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EDIT: IR - BIG AGNES CAUSEWAY POLES - MIKE PEARL

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  • Pamela
    Hm. Posted this once, and it didn t show. So, now it will probably show up twice. EDIT: IR - BIG AGNES CAUSEWAY HELINOX POLES - MIKE PEARL Hello Mike, I am
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 6, 2011
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      Hm. Posted this once, and it didn't show. So, now it will probably show up twice.

      EDIT: IR - BIG AGNES CAUSEWAY HELINOX POLES - MIKE PEARL

      Hello Mike, I am in the Mystery Monitor who was missing at the end of last week. I've stepped in to finish up your Initial Report.

      Edits follow the typical format:

      EDIT: must change

      Edit: needs changed, but your discretion on how to do so

      Comment: suggestion for improvement, or merely a comment

      **************
      The hang tag provides a fair amount of information. Here's most of it.

      #Edit: This sort of leaves me hanging, and I would expect a colon after `Here's most of it:' and then a list. I'd suggest something more along the ones of "The hang tag provides a fair amount of information, most of which I've included within this report", or something similar.

      The only recommended maintenance is after wet conditions. The poles should be separated in individual segments and allow to dry thoroughly.

      ### Comment: This still sounds a little awkward – maybe "The only maintenance recommended is to separate the pole segments and allow them to dry thoroughly following use in wet conditions?"

      The poles are held together with a small plastic clip. A great idea for when the poles are in storage.

      ### Edit: The second part of this is a sentence fragment. And given your experience with the clips not holding well, you might want to use `seems like a good idea'. Perhaps combine the two, or use a dash - "The poles are held together with a small plastic clip, which seems like great idea for when they are in storage" or "The poles are held together with a small plastic clip – which seems like a great idea for when they are in storage."

      The Causeway has three sections that slide into the one above it to adjust length.

      ### Edit: The Causeway *have* (or Each Causeway has) three sections, with *each* section sliding into the one above it to adjust length.

      Printed on the upper shaft is the Helinox logo and company web address. As well as the model number and mention of the Groove Lock System.

      ### EDIT: Please combine the two sentences above into one. Simply replace the first period with a comma and make `as' lower case.

      The tips are covered with a rubber boots which are removable.

      ### Edit: Tense needs to match here – either `Each tip is covered by a rubber boot, which is removable', or `The tips are covered with rubber boots which are removable.' (Or simply, Each tip is covered by a removable rubber boot)

      Please check back in two month to see how the Helinox Causeway poles and I get along during Field Testing.

      ### EDIT: `in two *months*'

      Thanks for your work on this report, and you may upload when you have made the necessary corrections. See you in a couple of months for the Field report.

      Pam
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