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EDIT: IR - MontBell Anorak - Alex Legg

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  • Christopher Nicolai
    Alex, What a cool product to review! I m a little jealous. :-) Thanks for the concise report! I have a number of items for your consideration below, all in
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 2, 2012
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      Alex,

      What a cool product to review! I'm a little jealous. :-) Thanks for the
      concise report!

      I have a number of items for your consideration below, all in the standard
      EDIT/Edit/Comment format. (Must be edited / Can be edited for clarity, but
      a judgment call left to your discretion / Comment, for reference.) Of
      these items, several are judgment calls, and a handful are just simple
      typos. I also was being a bit more picky than normal with your bio, simply
      because that gets repeated in every report you write. Do with that as you
      will. Once you have addressed these items to your satisfaction, please
      delete out of the test folder and upload to the site. If you would like
      another review for posterity, just let me know. I'll be happy to oblige.

      Kind regards,

      Christopher


      Edit
      > I tend to camp with a tarp whenever possible to reduce the weight of my
      two person tent.
      ---I don't quite get what you're saying here. Maybe "I tend to camp with a
      tarp whenever possible to reduce my pack weight from the two-person tent I
      normally use."


      Edit
      > I enjoy day hikes, but I am known to spend as much as 5 days out.
      ---Technically, this should say "as *many* as five days out," not *much*,
      since it is something that you can count objectively.


      Edit
      > Temperatures range from to extreme winter to 100 F (38 C) , and elevation
      from 2000' (600 m) to 14,000 (4,300 m).
      --- For consistency with the plural "temperatures," consider using the
      plural "elevations."


      Edit
      > ...and elevation from 2000' (600 m) to 14,000 (4,300 m).
      --- You should either use the single quotation mark for both measurements
      of feet, or use the more commonly accepted abbreviation of "ft."



      Comment
      > It looked thinner than most garbage can liners, and near as thin as some
      of the sandwich bags I used back in grade school.
      ---I like this description. It really helps me visualize the thinness of
      the jacket.


      Edit
      >I am very curious about the Ballistic Airlight nylon that the Anorak is
      constructed of.
      ---It appears that there are two spaces between "Ballistic" and "Airlight."
      Also, since I've already called this sentence out, you may want to
      consider editing your "dangling preposition" at the end of the sentence.
      While becoming ever more common in everyday speech and written English,
      sentences still come across as more polished without dangling prepositions.
      Your call, though.

      Comment
      > ...allows me to slide the Anorak on and off as easy as a stretched out
      t-shirt, but still tighten and secure it quickly.
      ---Once again, nice visual. This comparison makes it easy to imagine
      myself trying it on and experiencing the same thing.


      Edit
      > It seems to cover my head more than efficiently.
      ---I'm struggling just a bit to identify what you really mean here. This
      may be worth clarifying. Do you mean (as you go on to say) that it covers
      your head with plenty of room to spare? (i.e. enough for a large-ish
      helmet)


      Edit
      > The wrists fit snug but not overly tight.
      ---The words "snug" and "not overly tight" are modifying the verb "fit."
      Therefore, they should technically be in adverb form; not adjective. Or
      you can alter the structure of the sentence overall for better readability.
      (i.e. "The cuffs fit snugly around my wrists but were not overly tight.")


      EDIT
      > It is this intelligent contruction...
      ---Typo. Easy fix. "construction"


      Edit
      > ...that brings me to be surprised that it has a separate stuff sack...
      --- This sentence structure reads a little oddly. Consider just stating,
      "I am surprised that it has..."


      EDIT
      > I would hate to loose the tiny little stuff sack...
      ---Typo. Easy fix. Should be "lose" instead of "loose."


      EDIT
      > a separate stuff sack as a pose to a built in one that could also serves
      as a pocket.
      ---I believe you intended to use the common structure "as opposed to" in
      this instance instead of "as a pose to." Easy fix.


      EDIT
      > It's not too small by any means, it just fits tight light a shirt and
      less like a windbreaker jacket.
      ---Typo. I suspect you meant "...it just fits tight _like_ a shirt,"
      instead of "light a shirt."


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