Re: Edit - Outdoor Products Amphibian - Andrea Murland
- Done. Thanks Richard, as always.
I did use "stuff" a lot in those 2 paragraphs, didn't I?
See you on the next one.
--- In firstname.lastname@example.org, "richardglyon@..." <montana.angler@...> wrote:
> Andrea, As usual, wonderful photos. A few edits below, in the standard format. After revising you may upload. Don't forget to delete your Tests folder copy. Thanks for making my task an easy one.
> Cheers, Richard
> ### In the Long Term Testing phase, I used the Amphibian Pack for a further 6 day hikes or skis in the Rockies, all for distances less than 10 km (6.2 mi), and at temperatures from -15 C (5 F) to 10 C (50 F). There was some light snow falling on one of those hikes. ###
> Edit: "those" implies a particular item or group, and it's unclear whether you are referring to a hike as opposed to a ski or to something else. A real nitpick, I admit, but I think it would read better if you said "the hikes."
> ### I was able to comfortably fit my stuff sack of odds and ends, lunch, water, extra hats, mittens, and jackets, and some new geocaches to be placed inside. ###
> EDIT: delete "to be placed"
> ### I continue to wish that the outside pockets accepted more stuff, but have come to appreciate that everything the pack is carrying ###
> Edit: You use the word "stuff" often in the LTR. I consider "stuff" an apt word for the contents of the pack, but somehow it became redundant in reading the LTR; also once in awhile some particularity would help the report. Take a look at the entire LTR and consider a revision or two.
> ### as I found carrying water inside the pack to be generally inconvenient. ###
> Comment: Carrying water inside a waterproof pack sounds counterproductive to me! If an accident bursts your water container you're guaranteed that everything will be soaked and stay soaked.
> ###I haven't missed the waist band at all. ###
> Edit: waistband [one word]