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7412Re: DOOMED!!!!!

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  • Q
    Aug 21, 2013
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      Speaking as a Ranger (but not for the org) the first thing we'll do in such times of madness, chaos & mayhem is...

      ...nothing!

      Mirgins (mud-virgins, which is really most of us) if you haven't done so yet, consider re-reading the ol' ten principles & the back of your ticket. It's a self-reliant event in a desert that doesn't give a spit if you live or die. (We certainly might, of course, but the desert won't.)

      See You In The Dmudst!

      -Quandary

      P.S. This year's hottest ranger art patch tho, "Burning Man 2013, Swiftwater Rescue Team"



      On Aug 21, 2013, at 1:52 AM, Douglas Ruuska <ruuskado@...> wrote:

      This is the emergency burncast system. The burncasters in your area in voluntary cooperation with other burncasters have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency. This is an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just read will be followed by instructions directing you to cancel your ordinary, default life and proceed to Nevada to save the Burn from some form of inevitable heat death.

      This is going to be the craziest year ever. The rain has actually washed away the entire Playa, leaving nothing behind but a cratered terrain full of boiling mud-pits big enough to swallow 2-city bus long dragons and interspersed with differential/transmission busting rock fields. Where lightning has struck, there are spires of terra-cotta like clay 370 feet tall blocking views of the Man and interfering with your navigation, LEOs and brine shrimp have achieved a 1-to-1 correspondence and Rt. 447 from Fernley to Gerlach is a single lane with no passing zones. All the water in Reno has to be boiled, and the city has run out of Red Bull and Tasty Bites. Twin City burned to the ground last night and the snows have just begun. Beware the night, for then is when the ice-weasels come. There are giant scorpions whose sting is somehow combined with poison ivy, the result of some nearby military experiments run amok. All the containers that have been delivered to the Playa so far have sunk at least 3-feet into the mire. The BLM has closed off access to the Playa, so we all have to park on the side of the road and hump our fabulous shit in. There is a beer distributor strike in Reno and rogue dealers in frozen meat are stopping all Burners and attempting to sell them strange delicacies. There are NO rental contracts being honored AT ALL in the city and there even appears to be some kind of military takeover where they are rounding up weirdos and intellectuals and sequestering them within the Bowling Hall of Fame. DPW has been issued weapons and been ordered by the Harvey of Larry to repel all boarders and to harass anyone wearing sequins or too tight clothes, or anyone deemed "too fabulous". San Francisco just drifted off to sea and Oakland has outlawed all privately owned machine tools and industrial spaces. UAVs have been witnessed targeting buses covered in Playa on Rt. 80 with tire and engine destroying needles. RVs are restricted within a 500-mile exclusion zone and anyone suspected of either shirt-cocking, or involvement in a Plug-&-Play camp will be sent to D-Lot for the duration. Only Jaded-Old-Burners (TM) will be let into the quagmire and whatever is published in Piss Clear shall be the new Law of the Land.  

      In short, you have been warned that this year, with the Playa covered in 13-feet of hail and all,  shall be interesting. HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!!!

      Can't Wit for to witness the MAYHEMS,

      D
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