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4602Re: [americancomm] Never Apologize, Never Explain

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  • Jim Parker
    Feb 1, 2011
      I'm not sure which is harder learning to forgive or learning to apologize. I know that I let pride get in the way in both cases. Emotions also play a role in my lack of skill at forgiving and apologizing. I don't want to be emotionless but neither do I want to be so driven by emotions that I can't see the bigger picture.

      Being in moment is often use as a phrase for being in contact but I think to be in the moment we also have to see the big picture at the same time. Sure I get upset but the upset will go away, the effects of my actions when I'm upset may take much longer to repair.


      On Mon, Jan 31, 2011 at 3:51 PM, Priya Ponnuswamy <mayapri03@...> wrote:

      Profound indeed! I agree. Anyone who wants to express remorse needs to apologize. At least show that they are penitent. It is up to the offended party and depends on the enormity of the offense whether forgiveness is given.
      Not sure if I have a great forgiving spirit like Abraham Lincoln, but I am surely striving toward it :-)

      From: BD Warren <bdwarren1@...>
      To: americancomm@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Mon, January 31, 2011 3:36:44 PM
      Subject: Re: [americancomm] Never Apologize, Never Explain


      This may help shed some light on the apology question. Forgiveness doesn't require an apology, but anyone who wants to make restitution and express remorse would, in my opinion, need to apologize - even if the offended  party doesn't offer forgiveness.

      Abraham Lincoln on Having a Forgiving Spirit.

      I just wanted to share the following words, penned by Abraham Lincoln, on the subject of forgiveness...

      "I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. For too long, every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away, hidden from view, waiting for me to bestow its precious presence upon some worthy person. Alas, I found most people to be singularly unworthy of my valuable forgiveness, and since they never asked for any, I kept it all for myself. Now, the forgiveness that I hoarded has sprouted inside my heart like a crippled seed yielding bitter fruit. No more. At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance. Of all the world’s population, I am one of the few possessors of the secret to dissipating anger and resentment. I now understand that forgiveness has value only when it is given away. By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release the demons of the past about which I can do nothing, and I create in myself a new heart, a new beginning. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.

      "I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. Many are the times when I have seethed in anger at a word or deed thrown into my life by an unthinking or uncaring person. I have wasted valuable hours imagining revenge or confusion. Now I see the truth revealed about this psychological rock inside my shoe. The rage I nurture is often one-sided, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense. I will now and forevermore silently offer my forgiveness even to those who do not see that they need it. By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I give up my bitterness. I am content in my soul and effective again with my fellow man.

      "I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly. Knowing that slavery in any form is wrong, I also know that the person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave. I am not a slave. I have chosen my counsel.

      "I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion nor unjust criticism will alter my course. Those who are critical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called. Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action. I forgive their lack of vision, and I forge ahead. I now know that criticism is part of the price paid for leaping past mediocrity.

      "I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself. For many years, my greatest enemy has been myself. Every mistake, every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed again and again in my mind. Every broken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life.

      "My dismay has developed a paralyzing grip. When I disappoint myself, I respond with inaction and become more disappointed. I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head. By forgiving myself, I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in the present. From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny.

      "I have forgiven myself.

      "My life has just begun.

      "I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.

      "I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly.

      "I will forgive myself.

      "I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit."

      -- Abraham Lincoln
      Posted by Dan Gunter at 3:21 AM



      ...it's a crazy quilt reflected in a fun-house mirror! - Zippy the Pinhead
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