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EDIT: FR - Osprey Atmos 35 - AB

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  • asklarry99
    Hi AB- Here are your edits for the Osprey Atmos, using standard conventions. A few small EDITS, and a couple of other wording suggestions for your
    Message 1 of 2 , Dec 1, 2009
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      Hi AB-

      Here are your edits for the Osprey Atmos, using standard conventions. A few small EDITS, and a couple of other wording suggestions for your consideration.

      Have fun with the pack on the trail...see you in 2 months.

      -larry



      Comment: Could you make the Field Report + date in bold font, so it at least equal to the other headers?

      Edit: Temperature ranges during the outing ranged from 70's (21 C) during the day to below freezing (-0 C) during the night and an elevation around 9000 - 10,000 ft (2750 - 3050 m) throughout the trip.
      >>>I would suggest changing "Temperature ranges…" to "Temperatures…" at the beginning of the sentence. Also, you could remove the negative sign before the 0 C and maybe change the wording to say "…*at* an elevation around 9000 ft…". Or not.

      Edit: little change in terrain as opposed to Rocky.
      >>>Consider expanding "Rocky" to "Rocky Mountain State Park"

      EDIT: I was able to get a better feel fro the range of use
      >>>*for*

      Edit: vast weather changes I was to expect at various altitudes,
      >>>…changes I was expecting at …

      Edit: However, I found this to be completely against what I thought.
      >>>This reads funny to me. How about "However, I found the opposite to be true." Or something like that.

      Edit: So many times I lost almost the entire pack contents on the ground due to trying to find something near the bottom.
      >>>This also reads a little strange. How about using "dumped" or "emptied" instead of "lost"?

      EDIT: I did feel a bit cooler as the colder waster
      >>>water

      EDIT: it was more of a mindset since
      >>>Please capitalize "it" at the beginning of the sentence.
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