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  • Mike Mosack
    Hi Frances, Here are my edits. My standard format is this - EDIT – must change edit – I recommend this but in the end it is entirely your call Comment –
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 3, 2012
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      Hi Frances,

      Here are my edits. My standard format is this -

      EDIT – must change

      edit – I recommend this but in the end it is entirely your call

      Comment – just that

      It appears that this is just your third test item so bear with me if I seem wordy. I just want to be as clear as I can. Most of these are just comments which are things that I’ve seen in edits of my reports I’ve submitted previously. I recently tested the Gregory Z45 pack and loved it so I think you will like yours as well. Since backpacks are often the most complex items of gear we test, maybe look to add more info into the FR to discuss how easily or difficult the pack adjustments are to get your pack comfortable to you, photos of its use as a day pack and anything you can expound on with regard to particular features, especially the technically named ones specific to this pack as mentioned on the website, warranty information if any too would be appreciated. Packs just have a lot of features that can be written about.

      Comment - I’ve been told previously to use the manufacturer’s website spelled out as the displayed link like this www.gregorypacks.com rather than renaming it as in your example of “Gregory website”

      Comment/edit – The section under “Product features” it appears to be a copy and paste of bullet headings so you might consider giving props to the website as the source within your report. Additionally, the manufacturer’s (and your) use of “backpanel” I think is an incorrect typo making it one word but either way, you later separate this into two words under the “Trying it out” section. I would change one so they match for consistency

      “There is a large internal hydration pocket with tube loops on both sides of the shoulder straps.”

      edit – this is a little confusing to me. Are there tube loops on both sides of each of the shoulder straps or is there a tube loop on or near each shoulder strap or area? Could you describe this a little more clearly? Photos help too

      “It arrived in good condition wrapped in plastic in its shipping box.”

      Comment – generally, we do not describe how the item was shipped, packed, etc, in the shipping box but as with anything, there are exceptions.

      “The tag does not indicate the ability to adjust this pack to a day pack, but it is possible using the adjustment compression straps.”

      Comment – The list seems endless as to what might “not” be listed on a tag… I thought it might be better to know where instead you got the info that the pack could be used as a day pack and how – just a thought.

      “Since I had a trip planned, I used the pack on a weekend trip to Joshua Tree…”

      EDIT – Please add location where Joshua Tree is for our international readers who might not be familiar. Maybe Joshua Tree National Park in southeastern California, USA or similar, as one idea…

      “It is no higher than my shoulders when fully packed making it very maneurverable…”

      EDIT – spelling of maneuverable

      Regarding your image foot note/displayed title

      edit – For consistency with the manufacturer’s website, I would change the image title/file name to “Intuition 3D Suspension” so it matches and is in the same order and Suspension is capitalized.

      “The water bottle in the side mesh pocket sat too high on my waist to be easily accessible to me while wearing the pack.”
      Comment – You mention two separate issues with regard to your personal water bottle…maybe describe the type of water bottle you used so readers can judge by comparison to their particular water bottle – just a thought

      “The pack is very compact, comfortable to wear, versatile and should accommodate a variety of trips.”

      Comment – personally, I would add a comma in between “versatile” and “and” to look like this - The pack is very compact, comfortable to wear, versatile, and should accommodate a variety of trips.

      That’s it! I would offer to have another look before you post this too if you like – hope you enjoy your pack and see you again in two months!


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