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Live In Relation

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  • Nutan Thakur
    Live In Relationship Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent
    Message 1 of 6 , Sep 5, 2010
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      Live In Relationship

      Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent basis in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. Here an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Today this concept is hotly debated in India.
      The virtues and vices of this arrangement are naturally contested vis-a-vis marriage. Marriage is generally defined as a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways.The different facets of marriage include legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. It is usually recognized by the State, a religious authority, or both.
      Yet despite its wider ambit, there are many people who come forth as votaries of cohabitation in preference to marriage. I present here a few facts on the basis of which I find myself being an ardent supporter of marriage as an institution as opposed to Live-in relationship--
      1. Life, all said and done, is a compromise. No one has complete control on things and situations around. This includes the choice to have a perfect and/or ideal mate. We would all like to have a person as our life-partner who is perfect in our eyes in all possible aspects. But is it actually possible? Isn't it only a wishful thought? And are we ourselves perfect?
      This means that if we want to live the best possible life, we need to go for suitable compromises at every step. This also includes marriage. So, if one finds a person suitable enough for oneself, one might as well go for a married relationship instead of opting for a Live-in relationship.
      2. Marriage has as much an option of devolution as a Live-in relationship has. The only difference is that marriage being some kind of socio-legal contract, it naturally needs a formal procedure to be adopted before separation takes places. But at the same time, does it not also ensure many of the rights of the marriage partners as well.
      Instead in a Live-in relationship, each of the partner is entitled only to that extent which they have agreed upon in black and white. And one can very well understand how impractical it is to assume that an unmarried couple would be going for all kinds of written agreements while they are in an intimate relationship. Neither would the two have that much skill and background to come up with legal agreements not would the situations make it easy for the two to go for such formalities.
      Thus both the partners would find themselves devoid of any legal guarantees and rights once the relationships sours and the two are thinking of parting their ways. In such situations, both or at least one of them would invariably feel cheated in a big way over the entire episode
      3. Today divorce is not a very complicated process (and if it is so, then we must get it simplified) and hence to get rid of relationships that are difficult to be carried forth one can always choose the method of divorce. Hence, Live-in relationship and marriage are very similar in nature except the robustness and socio-legal strength of a marriage vis-a-vis Live-in relations
      4. No one knows how events will take shape in future. In all such situations, if one of the partner starts developing all kinds of problems and complications of physical and financial nature, then the institution of marriage gives at least some kind of security and even in the case of divorce, there is a proper compensation.
      Instead a Live-in relationship makes such a partner completely helpless and he/she gets reduced to sheer mercy of the other partner, where the probability of such partner leaving the other in a lurch is always fairly high
      5. The most affected persons are the children. In marriage, the children feel secure mentally and socially and even in divorce, they have some kind of social approval. The Live-in relationship has huge emotional price on these young children who find themselves very awkwardly placed
      6. Same is the situation of other family members. They do not feel themselves having as much right and authority in a Live-in relation couple as they do in the midst of a married couple, who have a social sanction as well
      Summing it up, it seems to me that Live-in relationship (or Cohabitation) is nothing but a baser and distorted version of marriage having all the drawbacks, burdens and problems of a married life but having none of its guarantee and security.

      Dr Nutan Thakur,
      Editor,
      People's Forum,
      Lucknow
      # 94155-34525

    • shabnamhashmi@gmail.com
      Facets of marraige also include dowry, domestic violence, killing of brides, subjugation of women, marital rape, suppression of individuality and intellectual
      Message 2 of 6 , Sep 6, 2010
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        Facets of marraige also include dowry, domestic violence, killing of brides, subjugation of women, marital rape, suppression of individuality and intellectual capabilities of women( the most rampant) and because of the community pressure and social norms and the so called kinship and ' honour' women can not move out. This happens to majority of indian women.

        If the younger generation is finding newer ways of building relationships we should welcome them. For that we need to change old perspectives within the conditioned mindsets.

        Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone


        From: Nutan Thakur <nutanthakurlko@...>
        Sender: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
        Date: Sun, 5 Sep 2010 14:01:20 +0530 (IST)
        To: Arkitect India<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>
        ReplyTo: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
        Subject: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation

         

        Live In Relationship

        Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent basis in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. Here an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Today this concept is hotly debated in India.
        The virtues and vices of this arrangement are naturally contested vis-a-vis marriage. Marriage is generally defined as a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways.The different facets of marriage include legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. It is usually recognized by the State, a religious authority, or both.
        Yet despite its wider ambit, there are many people who come forth as votaries of cohabitation in preference to marriage. I present here a few facts on the basis of which I find myself being an ardent supporter of marriage as an institution as opposed to Live-in relationship--
        1. Life, all said and done, is a compromise. No one has complete control on things and situations around. This includes the choice to have a perfect and/or ideal mate. We would all like to have a person as our life-partner who is perfect in our eyes in all possible aspects. But is it actually possible? Isn't it only a wishful thought? And are we ourselves perfect?
        This means that if we want to live the best possible life, we need to go for suitable compromises at every step. This also includes marriage. So, if one finds a person suitable enough for oneself, one might as well go for a married relationship instead of opting for a Live-in relationship.
        2. Marriage has as much an option of devolution as a Live-in relationship has. The only difference is that marriage being some kind of socio-legal contract, it naturally needs a formal procedure to be adopted before separation takes places. But at the same time, does it not also ensure many of the rights of the marriage partners as well.
        Instead in a Live-in relationship, each of the partner is entitled only to that extent which they have agreed upon in black and white. And one can very well understand how impractical it is to assume that an unmarried couple would be going for all kinds of written agreements while they are in an intimate relationship. Neither would the two have that much skill and background to come up with legal agreements not would the situations make it easy for the two to go for such formalities.
        Thus both the partners would find themselves devoid of any legal guarantees and rights once the relationships sours and the two are thinking of parting their ways. In such situations, both or at least one of them would invariably feel cheated in a big way over the entire episode
        3. Today divorce is not a very complicated process (and if it is so, then we must get it simplified) and hence to get rid of relationships that are difficult to be carried forth one can always choose the method of divorce. Hence, Live-in relationship and marriage are very similar in nature except the robustness and socio-legal strength of a marriage vis-a-vis Live-in relations
        4. No one knows how events will take shape in future. In all such situations, if one of the partner starts developing all kinds of problems and complications of physical and financial nature, then the institution of marriage gives at least some kind of security and even in the case of divorce, there is a proper compensation.
        Instead a Live-in relationship makes such a partner completely helpless and he/she gets reduced to sheer mercy of the other partner, where the probability of such partner leaving the other in a lurch is always fairly high
        5. The most affected persons are the children. In marriage, the children feel secure mentally and socially and even in divorce, they have some kind of social approval. The Live-in relationship has huge emotional price on these young children who find themselves very awkwardly placed
        6. Same is the situation of other family members. They do not feel themselves having as much right and authority in a Live-in relation couple as they do in the midst of a married couple, who have a social sanction as well
        Summing it up, it seems to me that Live-in relationship (or Cohabitation) is nothing but a baser and distorted version of marriage having all the drawbacks, burdens and problems of a married life but having none of its guarantee and security.

        Dr Nutan Thakur,
        Editor,
        People's Forum,
        Lucknow
        # 94155-34525

      • rakesh ganguli
        All that you list out as issues/concerns surrounding a Live -in relationship apply equally to a marriage.... Please do take time to interact with couples
        Message 3 of 6 , Sep 7, 2010
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          All that you list out as issues/concerns surrounding a Live -in relationship apply equally to a marriage....
           
          Please do take time to interact with couples seeking divorce at the family court and maybe also with counselling agencies...
           
          I fully agree with Shabnam.
           
          Rakesh

          On Tue, Sep 7, 2010 at 8:23 AM, <shabnamhashmi@...> wrote:
           

          Facets of marraige also include dowry, domestic violence, killing of brides, subjugation of women, marital rape, suppression of individuality and intellectual capabilities of women( the most rampant) and because of the community pressure and social norms and the so called kinship and ' honour' women can not move out. This happens to majority of indian women.

          If the younger generation is finding newer ways of building relationships we should welcome them. For that we need to change old perspectives within the conditioned mindsets.

          Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone


          From: Nutan Thakur <nutanthakurlko@...>
          Date: Sun, 5 Sep 2010 14:01:20 +0530 (IST)
          To: Arkitect India<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>
          Subject: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation

           

          Live In Relationship

          Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent basis in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. Here an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Today this concept is hotly debated in India.
          The virtues and vices of this arrangement are naturally contested vis-a-vis marriage. Marriage is generally defined as a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways.The different facets of marriage include legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. It is usually recognized by the State, a religious authority, or both.
          Yet despite its wider ambit, there are many people who come forth as votaries of cohabitation in preference to marriage. I present here a few facts on the basis of which I find myself being an ardent supporter of marriage as an institution as opposed to Live-in relationship--
          1. Life, all said and done, is a compromise. No one has complete control on things and situations around. This includes the choice to have a perfect and/or ideal mate. We would all like to have a person as our life-partner who is perfect in our eyes in all possible aspects. But is it actually possible? Isn't it only a wishful thought? And are we ourselves perfect?
          This means that if we want to live the best possible life, we need to go for suitable compromises at every step. This also includes marriage. So, if one finds a person suitable enough for oneself, one might as well go for a married relationship instead of opting for a Live-in relationship.
          2. Marriage has as much an option of devolution as a Live-in relationship has. The only difference is that marriage being some kind of socio-legal contract, it naturally needs a formal procedure to be adopted before separation takes places. But at the same time, does it not also ensure many of the rights of the marriage partners as well.
          Instead in a Live-in relationship, each of the partner is entitled only to that extent which they have agreed upon in black and white. And one can very well understand how impractical it is to assume that an unmarried couple would be going for all kinds of written agreements while they are in an intimate relationship. Neither would the two have that much skill and background to come up with legal agreements not would the situations make it easy for the two to go for such formalities.
          Thus both the partners would find themselves devoid of any legal guarantees and rights once the relationships sours and the two are thinking of parting their ways. In such situations, both or at least one of them would invariably feel cheated in a big way over the entire episode
          3. Today divorce is not a very complicated process (and if it is so, then we must get it simplified) and hence to get rid of relationships that are difficult to be carried forth one can always choose the method of divorce. Hence, Live-in relationship and marriage are very similar in nature except the robustness and socio-legal strength of a marriage vis-a-vis Live-in relations
          4. No one knows how events will take shape in future. In all such situations, if one of the partner starts developing all kinds of problems and complications of physical and financial nature, then the institution of marriage gives at least some kind of security and even in the case of divorce, there is a proper compensation.
          Instead a Live-in relationship makes such a partner completely helpless and he/she gets reduced to sheer mercy of the other partner, where the probability of such partner leaving the other in a lurch is always fairly high
          5. The most affected persons are the children. In marriage, the children feel secure mentally and socially and even in divorce, they have some kind of social approval. The Live-in relationship has huge emotional price on these young children who find themselves very awkwardly placed
          6. Same is the situation of other family members. They do not feel themselves having as much right and authority in a Live-in relation couple as they do in the midst of a married couple, who have a social sanction as well
          Summing it up, it seems to me that Live-in relationship (or Cohabitation) is nothing but a baser and distorted version of marriage having all the drawbacks, burdens and problems of a married life but having none of its guarantee and security.

          Dr Nutan Thakur,
          Editor,
          People's Forum,
          Lucknow
          # 94155-34525


        • makdmc
          Rakesh I know you may not be able to give reasons as you have only supported the idea and that does not need any reasoning Shabnam is to give reasons as she
          Message 4 of 6 , Sep 8, 2010
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            Rakesh
            I know you may not be able to give reasons as you have only supported the idea and that does not need any reasoning
            Shabnam is to give reasons as she want to discuss with reason
            As far as your logic is concern is would say Only mortals need to give reason not Divine but any way as you have accepted that you can not have well reason discussion I appreciate and respect your confession
             
            My previous message is below:
             
            "Please do not get agitated, as you claim that you want serious discussion
            > you needs to be patient and give proper reasons behind your ideas.
            > Please think for some time and respond instead of reacting in haste
            > Now I also request you to point out what has made you think that I do not want
            > serious discussionn"
             
            Mujtuba
             
            On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 11:06 AM, rakesh ganguli <rakesh.ganguli@...> wrote:
            I compltely understand your point of view... Everything you say is
            'Serious' 'Divine' so there's no way mortals like me could ever engage
            in a 'well-reasoned' discussion with you...

            And please review your response a little more honestly and objectively
            and you shall realise how you have trivialised and vitiated a serious
            'discussion'....





            On 9/8/10, makdmc <makdmc@...> wrote:
            > Please do not get agitated, as you claim that you want serious discussion
            > you needs to be patient and give proper reasons behind your ideas.
            > Please think for some time and respond instead of reacting in haste
            > Now I also request you to point out what has made you think that I do want
            > serious discussion
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 9:58 AM, <shabnamhashmi@...> wrote:
            >
            >> Reasons are given when there is an effort to do a serious discussion.
            >>
            >> Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
            >> ------------------------------
            >> *From: *makdmc <makdmc@...>
            >> *Date: *Wed, 8 Sep 2010 09:55:28 +0400
            >> *To: *<shabnamhashmi@...>
            >> *Cc: *<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>; <rakesh.ganguli@...>
            >>   *Subject: *Re: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation
            >>
            >>  This is not a reasonable argument please support your views with
            >> reason.Others are reading too.
            >> Calling names is no substitute for reasoning.
            >>
            >>
            >>
            >> On Wed, Sep 8, 2010 at 9:51 AM, <shabnamhashmi@...> wrote:
            >>
            >>> If you have pervert thoughts its your problem not mine. Any serious
            >>> discussion leads to always such perversion.
            >>>
            >>> Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
            >>> ------------------------------
            >>>  *From: *makdmc <makdmc@...>
            >>> *Date: *Wed, 8 Sep 2010 09:27:39 +0400
            >>> *To: *<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>
            >>> *Cc: *<rakesh.ganguli@...>; <shabnamhashmi@...>
            >>> *Subject: *Re: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation
            >>>
            >>>
            >>> Since Shabnam & Rakesh has no objection in exploring new ways in
            >>> relationship, I understand that they will also not have objection/problem
            >>> in
            >>> having sexual relationship with in the family say between brother and
            >>> sister
            >>> and it will solve most of the problems discussed in marriage.
            >>> Brother and sister are the best match for each other, if we need not
            >>> apply
            >>> any rules & regulation in sexual relation or if we are not ready to take
            >>> any
            >>> divine guidance in this regards
            >>>
            >>> Mujtuba
            >>>
            >>> I
            >>> On Tue, Sep 7, 2010 at 3:12 PM, rakesh ganguli
            >>> <rakesh.ganguli@...>wrote:
            >>>
            >>>>
            >>>>
            >>>> All that you list out as issues/concerns surrounding a Live -in
            >>>> relationship apply equally to a marriage....
            >>>>
            >>>> Please do take time to interact with couples seeking divorce at the
            >>>> family court and maybe also with counselling agencies...
            >>>>
            >>>> I fully agree with Shabnam.
            >>>>
            >>>> Rakesh
            >>>>
            >>>>   On Tue, Sep 7, 2010 at 8:23 AM, <shabnamhashmi@...> wrote:
            >>>>
            >>>>>
            >>>>>
            >>>>> Facets of marraige also include dowry, domestic violence, killing of
            >>>>> brides, subjugation of women, marital rape, suppression of
            >>>>> individuality and
            >>>>> intellectual capabilities of women( the most rampant) and because of
            >>>>> the
            >>>>> community pressure and social norms and the so called kinship and '
            >>>>> honour'
            >>>>> women can not move out. This happens to majority of indian women.
            >>>>>
            >>>>> If the younger generation is finding newer ways of building
            >>>>> relationships we should welcome them. For that we need to change old
            >>>>> perspectives within the conditioned mindsets.
            >>>>>
            >>>>> Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
            >>>>> ------------------------------
            >>>>> *From: *Nutan Thakur <nutanthakurlko@...>
            >>>>> *Sender: *arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
            >>>>> *Date: *Sun, 5 Sep 2010 14:01:20 +0530 (IST)
            >>>>> *To: *Arkitect India<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>
            >>>>> *ReplyTo: *arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
            >>>>> *Subject: *[Arkitect India] Live In Relation
            >>>>>
            >>>>>
            >>>>>
            >>>>>   *Live In Relationship*
            >>>>>
            >>>>> Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement
            >>>>> whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent
            >>>>> basis
            >>>>> in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. Here an
            >>>>> unmarried
            >>>>> couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a
            >>>>> marriage.
            >>>>> Today this concept is hotly debated in India.
            >>>>> The virtues and vices of this arrangement are naturally contested
            >>>>> vis-a-vis marriage. Marriage is generally defined as a social union or
            >>>>> legal
            >>>>> contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in
            >>>>> which
            >>>>> interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are
            >>>>> acknowledged
            >>>>> in a variety of ways.The different facets of marriage include legal,
            >>>>> social,
            >>>>> emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. The act of marriage
            >>>>> usually
            >>>>> creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals
            >>>>> involved. It
            >>>>> is usually recognized by the State, a religious authority, or both.
            >>>>> Yet despite its wider ambit, there are many people who come forth as
            >>>>> votaries of cohabitation in preference to marriage. I present here a
            >>>>> few
            >>>>> facts on the basis of which I find myself being an ardent supporter of
            >>>>> marriage as an institution as opposed to Live-in relationship--
            >>>>> 1. Life, all said and done, is a compromise. No one has complete
            >>>>> control
            >>>>> on things and situations around. This includes the choice to have a
            >>>>> perfect
            >>>>> and/or ideal mate. We would all like to have a person as our
            >>>>> life-partner
            >>>>> who is perfect in our eyes in all possible aspects. But is it actually
            >>>>> possible? Isn't it only a wishful thought? And are we ourselves
            >>>>> perfect?
            >>>>> This means that if we want to live the best possible life, we need to
            >>>>> go
            >>>>> for suitable compromises at every step. This also includes marriage.
            >>>>> So, if
            >>>>> one finds a person suitable enough for oneself, one might as well go
            >>>>> for a
            >>>>> married relationship instead of opting for a Live-in relationship.
            >>>>> 2. Marriage has as much an option of devolution as a Live-in
            >>>>> relationship has. The only difference is that marriage being some kind
            >>>>> of
            >>>>> socio-legal contract, it naturally needs a formal procedure to be
            >>>>> adopted
            >>>>> before separation takes places. But at the same time, does it not also
            >>>>> ensure many of the rights of the marriage partners as well.
            >>>>> Instead in a Live-in relationship, each of the partner is entitled only
            >>>>> to that extent which they have agreed upon in black and white. And one
            >>>>> can
            >>>>> very well understand how impractical it is to assume that an unmarried
            >>>>> couple would be going for all kinds of written agreements while they
            >>>>> are in
            >>>>> an intimate relationship. Neither would the two have that much skill
            >>>>> and
            >>>>> background to come up with legal agreements not would the situations
            >>>>> make it
            >>>>> easy for the two to go for such formalities.
            >>>>> Thus both the partners would find themselves devoid of any legal
            >>>>> guarantees and rights once the relationships sours and the two are
            >>>>> thinking
            >>>>> of parting their ways. In such situations, both or at least one of them
            >>>>> would invariably feel cheated in a big way over the entire episode
            >>>>> 3. Today divorce is not a very complicated process (and if it is so,
            >>>>> then we must get it simplified) and hence to get rid of relationships
            >>>>> that
            >>>>> are difficult to be carried forth one can always choose the method of
            >>>>> divorce. Hence, Live-in relationship and marriage are very similar in
            >>>>> nature
            >>>>> except the robustness and socio-legal strength of a marriage vis-a-vis
            >>>>> Live-in relations
            >>>>> 4. No one knows how events will take shape in future. In all such
            >>>>> situations, if one of the partner starts developing all kinds of
            >>>>> problems
            >>>>> and complications of physical and financial nature, then the
            >>>>> institution of
            >>>>> marriage gives at least some kind of security and even in the case of
            >>>>> divorce, there is a proper compensation.
            >>>>> Instead a Live-in relationship makes such a partner completely helpless
            >>>>> and he/she gets reduced to sheer mercy of the other partner, where the
            >>>>> probability of such partner leaving the other in a lurch is always
            >>>>> fairly
            >>>>> high
            >>>>> 5. The most affected persons are the children. In marriage, the
            >>>>> children
            >>>>> feel secure mentally and socially and even in divorce, they have some
            >>>>> kind
            >>>>> of social approval. The Live-in relationship has huge emotional price
            >>>>> on
            >>>>> these young children who find themselves very awkwardly placed
            >>>>> 6. Same is the situation of other family members. They do not feel
            >>>>> themselves having as much right and authority in a Live-in relation
            >>>>> couple
            >>>>> as they do in the midst of a married couple, who have a social sanction
            >>>>> as
            >>>>> well*
            >>>>> *Summing it up, it seems to me that Live-in relationship (or
            >>>>> Cohabitation) is nothing but a baser and distorted version of marriage
            >>>>> having all the drawbacks, burdens and problems of a married life but
            >>>>> having
            >>>>> none of its guarantee and security.
            >>>>>
            >>>>> Dr Nutan Thakur,
            >>>>> Editor,
            >>>>> People's Forum,
            >>>>> Lucknow
            >>>>> # 94155-34525
            >>>>>
            >>>>>
            >>>>  
            >>>>
            >>>
            >>>
            >>
            >

          • V.B.Chandrasekaran Balasubramaniam
            But, we must make a distinction between responsible and irresponsible relations. Freedom is not free. V.B.Chandrasekaran. ________________________________
            Message 5 of 6 , Sep 8, 2010
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              But, we must make a distinction between responsible and irresponsible relations. Freedom is not free.

              V.B.Chandrasekaran.



              From: "shabnamhashmi@..." <shabnamhashmi@...>
              To: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
              Sent: Tue, September 7, 2010 8:23:30 AM
              Subject: Re: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation

               

              Facets of marraige also include dowry, domestic violence, killing of brides, subjugation of women, marital rape, suppression of individuality and intellectual capabilities of women( the most rampant) and because of the community pressure and social norms and the so called kinship and ' honour' women can not move out. This happens to majority of indian women.

              If the younger generation is finding newer ways of building relationships we should welcome them. For that we need to change old perspectives within the conditioned mindsets.

              Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone


              From: Nutan Thakur <nutanthakurlko@...>
              Sender: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
              Date: Sun, 5 Sep 2010 14:01:20 +0530 (IST)
              To: Arkitect India<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>
              ReplyTo: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
              Subject: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation

               

              Live In Relationship

              Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent basis in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. Here an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Today this concept is hotly debated in India.
              The virtues and vices of this arrangement are naturally contested vis-a-vis marriage. Marriage is generally defined as a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways.The different facets of marriage include legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. It is usually recognized by the State, a religious authority, or both.
              Yet despite its wider ambit, there are many people who come forth as votaries of cohabitation in preference to marriage. I present here a few facts on the basis of which I find myself being an ardent supporter of marriage as an institution as opposed to Live-in relationship--
              1. Life, all said and done, is a compromise. No one has complete control on things and situations around. This includes the choice to have a perfect and/or ideal mate. We would all like to have a person as our life-partner who is perfect in our eyes in all possible aspects. But is it actually possible? Isn't it only a wishful thought? And are we ourselves perfect?
              This means that if we want to live the best possible life, we need to go for suitable compromises at every step. This also includes marriage. So, if one finds a person suitable enough for oneself, one might as well go for a married relationship instead of opting for a Live-in relationship.
              2. Marriage has as much an option of devolution as a Live-in relationship has. The only difference is that marriage being some kind of socio-legal contract, it naturally needs a formal procedure to be adopted before separation takes places. But at the same time, does it not also ensure many of the rights of the marriage partners as well.
              Instead in a Live-in relationship, each of the partner is entitled only to that extent which they have agreed upon in black and white. And one can very well understand how impractical it is to assume that an unmarried couple would be going for all kinds of written agreements while they are in an intimate relationship. Neither would the two have that much skill and background to come up with legal agreements not would the situations make it easy for the two to go for such formalities.
              Thus both the partners would find themselves devoid of any legal guarantees and rights once the relationships sours and the two are thinking of parting their ways. In such situations, both or at least one of them would invariably feel cheated in a big way over the entire episode
              3. Today divorce is not a very complicated process (and if it is so, then we must get it simplified) and hence to get rid of relationships that are difficult to be carried forth one can always choose the method of divorce. Hence, Live-in relationship and marriage are very similar in nature except the robustness and socio-legal strength of a marriage vis-a-vis Live-in relations
              4. No one knows how events will take shape in future. In all such situations, if one of the partner starts developing all kinds of problems and complications of physical and financial nature, then the institution of marriage gives at least some kind of security and even in the case of divorce, there is a proper compensation.
              Instead a Live-in relationship makes such a partner completely helpless and he/she gets reduced to sheer mercy of the other partner, where the probability of such partner leaving the other in a lurch is always fairly high
              5. The most affected persons are the children. In marriage, the children feel secure mentally and socially and even in divorce, they have some kind of social approval. The Live-in relationship has huge emotional price on these young children who find themselves very awkwardly placed
              6. Same is the situation of other family members. They do not feel themselves having as much right and authority in a Live-in relation couple as they do in the midst of a married couple, who have a social sanction as well
              Summing it up, it seems to me that Live-in relationship (or Cohabitation) is nothing but a baser and distorted version of marriage having all the drawbacks, burdens and problems of a married life but having none of its guarantee and security.

              Dr Nutan Thakur,
              Editor,
              People's Forum,
              Lucknow
              # 94155-34525


            • Faisal Khan
                im not agree ..i think yeh actvst log khuabo aur naro kii duniya ko hee aslee duniya smjhte hai ...liv in rltn me jo bahyank halt kahsmkr aurto kee 
              Message 6 of 6 , Sep 12, 2010
              • 0 Attachment


                 
                im not agree ..i think yeh actvst log khuabo aur naro kii duniya ko hee aslee duniya smjhte hai ...liv in rltn me jo bahyank halt kahsmkr aurto kee  hoteee hai allah kee panah ..aur kcuh wakt bad unse kis trah alg hone ke ratse mard dhoohndne lagte hai ....yeh jitnee buraiya marrriage kii batlayee gayee yeh to har eak institutation me hai ....yeh kaun see nayee bat hai ....car chlane me accdnt se kitne log mr jate hai ham sbko apnee appne care pehk dena cahiaye ...actvist kitne bazaru aur chor makkar ho gaye ham sb ko actvsm chod dena chiaye ..
                 
                mujhse lgta hai is trh ke bayan se hee amm log hame accpt nhee krte 
                 
                 
                faisal
                 
                 
                 
                Facets of marraige also include dowry, domestic violence, killing of brides, subjugation of women, marital rape, suppression of individuality and intellectual capabilities of women( the most rampant) and because of the community pressure and social norms and the so called kinship and ' honour' women can not move out. This happens to majority of indian women.

                If the younger generation is finding newer ways of building relationships we should welcome them. For that we need to change old perspectives within the conditioned mindsets.
                Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

                From: Nutan Thakur <nutanthakurlko@...>
                Sender: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
                Date: Sun, 5 Sep 2010 14:01:20 +0530 (IST)
                To: Arkitect India<arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com>
                ReplyTo: arkitectindia@yahoogroups.com
                Subject: [Arkitect India] Live In Relation

                 
                Live In Relationship

                Cohabitation (also called Live In relationship) is an arrangement whereby two people decide to live together on a longterm or permanent basis in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. Here an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Today this concept is hotly debated in India.
                The virtues and vices of this arrangement are naturally contested vis-a-vis marriage. Marriage is generally defined as a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways.The different facets of marriage include legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. It is usually recognized by the State, a religious authority, or both.
                Yet despite its wider ambit, there are many people who come forth as votaries of cohabitation in preference to marriage. I present here a few facts on the basis of which I find myself being an ardent supporter of marriage as an institution as opposed to Live-in relationship--
                1. Life, all said and done, is a compromise. No one has complete control on things and situations around. This includes the choice to have a perfect and/or ideal mate. We would all like to have a person as our life-partner who is perfect in our eyes in all possible aspects. But is it actually possible? Isn't it only a wishful thought? And are we ourselves perfect?
                This means that if we want to live the best possible life, we need to go for suitable compromises at every step. This also includes marriage. So, if one finds a person suitable enough for oneself, one might as well go for a married relationship instead of opting for a Live-in relationship.
                2. Marriage has as much an option of devolution as a Live-in relationship has. The only difference is that marriage being some kind of socio-legal contract, it naturally needs a formal procedure to be adopted before separation takes places. But at the same time, does it not also ensure many of the rights of the marriage partners as well.
                Instead in a Live-in relationship, each of the partner is entitled only to that extent which they have agreed upon in black and white. And one can very well understand how impractical it is to assume that an unmarried couple would be going for all kinds of written agreements while they are in an intimate relationship. Neither would the two have that much skill and background to come up with legal agreements not would the situations make it easy for the two to go for such formalities.
                Thus both the partners would find themselves devoid of any legal guarantees and rights once the relationships sours and the two are thinking of parting their ways. In such situations, both or at least one of them would invariably feel cheated in a big way over the entire episode
                3. Today divorce is not a very complicated process (and if it is so, then we must get it simplified) and hence to get rid of relationships that are difficult to be carried forth one can always choose the method of divorce. Hence, Live-in relationship and marriage are very similar in nature except the robustness and socio-legal strength of a marriage vis-a-vis Live-in relations
                4. No one knows how events will take shape in future. In all such situations, if one of the partner starts developing all kinds of problems and complications of physical and financial nature, then the institution of marriage gives at least some kind of security and even in the case of divorce, there is a proper compensation.
                Instead a Live-in relationship makes such a partner completely helpless and he/she gets reduced to sheer mercy of the other partner, where the probability of such partner leaving the other in a lurch is always fairly high
                5. The most affected persons are the children. In marriage, the children feel secure mentally and socially and even in divorce, they have some kind of social approval. The Live-in relationship has huge emotional price on these young children who find themselves very awkwardly placed
                6. Same is the situation of other family members. They do not feel themselves having as much right and authority in a Live-in relation couple as they do in the midst of a married couple, who have a social sanction as well
                Summing it up, it seems to me that Live-in relationship (or Cohabitation) is nothing but a baser and distorted version of marriage having all the drawbacks, burdens and problems of a married life but having none of its guarantee and security.

                Dr Nutan Thakur,
                Editor,
                People's Forum,
                Lucknow
                # 94155-34525


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