Trolls on tour
- UNCLE TAZ CYBERTROLL GAZETTE
- Official Press Release Part 1
Fun with Klaus & Theo
Our dear fellow listmates Theodor Grekenquist and Klaus Tue have just returned from a tour, lecturing their messages. Well, Theodor was lecturing, but Klaus was more like a missionary giving sermons to promote his drug rehab in the mountain. And this week, they've both been performing in the Hole. (If anybody here doesn't know what or where the Hole is, just keep reading.)
As many of you probably know, Klaus & Theo were initially trained by the ATCID -- The AT Counter Intelligence Division -- in order to infiltrate enemy lines, enact sabotage, plant disinformation, extract intelligence, seduce enemy agents, that sort of thing. After a short while, however, they asked to be released from their assignments and requested to be transferred to The AT Theater Dept instead. As head of this department, it was incumbent upon me to utilize Klaus' and Theo's artistic talents to the full.
Klaus experimented, and he is still experimenting, starting off as a Norwegian rural sheriff with a hard slave labor camp for convicted drug felons and addicts; he evolved his character in the direction of a right-wing revolutionary nationalist zealot with a militia of his own and a penchant for guns and ammo. He is basically indifferent to anthroposophy and Steiner, except that he thinks it's a bunch of potentially harmful balderdash, a point of view that theoretically should easily fit him in with the Hole Dwellers. (If anybody here doesn't know what or who the Hole Dwellers are, just keep reading.)
Both Theo and Klaus had picked up a little acting experience along the way in the sense that they felt like actors when they were out on missions for ATCID. Theo in particular had played many different roles, so many in fact, that he asked me if he could do them all in one by playing some sort of academic suffering from a multiple personality disorder. So we wrote a script for him, he did an audition, and subsequently he enjoyed a tremendous success in the AT Main Auditorium, sold out for many months. As the show folded and the stage was struck last year, the audience was invited to a cocktail party to see the artists in private, without makeup and costume. And there, they revealed all their secrets. Many listmates were surprised at the revelations of the actual cast, which included Yours Truly and a handful others for Theo alone.
Clues about Klaus & Theo
When sending our trolls to the Hole, we decided to use the old and well-known ones, namely Klaus & Theo, and leave the clues to their real identities in our AT archives in order to test the alertness among the Constipated Ones in the Unthinkable Facility, and our congrats go to Diana for locating these treasures:
Her classic comment:
"Here, for those still in doubt, is Tarjei taking credit for the 'Theodor' character, with help from a couple of of the other unstable individuals who post on AT"
I was hoping that Diana would continue her investigation and also find the smoking fun, huh... gun (that WAS a typo!) with regard to Klaus, where his pre-AT trolling at another anthro-group is described:
- That's when Klaus Tue arrived, who writes in a heavy quaint old-fashioned rural Norwegian dialect and lives on an uninhabited mountain where he has declared himself sheriff and built a camp to rehabilitate drug users the hard way, through slave labor in the woods. So Klaus subscribes to Libra and agrees with the critics that I am a no good son of a bitch, and in addition, I am a dirty hippie dope head and dope runner and dealer who is going to get busted and sent to Klaus' camp in the mountain by the city vice squad. And about the type-art nude (that I once stole from someone on a usenet), Klaus and I began to argue about whether she was a mean lady cop or an anthro-girl. I insisted she was a cop I had written an inflammatory poem about, but Klaus claimed to have had her in rehab and noticed her anthroposophical nipples. I accused Klaus of harassing his clients sexually out there in the wild, because how else would he know what her nipples looked like, but Klaus professed innocence and insisted that she had come to him at night just like in the scene Bob Dylan described in "Motorpsycho Nightmare":
- 'I was sleepin' like a rat when I heard something jerkin'.
- There stood Rita lookin' just like Tony Perkins.
- She said, "Would you like to take a shower? I'll show you up to the door."
- I said, "Oh, no! no! I've been through this before."
- I knew I had to split but I didn't know how,
- When she said, "Would you like to take that shower, now?" '
Trolls & Trolling
Perhaps I feel a little like Muhammed Ali felt when he was doing magic tricks. He always had to tell afterwards the secrets of the tricks, because it was against his religion to fool people. This was very frustrating for other magicians who wanted to keep their trade secrets.
Norway is the land of trolls, which are real beings perceived though atavistic clairvoyance way into the 19th century, especially in Telemark, where my paternal family came from. I remember as a child meeting a very nice old nice man with a guitar, doing old country songs, some about trolls, and my uncle and the other grown-ups laughed at him when he said he believed that trolls really existed. It wasn't until I read Steiner that I really understood the old man was right.
Trolling is what trolls do. I know a lot of people don't like it, but it's my patriotic duty to honor an old tradition that's part and parcel of my national heritage:
Come to think of it, we should have called Theodor Kittelsen instead of Grekenquist, because Kittelsen was the best troll artist (paintings and drawings) ever: He was from Kragero btw, which is a coastal city in Telemark:
I once wrote in the above-cited post from Sept 19 of last year: "The AT has a circus, a Basement Dept, a theater, a temple, a university, an academy, a library, and much much more. How many e-groups can compete with that?"
Well the Abyss certainly can't. No sense of humor. No fun. No poetry or music. No holy communion. No Wisdom. No dance. No joy. No circus, nothing for the kids. And the light shone in the darkness, but the darkness comprehended it not. Poor creatures, they remind me of the song "Graveyard Paradise", you know, everything is black and cold in Graveyard Paradise, and when somebody's talking there, it's just to tell you lies. (I'll touch that one up to fit the hole one of these days.)
That's why they rebel so strongly against hymns to the sun, because they hate the sun. They hate the moon too. They blow out candle lights with buckets of ice water, because candles are brainwashy and cultish. All they want is pitch black. Not like in that old Rolling Stones song, "Paint it Black," but total, absolute blind darkness. Those people ARE the Waldorf Basement Children, whose who are so used to the dark they have to wear blindfolds if rescued and released. They hate the sunlight, and the idea of the sun as a giver of love and life is utterly repellent to them, because they are creatures of the dark. And those who enjoy light and fun and laughter and pranks and role-playing and theater and poetry and song, they are all "unstable individuals". I thank the gods daily that I'm not a stable individual according to the Dictionary of Darkness.
And yes, I promised you that if you don't know where or what the hole is, I would tell you. so here it is:
The Dwellers of the Hole, the Abyss, the Unthinkable Facility, the Unplumbable Toilet, are closer to perdition than any of us can imagine. The Hole itself is a place crawling with occult vampire bats, asuric rats, far worse creatures that would make Superman shudder, and things that go bump in the night. But the Hole Dwellers don't see or hear them, because they're spiritual blind and in denial of all such things.
The hole is a frightening abyss, and a sharp seer can see straight down into Hell through it, if he has the courage to look down there. The whole thing began with a WC, a Water Closet. Then the plumbing stopped and nobody could fix it, because it was an occult plumbing problem, and then all the Hole People got constipated without realizing why, because they're in denial. So they couldn't produce any new shit, they had to dig up old shit and keep recirculating it. So they dug into the hole deeper and deeper and deeper until they couldn't reach any further. And then one day the last layer of the earth's crust fell out, and the hole became an open gap into Hell, an abyss indeed. It's a very dangerous place for anthros to shit; rumors have it that at least one anthro among us is so frightened of the Asuras because he was bitten in the ass by one in the shape of a rat in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm when he was debating those hole people and had to go very fast.
The Unthinkable Facility is always vacant for visitors, because the residents don't shit; they're chronically constipated. That's the trap, part of the plan, this Unthinkable Facility always being vacant like that, with a gaping abyss into the center of the earth and all those bats and vampires and werewolves and rats and babysnakes, maggots, scorpions, u name it, all possessed, all cursed. And in the pitch dark of night there in the Abyss, in the Unthinkable Facility, dwell the ghosts of Himmler, G?g, Goebbles, Adolf himself, Eichmann, Mengele, and all the other evil Nazis. Yep, they're right there in the Unthinkable Facility together with the asuric rats, responsible for its residents' sick and twisted obsession with Nazism and Nazi war crimes -- an obsession that makes them resemble Nazis on the inside while professing something else on the outside, which they believe. The Asuras prevent their self-scrutiny, which drives them mad, slowly enough for them not to notice it until it's too late and they plunge themselves into the bottomless pitt that the Abyss leads to.
- UNCLE TAZ CYBERTROLL GAZETTE
- --- In firstname.lastname@example.org, "elfuncle"
> The Unthinkable Facility is always vacant for visitors, because the
> residents don't shit; they're chronically constipated. That's the
> part of the plan, this Unthinkable Facility always being vacant likedark
> that, with a gaping abyss into the center of the earth and all those
> bats and vampires and werewolves and rats and babysnakes, maggots,
> scorpions, u name it, all possessed, all cursed. And in the pitch
> of night there in the Abyss, in the Unthinkable Facility, dwell theand
> ghosts of Himmler, G?g, Goebbles, Adolf himself, Eichmann, Mengele,
> all the other evil Nazis. Yep, they're right there in theUnthinkable
> Facility together with the asuric rats, responsible for itsresidents'
> sick and twisted obsession with Nazism and Nazi war crimes -- anprofessing
> obsession that makes them resemble Nazis on the inside while
> something else on the outside, which they believe.It's those WORDS man! "Words are ideas dressed up for our physical
benefit". When words are all you got, and you got a private
dictionary for a wardrobe, you can dress up a maniquine to look like
Rudolf Steiner in a Nazi uniform. Hell, you can even dress yourself
up to look like an historian. And you can even dress up the universe
as a 500 page "accident" and human beings as 700 page "Ape with a
slightly higher intelligence".
The reason they resemble Nazi's on the inside, is that the invisible
aspect of being human had been staunchly defined in ....WORDS!
Pictures create a demand for far to many words and thus are scarey,
and turn into all the creepy things that go bump in the waldorf
I've coined a new phrase: "wordiest". It's an atheist with an
addiction to words. A troll in a way but unaware, but that doesn't
stop them from going on tour. I hearby decree a national "wordiest"
holiday cause I just don't think it's fair, with all the religious
holidays every year. Hell it can be a national troll holiday as well!
And what better day than April 1'st!
Thank you for such a wonderful tour, my good sir!
AKA official troll agent "Fishercat".