Butts Roaming Wild was Wackos roaming wild
- One of the real joys of having a child in public school is the really
great literature that I get to read. Here's an excerpt from this
weekend's reading assignment:
Zach's butt raised a butt-trumpet to it's mouth and blew a long,
The whole crowd went silent.
Then Zach's butt began to speak.
"Brothers and sisters," it said quietly. "You know why I have
called you here, so let me get straight to the point. For too long we
have been forced to do the dirty work for the human race. For too long
we have been laughed at, smacked, pinched, kicked, sat on, and generally
regarded as figures of fun! For too long we have been denied our
rightful place on top of the neck where we belong!"
There was an enormous cheer from the crowd.
Zach blocked his nose and wiped his eyes. When one butt talks it's
bad enough, but when thousands talk at the same time, well, it's not
pleasant, to say the least.
After a few minutes the cheering died down.
"But what can we do?" said a bony butt in the front row. "We're
Zach's butt stepped to the edge of the platform the flashlight
making it look more sinister than ever.
"No, my friend," it said. "Divided we are just butts, but united,
we have the potential to be the most powerful force on the planet. Right
now, on an island in the Sea of Butts, butts from all over the world are
working around the clock to fill an extinct volcano. When it is full, it
will become the greatest buttcano in the history of the world. And when
it erupts it will be devastating enough to knock out every human being
"That, my brothers and sisters," it said, "will be when we strike.
We will swap places with the heads and assume our rightful position on
top of the neck. By the time the humans come to, the Age of Butts will
have begun and there will be nothing anybody can do to stop us!"
The butts began cheering again.