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  • buffalos3@webtv.net
    Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Gourmet Sodas , Birch Beer, Sarsaparilla , Root Beers , all in
    Message 1 of 42 , Jul 1, 2001
      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Gourmet Sodas , Birch Beer, Sarsaparilla , Root Beers , all in
      original type glass bottles are available from a company Ifs and
      Butts ( They sell cigars too ) . I ordered a six pack of Grape
      Nehi from them a year ago because it was in glass and RC Cola
      doesn't market it up here . They have some really great sodas
      both domestic and imported that I would love to have a case
      or two of but as you may guess they are a bit more expensive than
      your average soda . I was willing to spend the price because the
      wife loved Nehi and told the daughter about it so I splurged.
      Check them out at
      http://www.ifsandsbutts.com/sodas/listcategory.htm and
      leave some Nehi and Birch Beer for me I am going to email an
      order tomorrow .

      Another treat I had that hasn't changed any is an Orange Sherbert
      Push-up . They are so creamy it is hard to believe there is no milk
      in them..

      Hope You enjoy the chips.


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      Funeral Chips
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      A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside
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      Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an
      animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down
      the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do
      something for the animal."

      Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is
      enough to donate for the service?"

      Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

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      Groaner Chips
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      Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, a jockey was well ahead of the
      field.
      Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.
      He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead,
      only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince
      pies
      as he went over the last fence. With great skill he managed to steer
      the
      horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was
      struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus
      distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
      He immediately went to the stewards to complain that he had been
      seriously hampered....



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Toon Chips
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      Last Request Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Father O'Grady was saying his goodbye's to the parishioners
      after his Sunday morning service as he always does when
      Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
      "What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady.
      "Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary.
      "Well what is it, Mary?"
      "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
      "Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he
      have any last requests?"
      "Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.
      "What did he ask, Mary?"
      Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"





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      Story Chips
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      Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
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      course,
      perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was
      driving
      their
      perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed
      someone
      at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they
      stopped
      to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not
      wanting to
      disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple
      loaded
      Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
      delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated
      and the
      perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them
      survived the
      accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

      Scroll down for the answer...




      The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
      the
      first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no
      such
      thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of
      the joke.

      Men keep'a scrollin'...






      So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman
      must
      have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By
      the
      way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates
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      point: Women never listen, either.


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      Short Chips
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      Fred's daughter gave him a ride in her new car. She stopped
      to fill the gas tank -- obviously for the first time in her life.
      She tapped on the window, hiked her thumb at the "octane
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      "Was '87 a good year for gas? The newer gases are much
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      "Like what?"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      Good Life Chips
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      An investment banker was on the pier of a small coastal village when a
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      catch, asking how long it took to catch. The fisherman replied "only a
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      fisherman replied, "I've enough fish to feed my family."
      The banker then asked what did the fisherman do with the rest of his
      time, he replied, "I will sleep late, fish a little, play with my
      children, take a siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each
      evening, sip wine with my friends, play my guitar, I have a full and
      busy life."
      The banker was not impressed. "I have a Harvard MBA and could help
      you.
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      boat and from those increased proceeds you could buy several boats and
      soon have a fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you
      could control production, processing and distribution by building your
      own cannery. You could leave this small coastal village and move to
      the
      city then to New York where you could run your expanding enterprise."
      The fisherman asked, "How long will this take?"
      The banker said, "Ten to 20 years."
      "But what then?"
      "Next you would announce an IPO and sell your stock to the public,
      making millions and millions. Then you could retire to a small coastal
      village where you could sleep late, fish a little, play with your
      kids,
      take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings,
      sip
      wine and play your guitar with your friends," said the banker smiling.




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      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      One day a pregnant wife announced that she was going to start looking
      for
      names for her and her husbands unborn child. When the father had
      gotten home
      from work the mother held up a baby book and said that the name was
      going to
      be Ophella. The husband (who was quite witty) didn't like the name he
      said,"That's a good name, it reminds me of this girl I dated in high
      school."
      The next day the mother had changed the name to Sarah.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give
      you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment
      and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they
      need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or
      even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are
      pencils and paper."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table
      working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter
      about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad,
      how many people work in the U.S. government?"

      The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about half of them."







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      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Our dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to
      buy new
      carpet. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase, so I cut
      the
      stains out of the old carpet. When the carpet guy asked what color we
      wanted,
      I pulled out the stained patches and said, "Yeah, can you match this
      color!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




      From The Buffalo's Mail Box

      If you're referring to the "real" fireflies, then yes we still have
      them! Every night they light up the sky. We used to try and catch
      them to put into a jar....my kids catch them and try to squeeze
      the "light" out of them-ugh! I grew up in Queens, so we really didn't
      see many, but I stayed the summers in East Hampton...the woods were
      loaded! I now live in North Carolina, and we have alot here. The
      summer evenings are beautiful. Not to change the subject, but I saw
      Orange Crush(in glass bottles)...has anyone seen any Grape Nehi??(Did
      I spell it right?) I'm still looking for Sassparrilla, and Birch Beer
      though! I've also found Fresca again! Have a great day everyone!!
      Buffalo...tell Lynn it's great to have her back!!.......Cynthia~Rose
      Hill,North Carolina


      You want firefly's? The little bugs that come out at night and fly
      all around your house? Then come on down here to my place in
      Kentucky! My son goes outside and catches them by the jar full!
      There was even a story on the local news about a little girl that
      catches them and sells a small cupfull to fishermen for $5! I think
      she is about ready for retirement, lol. Down near here at Mammoth
      Cave National Park you will be overrun with the amount of firefly's
      in the air, so save up for your next vacation!
      sunrise375


      Yes, we still have fireflies, or as we always called them, glow
      worms. Our children used to spend many a hot summer evening catching
      them, putting them in jars and watching them glow in the dark. Our
      grandchildren have also spent numerous hours in our back yard doing
      likewise.
      Pat From Iowa



      I LIVE IN ALABAMA NOW. I LIVED IN MICHIGAN FOR
      35 YEARS. TROY TO BE EXACT. I WENT ON A VACATION
      UP TO YOUR AREA WHEN I WAS 17 YEARS OLD. IT IS VERY PRETTY UP THERE.
      I LOVED THE CITY OF ST.IGNACE.
      LOVE YOUR EZINES ALSO, BOTH OF THEM.
      THEY CALL THEM LIGHTNING BUGS ALSO AND ARE IN ABUNDANCE DOWN HERE.
      THE NIGHT TIME JUST IS LIT
      UP WITH THEM. SO PEACEFUL AND SERENE TO SIT ON
      THE PORCH OR IN THE GAZEBO AT NIGHT AND SEE
      THEM LIGHT UP AND FLICKER.I HAVE 4 DOGS AND THEY
      RUN AND JUMP AND CHASE THEM AROUND IT IS SO
      FUNNY TO WATCH. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
      LATER, TOI


      Jerry sends in an online site to buy fly strips and traps at
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    • buffalosjokes2001
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. The daughter spent the night with us last night and
      Message 42 of 42 , Jan 20, 2002
        Clean Clean

        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

        The daughter spent the night with us last night and she brought
        her cat over for a visit because Woogie had been through a
        traumatic experience the day before.
        When Buffy got home from work , Woogie hadn't rushed out
        to greet her so she called her cat. She heard a muffled meow
        coming from somewher and started looking. Living in a basement
        she figured the cat might have found some way to get into a wall
        or the ceiling and get trapped. After a few minutes she still hadn't
        found her but had narrowed the search to her bedroom. Finally
        she noticed the lid of her hamper was closed and there was
        Woogie curled up on a pile of laundry, where she had crawled probably
        looking for a warm place to hide . Although she had
        grown up as an indoor/ outdoor cat she has no love for the cold
        and prefers a heat register or the daughter's electric blanket for a
        nap.
        Hope you enjoy the chips and you are having a nice weekend.

        BTW our latest poll has 300 answers so far and Pat writes:

        I have decided to leave my computer OFF except the first 4 days of the
        month. I will be running the maintenance programs at that time. How's
        that
        grab you?
        Love
        @}>--->>>>>-------------------

        You can still check out our poll and add your $.02 or € for the
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        Space Chips Via Rubin
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        In Brooklyn, Sol Goldstein is startled when a flying
        saucer lands beside him. From the saucer exits a
        beautiful female who tells him that she is from
        the planet Pluto. Sol notices that her skin is green,
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        diamonds or other precious stones,and every wrist is
        heavy with gold bracelets. When Sol asks, "Are there any
        women on Pluto who don't wear all of that jewelry?"
        the woman replies, "Only the shiksas."

        shiksas = non-Jewish women



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        Toon Chips
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Navy Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during
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        immediately to
        an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

        On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6
        Japanese
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        shot them all down, too.

        Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the
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        said, "Well
        sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

        The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You make one velly
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        Blonde Chips
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        A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

        The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

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        heads.

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        Psych Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        "I had the strangest dream last night," Morris was telling his
        psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to
        look at me, I noticed that she had your face. As you can imagine,
        I found this very disturbing. In fact I woke up immediately, and
        couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for
        morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right
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        From The Buffalos Mail Box

        Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
        ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors
        stood
        around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

        Hi Bill,

        Your tale about your snowblower made me think about vehicle care and
        maintenance that was required in the arctic region. While I had left
        my own vehicle at home and flew to Alaska, I knew several people who
        had taken their cars and trucks to Fort Wainwright with them. Some
        of the vehicles had been driven to Alaska on the Al-Can or Alaskan-
        Canadian Highway. Others had been transported to Anchorage by ferry,
        then driven up to Fairbanks. They all had to be prepared the same
        way, and the main difference between them was that the driven
        vehicles had rock guards to protect them from the large gravel pieces
        that made up parts of the Al-Can.

        All of the vehicles had to have three devices attached to make them
        operable in the extreme cold. They needed to be tuned up and have
        their batteries serviced each fall. They all had engine heaters
        installed, either coolant heaters, or block heaters to keep the
        lightweight engine oil thin enough to circulate. The other two
        devices were focused on the battery.
        There was a blanket heater that wrapped around the battery, and there
        was a trickle charger that continually fed a 1 to 2 amp charge into
        the battery. Each of these three devices were plugged into a power
        strip at the front of the vehicle and then an extension cord came out
        through the grill and plugged into an electrical outlet in the
        parking lot. Parking spaces had electrical outlets all over the post
        and all over town.

        The parking lot at the local department store had gates to get into
        and out of, just like at an airport. There were hitching post like
        structures at the head of the parking spaces with electrical outlets
        all along their length.
        The shoppers were able to park their vehicle and plug it in their
        heater/charger equipment while they were inside the store. The
        shoppers were then given vouchers by the cashier when they made a
        purchase that allowed them to park for free. If they didn't buy
        anything, they had to pay to get out of the parking lot.

        Still, unless a vehicle was driven regularly, this was not enough to
        keep it running. Following a two week winter exercise, I had to help
        a friend restore life to his car. It had been plugged in all the
        time, but the 5 weight oil had frozen and the engine would not turn
        over. The most common cure for this was taking a metal garbage can
        lid and filling it with charcoal briquettes. Once the fire died down
        and a bed of red hot coals had formed, the garbage can lid was slid
        under the engine. It was left in place for up to an hour before
        attempts were made to start the engine. That usually did the trick,
        but care still had to be taken when starting to drive, because other
        vehicle parts, like the transmission, differential, and the
        suspension were still extremely stiff and prone to damage until they
        loosened up.

        The side windows and rear window also had a thick plastic sheet
        applied to them during the winter months. The sheet created a thin
        air pocket inside that kept the window and the sheet clear. Every
        part of the glass was heavily frosted over except for the area under
        the plastic sheet. Alaska was the only place that I ever saw that
        method used, it worked pretty good.

        I was glad to have left my own vehicle at home in northeast Iowa. It
        only gets down to about -20 to -30 where I live, but this has been a
        mild winter so far. I have never had a block heater, battery
        blanket, or trickle charger installed on any of my vehicles, and they
        have usually started in the dead of winter. Pulling spark plugs in
        the driveway at -25 degrees is not an activity that I would recommend
        to anyone. Nor do I recommend the charcoal engine heating method,
        but it worked in Alaska. I also did a tune-up on my brother-in-law's
        Plymouth in similar conditions about 20 years ago. Bummer, but it
        ran pretty good when I was done. Keep those engines running, and
        take it easy on the snow and ice.

        Keep Up The Fire!

        "Doc" Chuck

        ~~~~~

        Firearms refresher Course From Westpac

        a. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

        b. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

        c. Glock: The original point and click interface.

        d. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.

        e. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?

        f. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

        g. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

        h. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.

        i. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

        j. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.

        k. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?

        l. The Second Amendment is in place in case they ignore the others.

        m. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

        n. Guns only have two enemies: rust and liberals.

        o. Know guns, know peace and safety. No guns, no peace nor safety.

        p. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

        q. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

        r. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

        s. Criminals love gun control - it makes their jobs safer.

        t. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

        u. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control
        them.

        v. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.

        w. Enforce the "gun control laws" we have, don't make more.

        x. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.

        y. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

        z. "...a government of the people, by the people, for the people..."

        ~~~~~


        On January 23rd members of Congress will reconvene to pick up where
        they left off in December and debate issues of national interest.

        Shortly after Jan 23rd, the Senate will continue its debate on the
        Farm Bill. Much has been written about the farm bill and about the
        farm subsidy system. We at Farm Aid encourage you to read the short
        essay below by Jim Hightower, the former Texas Commissioner of
        Agriculture, to learn how your tax dollars (in the form of farm
        subsidies) benefited Charles Schwab, the well known billionaire
        Stockbroker.

        As Hightower concludes, the original purpose of the farm subsidy
        program was designed to help struggling small farmers stay on their
        land. After reading this essay, if so moved, please call your
        senators and urge them to support farm policies that strengthen
        family farmers, not corporate mega-farms and billionaires. Capitol
        Hill Switchboard: 202-224-3121.

        Farm Aid works with family farm organizations across the country that
        are fighting for a fair farm bill that will support family farmers ?
        not factory farms. As a not-for-profit organization Farm Aid relies
        on grants and donations to continue our work. If you share our
        devotion to fair and just farm policies that keep family farmers
        producing America?s food, please consider making a tax-deductible
        gift to Farm Aid. Donations can be made online at:
        http://www.farmaid.org

        HIGHTOWER: Charles Schwab's Ducky Deal
        Jim Hightower, AlterNet
        January 8, 2002

        Charles Schwab is one lucky duck. Not only is he a billionaire
        stockbroker, heading the Wall Street firm that bears his family name,
        but he also has his own, private duck-hunting club on 1,500 acres of
        wetlands in picturesque Northern California.

        He calls his place Casa de Patos, which is Spanish for House of
        Ducks. However, ducks don't read, so they're unaware that Charlie
        named his place for the birds and that they're supposed to swoop down
        from their migratory path to get a close enough for Schwab and his
        duck-loving friends to shoot at them. Also, while you and I know from
        his ubiquitous ads that Charles is a hot-shot Wall Street
        Stockbroker, your average duck doesn't watch a lot of tv and wouldn't
        know Charles Schwab from a cotton swab. But Schwab knows that his
        feathered friends are attracted to rice fields, so, to lure more of
        the game birds within gunshot range, Charles has had much of Casa de
        Patos planted in rice.

        Here's where the story turns deliciously ducky for Schwab. As you
        might expect, he didn't get to be a billionaire by spending his money
        foolishly. No, instead he spends your money foolishly. Charles
        Schwab, billionaire duck man, discovered the federal farm program.
        Specifically, his legal beagles determined that as a rice grower,
        Schwab was eligible for rice subsidies from us taxpayers. Lots of
        subsidies. The bottom line here is that you and I, Mr. and Ms. Joe
        Schmoe Taxpayer, fork over some $500,000 a year in federal crop-
        support funds so Schwab can be sure that guests at his exclusive
        hunting club have plenty of ducks to kill.

        The farm program was originally meant to help struggling small
        farmers -- not a pleasure seeking Wall Streeter with a net worth of
        some $4 billion. With program perveters like Schwab, we taxpayers are
        sitting ducks.

        This is Jim Hightower saying ... To help stop cheaters like Charlie,
        and to return the farm program to real farmers, contact, Farm Aid:
        617-354-2922.

        ~~~~~

        Buffalo:


        I also lived in a house that was ruled by cats (siamese) who adored
        my wife. Me they tolerated as they did our family dog (a
        daschound). Over the years we had 3 different cats and an equal
        number of dogs and I must confess they got on famously together.

        One of my most vivid memories is of a few years ago when our last cat
        became ill with bowel and kidney problems. My wife , in an effort to
        reduce Vet costs, decided to treat the cat at home. Needless to say
        I was the corpsman she called upon to administer the treatments.
        Buffalo, you haven't lived until you have given a Siamese Cat an
        enema every day for 10 days. I lost over a pint of blood, could not
        be seen in public for a month because of facial, hand and arm
        scratches ( and a fear my wife would be arrested for spousal abuse)
        and the greatest indignity- - had to clean about 20 pounds of VERY
        loose cat chips out of my garage.
        Unfortunately, the treatments did not work and we had to put the cat
        down. But the experience-ah the experience.....Ray USN/RET

        ~~~~

        I thought you might see the the humor in this. After having water in
        the fuel of your snow blower. I took my small boat out so my brother
        could take same pictures of gators in the wild. We had a week of rain
        and like a dummy i didn't cover my fuel tanks [got water in both
        tanks] the motor ran six miles down river at an idle before it
        stopped and i had to row all the way back to the truck. But at least
        it was a nice day weather wise 75 deg or so.

        "Those who desire to give up Freedom in order to gain
        Security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one."

        --Thomas Jefferson

        mike532

        Buffalo says Once was funny mike but I am up to my horns in snow
        right now heh heh

        ~~~~

        I call this one;

        "For Now and Then"


        When I was small and the world was tall,
        There was magic everywhere.
        Like Trick-or-Treat, and small bare feet,
        And snowflakes in the air.


        We played outside 'till midnight,
        In the fragrant summer night...
        Our souls set free, we strove to be,
        Like young birds taking flight.


        There was such joy in simple things,
        And fear was just a word.
        We had no clue that down the road,
        It would be most common heard.


        But Oh, the world is different now,
        Our innocence is lost.
        There is no childhood magic now,
        At what a cruel cost.


        I long for time to turn around,
        Back to those idyllic hours.
        But innocence and peace can't thrive,
        In the Land of Fallen Towers.


        Perhaps some day. Peace will return...
        I hope I'm here to see,
        The children laugh and play again,
        Their joy unbound and free.


        Until that day, I'll do my best.
        And I'll pray hard every night.
        that evil darkness be undone,
        And LOVE rule, shining bright.



        by Miki Buchanan 01-16-2002


        ~~~~~

        Hi Buffalo
        I found one for the Doc:
        It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at
        his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a
        bit on your tab."

        "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."

        "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the
        amount you owe me right here on the wall."

        "But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."

        "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it
        until it's paid."

        Jim

        ~~~~~


        Apology to Martin from TX
        My mistake about the starting of this country. I understand that MEN
        started this country. Many men were great and honest. Thanks to the
        ones that make this country great. The scum and trash deserves a
        garbage can. A lot of MEN stole, killed, and bribed to get their way
        in forming this country. Blood, sweat, tears, and most importantly
        prayers of MEN, WOMEM, and CHILDREN formed this nation to be one of
        the GREATEST NATIONS that has ever been. WHY?
        ___________________________

        I was taught in Government schools and have since found out that
        their text books are written to control the minds of the public and
        whitewash actual Historical events like why was the civil war started
        between the north and the south? Slavery or bad Northern Politics.
        Books or any readable material can control the minds of people.
        Hitler said that if he could write the textbooks, he could control
        the minds of the people. Who writes the books?

        We (Men, women, and children) chose what we want to become, what we
        believe, and how we want to behave. However are we accountable to
        someone greater than us, maybe a creator, or did we come from a frog
        or a fish? The answer will come in the clouds with glory and great
        power says the book that I like to read. Choose. But choose wisely.
        It's our choice!!!! I try not to and will not force my Christian
        evangelism on anyone. Everyone in this country has the choice by law
        of man and God to chose their own savior.
        With Love for fellow countrymen and all around the world, Thanks for
        all you did to make this a great country.
        Hank in MS

        ~~~~

        Bill,

        Thank you to your unnamed reader who correctly identified Benjamin
        Franklin as the author of the quote on the tradeoffs between security
        and freedom. Now if we could get the quote right we might have
        something to discuss with a bit more weight than the defects and
        deficiencies of our last few Presidents.

        In the Historical Review of Pennsylvania in 1759 (about the time
        Buffalo enlisted in the Navy) Franklin wrote - "They that can give up
        essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither
        liberty nor safety."

        Of course this is the same man who also advised that "A cat in gloves
        catches no mice."

        This is not to suggest that Jefferson was any slouch at creating
        thought-provoking gems which remain very relevant today.

        In 1816 he wrote to Charles Yankee, "If a nation expects to be
        ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never
        was and never will be."

        Later that year he wrote to Du Pont de Nemours, "Enlighten the people
        generally, and tyranny and oppressions of the body and mind will
        vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day."

        I would be interested to hear if other readers think that some or any
        of these thoughts are relevant to America today.

        Jim
        Jim Kennicott
        Park City, Utah USA

        ~~~~~

        Little Boy and the 100 dollars

        I laughed uncontrollably for a good 2-3 min at that one! I agree that
        the
        jokes that catch you off guard like that are the best. And for
        everyone who
        was offended all I can say is, it's a JOKE people, isn't that what you
        expect to find on a JOKE LIST? loosen up, there are plenty of things
        in
        life to get upset about but a joke is NOT one of them. If ya don't
        like it
        move on to the next one }:>

        WooHoo it's snowing here in Colorado! I know some of you east coasters
        probably hate me for that one huh?

        Graffix

        ~~~~~

        How I failed my first driving test and passed the
        second - My father had a DeSoto with automatic shift.
        I learned to drive on this car. The day of my driving
        test he decided not to let me use it and I borrowed
        the Pastor's car. Fr Frank Kett lent me his huge Nash
        Ambassador with standard shift. Buddy Houseman, later
        an NYPD sargeant tried to get me ready in an hour. I
        could drive it but the nerves that came as I started
        out had me thinking of my last mistake so i kept
        making them. Each was progressively worse than the
        last which was going through a red light. My father
        then had one of his co-workers teach me how to drive a
        car properly. Mop, his nickname had been Frank
        Costello's driver. He taught me how to drive so a
        passenger would never spill a drop of coffee from a
        cup when stopping the car. I never drove standard
        shift again till the cab company i was working part
        time for shifted over to that mode of transmission,
        but that is another story.

        Art

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        Date: Jan 20, 2002 A.D.
        RE: Don't die yet!

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        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01
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