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MOD EDIT IR- Terramar Therma TX Shirt- Will Rice

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  • Kathy Waters
    Will, I mis-read my BridGeT report and started to edit this one also rather than the bottoms. So you get two for the price of one. I m going to give you some
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 1, 2009
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      Will,

      I mis-read my BridGeT report and started to edit this one also rather than
      the bottoms. So you get two for the price of one. I'm going to give you
      some additional edits I found and ask that you please repost. There is a
      lack of detail in this particular report and I'd like to see more before I
      have you post this. Please elaborate a lot.

      I understand you had a bunch of reports all due at once so I can understand
      you being rushed to finish, but I know you want to uphold the high BGT
      standards.

      Thanks,
      Kathy
      _______________________________________________

      EDIT: "Terramar Therma TX Silk and Wool Shirt" is the correct title.

      LOCATION: Charlotte, NC, USA
      EDIT: State name should be spelled out for foreign readers who are not
      familiar with our abbreviations.


      Rated as a 2 on Scale of 1-3 for warmth (3 warmest)
      EDIT: You need to explain this. Who rated it? Please attribute this
      statement to someone.

      Black 010
      COMMENT: Are other colors available? You might want to mention them.

      EDIT: Your picture of the top is too wide and causes scrolling in a 1024
      wide monitor setting (40% of computer users use 1024). The picture is 1000
      pixels wide leaving only 24 pixels for the frame menu on the left. Please
      shrink down the picture. If you want to test the page, you can do so at
      www.screen-resolution.com and make sure is will be ok.

      The shirt is very comfortable. It feels a little looser than I am used to
      for a base layer, but I feel a size smaller would be too small.
      EDIT: This would be a good place to tell what size you are testing and
      maybe your chest measurements. Also a good place to tell if the
      manufacturer had a size chart and did you use it and is it accurate

      The seems are all flat stitched and about 1/2 an inch (1.25 cm) wide. Seems
      run up the sides of the shirt under the armpits and along the underside of
      the arm. Two lateral seems connected from the armpit to the collar on the
      front and back of the shoulder (not on top).
      EDIT: Should be "Seams".

      As for additional detail, I can't picture this shirt from your description.
      If I didn't see the picture, I wouldn't know is had a crew neck or was
      long-sleeved. What kind of cuff does the shirt have, a hemmed one or ribbed
      knit? Is the hem of the shirt rounded, square are there notches? Is the
      knit weave the same all over? Is the fabric textured? Does is look like
      the manufacturer's website pictures? What about the quality of
      construction?

      Those are some of the other questions you should answer in the IR.



      ----- Original Message -----
      From: Derek Hansen
      To: backpackgeartesters@yahoogroups.com
      Cc: dalenmoney
      Sent: Tuesday, December 01, 2009 12:13 PM
      Subject: [backpackgeartesters] EDIT IR- Terramar Therma TX Shirt- Will Rice



      Will,

      Thank you for your report! My edits follow the standard convention:

      EDIT: Must
      Edit: Consider
      Comment: Muse

      Let me know if you have any questions, otherwise, once you've made the
      edits, feel free to upload the final and then remove the test report.

      Best,

      ~derek

      # # #

      > TERRAMAR THERMA TX SHIRT 2

      Edit: I want to confirm the title, but I think it is "Terramar Therma
      TX Silk and Wool Shirt"

      > Manufacturer: Terramar

      EDIT: Terramar Inc.

      > Manufacturer's Website: http://www.terramartsports.com

      EDIT: Website URL is: http://www.terramarsports.com

      > MSRP: US$ 32.50

      EDIT: MSRP is not listed on the manufacturer's site; please remove.

      > Measured Weight: 3.5 oz (100 g)

      Edit: If you are going to round the grams, I'd recommend doing the
      ounces as well, or leave the decimal for both: 3.5 oz is 99.2 g.

      > Rated as a 2 on Scale of 1-3 for warmth (3 warmest)

      EDIT: lowercase "scale"

      > Style: Crew TW7667
      > Black 010

      EDIT: The code "TW7667" and "010" appear to be internal product codes
      and do not really describe the product. Please remove the codes.

      Comment: You might add that "crew" is describing the neck style, and
      that it a long-sleeve shirt. I didn't see that mentioned anywhere else
      in your report.

      >
      > IMAGE 1
      >
      > INITIAL IMPRESSIONS
      >
      > Initial Impressions- The shirt is very comfortable. It feels a
      > little looser than I am used to for a base layer, but I feel a size
      > smaller would be too small. I hope it shrinks a little when I wash
      > it. If it doesn't, the shirt will still work well, whether I wear a
      > small sleeveless shirt under it or a looser shirt on top of it.

      > Materials-

      EDIT: Please put this paragraph under your "Product Information"
      section.

      Edit/Comment: Generally, I would recommend placing general information
      about the product construction and description together under "Product
      Information/Description" and leave your review-specific information
      (e.g., "it feels amazing") under "Initial Impressions."

      > The shirt is made of an equal parts silk and wool blend.

      Edit: This sentence is a little confusing because it infers that the
      wool is some kind of blend, but what I think you mean is that the
      blend is the wool and silk together, right? You already mention the
      blend by saying, "equal parts" so you can get rid of the redundant
      word at the end, unless the wool really is a blend of two or more
      types of wool fiber.

      > Construction-

      EDIT: Please put this paragraph under your "Product Information"
      section.

      > The shirt is made of two panels, two sleeves, and a collar.

      Edit/Comment: This construction is a little tricky because the phrase
      "two panels" followed by two clauses made me, at first, read it like
      this:

      ...made of two panels: two sleeves, and a collar.

      I think you mean something like this:

      ...made of a front and back panel, two sleeves, and a collar.

      Please consider revising.

      > and about 1/2 an inch (1.25 cm) wide.

      EDIT: "1/2 in (1.25 cm) wide."
      (remove "an" and change "inch" to "in")

      > Two lateral seems connected from the armpit

      EDIT: ...connect from...

      > sleeves have ~2 inch (5 cm) cuffs.

      EDIT: change "inch" to just "in"

      Edit: I know that the tilde (~) is often used informally to denote
      approximation, but to be clear, I would recommend just stating
      explicitly:

      ...sleeves have approximately 2 in (5 cm) cuffs.

      The formal symbol for approximation is the "double tilde" or wavy
      equal sign (≈). I'm not sure Yahoo will interpret that character
      correctly or not.

      > because I move around alot.

      EDIT: a lot

      > and it kept me warm also.

      Edit: ...and it also kept me warm.

      > wearing the top under a button up shirt while travelling.

      Edit: I would recommend a different word choice than "top" here to
      refer to the shirt. Elsewhere you've been consistently referring to
      the "shirt," but perhaps a solid reference here would be helpful,
      since you refer to a "button up shirt" later in the sentence:

      ...wearing the Therma top under...

      > shirt while travelling.

      EDIT: traveling

      Comment: You might consider adding some of the variables so I better
      understand the conditions that kept you warm. You mention that you
      slept in the shirt and used it while traveling, but it would help if
      you clarified if this was done indoors (implied), in a tent outdoors,
      etc. If you have a base temperature or other environmental factors
      like wind or sun it would really make a difference.

      > TESTING STRATEGY

      EDIT: You do not need this section in your report.

      > and it is good at normalizing body temperature.

      Edit: The difficulty I have with this statement is that it projects
      something that you may or may not have experienced yet. I think a
      qualifying statement here would be important, especially for readers
      who will skip to read the summary. The shirt was good at normalizing
      your temperature indoors? While driving a car? This will be different
      than backpacking, snowboarding, or snowshoeing, so it would help to
      clarify.

      Or, you might consider a forward-looking statement like, "I can't wait
      to try this shirt while skiing; I think it will be good base layer for
      regulating my body temperature."

      EDIT: Please add the standard "thanks" statement at the end of your
      report:

      "I would like to thank Terramar and BackpackGearTest.org for the
      opportunity to test this shirt. Please check back in two months for my
      Field Report."
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