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EDIT: La Sportiva Rajas - Gail Staisil

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  • Roger Caffin
    EDIT: La Sportiva Rajas - Gail Staisil Hi Gail You re first in - welcome. Please don t be discouraged by what follows: consider it a bit of advanced
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 31, 2005
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      EDIT: La Sportiva Rajas - Gail Staisil

      Hi Gail

      You're first in - welcome. Please don't be discouraged by what follows: consider it a bit of advanced mentoring.

      We have a problem with the first half of your IR. You appear to have included quite a lot of company PR waffle material
      here. Now, we don't mind a bit of this material being included, as long as it is made very clear that you are quoting
      it. But I was left rather confused. Not good. But from 'Initial Impressions' on it is fine.

      A general comment. Where there is lots of unexplained and rather incomprehensible psuedo-technical jargon in the company
      stuff, you should seriously consider scrapping it. That stuff is put there not to help the reader/customer, but to
      bedazzle him/her. It really conveys nothing of value.

      Remember our focus: real information from real walkers doing real testing in the field. The essence of the Reports are
      that they are what YOU OBSERVE from your testing. Your Smith's sunglasses IR did make this distinction much better.

      So you will need to do some structural rearrangements with the first part of this IR. At the least, you should head it
      up with a comment that this section is taken from the company specifications. But if you want my personal opinion (you
      may not!), I would suggest heading it with that comment and then condensing it down a bit to real facts, without any of
      the spin doctor stuff. The reader can get all the spin doctor hype from the web site. Feel free to add your comments on
      their claims of course.

      I would prefer that you REPOST the IR here once you have made the changes, and put the HTML up in the Tests/Tests folder
      please. We also check that.

      We'll get there, no fear. :-)

      Cheers
      Roger Caffin
      Raja Monitor
      ------------------------
      > La Sportiva Rajas
      EDIT: We are using the manufacturer-supplied name for all Tests, so please change the heading to 'La Sportiva Rajas
      Trail Runners'. Also the same in the formal product description heading.
      Elsewhere it would be cumbersome to use all five words all the time, so just plain 'Rajas' would be OK there. By using
      just 'Rajas' rather than 'La Sportiva Rajas' it is clear that you are using an abbreviation. (They get concerned about
      trade marks you see.)

      > Name: Gail Staisil
      Comment: if you have your name under the heading (the preferred way of doing things), then you don't really need to
      repeat it here. Style: your choice entirely.

      > Weight: 132 lbs (60 kg)
      EDIT: no 's' after 'lb'

      > lbs (9.1 kg). I am primarily a tarp camper, that averages over
      EDIT: 'that averages' is for things; 'who averages' is for people.

      > La Sportiva Rajas--Description
      EDIT: add 'Trail Runners' here too please.

      > Manufacturer Weight: 1 lb 12 oz ( .79 kg)
      > Actual Weight: 1 lb 12.2 oz ( .80 kg)
      EDIT: 0.79 kg and 0.80 kg please: reads ever so much better.

      > According to the hangtag that I received with the
      > Rajas, La Sportiva makes the finest footwear for rock
      > climbing, mountain running, hiking and backpacking,
      > mountaineering and mountain sport sandals.
      EDIT: remove company PR. OK to say they make a range, but no puff.

      > There are other shoes in this category
      > including the Slingshot, the Neva XCR, and the
      > Colorado Trail AT.
      EDIT: not being reviewed here, so remove the names. 'other shoes' is fine.

      > They were all created for extreme terrain including rocky trails,
      EDIT: modify to describe just the Rajas Trail Runners.

      > FriXion rubber compounds were developed specifically for off
      Comment: this is repeating company PR rather than being YOUR description.

      > sticky compounds allow the shoe to have a eminent grip
      Edit: 'an eminent' with an 'n', although it is an 'interesting' use of the word 'eminent'. Was this also from the web
      site?

      > heel of the shoe is also made with a mesh breathable material
      EDIT: a breathable mesh material

      > A simple thin removable footbed covers the Tempo Last.
      EDIT: definitely not. The 'Last' is the former used to make the shoe; it should match the shape of the foot. I think you
      mean that the footbed covers the inner sole, although just saying there is a thin removable footbed would suffice.
      Different companies use different names for this inner sole of foundation.

      > The sole has a number of innovative features including
      > the forenamed FriXion compounds in the outer sole.
      EDIT: this paragraph should be listed as a manufacturer description. It certainly is not something you could have
      observed for the IR.

      > La Sportiva Rajas--Initial Impressions
      Comment: from here on you ARE talking about your observations, and it goes much better. You have included plenty of
      'Initial Impressions' for an IR too.

      > I was happy to find out that they fit perfectly
      EDIT: fitted

      > system which allows me to use my favorite lacing
      EDIT: allow, without the s

      > The trail is very rocky singletrack mountain bike trail,
      Edit?: singletrack or single track?

      > underneath the covered trail so I cautiously preceded.
      EDIT: proceeded, with an 'o' and 'ee'.

      > I had no
      > slippage during descents both inside the shoe and the
      > outside traction was amazing.
      EDIT: both inside the shoe and ???? The next part of the sentence is a separate subject.

      > I did slip and fell once, but that was mostly due
      EDIT: slip and fall, with an 'a'

      > Test Plan
      Comment: a huge list: LOTs to work on!

      > Will I be able to use thin socks (my preference) with
      > the Rajas even in the winter?
      Comment only: I think it's possible, IF you keep your feet fairly dry and your legs warm! Be interesting to read your
      findings.

      > Will the runners hold up longer than most other brands
      > and styles that I have used?
      Comment: generalised comparisons are fine and welcome, but not against specific brand names.
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