EDIT: La Sportiva Rajas - Gail Staisil
- EDIT: La Sportiva Rajas - Gail Staisil
You're first in - welcome. Please don't be discouraged by what follows: consider it a bit of advanced mentoring.
We have a problem with the first half of your IR. You appear to have included quite a lot of company PR waffle material
here. Now, we don't mind a bit of this material being included, as long as it is made very clear that you are quoting
it. But I was left rather confused. Not good. But from 'Initial Impressions' on it is fine.
A general comment. Where there is lots of unexplained and rather incomprehensible psuedo-technical jargon in the company
stuff, you should seriously consider scrapping it. That stuff is put there not to help the reader/customer, but to
bedazzle him/her. It really conveys nothing of value.
Remember our focus: real information from real walkers doing real testing in the field. The essence of the Reports are
that they are what YOU OBSERVE from your testing. Your Smith's sunglasses IR did make this distinction much better.
So you will need to do some structural rearrangements with the first part of this IR. At the least, you should head it
up with a comment that this section is taken from the company specifications. But if you want my personal opinion (you
may not!), I would suggest heading it with that comment and then condensing it down a bit to real facts, without any of
the spin doctor stuff. The reader can get all the spin doctor hype from the web site. Feel free to add your comments on
their claims of course.
I would prefer that you REPOST the IR here once you have made the changes, and put the HTML up in the Tests/Tests folder
please. We also check that.
We'll get there, no fear. :-)
> La Sportiva RajasEDIT: We are using the manufacturer-supplied name for all Tests, so please change the heading to 'La Sportiva Rajas
Trail Runners'. Also the same in the formal product description heading.
Elsewhere it would be cumbersome to use all five words all the time, so just plain 'Rajas' would be OK there. By using
just 'Rajas' rather than 'La Sportiva Rajas' it is clear that you are using an abbreviation. (They get concerned about
trade marks you see.)
> Name: Gail StaisilComment: if you have your name under the heading (the preferred way of doing things), then you don't really need to
repeat it here. Style: your choice entirely.
> Weight: 132 lbs (60 kg)EDIT: no 's' after 'lb'
> lbs (9.1 kg). I am primarily a tarp camper, that averages overEDIT: 'that averages' is for things; 'who averages' is for people.
> La Sportiva Rajas--DescriptionEDIT: add 'Trail Runners' here too please.
> Manufacturer Weight: 1 lb 12 oz ( .79 kg)EDIT: 0.79 kg and 0.80 kg please: reads ever so much better.
> Actual Weight: 1 lb 12.2 oz ( .80 kg)
> According to the hangtag that I received with theEDIT: remove company PR. OK to say they make a range, but no puff.
> Rajas, La Sportiva makes the finest footwear for rock
> climbing, mountain running, hiking and backpacking,
> mountaineering and mountain sport sandals.
> There are other shoes in this categoryEDIT: not being reviewed here, so remove the names. 'other shoes' is fine.
> including the Slingshot, the Neva XCR, and the
> Colorado Trail AT.
> They were all created for extreme terrain including rocky trails,EDIT: modify to describe just the Rajas Trail Runners.
> FriXion rubber compounds were developed specifically for offComment: this is repeating company PR rather than being YOUR description.
> sticky compounds allow the shoe to have a eminent gripEdit: 'an eminent' with an 'n', although it is an 'interesting' use of the word 'eminent'. Was this also from the web
> heel of the shoe is also made with a mesh breathable materialEDIT: a breathable mesh material
> A simple thin removable footbed covers the Tempo Last.EDIT: definitely not. The 'Last' is the former used to make the shoe; it should match the shape of the foot. I think you
mean that the footbed covers the inner sole, although just saying there is a thin removable footbed would suffice.
Different companies use different names for this inner sole of foundation.
> The sole has a number of innovative features includingEDIT: this paragraph should be listed as a manufacturer description. It certainly is not something you could have
> the forenamed FriXion compounds in the outer sole.
observed for the IR.
> La Sportiva Rajas--Initial ImpressionsComment: from here on you ARE talking about your observations, and it goes much better. You have included plenty of
'Initial Impressions' for an IR too.
> I was happy to find out that they fit perfectlyEDIT: fitted
> system which allows me to use my favorite lacingEDIT: allow, without the s
> The trail is very rocky singletrack mountain bike trail,Edit?: singletrack or single track?
> underneath the covered trail so I cautiously preceded.EDIT: proceeded, with an 'o' and 'ee'.
> I had noEDIT: both inside the shoe and ???? The next part of the sentence is a separate subject.
> slippage during descents both inside the shoe and the
> outside traction was amazing.
> I did slip and fell once, but that was mostly dueEDIT: slip and fall, with an 'a'
> Test PlanComment: a huge list: LOTs to work on!
> Will I be able to use thin socks (my preference) withComment only: I think it's possible, IF you keep your feet fairly dry and your legs warm! Be interesting to read your
> the Rajas even in the winter?
> Will the runners hold up longer than most other brandsComment: generalised comparisons are fine and welcome, but not against specific brand names.
> and styles that I have used?