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EDIT: IR - Black Diamond Astral 40 pack - Erin Foudy

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  • K S
    Erin, Here are your edits below.  Feel free to upload when ready and remember to delete your test file.  See you in a few months. Also, for the rest of the
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 2 12:00 PM
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      Erin,

      Here are your edits below.  Feel free to upload when ready and remember
      to delete your test file.  See you in a few months.

      Also, for the rest of the test series, could you please CC me on the reports as
      well as the group?


      Thanks,

      Kara
        ----------
      Edits follow the usual convention:
      EDIT: Must change
      Edit: Check it out and consider changing something
      Comment: Just that...no change needed
       
      >> The medium
      sized version of the pack
       EDIT:
      medium-sized (or Medium size)
      >> Inside the
      main compartment is a small vertical hook and loop strap to hold up a hydration
      bladder
       
       
      >>Edit: You might
      want to use a darker or bolder font on the pictures of the pack – the current
      color and font size is hard to read.
       
      >>There is nothing
      more frustrating then having a pocket that proves to be useless when it comes
       
      EDIT:  … than
      having….
       
      >>The Astral has
      five additional pockets to the main compartment and the top lid pocket:…
       
      EDIT: …five additional
      pockets in the main compartment…. or …five pockets in addition to the main
      compartment and the top lid pocket:…
       
      >>In my day pack I
      have a similar setup, however, the strap has a very small clip.
      Edit: It is not clear
      which pack has the small clip, please clarify.
       
       EDIT:
      hook-and-loop
      >> two
      smaller pockets, about the ideal size of a large water bottle EDIT: about
      the ideal size “for” a large water bottle  or: about the size of a large water bottle
       ~~~


      "Making the world a better place is not only your responsibility, it is your joy, it is your blessing, it is your gift, it's your opportunity to make your life mean something, so take it." ~ Derrick N. Ashong

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