my
      favorite
      establishment, time to get back down to a 36" waist.
      Curt (Reaper)
      Warren, Michigan

      P.S. Where is all the snow for us here in the southeastern part of the
      state?

      ~~~~~~

      i resolve to spend more time with my teenagers...lol....i might not
      know
      what i am letting myself in for.....

      MM
      ~~~~

      I am a guy is who is going to find him a boyfriend/husband this year
      Rainman

      ~~~~

      I resolve not to make any New Year Resolution this year.

      Vicki

      ~~~~~

      My resolution is to not have sex with my wife when she wants it,
      twice a
      year is not enough, Lookin for some New in 2002!!!!
      DOC From Philly

      ~~~~~~

      Hiya Buffalo,

      I hope you had a great holiday and a happy New Year. I have a few
      resolutions, hope thats ok.

      1. I am going to try to quit smoking, again (If you don't smoke don't
      start,
      it is hard to quit)

      2. I am going to try to eat better and drink more water.

      3. I am going to try to get more exercise.

      ~~~~

      New Years resolution for 2002! Very easy to make, probably very
      difficult
      to do. I quit smoking six months ago, and with the quit came an extra
      thirty pounds. So now, I have to lose that extra weight. Maybe if I
      started smoking again.............

      Happy New Year Buff!

      Roseanne

      ~~~~

      To try to watch what I eat so I can lose some weight...

      Mary Ann

      ~~~~~

      eat more leafy greens .
      Best to you and family,
      Dan

      ~~~~~

      I'VE RESOLVED NOT TO MAKE ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.
      OOOOOOPS! DAMN! I JUST DID! DAMN!

      ED GAUDET

      ~~~~~

      The only one I've ever been able to keep, since 1968, 'never make
      another
      one'!
      Dianne

      ~~~~~

      a job i neeeeeeed a job, and id like to quit smoking although im kind
      of
      stressed right now so how about once i get a job ill work on the no
      smoking..happy new year buffalo!!!!

      Sunny

      ~~~~~

      Hey Buffalo;
      I would like God to take away my selfishness for the new year.

      Bob

      ~~~~~~

      Hi,
      I make the same resolutions every year.
      The reason so many people "break" their resolutions is they make
      unrealistic ones....ie..to lose mega amounts of weight...to totally
      change their life styles....not good.
      We should make small obtainable ones.

      I make two resolutions a year and have kept them every year.
      1. To get in touch with at least 5 people I have not seen in many
      years
      (whether it be by phone, mail, or in person)

      2. To tell at least 10 people that they are appreciated. (I believe
      there is not enough positive comments made to people....try this one
      and see how many people do not believe you are sincere...some people
      have a difficult time taking a compliment)

      There you have it...my New Year's Resolutions.
      Have a great New Year.
      Jo

      ~~~

      WHAT IS YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
      OURS IS TO GO ON A DIET...HA,HA,HA,
      YOU KNOW IT WON'T LAST FOR LONG.LOL
      HAPPY 2002.

      Diamonds 41

      ~~~

      I resolved a few years ago not to make any more resolutions. Sorry.

      Miss Pamb

      ~~~~
      I will devote more time for my health, which is wealth.

      Varnam Ranjiv

      ~~~~

      My new years resolutions start with [hopefully] giving birth to my
      fifth child, who is already LATE! I was due christmas day.
      Second, I want to go back to school.
      Third, I'm joining a gym! five kids later I deserve to trim down and
      tone up.
      fourth, work harder to teach my children that everyone is an
      individual and ALL are allowed their personal thoughts and opinions.
      Thank you,
      Renee

      ~~~~~

      My New Years Resolution as always is Lose weight & eat healthy! Barb

      ~~~~~

      Hey Buffalo!

      Here's my New Year's Resolution:

      I'm going to lose 10 lbs in 2002, then I'll be happy...no wait
      I'm going to lose 10 lbs and exercise so it comes off my thighs, then
      I'll
      be happy...no wait
      I'm going to lose 10 lbs, exercise so it comes off my thighs, and
      will firm
      up my buttocks in 2002, then I'll be happy!
      I hate to exercise....I'll never be happy.....I don't do resolutions
      Happy New Year Buffalo

      I'd be happy if the snow would just stop here in north Buffalo, NY

      JaiKai

      ~~~~

      My Resoulution,is not to be such a compulsive shopper, I have already
      purchased 6 gifts for christmas next year, :), I cant seem to help
      it, it is
      like an addiction for me, always turning into some stores parking
      lot!!1, Oh
      well,it could be worse.. Happy NEW YEARS to you!
      Nancy

      ~~~~~

      Happy New Year to you!!! I haven't written your chip column in so
      long. I
      hope all your readers had a very Merry Christmas(holiday), and a safe
      one.
      As a transplanted New Yorker(I now live in the south)...that's the
      one thing
      I miss at Christmas...the snow! Not as much as Buffalo is getting(I
      have
      family living there)...but enough to remind me of my childhood. I
      remember 2
      foot snowfalls...and 6 foot snow drifts...and the stores were still
      open!!!!
      I feel for all that live in Buffalo...please stay safe!
      Has anyone heard from Pop Warner? I e-mailed him back a while
      ago...hope
      he's doing okay. I've lost his e-mail address...Pop if you're reading
      this,
      I'm the one that asked about war time veteran benefits for grand
      children
      for college. I hope to hear that you're doing okay.
      Resolutions....what are they? I no longer make them...live one day
      at a
      time...to the fullest. You may not be here tomorrow! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO
      ALL.........................C.J.Kurre

      ~~~~

      My wish is for the World to come to Peace and be able to get along
      with
      other Countries. :-)

      ~~~~

      My life has really changed in the last year... mainly that I now have
      to
      take dialysis treatments three times a week to stay alive. I spent a
      good part of 2001 feeling sorry for myself because I have to get up at
      4:30 am three days a week and then drive 20 miles one way and spend 5
      hours on a dialysis machine. The important thing though, is that I get
      to LIVE! Without the treatments I would die a miserable death in a
      very
      short time. THEREFORE.. my resolutions are: To cherish and enjoy every
      moment of life! To find the good in others even if it takes some
      serious
      looking! To give my best smile to every one I meet and not let it
      bother
      me if they don't smile back. To continue to treaure my family and
      friends, and make new friends whenever I can. Happy New Year Everyone!
      God bless all. Miki

      ~~~~

      My major resolution is to try not to stress so much this coming year.



      (P.S. Pataki may not be using it for WTC but that is what the family
      was
      told as to why her husband's veteran's benefits were stopped. This
      comes
      from her daughter who's now being forced to support her because of it
      being
      stopped. If it's not to rebuild WTC like we were told, then I'd like
      to
      know WHY it was stopped. I do know the WTC had insurance and I
      thought it
      was bogus too, until I found out from the actual source who called
      Pataki's
      office to complain.)

      Patty

      ~~~~

      My resolution for the New Year is to talk to recruiters and make a
      final
      decision on which branch of the military I will enter after I
      graduate.

      Diamond Girl
      ~~~~~

      I resolve to lose at least 25 pounds and get back on my excerise
      program.
      Martie

      ~~~~~

      To lose fifty (50) or a few more pounds.
      Sara.

      ~~~~~~

      Buffalo, dahlink,

      I have decided to share my New Years Resolutions for the year upon us-
      - I
      resolve to forego clog dancing; and especially blowing my horn while
      making obscene finger gestures at gangs of outlaw bikers...

      I know these will be resolutions hard to keep, but I believe I can do
      them...

      Wish me luck,

      jet____

      ~~~~

      I plan to lose 50 to 75 pounds this year, and keep it off. I also
      plan to
      finish three afghans and two cross stitch projects.

      Mary Greeley

      ~~~~~~

      I RESOLVE TO TAKE WHATEVER LIFE THROWS ME AND SQUEEZE ALL THE
      ENJOYMENT FROM
      IT THAT I POSSIBLY CAN WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE ELSE..COLONEL aka D.O.M.

      ~~~~~~

      I have ordered me a treadmill and it is suppose to be here on Jan 2
      so I
      think you can get an idea what mine is need to lose weight and need
      exercise.

      Momma

      ~~~~~~

      Buffalo, My New Year's rsolution is to be less critical of my
      family...Keep
      up the good work..I can't LIVE without your site every morning with my
      coffee..Thanks...Gabby


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      Groaner Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Guy goes to the doctor with problems with his leg. The doctor checks
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      "Why not"? asks the guy.
      "Because" answered the lawyer "you don't have a leg to stand on".



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      Star Wars Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

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      destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

      Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

      Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me
      what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord
      of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

      Luke: Shut up...

      Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had
      exterminated the Jedi knights!

      Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...

      Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old,
      winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod
      Racer...
      right here baby!

      Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

      Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose
      you are, but you sure ain't mine...

      Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down
      the shaft.

      Darth Vader looks after him.

      Darth Vader: Get a haircut

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      From The Buffalos Mail Box

      Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
      ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors
      stood
      around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )



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      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
      "Hey..." asked the brunette at the wheel ,"Any cops following us?"
      The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.
      "Yeah.......looks like it..."
      "Are his flashers on?"
      The blonde turned around again......
      "Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Bonus Chip


      While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out
      a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature
      person.

      "How does that thing work?" she asked.

      As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my
      sister laughed. "I see..it's a lot like my husband,"
      she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything
      out of him."



      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01
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