74695EDIT/Approval - FR: NEMO Obi 2P tent- Nancy Griffith
- Dec 2, 2012Hi Nancy,
Good use of the tent. Here are your edits in the usual format,
EDIT – must change
edit – my recommended change if you agree
comment – just that.
“I originally had some concern that the Jake's Foot connection wouldn't hold that securely but the ends of the pole have to be snapped in and out. They never came apart inadvertently.”
edit – This reads a bit odd to me as if it is a disjointed sentence or that possibly could be two sentences made into one. Maybe something like, “I originally had some concern that the Jake's Foot connection wouldn't hold that securely but once I found that the ends of the pole have to be snapped in and out they never came apart inadvertently.” Might sound better…
“The light pocket is a cool idea which I used frequently.”
EDIT – The “tenses” (is/used) conflict – might I suggest, “The light pocket was a cool idea which I used frequently.” Or “The light pocket is a cool idea which I use frequently.”
“I really like the compression stuff sack and am able to get the tent into a very small size in my pack.”
edit – I would replace “size” with “space”
That’s it – upload when you’re ready and please remember to delete the test copy.
Have a great day
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