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Rapture, Bush-style

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  • holderlin66
    What if the Rapture happened but you were left behind? That s what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence that the Rapture, the
    Message 1 of 4 , Apr 4, 2005
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      "What if the 'Rapture' happened but you were left behind? That's
      what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence
      that the Rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons
      his faithful to the heavens, may have happened earlier this month.
      Among the startled 'still here': House Majority Leader Tom DeLay,
      just one of the political leaders who had expected to be making the
      trek skyward.

      From Capitol Hill to Kansas, finger pointing and questioning: 'why
      are we still here?'

      March 29, 2005
      By Deanna Swift

      WASHINGTON, DC--When House Majority Leader Tom DeLay delivered a
      moving speech from the halls of Congress last week, in which he
      argued that his political enemies are persecuting him because of his
      religious faith, there was just one problem: he wasn't supposed to
      be there. Earlier this month, say observers, the 'Rapture,' the much-
      anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens,
      finally happened.

      But instead of Mr. DeLay and millions of other believers making the
      skyward trek, the biblical bash appears to have been an exclusive,
      invitation-only affair. As of today, fewer than three dozen
      Christians are confirmed to have been 'raptured,' leaving their
      rejected brethren to deal with seven years of Tribulation, a
      turbulent period marked by the return of the anti-Christ.

      For those who had hoped to be cashing in on their heavenly rewards,
      these are days of soul searching and regret. From Capitol Hill to
      the mega-churches of the south, disappointed travelers are asking
      the same questions: 'Why not me?' 'What did I do wrong?' and 'Was it
      something I said?'

      The lucky few

      David Dumé, originally of Spring Hill, KS, appears to be among the
      lucky few who are currently enjoying the company of the world's most
      famous father. Mr. Dumé, who had recently returned to Kansas from
      Hollywood, where he enjoyed a short but lucrative career in adult-
      themed films, was expected to attend a potluck supper and informal
      prayer session at the Spring Hill Baptist Church—but disappeared
      from site just minutes after reaching the building.

      Stunned onlookers say that they watched aghast as Mr. Dumé "flew up
      through the ceiling," leaving a pile of clothing, gold jewelry, an
      outsized diamond-covered crucifix, and several piercings and chains
      behind. Experts say that the fact that Mr. Dumé and others cast off
      such earthly accoutrements is another sure sign that they were
      indeed raptured.

      And the not-so-lucky

      The pastor of the church, Roy DeLong, who is also an active
      supporter of conservative political causes including a
      constitutional ban on gay marriage and private Social Security
      accounts, says that he is personally shocked that Mr. Dumé was
      chosen to make the trip, while he and so many other more faithful
      believers remain behind. "He was not even a regular presence around
      here, that's what's so startling. I don't want to say that mistakes
      were made, but you really have to wonder about the selection process
      here," says Pastor DeLong.

      DeLong, who also heads up the Baptist Leadership Council, will join
      other prominent Christian leaders, including the Reverends Tim
      Lahaye, James Dobson and Franklin Graham, for an emergency meeting
      later this week. "At this point, we're concluding that this was
      probably a practice round before the real deal," says Pastor
      DeLong. "That's the only way this makes any sense. He left behind
      all of the wrong people. Why would He do that?"

      The right—left behind

      Meanwhile, no one appears to have made the trip upwards from Capitol
      Hill. Beltway observers had speculated that dozens of high-profile
      leaders, including President Bush and Representative DeLay, would be
      raptured, possibly setting off a complex battle over succession
      within the halls of power.

      So certain were these men that their earthly tenure was coming to an
      end, say sources, that they scheduled a lengthy break over the
      Easter weekend. While Stewart Roy, a spokesman for Mr. DeLay,
      refused to acknowledge that the House Majority Leader has indeed
      been left behind, he did confirm that the Texas representative is
      taking some much-needed time off. "Let's just say that there are
      some unexpected openings in his schedule. I'm not going to say
      anything more than that."
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