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Re: if Noah were alive today. Sorry, no Bolger on this one.

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  • richard@spellingbusiness.com
    You forgot: And SNAME objected because God is not a registered Marine Engineer! ... the ... there ... not ... the ... for ... up ... the ... proposed ... flood
    Message 1 of 2 , Sep 1, 2001
      You forgot:
      And SNAME objected because God is not a registered Marine Engineer!
      --- In bolger@y..., djost@m... wrote:
      > Boat building troubles .......
      > For those who think they have too many problems with building their
      > boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-
      > mailed to me. It is a sign of the times.
      > It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
      > speaks toNoah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
      > cover the wholeearth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
      > you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
      > thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
      > In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
      > Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
      > the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
      > bring everything aboard in one year."
      > Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
      > all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
      > sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is
      > Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but
      > were big problems.
      > First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did
      > comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
      > the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not
      > Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my
      > neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
      > building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
      > the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood
      > the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
      > Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
      > that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
      > Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
      > The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
      > negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
      > carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding
      > the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
      > objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got
      > the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
      > Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
      > flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
      > jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
      > Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new
      > plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a
      > complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
      > I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
      > people aboard!
      > The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the
      > in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just
      > a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed
      > to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
      > " Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
      > further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
      > the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
      > really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"
      > Noah wailed.
      > The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began
      > calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up
      hopefully. "You
      > mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
      > "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
      > If he had built a Micro, he could have at least save the owls.
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