Behind Blue Eyes
Part 3
continuations of While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Author: Frau Hunter Ash
Copyright © 2003-2005 by Hunter Ash. All Rights Reserved.
Email: hunterash@...
Feedback welcome!!
Homepage Addy: http://www.hunterash.com/

Disclaimers: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox,
Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, and God only knows who else. The storyline,
however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be
sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made
for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright
notices.

Lyrics: the lyrics contained in this work are copyrighted and are
used without permission but no harm is intended.

F/F romance: the story assumes a loving and sexual relationship
between people of the same and opposite gender <G>. If this offends
or is illegal for you, then please leave. Come back when you are
older, have an open mind, moved, or changed your laws.

Spoilers: This takes place somewhere in Season 6.

Summary: This is more than song fan fiction – the characters
actively use songs and the lyrics contained in the songs as messages
to each other. Hope you enjoy. Full lyrics available on request.
Buffy and Giles are together, having worked through things by using
lyrics back and forth to each other. Now that they're together, how
will the gang handle it and, more specifically, what will they do
about an obsessed Spike?

# # #

Buffy slept most of the time for the next few days with Giles rarely
leaving her side. He was barely even aware of Angel and Wesley
arriving from Los Angeles to lend a hand. They promised to take
over slaying while Buffy healed.

Angel winced as he approached Buffy's hospital room and heard a
strangled scream from inside and Giles' reassuring voice. The
vampire opened the door slowly and wasn't surprised to find Buffy
weeping in Giles' arms, obviously having awakened from a nightmare
or flashback.

Angel frowned. He still cared for Buffy, maybe more than he should,
especially given her marriage to the Watcher. It was hurting him to
see her in such emotional pain. He watched as Buffy's crying moved
from weeping to quiet sniffles until she lay back onto the bed with
Giles stroking her head and holding her hand.

After a few minutes the Slayer was asleep again and Giles stood up
slowly. He followed Angel into the hallway.

"When are you going to get some sleep?" Angel asked urgently. The
Watcher looked like hell; unshaven, unkempt, and the dark circles
around his eyes were getting worse.

"When Buffy's home," Giles said softly. "Angel… I… I should have
been here."

"Giles, you would be dead and she'd still be hurt," Angel said
firmly. "Spike has had years to figure out how to take all of you
down."

"I'll kill him this time," Giles growled, watching Angel's eyes. "No
second chances."

"I love her, Giles," Angel said slowly, walking with Giles towards
the elevator as Willow and Tara moved out of the waiting room to
stand watch in Buffy's room. "I always will but I know she moved
on. I'm not jealous of you and her. Well, okay, maybe a little."

Giles raised his eyebrows and Angel shrugged.

"Okay, maybe a lot. You can give her everything I couldn't," Angel
admitted with a small smile. "All I could give her is darkness and a
stupid curse that ensured we couldn't be happy. You bring life to
her, I accept that and Spike has gone way too far."

"How do I find him?" Giles asked, his eyes shining bright with an
almost manic light.

"He's not in Sunnydale," Angel sighed. "I'd know it if he were but
he'll be back. Probably when Buffy goes home and starts recovering."

"Why so violent? What he did… it's beyond a vampire killing a
Slayer," Giles asked softly as Angel led him towards the cafeteria.

"To hurt you both as much as possible," Angel frowned, a fist
clenching inside his coat pocket. "Crushing your hand wasn't
enough, she still married you. Spike is all about obsession, always
has been. His demon just makes it worse."

"He can hurt Buffy, why didn't he just kill her? Does Spike really
believe he loves Buffy?"

"Maybe, obsession can be called love or hate so easily," Angel said
thoughtfully. "He couldn't kill Buffy and he's always been fixated
on taking down Slayers."

"So if violence was out romance was the other option," Giles
frowned.

"I think Robin Williams said men are pretty simple creatures," Angel
smiled slightly. "If they can't kill it they'll…"

"I get the picture," Giles said quickly, still hating the thought of
Buffy ever having been with Spike, willingly or not. "And rejecting
him set him off again."

"Yes, exactly. He can't hurt any human except Buffy," Angel sighed,
pouring coffee for both of them and grabbing a sandwich and chips
for Giles, without asking. "As long as he was… with her, he could
feel like a man or vampire. With her rejecting him…"

"She emasculated him and with the chip, he has to prove his…
whatever," Giles ventured.

"Yeah, I think so," Angel nodded, buying the items and steering
Giles to a table. "Eat, Buffy will kill me if I don't take care of
you while you take care of her."

Giles nodded and reached for the sandwich.

"I can understand draining her, killing her, maybe even turning her,
but what he did to Buffy…" Giles frowned.

"I know. It happens, rarely. Most of the vampires aren't attracted
to rape or even sex with humans," Angel said after a moment of
considering it. "I've heard of it when the vampire really wants to
get back at a human or their family mostly."

"Yet y… Angelus and Spike were both with Drusilla?"

Angel winced slightly. "Yes, sex between vampires and demons is
common. The sex, emotions, energy and blood lust are… extreme and
humans can't usually deal with it."

"But Slayers can?" Giles asked bitterly.

"Uh, Giles…"

"Nevermind, I'm not talking about you and Buffy," Giles sighed. "I
was thinking of Buffy and Spike, the relationship was based on
violence and sex, usually in the same hour."

"He'll come back when you get her home and don't expect it," Angel
advised.

"Is there any way to smoke him out or get him back here?" Giles
asked with a frown. "I refuse to have Buffy jumping at every
shadow."

"I can try and put the word out in the demon world, insult his
manhood and stuff," Angel shrugged. "Let it be known that he
couldn't kill a Slayer even when he had her and that he's a lovesick
vampire."

Angel noticed the composition notebook next to Giles' tray.

"Your lyrics?"

"Lyrics and thoughts, yeah," Giles sighed. "Helps keep me from
exploding."

The Watcher opened to the last page and slid the notebook to the
vampire.

Never leave your nest unguarded.
Next of kin the first to go.
Absolute hatred cast upon the family.
Payback for the hated one.
I am the judge, jury, executioner and pallbearer all in one.
Process of elimination, affirmative action has just begun.
Expectorate upon your soul.
Malicious devilry is unleashed ten fold.
You cannot hide. Witness of my stopping power.
Reaction time is not enough.
Psychological torment tearing at your sanity, it has to be.
It must be done.

Hatred flows, uncontained, feel my wrath through the death of your
entire tribe.
Hatred flows uncontained.
I must achieve my revenge through hatred.
I've regained my pride, victory's mine.
You cannot hide. The footsteps you hear are gonna be mine.
(Absolute Hatred, Cannibal Corpse, lyrics by Rob
Barrett)

"Uh, yeah," Angel said softly, closing the book. "How is Buffy
doing?"

"They'll let her go home in a day or two," Giles frowned. "She's
beginning to remember the… Spike hurting her after his vampire
friends captured her. Nightmares, crying fits, I can hold her one
moment, the next she can't stand it."

Angel nodded. "Give it time, Giles."

"Do you think Spike knew about… the child?" Giles asked softly.

"Yes, he knew," Angel nodded, his face grim.

"I have to find him before she gets home," Giles said firmly. "He'll
not threaten my wife again, she still wants children."

"Let's see if we can get him pissed off enough to come back," Angel
said softly.

# # #

Despite Giles and Angel's efforts to smoke Spike out of the shadows
and back to Sunnydale, the vampire was nowhere to be found by the
time Buffy was due to leave the hospital.

Giles was very attentive to his wife for the next week as she
regained her strength and the others took up the slack with caring
for Dawn and handling patrol. Anya ran the shop full time with help
from Willow and Tara as well.

Giles scoured Sunnydale for signs of Spike, took Buffy to counseling
every day, and dropped in on the shop in the afternoons.

# # #

Buffy woke up sweating and trembling, glancing around quickly as if
she expected to find Spike laughing at her once again.

The Slayer tried to calm her breathing and heart rate, realizing she
was home in her own bed, the bed she shared with Giles. The bed he
hadn't been in since her return except to hold her, sometimes the
entire night but never getting undressed and being with her.

Buffy got up out of bed slowly. It had been two weeks since they had
found her. Two weeks since the attack and losing her child. Giles's
child.

She felt something she hadn't before, red-hot rage beginning.

The counselor had told Buffy to expect a wide-range of emotions,
even the lack of emotions and to expect it to continue for a long
time. Buffy hadn't been amused to think this state of terror and
grief could last months or even years. She wanted the other
reactions the counselor had talked about: rage, survival, and
acceptance, moving on.

The Slayer got dressed, this time not covering the tattoo with a
large bandage as she had since the attack. She did wear a shirt that
covered it from general view though.

Buffy knew everyone was out of the house for once, either at school
or tending to the shop. Giles was meeting with the accountant over
some tax thing. The blonde moved to Willow's computer and began
working the Internet and a Word program.

# # #

Giles was puzzled when he arrived home after his meeting and found a
note on the door to the bedroom he shared with Buffy. It was
addressed to him and in Buffy's handwriting. With a sinking feeling
the Watcher opened the envelope quickly.

"Giles, don't worry, I haven't run away or killed myself. I
know I've been pretty out of it and I'm sorry. I guess it's time I
woke up and moved on with life. I've got family, friends, and you.
Always you. I love you, Rupert Giles. I've gone to the counselor's.
Don't worry, I'll be okay and home before dark."

Following the short note were song lyrics that Giles
recognized immediately.

precious pain
empty and cold but it keeps me alive, I gave it my soul so that I
could survive
keep me safe in these chains, precious pain

everybody's got a reason to abandon their plan
how can I think of tomorrow with my sorrow in my hand
(Precious Pain - Melissa Etheridge)


"I kept the right ones out and let the wrong ones in
had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
there were times in my life when I was going insane
trying to walk through the pain
when I lost my grip and I hit the floor
thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired of living a lie
I was wishing I could die

it's amazing, in the blink of an eye, you finally see the
light
its amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you'll be
alright
its amazing, and I'm saying a prayer for the desperate
hearts tonight
(Amazing, Aerosmith)

Giles sighed with relief and moved down to the den to his own notes
and collection of lyrics.

You played your cards, you felt the sorrow
Cuz all that dealer dealt was pain
But baby, where you gonna play tomorrow
The stakes were too damn high
And now, you're broke again
You can trip around till all your
money's blown
But who's the man that'll take you in
When all your luck is gone

It's me, it's me
What are you searching for
I know you can find my door
It's me, it's me
I know you've sinned every sin
But I'll still take you in
It's me

And me, I'm sitting here
Nothing much has changed
You broke my heart to pieces, babe
But that's nothing strange
Well, I ain't angry
That's all come and gone
My arms are still open wide girl
To catch you when you fall

And if someday you realize
Just where you belong
I'm the man that'll take you in
When all your luck's gone
It's me, it's me

When you need something more
Something you're dying for
It's me, it's me
When you can't see too clear
Baby, I'm always near

It's me, it's me
What are you searching for
I know you can find my door
It's me, it's me
I know you've sinned every sin
But I'll still take you in
It's me
Yeah, baby, it's me
(It's Me - Alice Cooper)

"Buffy, I love you so very much. I'm sorry I wasn't here. We
will get through this if we stick together. Angel is handling
patrolling and the others are taking care of the shop. I'm here for
you on whatever level you need or want. - Giles"

When I get home from work,
I wanna wrap myself around you.
I wanna take you and squeeze you
till the passion starts to rise.

I wanna take you to heaven.
That would make my day complete.

But you and me ain't no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
some lovin',
and TV, yeah.
And that's enough for a workin' man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
well that's enough for me.

Sometimes when you're asleep
and I'm just starin' at the ceiling,
I wanna reach out and touch you,
but you just go on dreamin'.

If I could take you to heaven,
that would make my day complete.

But you and me ain't no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
some lovin',
and TV, yeah.
That's enough for a workin' man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, sweetheart
that's just enough for me.

You and me ain't no super stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
some popcorn,
and TV, yeah.
And that's enough for a workin' man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
you're just enough for me.

When I get home from work,
I wanna wrap myself around you.
I like to hold you squeeze you
till the passion starts to rise.

I wanna take you to heaven.
That would make my day complete.

You and me ain't no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
of lovin',
and TV, yeah.
And that's enough for a workin' man.
What I am well that's what I am.
I tell you, baby,
that's just enough for me.
You and Me - Alice Cooper)

He left the note on the bedroom door, addressed to Buffy and set
about making dinner for everyone. He knew Dawn and the others would
be home soon.

# # #

Everyone was surprised but pleased when Buffy walked in and seemed
much like her old self, including hugging Giles and kissing him on
the cheek before sitting down to dinner.

It seemed like no one knew how to react so Dawn kept up chatter of
mundane things like boys, school and the shop as Willow, Tara, and
Giles kept a close eye on their Slayer.

After everyone was done eating Buffy looked up with a small smile.

"I just want to say thanks for being here, all of you," she said
softly. "I'm not okay yet but I will be. I wouldn't make it through
this without you guys."

"We're here for you, Buff," Willow said quickly.

"Thanks, Will," Buffy smiled and reached across the table to squeeze
the witch's hand. "I talked with my counselor today and she says I
made a big step today, starting to head from victim to survivor."

"We're proud of you, Buffy," Tara said softly. "We've been t-talking
with a counselor too and k-know how hard going out today was for
you."

"Anything you need, luv," Giles added, his voice gentle.

Buffy looked at her husband and realized how much he had been
affected by the attack. He looked older, thinner and very haggard
and Buffy felt a rising anger at how much Spike's attack had hurt
everyone, not just her.

"I love you, Giles," she responded, leaning against his
shoulder. "He can't take that and he won't destroy it."

"Never thought he could beat you, Buffy," Giles smiled. "You just
needed some time to snap back."

"I'm not ready to patrol yet but when I do and if he shows up, Spike
is dust," Buffy promised.

"Before that if he shows up," Giles nodded.

# # #

That night Giles started to cross the hallway from helping Dawn with
her history homework and found his door slightly closed with another
note taped to it. The Watcher read the enclosed lyrics and smiled.

If you're ready, I'm willing and able
Help me lay my cards out on the table
You're mine and I'm yours for the taking
Right now the rules we made are meant for breaking

What you get ain't always what you see
But satisfaction's guaranteed
They say what you give is always what you need
So if you want me to lay my hands on you

Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me, lay your hands on
me,
Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me, lay your hands on
me,
(Lay Your Hands - Bon Jovi)

For the first time since the attack, Watcher and Slayer fell asleep
in each other's arms. Giles knew it would take time for Buffy to be
comfortable as husband and wife but it was a start.

# # #

Giles was very surprised when another month passed with no sign of
Spike or the vampires he used to attack Buffy.

Buffy began patrolling again, always with one of the Scooby gang or
Angel. It seemed as though everything was falling back into place
for the married couple and their extended family.

"Angel, duck!" Buffy shouted, spinning away from the vampire she had
just dusted, stake in hand.

The vampire-with-a-soul didn't question or hesitate but ducked low
as the stake Buffy sent sailing went over his head, embedding itself
in the chest of a vampire.

"Nice," Angel commented, as he stood upright.

Buffy smiled and shrugged. "Feels like I'm back in the groove. What
about you? Ready to kick me loose on my own again and go back to LA?"

"Getting there," he admitted. "You know Spike will show up sooner
or later."

"Yeah but this time he'll be dust," Buffy promised, losing her smile
as she glanced around the graveyard they were patrolling. "The
counselor at the Rape Center says I'm doing well."

"And Giles? He and I don't talk a lot, you know," Angel smiled
softly, he knew the Watcher wasn't totally comfortable having
Buffy's first love around. Given the history of broken hearts,
torture, murder and all the things Angelus had done, Angel didn't
blame Giles for having reservations.

"He tries to be strong for me and not admit how bad he's hurting,"
Buffy said softly, smiling sadly. "Giles is… I sometimes find him
sitting by the window, just watching over me."

"He's a good man," Angel agreed softly. "Are you happy with him,
Buffy? Is he what you want and need?"

Buffy slowed and looked Angel in the eyes, her expression gentle but
firm. "Yes, more than anything in life. When I finally saw the
person under the tweed, the mix between jeans and stuffy librarian,
I realized its been Giles for years."

"And us?" Angel asked, it still hurt to think she could move on and
actually be happy without him. After living for so long with
their "doomed" but romantic romance, he expected a few more years or
so of her searching and finding she couldn't live without him.

"I loved you, Angel," Buffy said slowly, thoughtfully. "But I grew
up. I was sixteen and you were my first in everything. You'll always
be special and I'll always love you on some levels but you know it
never would have worked, even if you hadn't…"

"Lost my soul, tormented you, killed Jenny Calendar and tortured
Giles?" he supplied for her.

"Yes," Buffy nodded. "It still wouldn't have worked. Slayer with a
vampire. Me aging and you not? Unable to have kids, walk in the
daylight, any of that. It would have eventually worn us down, Angel."

The vampire known for his brooding frowned and stuffed his hands in
his coat pockets. "I know. It's just… alright, it hurts. He's good
for you though. Giles would go through hell for you."

"And has occasionally," Buffy nodded as they continued walking.

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, someday. Maybe when Spike is dead I can let go of it," Buffy
frowned, continuing to look around. "Did I show you, I got the
tattoo removed, a little at a time. Didn't scar much with my Slayer
healing. Did it this week."

She pulled back her shirt sleeve and the vampire examined the arm
closely. Where there was once a large heart with a railroad spike
sticking through it, now there were fine little scars and a lighter
tone to her skin.

"Not too bad, Giles pleased?" Angel asked gently.

"Yeah, got his altered too. No more Mark of Egyhon," Buffy smiled.

"Well that's a plus," Angel smiled. "Should have done that years
ago. And now? Continue on as before? Slaying and Giles being your
Watcher and husband?"

"I'm going to slowly retire over the next couple of years. I hear
Faith might be getting out. We, uh, started writing."

Angel raised his eyebrows, remembering Buffy's reaction when the
dark haired Slayer had been found missing from her hospital bed and
turned up in LA, more insane than not. Buffy had tracked Faith down
and had fought with Angel when the vampire tried to help the
troubled Slayer.

Buffy had backed off, returning to Sunnydale and leaving Faith to
Angel. The vampire had gotten through to Faith, getting her to
trust him. Now residing in a Correctional facility near Los Angeles
for involuntary manslaughter, Faith had a good chance at parole
within the next six months.

"Never thought I'd see that," Angel teased. "She's doing a lot
better. I visit her in the winter months."

"Southern California weather, can't visit in the summer when its
still daylight at 8pm, right?"

"Something like that," Angel agreed, managing to smile at her
teasing. "And then? Retire to what?"

"Was thinking of being either a coach or teach self defense," Buffy
said shyly.

"You'd be good at both," Angel smiled and opened the cemetery
gate. "You'll be a good mother too, Buffy."

"Someday," Buffy sighed, thinking about the child she had already
lost.