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if Noah were alive today. Sorry, no Bolger on this one.

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  • djost@ma.ultranet.com
    Boat building troubles ....... For those who think they have too many problems with building their boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was
    Message 1 of 2 , Sep 1, 2001
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      Boat building troubles .......

      For those who think they have too many problems with building their
      boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-
      mailed to me. It is a sign of the times.

      It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
      speaks toNoah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
      cover the wholeearth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
      you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
      thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

      In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
      Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
      the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
      bring everything aboard in one year."

      Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
      all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
      sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the
      Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there
      were big problems.

      First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
      comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
      the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
      Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my
      neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
      building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
      the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for
      the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
      Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
      that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
      Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

      The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
      negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
      carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up
      the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
      objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got
      the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the
      Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
      flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
      jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
      Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new flood
      plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a
      complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that
      I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
      people aboard!

      The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark
      in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got
      a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed
      to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.

      " Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
      further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
      the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I
      really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"
      Noah wailed.

      The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
      calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You
      mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

      "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."




      If he had built a Micro, he could have at least save the owls.
    • richard@spellingbusiness.com
      You forgot: And SNAME objected because God is not a registered Marine Engineer! ... the ... there ... not ... the ... for ... up ... the ... proposed ... flood
      Message 2 of 2 , Sep 1, 2001
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        You forgot:
        And SNAME objected because God is not a registered Marine Engineer!
        --- In bolger@y..., djost@m... wrote:
        > Boat building troubles .......
        >
        > For those who think they have too many problems with building their
        > boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-
        > mailed to me. It is a sign of the times.
        >
        > It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
        > speaks toNoah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
        > cover the wholeearth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
        > you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
        > thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
        >
        > In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
        > Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
        > the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
        > bring everything aboard in one year."
        >
        > Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
        > all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
        > sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is
        the
        > Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but
        there
        > were big problems.
        >
        > First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did
        not
        > comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
        > the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not
        the
        > Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my
        > neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
        > building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
        > the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood
        for
        > the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
        > Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
        > that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
        > Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
        >
        > The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
        > negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
        > carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding
        up
        > the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
        > objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got
        > the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
        the
        > Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
        proposed
        > flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
        > jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
        > Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new
        flood
        > plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a
        > complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
        that
        > I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
        > people aboard!
        >
        > The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the
        Ark
        > in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just
        got
        > a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed
        > to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
        >
        > " Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
        > further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
        > the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
        I
        > really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"
        > Noah wailed.
        >
        > The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began
        to
        > calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up
        hopefully. "You
        > mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
        >
        > "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > If he had built a Micro, he could have at least save the owls.
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