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EDIT/Approval - Osprey Talon 44 Backpack - Ray Estrella

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  • richardglyon
    Ray, A few minor edits for your OR on the Osprey Talon 44. I ve always liked Osprey packs and this sounds like a good one. After revising you may upload.
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 28, 2008
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      Ray, A few minor edits for your OR on the Osprey Talon 44. I've
      always liked Osprey packs and this sounds like a good one. After
      revising you may upload. I'll ask Ted to set up a folder for you.
      Please delete your Tests/OR folder file. Happy New Year, Richard
      The usual format:
      EDIT: Must be changed.
      Edit: Suggested change; up to you to make or not
      Comment: Just that, no change required

      <Manufacturer: Osprey>
      Edit: Proper name is Osprey Packs Inc. No confusion though, so you
      decide.

      <Actual weight 2 lb oz (1. kg)>
      EDIT: Ounces and full conversion are missing.

      <The Osprey Talon 44 pack (hereafter referred to as the Talon or
      pack) is a blue top-loading pack that is positioned by the
      manufacturer for,"Overnighters, Thru-hiking, Climbing & Cragging".>
      EDIT: Delete the comma just before the quotation (or change it to a
      colon)

      <It is tacky feeling inside the body. If this should add to the water
      shedding properties of the pack. (More later.)>
      EDIT: There's a garble here and I'm not quite sure what you are
      trying to say. Please revise.

      <The main pack consists of a single top-loading sack. There are no
      dividers or pockets inside of it.>
      Edit: Consider deleting the latter "of" ("pockets inside it")

      <The draw cord secures with a finger-pull style cord lock. Another
      drawcord sits at the bottom of the extension for when the extra space
      is not required.>
      Edit: Consider whether you want one word, drawcord, or two, draw
      cord, and be consistent.

      < It also helps compress the top of the pack, pulling the body away
      from the back of the wearers head.>
      EDIT: wearer's

      < The body of the pockets are stretch mesh, while the top is the
      shadow-check nylon.
      EDIT: is stretch mesh

      < Pack weight was probably around 20 lb ( kg).>
      EDIT: Please add metric equivalent

      <Jenn and I went to San Jacinto for an overnighter and set up camp in
      Lower Chinquapin at 9000'. >
      EDIT: Please add metric equivalent.

      < 6000' of downhill in new boots>
      EDIT: Please add metric equivalent.

      I have had packs that weigh less, but none that were as comfortable
      as the Talon 44 at this weight or less.>
      Edit: "was as comfortable" is proper grammar, but your meaning is
      clear. Up to you.

      <In fact I sold my long time light-weight fav, the Vapor Trail after
      about six months of owning the Talon 44.
      EDIT/Edit: I think the usual spelling of your colloquial word for
      favorite is "fave," but I'm not really sure. Not in any of my
      dictionaries!

      <While I do not carry a sleeping pad on the outside of my pack I did
      use the sleeping pad straps to carry my blue foam sit pad a few
      times. A picture of it used in this way in San Jacinto State Park may
      be seen above. I would also keep things on them that I may need often
      like my water shoes seen below. This lets them drain without getting
      the pack or its contents wet between uses. I also use them to hold
      the bottom of long items like snowshoes that I put on the back of the
      pack.>
      Edit: In this paragraph you use "them" several times, with different
      antecedents. Consider changing the last sentence to read "I also use
      the pad straps to hold the bottom of long items like snowshoes that I
      put on the back of the pack" for clarity.

      <When in the Sierra I often keep my rain coat, pants and pack cover
      in a stuff sack in this location to be able to get to it quickly.>
      Edit: I think you mean "get to them [the rain coat, pants and pack
      cover] quickly. (You can always get to it [the location] quickly.)

      <I also have really come to like having pockets on the hip belt. I
      keep sun block and lip balm and Shot Bloks in one and hard candies in
      the other.
      Comment: Hip belt pockets are one of the great pack inventions of all
      time in my opinion.
      EDIT: Not everyone may know what Shot Bloks are. Please change to "an
      energy snack" or "snacks" or something that's generic. Or you could
      refer the reader to your OR on them.

      <They hold my Aquafina bottle and camera with no problem and I can
      just reach them to remove and replace>
      EDIT: Same with Aquafina. "water bottle" or "Aquafina water bottle,"
      or refer the reader to your OR.
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