First, to Elaine, Bruce, Starman, and Soren, who took time to respond to my posting of several weeks ago (Green Lies and Lies of Many Colors), thank you. Your answers were reassuring.
Since then I have kept an eye on some of the discussions here and found much to respect but little to comment on. Elaine's inquiry "Why are we here?" it is a crucial question for me, though, so I hope you all won�t mind if I attempt an answer. I am currently hoping to resolve my questions about anthroposophy itself and my relationship to it.
Since I first encountered anthroposophy in 1989, it has brought me some of the best and some of the worst experiences of my life. That contradiction makes sense considering how polarities seem to take hold of people involved in anthropop endeavors, and in view of the rifts that divide us. My own perception is that because anthroposophy is a Christic path, it is under serious assault from Luciferic/Ahrimanic forces�and I am disheartened by how unconsciously so many of us let those forces use us. The result seems to be that although an actual enterprise, such as a school, may fare relatively well, the people involved do not often thrive as individuals.
So here I am, a mild malcontent without a place to put myself in the anthroposophical scheme of things. I hang on to the fringes, and I keep looking, because as I mature I find myself strongly needing what anthroposophy has to offer (or, rather, what I and all of us must possess already in latent form). My personal questions are, How can I get what I need? At what point will my own development matter more to me than the lack of trust I feel in the movement? Can I grow spiritually without finding others to support and to learn from?
On the one hand, I encounter (in my city) a sort of superperfect, happy-smiley dreamland version of anthroposophy, where things seem preternaturally calm on the surface (but tremors rumble underneath). This may work fine for teaching small children but seems unhealthy for contemporary adults. It is a kind of sleep, this style of anthroposophy, and it bows to authority at every turn. The counterpart is present, as well: the keepers of authority, the old guard of anthroposophy, who use the language of totalitarianlism and guard against innovation by young upstarts!
By contrast, I see challengers reacting against the sleepy and backward-looking approaches and seeking to make anthroposophy as a movement more relevant for "real" people. It takes courage to openly oppose the status quo, and I respect that courage. But although I agree with the aim of bringing anthroposophy into the present, I cannot identify with the means. Too frequently, it takes the form of destructive hyperintellectualism, which I have already rejected in the academic world and am unwilling to waste myself on.
I also meet, here and there, some extraordinary people who are like bright lights in a dark night. They have managed to make their own way and develop through anthroposophy. Their words and actions ring with authenticity. These people are role models to me, but I am unsure how to get to where they are.
Since anthroposophy is a "thinking person�s" spirituality, the question does seem to arise as to what kind of thinking one should be doing. I have felt safest focusing intently on some of the simpler, foundational ideas of anthroposophy and living with them for a long time, watching the world for evidence until the idea is truly my own. Because I have been trained to think in the postmodern intellectual mode, I find I must guard against going out on a mental limb where I no longer am connected to my experience but am only abstracting.
Putting aside an analysis of modes of thinking, I know that what I require in order to grow is a thinking that is rooted in something true and aware and open at the center of myself. It is deep thinking, but its expression is simple, not difficult to fathom. It is thinking with heart. And it is thinking for myself. That is my only peace, because it is my only sovereignty. Without the solace of my individuation, I have nothing at all.
I suppose I have written all of this because I have felt isolated with these perceptions for a very long time. They have become a burden to me, and I release them. I know that to some extent, the rifts Iand obstacles I perceive mirror things within myself that need mending, and that is why I am so stymied.
Sincerely (and with thanks for letting me share this),
"Make the reader laugh and he will think you a trivial fellow, but bore him in the right way and your reputation is assured." W. Somerset Maugham
Contact: Angela Buckley * Eakin Press * P.O. Drawer 90159 * Austin, Texas, 78709-0159
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now