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God Made Me Do It

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  • Kerri Milam
      Posted by: cohensmilk1 cohensmilk1@yahoo.com   cohensmilk1 Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:24 pm (PST) God Made Me Do It Last night, I had a dream. God came to
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 1, 2009
      Posted by: "cohensmilk1" cohensmilk1@...   cohensmilk1
      Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:24 pm (PST)
      God Made Me Do It

      Last night, I had a dream. God came to me, and told me to
      build a slaughterhouse. I can still feel his words:

      "The end of consumption of cow flesh has come before me;
      for the earth is filled with violence wrought by those who
      slaughter my gentle creatures. Behold, I will destroy the
      bovines who inhabit the earth, through you."

      I remember asking why I was chosen to do God's work in a
      dream, of all places. "I am the notmilkman, not Noah." God
      laughed, and said, "Noah had three children, you do too."

      I responded, "Yes, God, Noah had three sons. Shem, Ham, and
      Japheth. I have three daughters. Sarah, Jen, and Elizabeth."

      I bathed in the warmth of God's smile, as he said unto me,
      "So similar sounding, these names, and you continue to deny
      that your destiny is a part of God's infinite plan?"

      Well...it may have been only a dream, but I can be easily
      led through the delirious flight of dreamland. "What would
      you have me do, God?"

      "Make thee a slaughterhouse of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou
      make within, and shalt erect cameras and microphones so all
      shalt see their pain and suffering, and hear their cries.
      Glass walls shalt stand without. The length of the
      slaughterhouse shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of
      it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits."

      "Forgive me, God, but what is a cube-it, and where am I
      going to get the money to buy gopher wood and glass?

      Before long, I had been given the entire plan which is now
      etched in my brain. One Lottery ticket. God said something
      about Tuesday's New Jersey lottery MEGA Game payout being $212
      million dollars. He gave me no numbers, but I guess the fix
      is in. I'm to let the computer pick the numbers. I vowed to
      buy my single ticket first thing Sunday morning. God said,
      "Many people purchase more than one ticket and then pray to
      me for a win. Don't they realize that it's very bad faith to
      do so when all it takes is one ticket?"

      Before waking up, I can remember questioning God's plan. In
      the periphery of my consciousness, I wondered whether Alex
      Hershaft would invite me to speak at this year's AR-2009
      conference if I owned a slaughterhouse.

      In any event, Paul McCartney did say that if
      slaughterhouses had glass walls, everybody would
      become a vegetarian.

      Hey, everybody thought Noah was crazy and his neighbors
      avoided him during the construction phase. Imagine what the
      animal rights people are going to say about me when my
      slaughterhouse becomes operational? They'll shun me like the
      plague. Come to think of it, that in itself may be one of
      God's miraculous blessings.

      In any event, I'll be filing all of the necessary building
      permits, and will be breaking ground soon. The actual
      slaughter room will contain state-of-the- art lighting and a
      sophisticated electronic sound stage. A three camera shoot
      will capture arterial blood sprays. Post production will
      allow me to edit screens with the horrors of death. Bulging
      eyes. Animals choking on their own blood. Worms and
      parasites living within intestines. I don't imagine that
      anybody will be immune to the real horror of compassionate
      slaughter. All brought to you live on streaming video. Each
      night, 8PM, Eastern Daylight time. We'll kill the children
      first. Veal calves. Lambs. Baby horses. Somewhere around 11
      PM we'll slaughter the giant beasts. The Holsteins. Some
      will simultaneously give birth at the moment of death for
      our West Coast audience. We'll be auctioning off pocketbook
      udders on E-bay.

      Every animal to be slaughtered will have a name. Perhaps
      children will play with them before the moment arrives for
      each of their turns to die.

      God said nothing about a Disney-like tram ride, but this
      could become quite the attraction. I'll invite schools to
      visit, so that indelible images of death can be witnessed by
      first and second graders. Maybe McCartney will write the
      song to the tune of Disneyworld' s "It's a Small World After

      "Watch the butcher slice their throats, Tummy and
      intestines, digested oats, Kill the chickens, lambs and
      goats, It's a small world after all..."

      Streaming video on the world-wide web. Major magazines.
      Newspaper stories. Perhaps a documentary, or pay-per-view
      extravaganza. Celebrity slaughter? Let's see. At $39.95,
      with 1.8 million homes buying in...I'll get Tyson and
      Monica, and what's her name...that woman who sued Clinton.
      Oh, and Tanya Harding too.

      Wonder how long it will take before everybody with
      Internet access becomes a vegetarian?

      One thing is for certain. Per capita meat and chicken
      consumption continues to soar, as confirmation that
      America's animal rights movement has become
      unproductive in its impotence.

      This can work, and only a few hundred animals need be
      sacrificed to save tens of billions.

      Robert Cohen
      http://www.notmilk com


      P.S. Add this video link to your signature and/or spread it around so the world can know about this please!


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