White House Staff Hit Hard By Human-Animal Hybrid Ban
Chickenhawks at Risk, Among Others
A ban on human-animal hybrids announced by President Bush in his State
of the Union address has many senior White House staffers panicked,
and the NIH, which has been tasked with enforcing the ban, has already
prepared subpoenas for DNA samples for most of the White House staff.
Dick Cheney, who is thought to be a chickenhawk/man, told reporters
today that the State of the Union was not intended to be taken
literally by anyone. "It's really a rhetorical flourish," he said.
Karl Rove, who many people freely attest is "not entirely human,"
backed up Cheney, saying that almost everything the President said was
"unenforceable." Cheney and Rove then retired to the White House
dining room where they gnawed on hanging seed sticks and sharpened
A White House official, who preferred to remain anonymous because
commenting on the genetic makeup of co-workers is frowned upon, said
that Donald Rumsfeld, while not necessarily a chickenhawk, was
certainly half-man, half-beast.
In this morning's press gaggle, White House Press Secretary Scott
McClellan found himself denying rumors today that the President
himself is "half-man, half-chimp," saying only, "There's just a
resemblance." After becoming increasingly defensive, McClellan finally
compared the press corps to "a bunch of geese" and left the room.
A poll this morning found that Americans, by and large, are completely
unconcerned by events in the White House or on Capitol Hill. According
to pollster Melonie Fisk, "On the whole, Americans are more concerned
with keeping up with the herd and the coming spring shearing."
House Of Pain Maru
Second clue: Are We Not Men?