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Edit - Outdoor Products Amphibian - Mike Pearl

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Mike, Good job, sir! If I haven t mentioned it before, first-rate use of photos. A few edits, in the standard format, below. Most are suggestions. After
    Message 1 of 2 , Mar 4, 2013
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      Mike,

      Good job, sir! If I haven't mentioned it before, first-rate use of photos. A few edits, in the standard format, below. Most are suggestions. After revising you're good to upload. Don't forget to delete your Tests folder copy.

      See you down the trail, Richard

      ### Moose Mountain (North Peak), New Hampshire - 8 mi (13 km) to 2300 ft (700 m), 17 F (-8 C) and windy gust of 35 mph (56 kph) gust, hard packed snow ###
      EDIT: windy gusts of 35 mph (56 kph) [First "gust" made plural, second deleted as redundant.
      Edit: hard-packed [with a hyphen]

      ### When in direct contact with the wet or snow cover ground and even when sat on top of the Amphibian remained waterproof. ###
      EDIT: even when I sat on top

      ### I continue to be frustrated with the level of use the exterior pockets provide. ###
      Edit: I know what you mean, but I think this would be clearer if you said "the limited level of use"

      ### Ultimately the snowshoes fit securely to pack and stayed in place the entire hike. ###
      Edit: Consider replacing "Ultimately" with "After this fix." I think that's what you mean.
      Comment: Bummer the pack doesn't accommodate snowshoes without a jerry-rig.

      ### Shortly after Field Testing began I became concerned with one thing. The affect cold temperatures would have on the waterproof TPU coated roll top closure. ###
      Edit: I'd make this one sentence, replacing the period after "thing" with a colon or a dash. If a dash, "The" should be lower case.
      EDIT: effect [not "affect"]
      Edit: TPU-coated [with a hyphen]

      ### Post hike examination of the Amphibian following the last outing of the Long-Term period reveals no defects or damage. ###
      Edit: Post-hike [with a hyphen]

      ### The few complainants I can list do not out weigh the complements. ###
      EDIT: complaints [spelling]
      EDIT: outweigh [one word]
      EDIT: compliments [Spelling. "Complements" [two e] means something different.]

      ### The Amphibian is a solid little weather proof pack. ###
      Edit: weatherproof [one word]

      ### I will reach for the Amphibian Pack when day hiking and cross country skiing. ###
      Edit: cross-country [with a hyphen]

      ### This completes my Long-Term Report. ###
      EDIT: completes my Test Report.
    • Mike Pearl
      Richard, Thanks for the speedy and solid editorial advice.  Pleasure working with you. Mike ... From: richardglyon@att.net Subject:
      Message 2 of 2 , Mar 5, 2013
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        Richard,
        Thanks for the speedy and solid editorial advice.  Pleasure working with you.
        Mike

        --- On Tue, 3/5/13, richardglyon@... <montana.angler@...> wrote:

        From: richardglyon@... <montana.angler@...>
        Subject: [backpackgeartesters] Edit - Outdoor Products Amphibian - Mike Pearl
        To: backpackgeartesters@yahoogroups.com
        Date: Tuesday, March 5, 2013, 3:29 AM
















         









        Mike,



        Good job, sir! If I haven't mentioned it before, first-rate use of photos. A few edits, in the standard format, below. Most are suggestions. After revising you're good to upload. Don't forget to delete your Tests folder copy.



        See you down the trail, Richard



        ### Moose Mountain (North Peak), New Hampshire - 8 mi (13 km) to 2300 ft (700 m), 17 F (-8 C) and windy gust of 35 mph (56 kph) gust, hard packed snow ###

        EDIT: windy gusts of 35 mph (56 kph) [First "gust" made plural, second deleted as redundant.

        Edit: hard-packed [with a hyphen]



        ### When in direct contact with the wet or snow cover ground and even when sat on top of the Amphibian remained waterproof. ###

        EDIT: even when I sat on top



        ### I continue to be frustrated with the level of use the exterior pockets provide. ###

        Edit: I know what you mean, but I think this would be clearer if you said "the limited level of use"



        ### Ultimately the snowshoes fit securely to pack and stayed in place the entire hike. ###

        Edit: Consider replacing "Ultimately" with "After this fix." I think that's what you mean.

        Comment: Bummer the pack doesn't accommodate snowshoes without a jerry-rig.



        ### Shortly after Field Testing began I became concerned with one thing. The affect cold temperatures would have on the waterproof TPU coated roll top closure. ###

        Edit: I'd make this one sentence, replacing the period after "thing" with a colon or a dash. If a dash, "The" should be lower case.

        EDIT: effect [not "affect"]

        Edit: TPU-coated [with a hyphen]



        ### Post hike examination of the Amphibian following the last outing of the Long-Term period reveals no defects or damage. ###

        Edit: Post-hike [with a hyphen]



        ### The few complainants I can list do not out weigh the complements. ###

        EDIT: complaints [spelling]

        EDIT: outweigh [one word]

        EDIT: compliments [Spelling. "Complements" [two e] means something different.]



        ### The Amphibian is a solid little weather proof pack. ###

        Edit: weatherproof [one word]



        ### I will reach for the Amphibian Pack when day hiking and cross country skiing. ###

        Edit: cross-country [with a hyphen]



        ### This completes my Long-Term Report. ###

        EDIT: completes my Test Report.



























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