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75780EDIT: IR - SCARPA Rapid LT - David Wilkes

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  • Brett Haydin
    May 6, 2013
    • 0 Attachment
      David,
      First, welcome back! It is great to see you back in the rotation. I hope that the early discomfort goes away and that these shoes work out for you.
      You probably remember how this works, but the conventions I use are:
      EDIT: Must be changed (spelling, etc)Edit: My recommendation, but up to you (style, readability)Comment: Just a comment. Maybe helpful, maybe not.
      Once you have made the changes, you can go ahead and upload. HTML looks solid and the links work great. One general comment I have is that the text seems to be one big paragraph. I know I find it easier to read in smaller chunks for this kind of writing. Maybe a few paragraph breaks here and there will split it up. Sorry it took a little long to respond to the posting.

      Brett Haydin

      ---------------------------------------------------
      <snip>



      The manufacturer describes
      these as a �minimal alpine hiking and approach shoe for moving light and fast
      in the mountains.� And mentions that the shoes �materials are between 30 to 100
      percent recycled content, and the midsoles incorporate promote quick breakdown
      under landfill conditions.�

      EDIT: In the second sentence, the �shoes� should be �shoe�

      Edit: I was wondering
      if you would reword this section. Of the
      whole section the only words that are your own are where you introduce the
      quotes from the manufacturer. The
      product description section should be primarily in your words, since we can
      already go to the manufacturer for their spin.



      <snip>

      My wife first comment
      when she saw them, she has much better fashion sense that I do, was that they
      are a good looking shoe, and I have to say I agree and that they look even
      better in person they do in the online images.

      EDIT: change �wife� to �wife�s� and �that I do� to �than I
      do�. You may want to break up the sentence as well.
      It is sort of long in my opinion.



      <snip>

      Having the laces extend further down the toe allows for a
      more custom fit and this is enhanced by all but the top two sets of lace holes
      being stitched rather than with metal grommets( the top two sets do have metal
      grommets).

      EDIT: the parenthesis after grommets needs a space before,
      not after.





      <snip>

      However when the
      shoes arrived it was quickly evident that they were too small so I had them
      replaced with a size 44 EU (10.5US per the shoe lable) and this was a much
      better fit.

      EDITS: Need a space after 10.5 and please change �lable� to �label�












      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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