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Rapture, Bush-style

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  • Stephen Clarke
    The Rapture Hath Cometh and Goeth by Joe Montgolfier August 27, 2026, Agence-France-Presse WASHINGTON, DC- President George P. Bush, son of former President
    Message 1 of 51 , Feb 1, 2005
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      The Rapture Hath Cometh and Goeth

      by Joe Montgolfier
      August 27, 2026,
      Agence-France-Presse

      WASHINGTON, DC- President George P. Bush, son of former President Jeb
      Bush, nephew of former President George W. Bush, and grandson of
      former President George H.W. Bush, known affectionately to Republicans
      as "George The Third," and to Senator Barack Obama, (the single token
      Democrat in the Congress of the United States of Bush,) as "Spawn of
      Nostradamus," yesterday apologized to the Vatican for the accidental
      death of Jesus Christ, who at the time was allegedly standing on a
      cloud while descending towards the United States from the direction of
      the North Pole.

      When the Unidentified Flying Messiah, apparently undertaking His
      promised Second Coming, was detected in His descent, the nation's
      antiballistic missile defense, deployed by the President's uncle,
      President George W. Bush, and funded with the proceeds from a
      long-defunct government program once known as the Social Security
      Trust Fund, swung into operation, and Jesus was fried by an orbiting
      space-based gamma-ray laser weapon.

      Meanwhile, National Public Radio picked up a simultaneous radio
      transmission in Aramaic, which has been translated by language
      scholars at Columbia University as: "Oy vay! Not again! What kind of
      Poppa are you already? This is your idea of a joke, or what?"

      Defense Secretary Neil Bush, uncle of President George P. Bush, and
      brother of Vice President Marvin Bush, and of former President George
      W. Bush and former President Jeb Bush, was reportedly overheard to
      murmur, "Oops!"

      The Chairman of the Board of the China Banking Association, Jiang
      Ling-Ping, declared that this in no way would be construed as a valid
      excuse for the United States of Bush to miss its monthly interest
      payment to the China Banking Association, of $7.65 trillion. He said,
      "I don't care if they feel bad now, just wait till we foreclose on the
      White House, the Capitol, and the Statue of Liberty. Not to mention

      that, as owners of the US Treasury, we also manage the payroll for the
      U.S. Congress...no tickee, no shirtee, if you get my drift." Veteran
      Republican Speaker of the House Tom DeLay, known formerly as "The
      Hammer," issued a statement in which he said, "We sincerely apologize
      that Mr. Jiang became upset, and hope that he will honor us by
      accepting a token gift from the Congress, of a doormat for his office,
      in the pattern of the Stars and Stripes."

      Secretary of State Jenna Bush, cousin of the President, and daughter
      of former President George W. Bush, was quoted as declaring, "Wha'sh
      goin' on? Wha' time ish't? Did the alarm jush go off? Who'sh playin'
      thoshe trumpets? Oh, I don' feel so good."

      The President attempted to implicate former Iraqi dictator Saddam
      Hussein in the Second Demise of Christ, observing that the Jews were
      the fall guys last time, this time it was the Arabs' turn, and anyway,
      blamimg Saddam had worked just great for his uncle, former President
      George W. Bush. However, when he was informed that Hussein had long
      since passed away, allegedly of wholly natural causes, in Abu Ghraib
      prison, the President was heard to complain bitterly, "It's not
      fair....us Bushes never catch a break." It was unclear whether he was
      complaining about the passing of the late Iraqi dictator, or the
      natural causes thing.

      Millions of disappointed Pentecostal Christians, including Dick De
      Vos, the 140-year old founder of Amway, who attributes his longevity
      to "daily prayer, immense wealth, clean living, and boredom," have
      demanded refunds from the LaHaye Universal Plutocratic Trust, Inc.,
      publisher of the 350 billion copies of the "Left Behind" books sold to
      date. Demonstrations have been taking place in front of Christian
      churches all across the United States of Bush. Spokespersons for the
      demonstrators have been quoted as complaining about "Two thousand
      wasted years," and as declaring, "Time to party."

      http://www.tbrnews.org/Archives/a1346.htm#001


      ...and thanx to whoever posted the link to TBRNews!

      Stephen
    • Frank Thomas Smith
      ... Heil Griselda, I suggest we buy the NY Mets with the money saved when you eliminate social security. O.O.T.
      Message 51 of 51 , Mar 3 2:37 PM
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        > er, do "things" to me. I will ban all sports except
        > baseball, which will then be played non stop, only to
        > keep Frank constantly hor...I mean, "aroused".

        Heil Griselda,
        I suggest we buy the NY Mets with the money saved when you eliminate social
        security.
        O.O.T.
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