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Re: BGT: LTR Clif Mountain Berry Shot Bloks Jenn E.

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  • Jamie Lawrence
    Hi Jenn, Nice lay out on the HTML. I am always green with envy of you flashy HTML writers :) My edits below. Quick comment re the MSRP. I could not see it
    Message 1 of 3 , Mar 2, 2009
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      Hi Jenn,

      Nice lay out on the HTML. I am always green with envy of you 'flashy' HTML
      writers :)

      My edits below.

      Quick comment re the MSRP. I could not see it listed as US$1.99 but could
      find a price of US$23.88 if I clink 'buy now'. I assume this is for a box?
      Maybe the price needs to be marked at N/A or a comment made about
      purchasing directly in a box??
      Testing Locations

      Crystal Cove State Park , California: The Shot Bloks were consumed two day
      hikes at this location.

      EDIT: I think the above is missing a word or 2. Maybe rework to ..The Shot
      Bloks were consumed during 2 day hikes at this location.. or similar.

      If I only wanted a few Bloks I found a better approach. I ripped open the
      top and slid each Blok out one at a time at the base of the Blok so that I
      had some extra wrapping to fold over to store the Bloks for later use. I
      can store the Bloks using this method for about an hour to overnight. When
      stored overnight they tasted fine, but not as fresh as a newly opened
      package.

      Comment: My first reading of the last 2 sentences made me wonder why
      between an hour to overnight?? That's a long time span. I'd suggest
      rewording to focus on the up to overnight as this is more useful,
      particularly given you notices a slight change in taste to this point. I
      assume you noticed no difference after an hour? This suggests to me that
      it is a redundant point.

      Bloks near the opening of the package. This does not make for effective
      storage.

      My storage approach

      I wish there were some perforations or a notch at the opening of the
      package where it says "Cut Here". That may make the package easier to
      open, especially when I am riding my bike.

      Edit: I think replacing the That may with This may is more grammatically
      correct?

      It seems like I am always hungry on the trail. The Shot Bloks provide me
      with an adequate amount of nutrition as a supplement between meals, as a
      light lunch snack, or as a breakfast item.

      Edit: remove the comma after lunch snack

      Summary
      I enjoy the taste of the Mountain Berry Shot Bloks. They are not overly
      sweet or tart. I found that they provide me with an adequate amount of
      nutrition as a supplement between meals while hiking, backpacking, and
      mountain biking.

      Edit: as above, remove the comma after backpacking (maybe this is an
      Aussie punctuation thing but I've always been taught to not add a comma at
      the second last item in a list...



      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • Jenn E.
      Jamie Thank you for the edits. I will address them later today or tomorrow morning. The MSRP is indicated on the press release (that was on the website when I
      Message 2 of 3 , Mar 2, 2009
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        Jamie

        Thank you for the edits. I will address them later today or tomorrow morning.

        The MSRP is indicated on the press release (that was on the website when I wrote the IR) from Clif at $1.99 per package. I am assuming that is OK to use since it is the MSRP directly from the manufacturer.

        Jenn




        ________________________________
        From: Jamie Lawrence <jlawrence@...>
        To: Jenn E. <jennksnowy@...>
        Cc: backpackgeartesters <backpackgeartesters@yahoogroups.com>
        Sent: Monday, March 2, 2009 2:26:29 PM
        Subject: Re: BGT: LTR Clif Mountain Berry Shot Bloks Jenn E.


        Hi Jenn,

        Nice lay out on the HTML. I am always green with envy of you 'flashy' HTML writers :)

        My edits below.

        Quick comment re the MSRP. I could not see it listed as US$1.99 but could find a price of US$23.88 if I clink 'buy now'. I assume this is for a box? Maybe the price needs to be marked at N/A or a comment made about purchasing directly in a box??
        Testing Locations
         
        Crystal Cove State Park , California: The Shot Bloks were consumed two day hikes at this location.
         
        EDIT: I think the above is missing a word or 2. Maybe rework to ..The Shot Bloks were consumed during 2 day hikes at this location.. or similar.

        If I only wanted a few Bloks I found a better approach. I ripped open the top and slid each Blok out one at a time at the base of the Blok so that I had some extra wrapping to fold over to store the Bloks for later use. I can store the Bloks using this method for about an hour to overnight. When stored overnight they tasted fine, but not as fresh as a newly opened package.

        Comment: My first reading of the last 2 sentences made me wonder why between an hour to overnight?? That's a long time span. I'd suggest rewording to focus on the up to overnight as this is more useful, particularly given you notices a slight change in taste to this point. I assume you noticed no difference after an hour? This suggests to me that it is a redundant point.

        Bloks near the opening of the package. This does not make for effective storage.
         
        My storage approach
         
        I wish there were some perforations or a notch at the opening of the package where it says "Cut Here". That may make the package easier to open, especially when I am riding my bike.

        Edit: I think replacing the That may with This may is more grammatically correct?
         
        It seems like I am always hungry on the trail. The Shot Bloks provide me with an adequate amount of nutrition as a supplement between meals, as a light lunch snack, or as a breakfast item.

        Edit: remove the comma after lunch snack
         
        Summary
        I enjoy the taste of the Mountain Berry Shot Bloks. They are not overly sweet or tart. I found that they provide me with an adequate amount of nutrition as a supplement between meals while hiking, backpacking, and mountain biking.

        Edit: as above, remove the comma after backpacking (maybe this is an Aussie punctuation thing but I've always been taught to not add a comma at the second last item in a list...




        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • Jamie Lawrence
        Hi Jenn, Sorry for the delay in my response. I ve double checked the survival guide which clearly states that MSRP sould be listed if on the manufactures site.
        Message 3 of 3 , Mar 4, 2009
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          Hi Jenn,

          Sorry for the delay in my response. I've double checked the survival guide which clearly states that MSRP sould be listed if on the manufactures site. If not listed, make clear where the price was from. Given the value of a bar is so low, I'd say there is no point changing.

          Let me know if you disagree.

          Thanks,

          Jamie

          --- In backpackgeartesters@yahoogroups.com, "Jenn E." <jennksnowy@...> wrote:
          >
          > Jamie
          >
          > Thank you for the edits. I will address them later today or tomorrow morning.
          >
          > The MSRP is indicated on the press release (that was on the website when I wrote the IR) from Clif at $1.99 per package. I am assuming that is OK to use since it is the MSRP directly from the manufacturer.
          >
          > Jenn
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > ________________________________
          > From: Jamie Lawrence <jlawrence@...>
          > To: Jenn E. <jennksnowy@...>
          > Cc: backpackgeartesters <backpackgeartesters@yahoogroups.com>
          > Sent: Monday, March 2, 2009 2:26:29 PM
          > Subject: Re: BGT: LTR Clif Mountain Berry Shot Bloks Jenn E.
          >
          >
          > Hi Jenn,
          >
          > Nice lay out on the HTML. I am always green with envy of you 'flashy' HTML writers :)
          >
          > My edits below.
          >
          > Quick comment re the MSRP. I could not see it listed as US$1.99 but could find a price of US$23.88 if I clink 'buy now'. I assume this is for a box? Maybe the price needs to be marked at N/A or a comment made about purchasing directly in a box??
          > Testing Locations
          >  
          > Crystal Cove State Park , California: The Shot Bloks were consumed two day hikes at this location.
          >  
          > EDIT: I think the above is missing a word or 2. Maybe rework to ..The Shot Bloks were consumed during 2 day hikes at this location.. or similar.
          >
          > If I only wanted a few Bloks I found a better approach. I ripped open the top and slid each Blok out one at a time at the base of the Blok so that I had some extra wrapping to fold over to store the Bloks for later use. I can store the Bloks using this method for about an hour to overnight. When stored overnight they tasted fine, but not as fresh as a newly opened package.
          >
          > Comment: My first reading of the last 2 sentences made me wonder why between an hour to overnight?? That's a long time span. I'd suggest rewording to focus on the up to overnight as this is more useful, particularly given you notices a slight change in taste to this point. I assume you noticed no difference after an hour? This suggests to me that it is a redundant point.
          >
          > Bloks near the opening of the package. This does not make for effective storage.
          >  
          > My storage approach
          >  
          > I wish there were some perforations or a notch at the opening of the package where it says "Cut Here". That may make the package easier to open, especially when I am riding my bike.
          >
          > Edit: I think replacing the That may with This may is more grammatically correct?
          >  
          > It seems like I am always hungry on the trail. The Shot Bloks provide me with an adequate amount of nutrition as a supplement between meals, as a light lunch snack, or as a breakfast item.
          >
          > Edit: remove the comma after lunch snack
          >  
          > Summary
          > I enjoy the taste of the Mountain Berry Shot Bloks. They are not overly sweet or tart. I found that they provide me with an adequate amount of nutrition as a supplement between meals while hiking, backpacking, and mountain biking.
          >
          > Edit: as above, remove the comma after backpacking (maybe this is an Aussie punctuation thing but I've always been taught to not add a comma at the second last item in a list...
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          >
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