can you write as tiny as me?
- Seeing as how I've just crammed every mailbox in a three block radius
full of East Village Inky #30s, now's probably as good a time as any to
see if you can find the missing sentence.
Oh wait, here it is!
"He calls his grandma bà nôi."
Maybe you can figure out where it goes! Hint: look for a glaring strip
of negative space that renders the sentence following it completely
incomprehensible, instead of deliciously droll.
Instead of just sitting there waiting for Mr. Mailman to show up with
something for you to read on the toilet later this week, why not
practice your penmanship? Can you write as tiny as me? It's easy! Just
double up your spine until your nose is about half a centimeter from
the paper. If your vowels look like pepper, I dub thee an underscribe
of the East Village Inky and authorize thee to fill in the
aforementioned missing sentence when your Inky arrives.
In other news:
On March 30, subscribers in Cullowhee, North Carolina will get a chance
to see what I look like when I get up at four in the morning the day
after my birthday, when I give a 2 pm reading and (assuming my alarm
clock goes off and my plane departs as scheduled) participate in an
earlier panel discussion as part of Western Carolina University's
Spring Literary Festival
A.K. Hinds University Center
210 University Center
For more information, please contact the English Department at WCU
If you're hankering after something strange for dinner tonight, may I
recommend that thou hitherest thine heiner to my new food blog,
http://www.dirtysugarcookies.blogspot.com ? What it lacks in red meat,
it makes up for in homemade sushi and a blurry photo of Greg with a
dishtowel on his head.
Speaking of Dirty Sugar Cookies, my book, Dirty Sugar Cookies: Culinary
Observations, Questionable Taste is a couple of months shy of
publication, so if you've got the ear of someone who writes about food
or books, lay their contact info on me and I'll lay it on my publicist
(who just gave her dang notice, which is why I'm firing up the old
guerilla marketeering machine so early...). Here, take a look at the
Kind of puts you in mind of A Million Little Pieces, doesn't it? That's
because I was James Frey's cellmate in prison.
xo, Ayun Halliday, Chief of Primatology.
Dare to be Heinie! http://www.ayunhalliday.com
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